Which method works best for siblings that fight (verbally and occasionally little "swats" at each other)? Constantly policing them or letting them hash it out themselves? Because I am now constantly breaking up the fighting, and it seems like I'm talking to a brick wall because it does nothing to stop the behavior. Maybe I should just let them figure it out, and not intervene? But I am afraid they will really hurt each other then. Ages 5 and 3. Any advice is appreciated, constructive replies only....I don't need to feel worse, I feel pretty bad already.
Don't feel bad!! We are going through the EXACT same thing right now! Girl, 5 and Boy 3 are ALWAYS fighting! We separate, put in time out, talk to them, etc. We are about to start taking away whatever it is they are fighting over for the day in addition to a timeout for them. We believe it's just their age and a phase...just something new and exciting to deal with! ;)
Good luck!
my mom used to make us sit on the couch and hold hands. Total torture.
Mine are 2 yrs apart also - sometimes I just have to separate them for awhile, each in their own room. Also, after one has been mean to the other I make them say they are sorry and give them a hug! Now they are 6 and 8 and it seems to be getting alittle bit better? (hopefully :) For us, our son is the older one and our daughter is younger - I've heard this is the worst split, due to girl maturing early and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, they are best friends AND worst enemies and I think it might always be alittle bit like that. They don't treat anyone else that way and my son would never let anyone else treat his little sister like he does. And my daughter would NEVER fight with anyone else the way she does with her big brother. As much as it is irritating, I tell myself that they are learning life long lessons how to deal with confrontation, especially in my case - with member of the opposite sex........
Don't feel bad.. I would just change some things around take things away intill they can get along have them do chores like clean their room up or rack leaves up something that a 5 & 3 year old wont like to do. I don't mean anything that would hurt them nothing like that. When my son acted up like that he sat on timeout couldn't watch his favorite cartoons nothing in till he understood hey if you keep doing this im taking all this away and he hated it. He's not the best but he is for sure getting better at it. Try it out if their saying bad words i would put soap in their mouth my mom done that to me and i hated the taste of that! Seperate them for a little bit put one in a different room and the other in another or standing in a corner find what they hate to do. Hope it helpd
I had a friend that would make her kids hug for 2-5 minutes when caught really fighting. (she has two boys) They hated it, so the fighting went down. Mine have just started he sibling rivelry at one and two so this method doesnt quite work yet. But will most likely use it when they are a bit older.
We explain to our kids why their fighting is wrong, have them apologize to each other, and hug. We also make them tell each other that they forgive each other. Then, we have them run along and go play. It really seems to work well. We don't allow fighting. We can have kind discussions, and if one is being unreasonable, they can ask for one of the parents to intervene, but our goal is to teach them to be peacemakers and resolve conflict. It's a battle in itself, I know, because our nature is to fight for our own way and to be selfish. But, we can train our children to consider others before themselves. Don't give up!
I lean more toward the "letting them work it out" approach.
Updated
I lean more toward the "letting them work it out" approach.
I am in the same boat as you... my 5 yr old and almost 4 yr old are always hurting each other. I tried the whole "if you cant be nice to eachother then dont play with eacother". That never works, lol, bc they r back playing together within minutes.
We also make each apologize to eachother and say sorry why they are sorry and what they are sorry for. Along with a hug.
I look forward to reading your responses so I can get help too.
Good Luck
Don't feel bad. I don't know any siblings that don't fight, or any parents that will even try to claim that isn't true!
My mom (there were four of us born within 4.5 years) pretty much went with the "if there isn't any blood or broken bones, don't bother me with it"...and we worked it out...
I'm also remembering that she was pretty good at distraction. I think we fought when there wasn't anything better to do. Suddenly there would be a chore that needed doing right now, or she needed us to help her with something, or there was something interesting we needed to come see right now... Like I said, she was good!
I have one daughter (9) who tells me I should've had a sister for her. I'm OK with not having to deal with the kind of fighting my sister and I did :-)
Hi J.-
I used to make my kids do 'back to back'...they had to sit...back to back...one had a turn to explain/vent...then the other had to re cap what sib had said...then they could 'vent' and then other sib had to 're cap'...If nothing else, it acted as a diversion!!
I have also been known (when they were older) to send them on a run around the block...NO MATTER the weather!!
Good luck!
Michele/cat
It's hard. My two boys started physical fighting probably at about age 4 and 5. Hubby thought they should fight it out, I really wanted to stop it. We would let them fight until we thought it was getting out of hand and break it up... that way there was no WINNER.... both got busted for being abusive to each other.. but boys are little goats and they have to learn to defend themselves. I would hate being married to man that couldnt physically fight....if he had to. Anyway, both of my boys know how to fight, know how to lose and know how to win. They need to know that stuff, its a MAN thing.
I like to let my girls work it out themselves. Sometimes I do separate them if I can tell something ugly is brewing, or when it goes beyond one swat and is more of a contiunued physical attack. Most importantly, I do not take sides, if I do not directly witness a spat.
Don't feel bad. You wouldn't feel so bad if you could peer into my house some days, my girls are 8 and 11, and they can really get into it sometimes. The older one very quietly and seemingly under the radar can really push the younger one's buttons. My younger daughter gets pretty angry (she thinks we are unaware of her older sister's less than nice deeds), and she is also prone to throwing some completely unreasonable fits. It helps if you can figure out if there is a pattern to when they fight or what they fight over and try to take some proactive measures to avoid putting them together in those trigger situations.
