Fighting to Get Dressed

My son is 4, almost 5 and we went through a stage like this. It is frustrating, especially with other children around. Try allowing him to "pick" his own clothes or lay out two or three outfits and let him pick which one he wants to wear.
There are a lot of changes going on for him and he is probably frustrated and does not know how to express it. Make an effort to talk to him, maybe take just 10 minutes every day that is just his. read with him or play a game with him. I have gone as far as talking with my son and asking him to tell me why he is upset- if he can explain it to you that may work. If the separation is recent, he is missing his dad.

Hi, I am a mom of 2 as well. My daughter is 4 and my son is almost 2 1/2. I think it is the age. My son fights me all the time. You just have to show him that you are the boss and his actions have consequences, such as time out. It could also be to get your attention, even though the fighting is not good attention. I would just take some time for you and him, it can be just some special time with him. And when he fights you just walk away from it, ignore his actions or put him in time out. Hopefully this helps.

Both of my children starting fighting with me about getting dressed around this age as well. My suggestion is to offer him 2 choices, i.e. which shirt do you want, the red or the blue one? No choice on getting dressed, but at least gives him a decision to make on his own. He may be just starting to exert his independence. Also, if he doesn't already, let him dress himself.

Hey M.,
Just a quick idea.... see if it works... Try and have your son
pick out what he wants to wear each night prior to him going to bed.. have it hang it on his closet door or place it on his dresser. This worked for me when my boys were little... it made them think they were in charge....
hope it helps.
Rose

Hi M.,
I've done this: pick them toghether the night before, you'll have more time and nerves. Hopefully you will not fight that much. He will fell your attention too, and he will be more accomodating. good luck

I have a 3-yr old son and he, too, can be a little control freak. I honestly think you just have to pick your battles and it is good to give him some control. Do you let him "pick" his outfits? If it is a matter of simply getting out of the pj's, who cares? If he goes to a preschool let him show up in his jammies. After all the kids asking him why he's wearing them, he may change his tune. Once you take the control out of the battle it may suddenly stop even being an issue. If he stays home with you all day, I don't see the big deal. Just one less thing for you to battle over and, on the plus side,...less laundry! I say let him stay in those jammies!:)

I think it's the age!
My son gets easily distracted. If I need him to get dressed in a hurry I put him in the bathroom and close the door. He can come out when he's dressed. He's done super fast that way! If he's in his room he'll pick up a toy or lay in bed or whatever! In the bathroom there aren't any fun distractions for him.
I've also told him that when it's time to go he'll go in whatever he's wearing. So far he hasn't left in his pjs.

With other things I've realized that he doesn't much care if I repeat myself! What I try to do (not always easy with other things going on) is to tell him and give him a chance to do XYZ. The next time I say it I take him by the hand to get him moving. That lets him know that he doesn't have the bazillion chances of me telling him. He learned from me repeating myself that he didn't HAVE to listen the first time. I'd just keep saying it. I had to retrain us both to get us moving on the first time I said something. Not easy!!!
Good luck!

M.,
I went through this with my older child (she is five now). I believe alot of it is the age and the fact that they are pushing boundaries and testing limits. Some of it may have to do with the new kids you are babysitting and maybe he feels that he is getting your attention this way. I gave my little girl a choice of a couple of outfits she could choose to wear and dress herself. It went a lot better after that. She looked forward to being able to pick out her own clothes and dress herself. It may just be a control issue and he feels that not only is he getting your attention but this is also something he can control. When my second daughter turned two, I started doing the same thing with her. I let her decide between a couple of outfits and we avoided the situation entirely. She is now 3 and picks out her own clothes and dresses herself each morning. If it is a control issue then letting him decide should make this task easier but he may just find some other situation to try to control. If that is the case then he is just testing you so see how firm you will be on each situation! We all go through it! Know that you aren't alone and I wish you much luck!

Have you tried letting him pick out his own clothes? My son (2 1/2) has gone through phases where it is difficult to get him dressed. He does much better when I let him pick out what he wants to wear. If he dawdles too much, I tell him if he doesn't pick something now, then he will have to wear what I pick out. That usually works.

Also, is there some reason why he has to get dressed? What about waiting until he is ready to get dressed? If you have to go somewhere, take him in his pjs. It shouldn't really matter that much and it lets him feel like he has some control over himself.

It sounds like hes jealous not having you so much anymore because of the 2 other little kids.. Maybe you can promise him his own special time to himself each day and then give it to him. Also, tell him that since hes the oldest, you need his help in taking care of the other kids, maybe the responsibility will be something he can appreciate, especially if it earns him rewards. I find reward charts work wonders!

I have a 3 to be 4 next month and 16 month old. When I brought the third home 3 months ago my oldest reverted back 6-9 months with his behaviors. His Pediatrician recommended that we indulge him to an extent as the transition of yet another brother in 2 years probably made him uncertain of his place. Anyway, he started wetting the bed again, couldn't get dressed on his own and needed constant attention. We gave in when we could such as helping him getting dressed and even went back to diapers at night. Three months later and we're almost back to normal. The bed wetting has stopped - thank God, and the assistance w/ getting dressed is down to only 1-2 mornings a week. Just give big brother some time to adjust and some extra TLC. Good luck.

We have the same problem. What seems to help is picking out the outfit each night before bed. Then we don't play or watch favorite cartoons until we are ready to go. My friends actually dress their kids at night instead of pjs - that might work for you. Its probably really just a control struggle. Can he dress himself? My DD can't yet, but a book I read suggested setting a timer for 15 minutes. If he is not dressed by then, he has to wear his pjs all day (this seems to work for older kids, it might backfire on our 3 yr olds!). Good luck!

Well, I would say that if you are 1. not in a hurry to get him dressed, 2. he can get dressed on his own, and 3. you don't really care what he looks like as long as he is warm... I would either let him pick out his clothes and let him get dressed by himself. My son is a little older, but I set out his clothes at night, so in the morning he can get dressed. It is a big help to me, (I have a 4 month old), and it is encouraging to my son.

Good luck!

It's probably age. My 3 year old went from not caring to what he was wearing to hating everything I picked out. So I started giving him a choice between 2 things. We would still have the occasional "I don't want to wear that!" so then I would let him look in his drawer and pick something. Like, he thinks certain sweatpants are his football pants and he can't wear them with his basketball shirt...so he gets mad if I pick the wrong thing. As long as he is not wearing his Halloween costume to school or something like shorts in the middle of winter, it's ok with me. I figure it's not worth the fight if he wants to wear something that doesn't match or wear the same shirt 2 days in a row (as long as it is not dirty!) He usually does a good job of picking something. He just wants to be in control. Good luck!