Figuring Out Dinner for a Picky Eater

I understand lots of the problems you are having - I have a child who isn't even on the growth chart and could care less about eating also. My daughter is also on a calorie increased diet and making dinner social really does help.

Logistics: My children go to bed pretty early - bath starts at 6:30. We have dinner right before bath time so that my husband will be home. It really depends how late he usually is, but if you can't make it work to eat dinner with the kids you could try to sit down and eat lunch with them. Mine is usually home at 5:45 and I try to have dinner ready when he gets here - if hes not here by 6 we do all eat without him. As for how I get making dinner accomplished. My kids (2 and 1/2) watch 2 hours of TV per day. They watch a half hour show while I make breakfast, a half hour while I make lunch, and a half hour while I make dinner. Then we have one half hour that I can stick in whenever we are fussy and need a break. I know that TV is not the best thing, but it has its uses and I think a little time to cook a proper meal is one of the better ones. For the 10 month old will he go in a carrier, exersaucer or jumperoo while you are trying to cook???

On the other things: Lots of things can have the calories added AFTER you make them the way you would eat them so you can have a family meal without cooking especially for her- add butter at the end (and butter both sides of a grain), mix ricotta into spagetti, cheese on everything, gravy, ranch etc. Honestly my daughter eats so little that it makes is much more upsetting and stressful if she doesn't eat when I make things especially for her. I think she senses my stress and is even LESS likely to eat. A nutritionist referral would really help you strategize how you do that if you can get one. Going to an actual pediatric nutritionist is WAY better since adult nutritionists don't seem to understand how to make these things really WORK for kids. For us I settled with giving picky eater friendly food for breakfast and lunch, but with dinner my daughter gets what we get. I serve 3-4 items with every meal and I try to make sure one is something she will USUALLY eat.

I'm in the same boat as you....picky 2 year old in the 7% percentile and a 4 month about to start "solids" soon. My toddler refused to eat anything new and would have a diet of fruits, cheese and crackers if it was up to him. Some days he'll eat a few cheese sticks and a banana and be happy as a clam. I give him a grain/starch, protein and a dairy at every meal and he'll usually eat the starch and maybe the dairy but I'll have to supplement with a fruit just to get him to eat. My husband usually works late so we eat on our own most of the time.

As far as fats go, my son is a dipper so I use ranch dressing, syrup, cheese, pasta sauce, etc and the main course and let him dip whatever new thing he has into it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt't. For a week he loved green beans in pasta sauce, the next week he threw them on the floor. Another time he loved mac n cheese, then he decided he hated it. He hates most veggies which, since I'm a vegetarian, seems odd to me but since I eat them with every meal I'm hoping that he will eventually give up and eat them with me. The new thing this week is grinding up frozen veggies, adding them to pasta sauce and covering with cheese. This is working this week....

So far I have refused to resort to ice cream, desserts, high-fat/non-nutritional foods but I may have to rethink that. My toddler is 23 months and 24 lbs and my 4 month is 16 lbs.....once my baby outweighs my toddler (and able to sit on him to fight back when my toddler tries to wrestle him) I may have to sneak an occasional bowl of ice cream/doughnut/cookie just to keep his jeans up.

Good luck, I feel for you! I hope our kids stop being so picky and learn to enjoy food soon!

I don't have a toddler any more, but I will be in your same boat in a couple months with a new baby....It's hard to juggle everything, with all the different nutritional needs, etc...but it won't last forever, so hang in there!
When I did have younger ones, I would set a schedule for them so they knew when they were going to eat, but I always emphasized dinner at the table as a family in the evenings. This does help. I wouldn't eat before husband gets there...I would suggest giving her the stuff she likes like strawberries with whipped cream and full-fat yogurt, or cheeses and a glass of milk, etc. as a snack (what time is dinner for your husband? I would try the snack 2 hours before so they will still be hungry but not starving at dinnertime). That way she gets her whole milk and fruit, etc. and it's still healthy, but you can serve her the same things you and husband eat for dinner so she will get more exposure to different foods, but at her own pace, and then you won't have to make multiple meals. You can give her smaller serving sizes and have her try bites of each thing you two eat and then she will get variety and not be hungry before bedtime. It's also a good time for the whole family to talk and spend time together and you can rest while eating dinner with them as well.
Also - if you are serving any type of bread or broccoli with dinner, then you can always add butter to her plate and not yours, etc. You can also add melted cheese to everything - if you and DH are eating steamed broccoli or baked chicken, you can just put some Velveeta on top to add the extra calories for her and it's tasty and will be super easy!! You can also give her dessert as incentive to eating her food and then she will have motivation and fats! She will eventually grow out of her picky stage if she sees you and your husband eating tons of other foods, but she will still get her fats and family time in the meantime.
Don't use nap time to cook dinner....you need down time as well!! After naps, I would set her up with a craft or project or something in the kitchen and she can play with that while you are cooking dinner for husband. Some dinners are faster than others, but it won't take as much time if you are only making one dinner and not catering to everyone individually. You can also try starting dinner while she is snacking, so she will be occupied for a short time while you stick something in the oven....or, you could do crockpot meals in the morning whenever you have time and then dinner will take care of itself and be ready when you guys are.
Hope this helps....let us know how it works out!!
Good luck!!

I eat with my daughter at 5:30/6 and then sit with my husband when he eats a few hours later. I am not always eating the same thing as my daughter and she doesn't seem to have an issue with that.

As far as logistics, I save more time consuming meals for the weekends when my husband can watch the kids while I cook. During the week I stick to really quick preparation meals - baked chicken (with various seasonings,) bagged salads, and frozen veggies are my go-tos during the week. I try to just cook while my daughter is busy and my son is occupied and since the meals have little prep it is usually doable. My daughter is 2 1/2 and loves to "cook" so I try to sometimes give her a job to "help" which keeps her occupied.

The other thing I do is make more than I need of certain things (meatloaf, sauces, etc.) and freeze them for quick meals later.

I have a 3yo and a 21 month old. Between the hours of 4 and 6 are the toughest throughout the day. Our goal is to eat at 5:45, some days that's tougher than others and my kids are at my feet ready to eat and getting cranky. After their nap we have a snack large enough to hold them over, I play with them for a bit, then they have to play by themselves while I get dinner started. We don't watch TV throughout the day, I save it for 5:00 to help them last till 5:45 where we can all sit down together. We always have dinner together. Sometimes, Daddy walks in a bit late and he just joins us when he gets here.

Before the kids could feed themselves, it did make things more challenging, but we always gave them a sippy cup to practice and my husband and I would take turns while we ate too. Now your younger one is old enough to feed himself some things, make sure he has plenty to look at and try to feed himself between babyfood bites.

As for making the same kinds of food, I am a believer in the kids will learn to eat more foods if they see you eating a variety. I only make one meal. However, if I'm making something they clearly won't be excited about, I make sure I have a side or two that I know they will eat (even if it is fruit). But I make sure whatever they have on their plate, we have on our plates too. It doesn't have to be much more than a bite or two, but the kids then see you 'eat' everything.

One last thing that we do at our house...You must try at least one bite of everything on your plate. That's the house rule. Period. You don't have to like it and then you simply say 'no thank you' if you choose not to eat any more. That way they try everything and are learning manners at the same time. Good luck. I don't envy Mom's with picky eaters. I think it will take some time for her to come around, but if you are consistent, she will learn to eat more than strawberries!

K.

We eat together as a family, always, including the baby. Table food is ok for a 10 month old, and fedding yourself is messy, but a valuable lesson to learn. It is a social event.

Special times were making home made personal pizza together. She can help squish the dough, add chicken, sausages, ham, different diced veggies and lots of cheese (do not need sauce). She can have special time with you, plus she can explore the tase of the foods raw compared to cooked. You can make just veggie pizza with little or no cheese for yourself, feta works great as a pizza cheese too.

Have her help pick food out at the Grocery store and get all of you together in the kitchen if you can.

I alway made sure that no exceptions to what was cooked will be served. If we made chicken, you eat chicken, and you must eat at least two bites. I would always have a different variety of fruits and veggies at the table too, but you can't cave in to the pressure.

When my son was little, I always ate at the table with him, whether my husband was home or not. Even if I didn't eat all the same stuff, I was right there with him. I gave him all sorts of food to try, and it is funny how some children will take to the typical foods like mashed potatos, etc. and some won't. For my son it was a texture thing. He is now 6 and still will not eat applesauce, mashed potatos, soft cooked potatos & yams, etc. He seems to do better with crunchy or texture foods like steamed broccoli, which he adores. When he was old enough to feed himself, I gave him everything I ate on my plate. I would also pretend that something I had was so good that I just couldn't let him have any, then I would relent and share...kind of a game. Some foods he took to and some he didn't. The volume he eats is not huge, but his doc says he's healthy so I don't worry too much. I think it's harder to feed them fat and calorie rich foods when you don't eat them. Try to incorporate the fats and oils in things that are kept separate such as milk, yogurt, cheese stix, full fat ice cream, like that. Also, you could do two smaller pans of stuff like lasagna, one with full fat cheeses and one with lower fat. A little extra work, but worth it. I have to separate ingredients out every holiday for my step-father who is allergic to nuts and I use them in all sorts of dishes. Also as for time to cook, I have become the queen of the crock pot meal. Also, cook large batches of freezable foods ahead of time, and then thaw them when you need them for a quick meal. Good luck to you!

my sister was a very picky eater at two, so chances are good this is just a phase, thankfully. however its not a good sign that your ten month old boy out weighs her. she should weigh at least ten pounds more then her little brother, being a year older then he is, but i am willing to bet that nobody has so far voiced a concern about the weight difference between the two of them simply because she is a girl and not a boy. now, how to help her gain some needed weight?? simple, veggie lasgana is a good place to start, so is peanut butter and crackers, deli meat, stawberries, milk,yogurt, cheese, tacos etc
just keep trying different things until you find something
she likes
K. h.

hi jennifer,

I, too, have a very small child in only the 5th percentile for weight and she is now 11. We always try to eat as a family but if for some reason, my husband is running late, I sit down with the kids to eat. Even if there are only 3 of us here for dinner (we are a family of 5), we sit down to eat together. As for different foods, your daughter can certainly eat what you are eating and you can give her whole milk to drink. I used to give my daughter very high calorie milk etc but to be honest, it didn't really help her to gain weight. My daughter also loves fruit and for a time, that is really what she ate. i figured that even though it didn't help her gain weight, it was super healthy for her, so we just went with it. we ended up feeding her what we were eating and supplementing her side dishes with yogurt, fruit, cheese etc. We encouraged her to try everything on her plate. I really tried to make sure that she (and all the kids) had at least one thing that they liked on their plate. good luck. Most kids grow out of the picky stages, so keep at it and you will see results!!

We have always tried to eat together. Fortunately my husband is usually home by 6:00. When DS, now 5, was a baby I usually nursed while eating one handed and later he would sit in his high chair at the table while we ate. As a toddler I was lucky if he sat and ate at all. My son is also picky and sometimes won't eat stuff now that he liked as a toddler. He is not a big meat eater, but likes lentils and beans. We've yet to find a fruit he doesn't like and soups usually work well. He'll eat things in soup he wouldn't touch otherwise. Eggs are also a good bet . I usually try to accomodate him within what we are having. Noodles w/o spicy sauce, just the tips of the asparagus, adding mushrooms, etc. If he really doesn't like it, I offer yogurt, cheese or PB&J. I had seen way to much food drama with my sister and her daughter, so the only rule we have with new foods is that he has to lick it. Sometimes he'll eat it, sometimes not. Experiment with different foods, even if you don't particularly like something, she might.

Even if there are only a couple of meals a week you can all sit down for dinner, I'd make the effort. Very few families sit down to a family meal anymore. There has to be a way for your husband to get home to dinner by 6 or even 7 a couple of nights a week. If he's going to be really late, I'd give the kids a snack earlier and then have them sit for dinner later. This is where traditions and relationships are formed... don't pass up the family meal!!
As for eating while feeding the baby - you'll manage. It's often not pleasant, but if you are eating, you are modeling for the little one, too. You can give the baby a spoonful and then take a bite or two and then repeat the process. I did that until my youngest got sick of waiting and fed herself... There is no reason they can't feed themselves. It's messy, but it's the stuff memories are made of.
The weekends are a great time for family meals - those days I'd insist on lunch and dinner at the table -- even if it's only PB&J or hamburgers on the grill.
My kids are in high school and their schedules are ridiculous in the fall because of marching band. We often meet them after practice and have a family meal at the local burger joint just to connect. You do what you gotta do...
The kids need the family time with both of their parents.
YMMV
LBC

I feel for you. My son isn't necessarily picky, but he eats almost nothing (quanity wise) and drinks drinks drinks drinks!!!! ---- Family dinner is immensly important to my husband and I, but he doesn't get home till 6. I let my son have a LARGE healthy snack when he gets up from nap along with a big glass of milk and then we all eat around 7 (that way Dad can usually watch them while I cook, b/c I'm not usually on the ball enough to have it ready). As far as eating with a baby, other than taking turns with dad I don't think there's an answer to that. After dinner we read a few books, head right up for bath and bed. Late dinner means we don't need a pre-bed snack, so that's cool. Good luck!!!

We sit down and eat with out kids 8 and 3. As for the when they were babies, we would make up the plate of food, and then feed them as we were all sitting down. Yes its hard to eat while feeding a baby, but I would make things for myself that I could eat one-handed. A sandwich, carrots and dip, salad, etc.

As for timing, the adults are usually still at the table while the kids are done and leave, but that's fine with me. We all had time at the table to talk, fuss, etc. :-).

Why is your daughter on the same diet as you and your husband? Her needs are different. One thing you could try is to have a shared meat or protien - chicken, turkey, etc, but offer her higher calorie side dishes like buttered noodles and mac n cheese

my daughter is extremely picky, I'm curious, what workshop did you attend? One of our major problems is lack of a family dinner. Part of that is that my husband wants a quiet dinner where he can watch the news and not be interrupted by the kids talking or being loud. Part of it is that it is easier to give them their food and send them to the other room and we do have some peace and quiet. My New Year's Resolution is to clear the table and turn the TV off and tell him to deal with it. AS for preparing dinner, it is very hard to coordinate, and I go to a meal prep place so that my meals are done a head of time and I just have to thaw (which I often forget) and cook them. You can either make your meals there yourself, or have the place make them for you.

I think you have gotten some good advice here. I have a three year old and a baby- we sit down most nights together. My husband and I make what we want, and give my daughter some of it on her plate. If it is something we know she isn't going to go for, we have something else too (a pb&j or something like it.) Our rule is that she has to try whatever the adult item is on her plate, usually we accomplish this by making her do it when she asks for more to drink. Sometimes she surprises us and has a few more bites, but right now we are just trying to get her used to seeing and expecting a variety. Good luck!