My son who will be 5 1/2 in August and starting Kindergarten this fall is going through a phase of frustration and anger in which he has a hard time controlling. He use to be my child who was easy going and if something didn't go his way be frustrated but basically walk away and be over it. These last few months he now is throwing things, hitting things/kids, physically showing his anger. I have read books, talked to him about how to control his anger, giving time outs, etc but he is still having a hard time. I know this is one of many phases but it is currently affecting him at day care as well as at home and I am looking at different techniques to help him control his anger. Although a lot of the mis-behavior started before this, he did start a new day care in April which I feel is cause for some of the behavior. I have talked with the school and they are trying to incorporate a chart for him as well to help him feel as comfortable as possible. Originally the concern is he said he had no friends there but since he has made friends and says he likes to go to school but is still continuing to show aggressive behavior. He needs to continue to go to this day care until Kindergarten. What has worked for you for this age? TIA!!
Have you given him acceptable outlets for his anger? My son's preschool specifically gave them things to do - they could stomp, they could count or they could walk away for a specific amount of time. They could not hit or throw things. Being little is very frustrating (there are so few things kids truly control) so giving them things to do with their anger may work better than punishing him for being mad.
Happened to my son when he was about 4.5. He was in day camp or the summer with some rowdy older boys ((5 and 5.5 year olds). At the beginning he found their antics upsetting an kept away. Towards the end he tried his hand at some of their misbehavior. He took to grabbing toys, speaking out of turn, pushing and yelling.
He had and continues to have a righteous streak where he feels he needs to police everyone and make sure they are following the rules. When he couldn't get the rowdy ones to comply by asking, he took to using their techniques.
A few conversations about how he can only control his own behavior and how the teacher is the "boss" of the classroom seemed to help.
Ask your kid why he is doing what he is doing and it might help guide the cure.
Best
F. B.
in a daycare i used to work for we gave outlets for anger release, and they ended with a teacher talking about it with them. we would validate the feeling, find the source and help them work thru it. (ex: i would be angry too if kid A took my play toy away, how can we deal with this? then the child will give their response and you come up with a plan for the child) one of my favorite outlets was the pool noodle and wall. if we saw a child getting aggressive we would take them to the hallway and give them a pool noodle to whack the wall with. (we would notify the director and she would come supervise the wall whacking so we could continue with class once the wall whacking slowed down the director notified the teacher and they switched places so the class was watched and the teacher could conduct the one on one conversation with the child) worked wonders with many students. all around age 4 i have implemented something similar with my kids (nearing 6 and just turned 4) i give them a way to release the anger then i talk it out with them.
Hi there!
I have a 51/2 year old who has a strong personality and used to get angry. I realized I cannot box in her personality as they do in kinderegarden so I like to give ger options when we re home and even told her schoolteachers to learn to \manage' her not control her. Some kids dont like that and will rebel. I call them born leaders.
What I do find super important is nutrition' with the amount of junk food out there circulating during play dates. Its important to control sugar intake. Not the kind found in fruit but the kind that is found in candies and high fructose cereals. The liver is the organ of anger so cleansing that with plenty of green food, That is key! Supplement with a good multi vitamin and mineral. The B vitamins are the ones that control anger issues. And a good Omega 3 with hi epa dha and D should help. It may takes weeks to see a difference since a deficiency can take months. Although when my little one eats healthy food, the next day her behavior is amazing!
I hope that helps! I am a certified Massage Therapist and nutritionist.
It's important to talk to his pediatrician about this, s/he can give you advice and also referrals to resources if needed. If the preschool is accredited (or is it simply a daycare?) then their teachers should also be a good support system as well, they will know what's "normal" behavior and what may be cause for concern.
Try to role play with him to give him practice in handling various scenarios.
You already have great suggestions. I have one refinement to add.
When you talk with him, it might be helpful to say "Miss Teacher told me that you (whatever action) today. Let's talk about that. What can you tell me?" And then listen, nodding and gently expanding his understanding of what he did. Then of course, you should follow up with what classroom expectations are.
I do not recommend using the "Why are you doing this?" question directly. That implies he knows why. And of course, he may not. Adults can handle this question and may say that they don't have a clue. But I've seen young children react to that question by coming up with an answer they think their parent will want, not because they want to lie, but because it just seems to them that if their parent is asking, then they probably should know why.
All my best.
I like Fanged Bunny's suggestion.
My boys were never very aggressive in general (we're the more quiet reserved types) but .. when my eldest started kindergarten, he did some shoving and pushing that was unusual for him. He had been in a daycare where it had been very loving since he was a toddler. School had new boys some of who were just typical boys, aggressive at times - and he kind of fed right into it. He liked getting a reaction from the other boys - and he was just trying it out.
We did talks about how rough behavior (shoving, etc.) was not ok. But figuring out WHY (as FB says) is key. Ask your son why he's acting like this. Not in an accusatory way - just listen and let him know you won't be angry - you just want to understand. Then say it back to him. And then involve him in ways to better deal with things that upset him. Using his words, exercise to let it out, etc.
Make sure he's getting enough rest. That was a big one for my son. He was going to before and after school care as well as school and he was exhausted. Any change like that with your son? Maybe move his bedtime up a bit and see if he does better. Talk to his teachers too - see if they can shed some light on it but also get on same page as to things you want to try.
I struggled with anger issues for a VERY long time. I found out it is the hormones in dairy, and meat (pork, beef). I found that if I eat organic or at least natural with no hormones added, it eliminates my anger issues. My son then started having the same issues. I started him on the same diet, and now his anger issues are gone, accept of course being a normal teenager! It is worth trying, but it can take a month or two for the hormones to be gone from his system. Good luck!
I do not know the answer. It could be that this is a developmental stage, but it could also be in response to something else. Has anything in his life changed recently? You mentioned day care. Has the staff there changed? Any major changes in routine? Or other life changes that you didn't mention in the post? Suddenly starting to hit other kids in anger (when he was easy going before) sounds pretty drastic. I'd do a little digging to find out what might have caused the shift in his personality. It will be easier to address if you can figure out where it is coming from.
