Food Pantries?

If your husband has a jar of money and you need food that's where you should be going, and it sounds like there's a lot in that jar if he wants part of it to be used for a plane ticket...if you have that kind of money, the food bank isn't for you. It's very nice that you donate though, I'm not sure about expecting thanks though.

Charity begins at home - namely mine.
Before I give anywhere I make sure we're as prepared as we can be for what ever we've got coming up.
I realize there are some things you can't prepare for (like being run over by a bus) but the best way I can help those who truly need assistance is to try not take from those resources available to them (because most likely they need it more than I do).
Give to yourself (your family) first, THEN donate all you want.
I can see you have some anger towards your husband.
You guys are not on the same page with regard to spending priorities.
Fighting about money (or lack thereof) is one of the big things families fight about - so it's totally normal.
Yeah, I think your adult children should try being more adult and less dependent on you.
And sometimes if the money is just not there, living on mac and cheese for a little while is not going to hurt in the long run.
There's a whole lot of inflexibility going around on all sides here.
Everyone needs to bend a bit so things do not break apart.

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It sounds to me like the food pantry was trying to see how badly you needed groceries, because they are aiming to help the neediest first. From what you say, you don't sound like your family is actually starving, and some of the food pantry customers are already malnourished or close to starving.

For the time being, I would suggest two things:
a) keep your money in your own pocket for your own family.
b) instead of donating $, donate your time. It's cheaper, and will allow you to see the benefit of the labor (whether it's making a diference).

If you belong to a church, start asking there first. If you don't try googling "food donation church" and your local geographic area and call around to see what already out there.

If you really need groceries, go in person to the food bank.

I always think of food pantrys as the last resort for people who really have nearly nothing. Not just "no food", but nothing else, money, no home, or a really awful living condition. My M. and her husband used to help at a food pantry and she had some really depressing stories to tell about the people who came to get food. Donating food, or money to them is a completely different experience and you might try volunteering to help instead if money is tight for you. You will probably see a whole other side of how it runs and why they told you to wait for 2 weeks. They may have really good reasons why they do it this way. Or maybe there are way more people in need and even tho you donate a lot, it cant possibly feed all the people they have requests from. I have always found when I get involved deeper into the workings of a business it explains a lot of why they do what they do. Sometimes from the outside, it seems silly, or too full of rules, but once you get into the workings of it, you understand why they have to do it their way. Or you might see how silly their reasons are and make suggestions to improve their business. So, you are the type who wants to give and be generous and God tells us to help others in need, so when money isnt easy to give,, give your time and you might find out what you need to decide to start your own food pantry or see that they are doing all they can.
I am not in any shape financially or health wise to be a foster parent, but I want to help the children in need, so I sew baby quilts for CPS for every child taken from their home, for whatever reason. It makes me feel helpful and worthwhile but not actually have to take in children. Maybe it will be a good thing for you to go help at the mission, or homeless shelters or food kitchens.

Is two weeks to long to wait, yes if you are hungry. Still do you really think they say two weeks to hurt people. That is where they are at. There are lot of people in need but the other thing you need to realize is those that aren't in need perhaps don't have extra to give. Everything shifted, ya know?

Just look at yourself, you have been giving, I assume you are not still giving because then why wouldn't you just skip giving and use that for groceries? I mean they just call it a food bank, you don't actually pay into it and make withdrawals when you need it.

So the people in need are still in need. The people who were marginal, in other words making it but not donating became in need, those that were giving stopped so they wouldn't be in need so the pool of people who were giving shrank.

Oh and you don't even want to know where the true poverty line has shifted to. I would bet with a bit of searching you can find government assistance with your income. I know there was a lot of assistance I turned down or just passed on by before I got remarried.

Our church food pantry gives food away every 2nd saturday of the month. I dont' know if they do emergencies. Are you donating for the thank you? You aren't doing it for the right reasons then. Think of all the people you bless with food each month and then think aobut how stopping your donation because you're mad would affect them. I bet one family would be out some food that they need. Also do you know that God will withhold blessings if you lack honor? You keep calling your husband a tightfisted money grubber and that is not honoring him. Keep that in mind.
Also you had this friend call the food pantry for utility help not the actual church so that is probably why they told the person the didn't do utilites. By all means find another ministry to give to but make sure you're doing it for the right reasons not because your mad that you didn't get special treatment since you give multiple times a week. Call another pantry and see if they have one this weekend. Did you think about maybe the pantry didn't have enough food to give out? Are they hugely busy? I think you need to pray about this not complaing on this site.

I almost hate to tell you this, almost. I have driven by a grocery store that gives to a food pantry. I used to be able to buy their items at a discount. I was going to buy from the pantry if I could. So I followed this food pantry truck to the pantry. He made several stops along the way giving out the food he had collected, until he noticed I was following him.

Then he tried to loose me in traffic. He dodged in and out of traffic. Drove round and round in neighborhoods and finally drove down to the pantry location. The "pantry" was locked and no one was there. I went back to my vehicle and looked for the truck with the pantry logo on it. He had driven off while I was at the pantry door. I never did find them.

I think he was selling the food he got. I don't think it went to the poor at all.

Good luck to you and yours.

In my small town there are about 10 food pantries. They do have only certain days of the week that they hand out tho, I guess to keep it somewhat organized. My tenants use the pantries a lot, and what they dont use goes into our laundry room for someone who didnt make it to the pantry. I'm sure there are more in your area that you just arent aware of. Call the local Social Services office-- I bet they can steer you in the right direction.

I'm with you all the way. Two weeks is to the point of child starvation, if a family literally has no food. I have both had to use the food shelf and been a donor...I give what we can't use, and when times have been tough in the past, I've made use of it. We were always able to get food the day we went in.

Instead of calling, just show up. I am sorry for your situation...it's just the type there's no help for. And you're right...churches should do something. We ought to give as we can.

Running a food pantry is a very noble idea. You should first look into the state regulations and mandates. You will be very surprised as to what you will find there about how things are to be stored and where and for how long and distribution. There is a definite protocol involved in becoming a non-profit organization so you are prepared for receiving donations. This should be in place as well.

As a Christian I'm certain you know local churches aren't the buildings. Christians are the people that believe in Christ and follow his precepts and ways, they are the true church. With that in mind, have you called on your Christian brothers and sisters at the church where you worship? They are always my first resource for help and encouragement.

I don't know but it sounds to me like you are doing far too much for your grown children. If you and your husband were dead, what would they do? They would make a way. I would never depend on my mother to pay my bills as a grown person no matter what happened. I would find my own way but the generation of 20 somethings and younger operate with a sense of entitlement and expectation from their parents.

If I were to begin to turns things around it would be my financial priorities. I will not pay grown folks bills. Scripture says in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 "Even while we were with you, we gave you this command: “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.”” I'm not saying this is your daughter's case but you would do well to encourage her to find ways to make her own legal money outside of a job to pay her own bills.

As for your husband and how he doles out money or doesn't, pray, pray, pray. Talk to God and wait to hear what God has to say. Then do what God is telling you to do. 1 Peter 3:1 says, "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over." How are you winning him over to the faith so that he will be the kind of man that won't allow his wife to be in lack?

Just an observation from a fellow believer. If I lived closer I would give you some food and more encouragement for your ministry both in the house and outside.

Hi S L M. In my city we have one food bank. It is run by the city, but staffed by volunteers who come from many different faiths and ministries. The food bank is open for a few hours every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. They ask that families use their services no more than 12 times a year, but they also make special allowances in the case that a family requires more.

I can understand your frustration and grief. You don't want to see people hungry. You have worked hard to keep others fed, and it is disappointing to realize how poverty is still in affect and how lacking (well meaning and important) services still are. You have been giving to your food pantry with regular dedication. I think that is beautiful, SLM, especially considering that you are not overflowing with wealth or excess. Now that you are in need, you are facing a shut door which feels dis-empowering. We give for ourselves, no? To learn how to love without fear, and to give without a desire to see reward? I thank you for being of service and generosity. Again, I think it is beautiful, and I do think it is God's work.

I myself have used our local food bank once or twice. A long time ago, I also visited the YWCA's supply bank. They gave me razors, toilet paper, shampoo, and a few other goodies. It was very helpful at the time. Many years ago, there were many times I received charitable help. I was struggling, sometimes homeless, and was in a dark mental space. I was always grateful for what I received, but felt deeply ashamed to ask.

Now, if I had need, I would still be grateful but I wouldn't feel shame. There is no shame in needing a bit of help. It is a hard life sometimes, and we require each other to help us up. Our human connections are a gift from God, I think. They remind us that we are all God's children, no matter how much of an "other", no matter how much we are despised, no matter how many mistakes we have made. We are still God's child, and in connection, we are reminded of this. It feels good to be of service, no? It also is necessary for those of us who have/do receive it.

Now that I am on my feet, I am better able to be of service. In a week I will get to begin training for a local organization. I am SO excited to be able to put my hard lessons to use, and to be able to give back some of the support I've been able to receive. Now is a good time. Before, I wouldn't have been capable of it, because I would have been trying to "fix" the people I will be working with. That would have been damaging for myself, the organization, and our clients. We must be of service, yes. We also must do it in a way that doesn't feel damaging and that doesn't overextend us. Then we are of no service to anyone, and we have a harder time connection to the divine.

Sending big hugs.

keep looking up. we all have run into some type of hardship every now and again. it will all work out. in these economic times you may want to check with your state for a food and nutrition card, just until your daughter finds work. she should qualify if she is out of work with a little one. I have also added a link for your local Jewish community pantry. they are really good with sameday food and diaper distribution. good luck ;-) http://www.kansasjewish.com/

SLM, you husband needs a good paddling. I've been paying for my own plane tickets around the world since I was 16.

Food pantries are a puzzle. I donate on a regular basis to our county food shelf and I think the reason they *may* have told you 2 weeks is that they were trying to judge how badly you needed assistance. August is one of the scarcest months for food donation and supplies are constantly running out. I bet that if you had physically GONE to the food pantry, they would not have turned you away.

As far as 8kidsdad's story, let's get real. You were following a food pantry truck, for goodness sake! The driver was probably terrified that he was going to get mugged! I wouldn't have stopped either. That driver probably wasn't stealing, he was protecting himself.

Our church gives a LOT of assistance, but people are always trying to scam, so we work in conjunction with the local food shelf and give Red Cross vouchers for gas and groceries. Most churches help out in a huge way, we just don't see it. Churches also have to be very careful. We used to give gift certificates to a local grocery store for people in dire need. The receipts would come back to the church office and the only thing on the invoice is cigarrettes.
One lady came for food assistance a few days before Thanksgiving. She was given a voucher for a certain dollar amount of meat, milk, bread, vegetables(fresh, frozen or canned), fruit and a dessert item. She threw it back and screamed, "Where is my turkey, where is my pecan pie, where are my mashed potatoes?????" She wanted it GIVEN to her with no responsibility of her own.

So, I say all of this because, people ARE working very hard to see to the dire needs of our population. Churches are working overtime (as they should be!) and food pantries across the nation are trying to keep people from starving. I'm so sorry you had a bad experience. I hope things start going more smoothly for you!

Oh, and here's something you may be interested in starting in your area. Check out Second Harvest. They bring a truckload of food to your area, someone is in charge of setting it up and getting volunteers to man each station and then you invite the community to come and get what they need! I think you can do it as often as every 2 months. I think you would probably enjoy blessing your community that way!

What a great and relevant topic you brought up, SLM! I believe this subject will get even more publicity in the news and in local areas due to the strain in the economy that I believe will just get worse for awhile. My husband and I have discussed this subject multiple times in the past month due to the fact that we have 3 grown kids. 1 lives at home. The other 2 are married and have households of their own, 1 including a baby. Not only do these young adults struggle to make ends meet, but we have several friends currently without jobs. Our hearts go out to all of them, like yours does for your family and local people in need. Also, we have been on many sides of the spectrum. We were in need years ago as a young couple , our children are currently in need and one couple gets food from a local pantry (Catholic Charities--of which I can't speak of highly enough and I'm not even Catholic!!! They have been such a blessing!) , and now my husband and I do have extra money and time to give to others.

You were given some fabulous answers and input! Everyone had some great valid points and loving thoughts. Helping others and living out Christian faith in action seems to be important to many people....as are relationships with family and how money matters are a big variable.

I want to encourage you to continue to live out your faith in the Lord and continue giving from a cheerful heart in whatever ways you can. So many people adopt a "It's all about me" attitude and giving helps us balance that by seeing that life is not all about us.

Perhaps you and your husband can sit down and talk and try to get on the same page regarding finances, and bring a spirit of "we're on the same team".. If it's too tough to do it on your own, give Crown Financial Ministries a call and see if they can set you up with a free financial counselor. They (and I think Dave Ramsey's organization) have links online. People that have gone through their courses are available to help walk beside families that are trying to get their finances in order. Then perhaps you can designate a "helping others" portion in your budget per month or quarter beyond your tithe. That's what has helped us be able to help others. Sometimes it's only $20 a paycheck. But hey, to someone else, $20 can buy some food, some gasoline, a large bag of diapers and wipes.... That keeps us accountable to live within our own means too.

I wanted to mention a few things that have helped us stretch our dollars and meet more needs:
I started a garden this year --in pots and hanging baskets I had on hand. Lettuce looks lovely in hanging baskets! LOL plus it was cheap to start from seed and supplemented our salads! Every little bit helps!
Almost everyone has junk around the house that can be put into a garage sale to earn some extra bucks. Or to give to local charities to stretch their dollars by the sale of those items or the gift of those clothes to people in need. One church we went to had a summer and a winter clothes give away. People brought their items the week prior. They were laid out on tables by size and people were given a paper sack or two that they could fill with clothes of their choice. When we were a young couple with kids, this is how we clothed our kids and ourselves when money was too tight. It was such a blessing!
I pray before I read the local grocery ads and always plan my shopping based on what's on sale for the week. If I can, I stock up on the specials and keep my own "food pantry" in my basement. Sometimes it is just a shelf of food, other times my freezer is full. But at least I have something to give my children and my friends if they have some immediate needs. God is awesome at giving me some deals whenever I pray and ask Him for them!
I also joined several coupon groups online like www.shesaved.com . From these sites, you can print your own coupons to use. They are great about tipping you off to good deals and stretching those dollars. Yes, it takes time to go through the e-mails and websites, but it has helped me save HUNDREDS of dollars on food, clothes, gifts....just this year alone! www.drugstore.com and www.amazon.com both sell diapers and food items that you can get shipped for free with a $25 purchase. I love the fact that I can get deals PLUS have it shipped and I don't have to go shopping! Saves me gas too! Another idea would be to buy in bulk with a couple of other families from places like Sams and Costco and split the items evenly.
I also access online sites that have ideas for making cheap meals. www.tasteofhome.com , www.cheapcooking.com, www. moneysavingmeals.com just to name a few. I know you said you penny-pinch with mac and cheese, pasta, peanut butter. If you go to a food pantry, that is the type of thing they will give you as well as beans and soups. Perhaps you can look up some recipes to help prepare whole grains and beans. That will stretch your dollars and be a healthy way to fix the basics.
Hopefully, your 2 daughters can learn some good ways to supplement their incomes with carpooling, babysitting, lawn work, elderly care, etc. It is so tough to watch our children struggle. And so tough to know when to allow it , not step in with what they need (or want), and just walk beside them as they struggle. Yet sometimes, that is an even greater gift as it can build and strengthen their own character and faith.

Praying for you today, SLM, that the Lord will guide your path and that this trial will bring about greater faith in the Lord, unity with your husband, and blessing in your life so that you can bless others!

I have not needed to use a food pantry. Like you I donate to them frequently.

I don't know the laws regarding doing your own food pantry - sounds like a good idea. check into it - you might get government subsidies to help you out.

Our food pantry - the one that is closest to us - is organized and ran well. they try very had to ensure that the recipients are treated respectfully as well as getting what they need.

Call your Chamber of Commerce or Church to see what they do.