For the Helicopter Parents

Please!
The author doesn't even know WHAT she's doing, she's so intent on what she's NOT going to do! She sounds like a lazy parent, not an empowering parent to me.
She's NOT the opposite of a helicopter parent, she's just a lazy parent in my book!
Amy J summed it up perfectly!
Do we want to live in a world where we have to hesitate to give a kid a boost up the ladder because his/her mom will be offended that we are making it too easy/safe/convenient?
I don't.

She lost me at "sitting". My boys are 7, 4, and 2. I never sit when we're at the playground...I don't want to. And, they still learn to go up the ladder, down the slide, and across the monkey bars. And, they occasionally fall, too!

I think it comes down to there are parents who are getting sick of other parents not just making assumptions about their parenting but also acting on those assumptions.

I would imagine that every mom who reacted negatively to this forgets they would also be offended if someone walked up to them helping their child and pulled their hands away saying let them try themselves.

Just because you think you are doing a kind act doesn't actually mean it is taken as such.

What a crock this article is.

The writer addresses some dreadful (real? fictional?) parent who dares help a child onto a ladder. Somehow that scenario gets blown up and up and up again into:

"I want my girls to know the exhilaration of overcoming fear and doubt and achieving a hard-won success.

"I want them to believe in their own abilities and be confident and determined in their actions.

"I want them to accept their limitations until they can figure out a way past them on their own significant power.

"I want them to feel capable of making their own decisions, developing their own skills, taking their own risks, and coping with their own feelings."

Good grief, it's about a playground ladder. Nobody's offering to do your child's homework for her, or help her decide which moral choice is right, or get her out of a bullying situation with no effort on your child's part to defend her own self. Nobody's offering to game the system so she can get into a better college, or even offering to show her exactly how to use a ladder. I get that the writer is trying to make some bigger point along the lines of "if we intervene in small things now, how will they learn to do things on their own later," but her example isn't about later. It's about a tiny act that isn't mean to undermine her entire parenting regime.

This kind of blog is done to fill the vast, gaping maw of the Internet, which is always ravenous for material. It's intended to be deep ponderings about child-rearing, I guess, but mostly serves to reinforce stereotypes: You're a helicopter mom! I'm a super great independence mom! Even the slightest intervention with MY child is an attempt on your part to stifle my child's natural learning process, skinned knees and all!

Sorry, that did not occur to helicopter mom me when I grabbed my toddler who was about to go head-first out of a piece of play equipment six feet off the ground. Mostly my brain was on "six feet head first equals hospital" mode, not on "I must let this child find out for herself that she is making a poor choice" mode.

My bad.

Oh for God sakes. People like this blogger read the last mumbo jumbo psych article and get totally carried away. I too am not a helicopter mom, and I too let my kids climb ladders and fight their own battles from afar at the park (natural to me), but I too read the NYTimes articles and many other articles touting the view she is espousing.....but c'mon. The friendly stranger at the park who spends exactly .0007 seconds lifting your child once in a blue moon has not destroyed your parenting agenda. Eye roll. Settle the heck down and work on being less mentally hostile to all the the other "idiots" (in your mind) around you who don't "respect your sacred parenting agenda" and that's also a valuable lesson to your kids. When a stranger gives one of my kids a boost or some help I smile and thank them, and then my kids can climb by themselves the next 47 thousand times.

I was okay with what I read until I got to the part where she said "It's not my job to keep them from falling..."

That's a bit too militant for me to agree with her on. This tells me that her child or children have never fallen from one of these structures and ended up in the ER. She would change her tune (at least I would HOPE so) if her child went through that.

There is a difference in helicopter parenting and being wise and using good sense. She seems to think that a child can tell the difference in what they should aspire to do and what they are not yet capable of doing. There is a happy medium between being a helicopter parent and being a foolish parent. I think she's pretty much on the foolish side...

My two cents...
Dawn

I find it rather amusing that everyone must fit into a box. In our society we must label everyone. Utterly ridiculous if you ask me. I can't stand the term "helicopter parent."

I'll be the first to admit that I don't fit into any of these "boxes" but I do fit nicely in ALL of them. How I parent depends entirely on where we are, what we are doing, my children's mood, and most importantly what they need from me at the time.

If we are somewhere new to my 6 y/o she tends to hang close to us until she is comfortable in her surroundings. Even then sometimes she prefers for us to play with her rather than her playing with the other children there. A lot of that depends on her mood as well as how the other children interact. If she doesn't like the way the other children are playing (i.e. bossy, rough, not sharing) she will simply excuse herself and come ask us to play instead. I have no problem with that. I want her to know that if she is not comfortable in a situation she can simply remove herself from it and move on to something that suits her. Other times we have to pry her away from the other kids to go home.

Feel free to judge me when you see me, I really don't care. I'm the Mom that you saw yesterday pushing my 6 y/o on the swing rather than having her do it herself. You may have also seen me three days ago sitting on the bench watching my 6 y/o swing to the heavens...oh my she was going too high but alas I didn't jump up, run over to her and make her stop. I simply said "M, you're swinging yourself really high, make sure you are holding on tight so you won't slip off."

I was also the Mom you saw today hovering around my two y/o while she plays in the sandbox. You may have spotted us yesterday as my little lovely broke the speed of sound running from the same sandbox towards the parking lot. Yup that was us, she is still learning her boundaries and so "helicopter Mom" tends to stick close cause her little legs are lightening fast and well, I'm not.

Isn't it just my luck to be married to a "helicopter Dad." Geesh, I don't know why that man insists on climbing up the equipment, chasing my daughters thru the tunnels, and then sliding down the fire poles like a little kid as our girls squeal and laugh in delight. Who care's if he has been at work all day and really enjoys this hour after work at the playground WITH the girls. Clearly he should just sit his butt on the bench and WATCH the girls have fun instead of...I don't know... BUILDING lasting memories with the girls.

So yeah, I freely admit we're independently helicoptering parents who may appear lazy at times.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

I think this article is ridiculous. The over used phrase here that it's NOT your job to keep your kids from falling etc?? What IS your job then? To watch your child struggle? Resent you? Fall and seriously hurt themselves?

This is so foreign to me because that's what I thought parenting was all about. It is to me any way. My job is to help them when they need it, not watch them as they break their neck and then go well they should learn not to do that. Idiocy if you ask me.

In short, I completely disagree with that whole article.

Uh... How about you parent your kids the way that you like, I parent my kids the way I like, and we promise not to interfere with each others' styles?

I haven't even read the article.

What I detest is yet ANOTHER label we parents put on each other to start yet ANOTHER us vs. them war. Don't we have enough, already (SAHM vs.outside job/career; breast vs. bottle; CIO vs. attachment to name just a few)?

Maybe we just have too much time on our hands if we're always up in arms and giving so much airtime to these artificially crafted wars.

Just my .02 for the day....

J. F.

All you need is to witness one kid being removed from the playground on a stretcher with his neck stabilized from falling on his head to break you of this mind set. I'm all for letting kids learn to climb ladders on their own, but I am sick to death of watching children climb beyond their limits on the outside of equipment that is meant to be played IN with little or no supervision while mom/nanny/sister chats/texts/ignores the child. I was always up and interacting -- I didn't go to the playground for my children; I went to the playground WITH my children. I never once put my children at the top of equipment they were too small to master, because if they were too small, they shouldn't be up there in the first place. And I certainly never had a stranger trying to pick them up because I was right there -- not hovering, but playing WITH them. Sorry if someone finds that concept offensive or not hip enough, but I never was the parent to sit while my kid did dangerous things. Those kids are often the ones throwing sand at other kids and pushing, too, because they are on their alone and looking for attention. Just my experience.

So you just sit there and watch while your child-or someone elses child- struggles to get to the top of a 10 foot ladder? There are just some idiotic people around these days. Sometimes my kids could easily climb the ladder, but would shout for help just for some interaction from me. It's not helicoptering, it's being an active parent.

She's WAY over thinking this.
You take your kids to the park. You show them, teach them, how to climb the ladder, how to sit and slide, how to pump their legs on the swing. And then you sit back and let them do it.
Getting hurt is part of the learning curve. So is (hopefully) having a mom who will wipe the tears, clean the boo boo and cheer you on as you get back up and try it again.
It's called BALANCE.
My goodness, I think this woman has been reading too much Ayn Rand :(

Idiot!

GEt up off your fat butt and stand there WATCHING your kid With a smile on your face, and I bet you NO ONE will "help/playwith/engage" with your kid because they will see that YOU are there present and if they tried you could smilingly say, "I'm right here and she has been working to master this skill, I"m chosing not to jump in, because i want her to be confident, BUT I am present and I am NOT 15 ft away buried in my cell phone, Because I AM A PARENT and I am parenting!!!"

Poor Lonely Child, is what I have to say.garr

I am by no means a helicopter parent, but if my kids were in a situation where they were stuck, I'd help them. I think it gives them the confidence to know that someone is there to guide them through difficult times in life and it teaches them to ask for help if they need it.

Children don't always have to "figure it out for themselves". That doesn't always make them more confident, and it can sometimes lead to poor decisions that will get them into even MORE trouble.

So yes, I'll see if they can figure it out alone, but if not, you'd better believe that I will be there for them.

I would much rather be considered a "helicopter parent" than a reckless, stand back and watch everything unfold kind of parent. I think it takes just enough balance of being proactively safe and watchful with the combo of letting your kids experience things in their own environment without you coming to rescue them all the time. I agree with the poster on several points however, I would NEVER let my child fall from a structure to learn a lesson etc. I will always be standing within arms reach so that if at the split second moment my child is in danger and needs ME to be there and catch them, I will be there. That is much different than physically doing everything for your child, holding their hand up the stairs to the slide and holding them while you both slide down at the ripe old age or 7---when they are fully capable of doing it themselves.

I wonder how much she would change her mind when a broken arm happens?

Yep...we weren't letting our four year climb the armoire this past summer...he was doing on his own and fell off of it and broke his arm...

He's four, he still climbs anything...and the fact that he broke his arm...hasn't phased him one bit. I still have to remind him..."do you want another cast? If not get off of there!"...

I don't feel children should just be at the playground running a muck...I can't stand when parents let their kids climb up the the slide...or worse yet climb the outside of the the tunnel slides....it's always those moms "trying to let their children learn!"...

My kid thinks he can do it cause the other kids do...well if it makes me helicopter mom cause I make him get down and don't let him fall...when so be it!

I'm not going through a second broken bone if I can help it!

I always thought is was my job to help protect my kids. Yes, failure does happen. If you don't fail, how can you appreciate accomplishing or succeeding?

All I read was , "I'm not going to do this, I'm not going to do that". When I took my kiddos to the park, we played. I taught them how to climb a ladder but sometimes their legs were strong enough or just not long enough.

I wanted my kids to feel secure in trying new things but to know that if they failed, we would be here to help dust them off and set them on their way again. That is what I call parenting.

I used common sense....still do.

My boys are 10 & 12. They know how to cook breakfast - scrambled eggs, french toast and bacon (in the microwave) as well as cook macaroni and cheese, fix their own sandwiches....even grilled cheese and soup!!

It's not that **I** won't do it for them. I just won't be around forever so they need to learn what they can.

My daughter is 26...she knew how to do laundry, etc. before she left the house for college...

When at the park, or anywhere else for that matter, I let my kids WORK through the problems. Would I step in at times? Yes. When it was dangerous. Otherwise, my children will learn to give up and let someone else do it for them....that's NOT how I parent my children.

They know how to tithe, donate and volunteer their time as well...and they sure know how to spend money!!! (LOL!!!)

I didn't care for it.
From the age of 3 1/2 my son's been a runner/explorer - heck if there was any ladder present anywhere he'd be up it in a flash.
Just as quickly he'd leap down fireman poles.
A fearless child is a whole other level of stress.
I've never actually witnessed a truly helicoptering parent.
I'm beginning to think they are an urban legend.
I've seen WAY too many parents who plop their behinds down on a bench and ignore all while the kids run amok screaming, pushing and terrorizing a play ground.
I just don't care for articles that talk down to me (just my feeling personally).
Let the timid hot house flower grow and explore but there's a big difference between encouraging, helping, hovering and tossing them into a deep end (metaphorically speaking) and letting them sink or swim.
If she's frozen at the top of a slide in terror, there's a line of kids behind her who are not afraid and are waiting their turn.

I believe in a common sense, middle ground approach. Depending on the age and skill level of the child would depend on how different situations are handled. Is her child 18 months old climbing a ladder for the first time and asking for help? If so, what's wrong with offering a bit of assistance and spotting them at that age? They will learn how to do it with practice and at the same time know that their family will be there if needed. Now if the child is 5 and is afraid to climb a ladder, then a more stand back and say, "You can do it. One step at a time." would make more sense in most situations. (Although standing below them to spot may give them the extra confidence they need to see they really can do it, which would also be completely appropriate, in my opinion.) So I'm more the middle ground philosophy of showing your kids that we help each other and make sure we are there for each other while at the same time letting them progress at their own rates and teaching them/giving them the tools they need to learn self sufficiency and be able to succeed in the world.

This article gets a thumbs up from me. My kids are teens now, and past the playground stage, but I get it. I was not a hover mom, and there's a difference between giving kids independence and ignoring them. I was the mom who got funny looks when someone told me that my kid had their shoes on the wrong feet and I just shrugged - my kid was 8 and it was high time she figured out which feet her shoes went on, not my job anymore. When you do too much for the kids and jump in as soon as you see them struggling, you end up with my nephew's freshman roommate - my nephew had to teach him how to put the sheets on his bed in their dorm room.

That's awesome. I totally agree with it. I posted it on my FB page.

While I agree with what she is trying to teach her kids, I don't necessarily agree with her tactics. Of course we want our kids to learn for themselves and we don't want to handhold them through life, but would you just hand your kid a bike and tell them to learn for themselves? Did you give them a book and expect them to learn to read for themselves? When my son was learning to climb the ladders at the playground, I stood beside him and helped him learn how to get up there. It only took a couple of times and then he was good to go on his own and didn't need any help. Just my opinion, but I got a snotty tone from her article.

I HIGHLY doubt that she is just sitting back watching her kid fall on his head or do something extremely dangerous.
I get pretty torked when I am at the park with my kid and I have told her that I am not going to help her to the top of the ladder/steps and then some other parent steps in to get her up there. Excuse me? I didn't want to help her up there because she is not READY to get up there herself. She can't get up then she can't get down. I am not kidding...it happens all the time.
So I usually walk up and take my child down and say to the stranger, "please don't help her up there! (smile) I firmly believe that when she can figure out how to do it herself then she is ready to be that high. (smile)." I have had people shake their heads at me or tell me that I am "lazy" (as some of you have said)...but I am not lazy.
I am letting her (and my boys, who have figured it out, without any major trauma, I might add!) figure it out on her own. I am letting her climb to the top of the stairs all by herself! When she gets there with my help she is happy, but if she gets there all alone she is CRAZY HAPPY! She claps her hands and smiles and screeches. WHy? Because she didn't need me. And she is 20 months.
I have taught my kids, at the playground, that I am always there and watching. I watch how they behave and watch how they play. If I NEED to step in then I do, but for the most part I want them to play, have fun, and explore with other children.
My kids have always had fun at the park, have made quick friends, and usually leave happy and sweating. I am dying inside when I watch those "helicopter mothers" who are climbing up the slides, bouncing on the bridge, and swinging with their child...usually holding their hand the whole time. LET YOUR KID PLAY without NEEDING you....or do you (general you) NEED to be there so that you feel like you are doing your job? I have done a GREAT job with my kids. They are good boys and my daughter is so independent it's almost scary. Why are they like that? Because I let them play and explore without me right at their sides 100% of the time.
L.

I think it was a good article. Kids do need to figure things out on their own. No I dont ignore my kids while they misbehave, (yes I've seen that but that is a whole different problem!!) She's talking about being a few feet away and encouraging kids rather than always telling them they cant do it without mommy. While I wouldnt let a toddler play on a playground made for older children without being right next to him, I assume we are talking about children playing on a playground appropriate for their age. Two of my kids were zipping across the monkey bars at age 4 1/2, amazing people because they looked 3 at the time!! Some of the reactions here seem to show a love of judging other parents. Remember, the "hovering" parent may have a child with unseen special needs, or a child who looks older than he really is, the parent on the bench may love the fact that her child can play alone or with friends and may spend tons of time playing, interacting with the child at other times, the parent on her cell may be checking in with the 13 yr old at home, a troubled teen or a grieving friend. I personally regard a nice clean playground as a safe place for my kid to play without me hovering (after toddler age), my husband enjoys playing with the kids on the playground. I think the key is to spend more time enjoying your children and spend less time judging others. And for those who think helicopter parents dont exist, volunteer in a Kindergarten, watch them put on jackets, pack their things in their backpacks to go home, put shoes back on etc. You'll see kids who have never put on their own jacket, never been taught to zipper, put on their own velcro shoes, packed three things in a bag, throw away their own trash...... Read how college professors describe what they call "teacup" children!

Ooh, interesting article and even more interesting responses. I guess I understand where she's coming from, but I don't think I'd necessarily go about it the same way. If my child were truly unable to climb a ladder easily, I don't think I'd help them up, but I would make sure I was close enough to help them down safely if needed. I don't think it's my job as a parent to give them effortless success, but I do think it's my job to save them from serious injury while they are learning.

Excellent article!

Kids can learn so much about themselves by just learning to TRY.....

We handicap them when we continually assist them.

I agree to a certain extent. I don't helicopter my kids, but I do watch them. I tell them if they can't climb a ladder without help they aren't ready. I let them fall from safe distances. I let my son tear down a grassy hill on his bike, knowing that he might crash.

I'm at the park nearly every day, and I see an awful lot of Moms who use the park as their social outlet while they allow their kids to do things that are truly dangerous to themselves or other kids. I've seen kids sword fighting with sticks, nearly poking each other's eyes out before on of the moms in the "group" notices and yells from 15 feet away for them mulitple times to stop before finally walking over to talk to them on their level. I've seen kids teetering on the edge of a drop off or on a tall structure as they yell for their parent, who is too busy chatting and sipping her latte to notice.

So while I agree with the message and intent of this article, I see lots of Moms who don't want to be labeled at "helicopter Moms" but they aren't attentive. I often wonder if the trip to the park is for them or for their child, because there is no interaction.

I don't feel like it's my responsibility to entertain my kids or hold their hands while they play, but they do know that I am there and that I will help them without 50 calls to me to do it. And they do know that if anyone at the park is being unsafe I will step in, because it does take a village, and I'm not willing to stand by and watch a kid break an arm while Mom (or Dad) finish their cell phone conversation.

Amen!!!

It's really interesting to see the different ways in which this article was taken. I didn't assume that the author never helped, encouraged, or intervened & ignored her kids at all. And, that wasn't the point of the article. I'm sure the helicopter parents will not like this article & poo poo it.

Personally, I never understood the parents that didn't let their kids socialize at the park, and shadowed their kids the entire duration of the visit. Why not just stay home & play in the back yard if you're going to do that?

I get the main point of the article. I did find one or two of the scenarios a bit much, though. I think, in fact, no, I know that we live in a society of kids that are growing up in a bubble of overprotection, so much so that these kids have no clue how to function in the real world or deal with real world situations or negative emotions. I can't stand it & won't have a child like that.

I noticed right away that once I stopped breathing down DD's neck, she flourished & learned things so much more quickly. I think parents tend to hinder their child's progression by "saving" them rather than letting them develop coping skills. This is why parents are often not allowed in dance rooms, or in the pool during swimming lessons, etc. This is why you now have to invite all 25 plus kids in your kid's class - so that kids your child isn't even friends with don't get their precious little feelings hurt. This type of thing didn't exist in the '80's and with good reason.

To each her own, at the end of the day. I don't care what other people do or how they parent (or don't), so long as their brats don't pass bad habits & behavior along to my kid. Then we have a problem.

This was a wonderful article. I agree! And of course I help if they are in real danger.

Completely agree. Used to have a verbatim example of this every day before my neighbor moved. She was the hoverer, I was the sit back and "I know you can do it, just keep trying."

ETA: I guess I just read this differently. I didn't interpret this in such a way as she doesn't watch over her kids or that she doesn't make sure they won't seriously injure themselves. I interpreted it as you do the initial help/teaching/make sure they don't fall and hurt themselves, but then let them go at it. Maybe that's me projecting, though?

Sometimes a kid just has to break an arm to learn how to climb a ladder... Pukes in my mouth.....

Couldn't disagree much more.

omg. totally agree. thank heavens there are SOME parents who haven't bought into the madness!
khairete
S.

FANTASTIC post. I also love the free range parenting site.

Common sense rules, though I do have to agree somewhat. I will help a child when I see them getting themselves into a potentially dangerous situation, for example I will hold on to a toddler that is sprinting towards the street with mom in hot pursuit.
On the other hand I would ask for less interference: the other day my DD got herself "stuck" on top of a playground structure. She had been following bigger kids and barely made it up there, I was sitting across the playground and watching her. I really wanted her to figure out how to get down by herself, I KNEW that she could do it and as I was on my way to help her (by telling her how to get down, not lifting her down) another mom went and plucked her off the tower.
I did thank the other mom and I wasn't mad at her for helping, but I wish she hadn't done that. I know my DD would have been able to handle it herself (she is almost 5, so not a wobbly toddler ...) with a little encouragement and maybe a hint from me how to start.
I would call myself a helicopter parent in most situations, but I think especially as kids are older (preschool and K age) it's important to sit back and let go. It stunts them physically and socially if they always have mommy right next to them giving them a hand. A playground is a reasonably safe place with "remote supervision" so no, I am not lazy by taking a step back and letting my DD make her own experiences.

i'd be a lot more worried about a "concerned" stranger putting their hands on my child in a public place, rather than the reasoning. who does that?? did someone truly lift HER child to the top of the ladder while she stood there and watched??? i've never seen anyone do that. i thought the blog post was the ranting of an upset parent about one specific instance that has zero to do with me.

my child is allowed to do what he wants at a playground. no, i didn't help him reach or play on anything HE wasn't ready for when he was small. i guess i'm not a helicopter parent though. i was always of the opinion that if he was ready to handle it, he would. if he wasn't big enough to climb the ladder, he wasn't ready to be up that high. he learned it all just fine on his own and i never once had to rush to his aid because he climbed too high for his comfort and couldn't get down. he played at his own comfort level.

(i wouldn't give this piece the name "article" - it's a blog entry by an upset mom. let's don't assume she has some grand authority on the matter just because she's on the internet, ok?)

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Good article. And it's not the whole story. I love Theresa B.'s response, which describes pretty well how I raised my daughter. It's not an either/or that serves me best, it's sensitivity to the actual needs of the moment.

I am sure the mom writing this blog isn't about to let her kids get a serious injury. I am sure that she is considering her kids' developmental abilities when she decides to sit back. I completely agreed with the article and I also didn't read it as an all or nothing. She's talking about not helping with things her children should developmentally be working on. Monkey bars? Of course I hold on to DD--she doesn't have long enough arms or enough upper arms strength and it looks like a long way down. Climbing up the cable spiderweb? No help--that is absolutely in her range of abilities.

I'm finding that parenting is like yoga. You are always trying to find the edge.

BTW, I didn't hear the author criticizing parents for playing with their children or saying she never plays with them.

I think there are 3 (atleast) different kind of stereotypes we are talking about here. Help me with labeling if you want.

Helicopter Mom (that one we know)
Latte or cel phone Mom?
Independence Mom?

There's a world of difference between Independence Mom and Latte Mom though at times they can look the same. This is also not to say a Helicopter Mom or Independence Mom doesn't enjoy a latte every now and then. There are also extremesof these stereotypes. I think the goal is balance and to strive for knowing when the appropriate time is to be independence Mom or Helicopter Mom and when to be in the middle. Also good to have a latte once in awhile but do it in a situation where noone can get hurt.

I think this article is going to hit us differently depending on our experiences. At any rate, it is annoying when another parent oversteps their bounds (NOT talking emercency or situation that needs immediate response here).

The experience for me happened at a Mommy Daughter camping trip when my daughter was 9. Another Mom took my daughter by the arm on a night hike to help her because she was "scared" Nevermind that she had done this hike before, I heard her state it and it was more of a "Lets make this an adventure" translation of "I'm Scared". I started out very politely telling this woman and my daughter to stop, pointing out the danger of slipping off a one person trail walking as they were, to "I'M Her MOTHER. LET GO OF HER." The woman acted like I was a monster for making my daughter walk by herself (there were 15 of us single file) on the trail, everyone had a good flashlight and I saw no need to risk breaking an ankle. Funny thing was her daughter was very independent.

Anyway, we should all do the best we can and cut each other some slack. This is not an easy job, especially in this day and age where our children have much less freedom than we did as children.

Helping a child up a ladder is far from helicopter parenting. Sometimes you just help them so they don't fall and break their arm because you are going on vacation in 3 days. Anyone that feels compelled to justify their laziness is probably one of those moms who is constantly playing on their phone and I am the one helping their child who is being bullied by another child or is laying bleeding somewhere and the parent is oblivious. Lazy.

I agree and I disagree.

I agree because I have witnessed the parent who does everything for their child on the play ground. Playing with your child is fine, spotting your child while they make attempts is great. Spotting is very important to me when my child decides to test his limits climbing. I rock climb, but I DON'T SOLO CLIMB. I have a belayer holding the end of my rope. Does the belayer haul me up the rock face? NO. They are just there to catch me if I fall.

But what drives me crazy is when parents spend so much time adjusting their child's position on the slide before they go down or lifting the child onto equipment that is not safe for them at their current age. Then she is right, the child does not learn how to figure out for themselves what feels right or figure out what is too hard and they need to work up to doing. I hung out with a mom once whose child was the same age as mine but bigger and stronger. She was a nervous wreck on the playground, telling him to be careful continuously, limiting his ability to experiment, guiding him the whole way down a little bitty slide (she didn't slide with him, she held him in position from the ground, that is how small the slide was). Our kids were 2.5yo and slide was well within their capabilities.

Oh my! I totally agree. I have two boys who are extremely rough and tumble, to the point where we are occasionally accused of being the aggressor--although I would argue that the kids were playing nicely until the other kid got hurt--my kids have come home bleeding, and injured adn they just walk away and come get a band-aid if it's needed--they don't run to me unless it really hurts. Yep, we've been to the ER. I have three kids, we live on a farm, and my kids play outside starting at 6:30 in the morning. I certainly don't let my one year old climb up all the ladders on her own, but by about 2, my kids are pretty able to handle most basic playground equipment--or else they can't reach it. I'm not lazy; my kids engage with me when I'm cooking, and canning and baking and gardening and clearing brush; they read to me and I read to them. But, I do not feel the need to follow them on the playground. I do NOT sit on my phone, chatting or texting or putzing. My kids come check in with me, get a drink, show me a scrape, grab a snack, snuggle a bit--and go back to playing. I'm glad my kids are tough, and that they know how to play without fear. I help my 1 year old up steep ladders, my 4 year old gets pushes on the swings sometimes (he has core body weakness, so pumping is tough--but it will help strengthen him, so he has to try a bunch on his own first), and any time a child is crying, I walk over to talk them through getting down--but they almost always do it on their own; I just stand there as encouragement. My 8 year old can handle almost any play equipment on his own. :)

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Oh my! I totally agree. I have two boys who are extremely rough and tumble, to the point where we are occasionally accused of being the aggressor--although I would argue that the kids were playing nicely until the other kid got hurt--my kids have come home bleeding, and injured adn they just walk away and come get a band-aid if it's needed--they don't run to me unless it really hurts. Yep, we've been to the ER. I have three kids, we live on a farm, and my kids play outside starting at 6:30 in the morning. I certainly don't let my one year old climb up all the ladders on her own, but by about 2, my kids are pretty able to handle most basic playground equipment--or else they can't reach it. I'm not lazy; my kids engage with me when I'm cooking, and canning and baking and gardening and clearing brush; they read to me and I read to them. But, I do not feel the need to follow them on the playground. I do NOT sit on my phone, chatting or texting or putzing. My kids come check in with me, get a drink, show me a scrape, grab a snack, snuggle a bit--and go back to playing. I'm glad my kids are tough, and that they know how to play without fear. I help my 1 year old up steep ladders, my 4 year old gets pushes on the swings sometimes (he has core body weakness, so pumping is tough--but it will help strengthen him, so he has to try a bunch on his own first), and any time a child is crying, I walk over to talk them through getting down--but they almost always do it on their own; I just stand there as encouragement. My 8 year old can handle almost any play equipment on his own. :)