Forcing Potty Training

I say it is time to find a new daycare. My son is almost 4 and isn't potty trained. My daycare tries to help me with it as much as they can, but up till very recently, he just hasn't been ready or receptive. Really pretty unrealistic that they expect EVERY child to follow the same development pattern. Every child is different. My son has just very recently shown a little interest in it and I have been told by lots of other Moms, if they are ready, it just clicks. If you push it, you will just get no end of frustration until they finally make up their mind to do it. Potty training is one of the few things that children have control over in their lives and if you try to make them do it and they don't want to, you are going to be fighting a losing battle. They don't know a whole lot about young children if they are trying to force you into this. It will happen when she is ready....and you will be able to tell this by her lack or resistance to it.....when she gets excited about it, when she is interested in it.

That was very rude for them to say, insist that she start potty training.
I was a preschool teacher for ages 2 and 3 year olds. Very difficult job. We trained them at school and the parents would except their child to go automatically at home. So the parents would come back to us mad. Because the child wasn't trained completely.
Everyone does potty training differently. I have potty trained many children being a nanny for 15 years. A child will not go potty until that child is ready. Specially with you being due in May. Your child may rebel after the baby comes.
Summer time is always a good time to start, it's warm. Your child won't be in oneies and you won't have to be bending over in your last months trying to train her. Tell the school you will start working at it after the baby is born. that will get them off your back for awhile. If they want to start with her then great, never hurts to introduce it.
I am sorry you had this experience.
It is a very touchy subject.
Congrats on the second child!
S.

I'd say keep offering her the potty (do you read books on it? this can help - and she can sit on it even without pulling down her pants). Get her a "potty book" that talks about using the potty. And then don't push it. Offer, but if she says no, leave it at that. If the daycare wants to give it a shot, it usually works a lot better when it's a consistent message both at school and at home, but I don't think it should be forced in either place. How does the daycare handle other kids who aren't ready yet? Your daughter can't be the only one! It seems like they would just be creating extra work for themselves if they pushed kids into pottying who weren't ready yet.

Our daycare's approach is that if the child seems interested they'll offer him/her the opportunity to use the potty during the day. If she wants to use it, they'll let the parent know and the parent can do the same at home. This makes much more sense to me....

If they are willing to help potty train her let them try. When she sees other little ones going she just might get the picture. If they are forcing her that is another story and that may very well delay her getting potty trained.
When she is ready she will go herself. My son just recently became potty trained and he is 3.5 years old.

While my daughter was in the two year old room they also potty trained them. In a few months you will have your hands full with a new one and if the teacher is willing to try and potty train her then I say go for it. It might take a long time to get her used to the idea but when she sees the other kids going potty on the big girl potty she will follow. My daycare does not require them to be fully potty trained until they hit the 3 yr old room so if it takes that long so be it but normally with her doing it every day at school she will want to also do it at home. I was not that faithful at making mine go potty at home since I also had a little one on the way but it was rally nice when she was fully trained(except an occ. accident at night) by three.
Try to think of it as a helping hand and not on insult, the teacher will not make your daughter do anything she doesn't want to. The positive reinforcement and praise from the teacher will work wonders.

Good luck...hope this helps.
K.

She's not even two yet and it seems a little early for them to be pushing this so hard. This morning, I talked to my son's daycare teacher (he's 2.5 y/o) and asked if he needs to be potty trained to go into the 3 y/o room in June. She told me that he does. We talked about it for a little bit and she said that the average age for a boy to be trained is 3yrs, 4 months. I just read where the average age for boys is 31 months and girls is 29 months. My son (32 months) is showing every single "ready sign" but when we ask him at home he says "NO!" I'm not going to make it a battle with him. When he's ready, he'll be ready.

Now, if the teachers are willing to help her at school and make it fun, let them do it. Our son LOVES to "try" at school and is much more cooperative with them than he is at home. But, if you feel they are "forcing" anything and making it a negative experience for her - put a stop to it.

Good luck and congrats on the new baby. Our boys are exactly 2 years and 2 months apart and we love it - most of the time ;)

DONT force it, I tried that with my first and she resisted and it drove me crazy!! When she turned 3 she decided she was ready and it took a week, we tried at 2 1/2 b/c our other was on teh way and it was a NIGHTMARE!!! Kids let you know when they are ready, forcing it may only make it take a lot longer. My other child was potty trained by the time she was 2 b/c she always saw her sister on teh potty and wanted to do it too. Each kid is different!
Hope this helped!

I went thru a similar thing at my daughters daycare. I decided not to fight it. Funny thing was she liked going potty at the daycare, but not at home. The kids all went to the potty as a group and got rewards for going. She was so proud when she could finally go and get her skittles everytime. Eventually I put a jar of skittles in our bathroom and she was going at home too. I never forced her at home, and they never "forced" her at daycare. They just made it a group thing. They started this when she was just 2 and by 3 she was completley potty trained. I was glad that I didn't fight them on this issue. It made my life so much easier to have a partner in potty training. I am a single mom, so it was a huge help. One of the things I noticed was at first she was happy to go at daycare, but fought it at home. She wanted to be my baby for a little longer, but at the daycare she wanted to be a "big girl". Our kids are very flexible when they do not know the limits of others. But they are rigid with us because they know how far we can be pushed.

My advice is to give it a try for a while, it really can't hurt. With having a new one soon, you may have set backs, but not like you would think! I have potty trained with a new baby in the house twice, it wasn't much different than potty training my youngest, it was actually easier! Big girls go on the potty and babies poop thier pants...yuck! That was pretty common back then, they didn't want to be babies!

Good Luck!

I would not try to force her. I think that will cause problems long term. Maybe you could work with the daycare and say they can offer her the option but you disagree with forcing her. Especially with a new one due in May, then youwill have to deal with her regressing.

If they don't compile to your request, I would find another daycare. 23 months is young to train in the first place, neither one of mine showed any interest until they were 2 1/2+.

My daughter was 3 when she finally decided she was fully ready to potty train. We were working with her all along, but not always successful. She will let you know when she is ready. I'm going through the same thing with my son (2 1/2). He knows what to do but could care less about it. They will do it when they are ready, not when someone forces them to be ready. I would have a talk someone at the daycare about this teacher because you can't force something on a child when they aren't ready.

C.,
You have proved your point. When they aren't ready it prolongs the process and the pre-school teacher says it is a long process. Well, it is for her because she is starting too early with these kids. When a child is ready, you will have that child potty trained in a week. So I would make sure she has all the physical readiness: she can tell you she has to go, she is able to crawl up the toilet seat with help from stool, she can at least pull down her pants with a little help to pull them up. I would definitely practice now until she is ready, teaching her skills that will help her, like pulling up her pants and climbing up on the big potty (with the kiddie potty on top of it, you know what I mean?). Anyway, I think the old fashioned way to potty train was not potty training the kids at all it was the Mom's reminding or helping the kid's go to the potty every 30 minutes while the kids eventually realized what they were supposed to be doing by so much practice. I don't train until I am confindent they will be able to do all the potty duties, except wipe, by themselves. That's real potty training. Oh but even if she is ready at this point do not start until your baby is born and home for a little while. At this point the older child will regress and begin having more accidents and put you over the edge. Tell the director you have no problem with teaching her the skills and practicing but you will not take away the diaper just yet. If it's easier for the teacher you can put her in a pull-up for easy practice. But a diaper is a diaper whether you fasten it on or pull it up.