Freaked Out About Potty Training!! (Me--not My Son!)

My son will be 4 in two weeks. And he STILL isn't fully potty trained.

If he is wearing big boy underwear, he will usually use his potty chair, but if I don't have a clean pair and he has to wear a diaper, he will not use the potty chair. Oh, I also don;t expect him to use public restrooms, yuck!, so he wears diapers when we go out too.

Boys seem to get lazy and comfortable when the diaper is on!

Go ahead and put him in the big biy underwear, even if you have to put the vinyl overpants on top just in case. Then, every 30 minutes, put him on the potty chair. He'll get the hang of it, and when he does have an accident, he'll realize how uncomfortable it is.

Give it a try and if he isn't ready, then put it off for a while. But you never know until you try.

I am such a different mom, so take this for what it is worth! My children, 3 of which are potty trained..one soon to be..all did it at around 2.5. That is when I decided it was time. I want them to be old enough to get it, but not so old that they are becoming too controlling. I tend to disagree with all of this wait until they are old enough business, it seems very generational to me. Our parents had us going potty long before 4 years old I am sure of it! Does it require some work on our part..yes! All parenting does..so no, my 2.5 year olds dont decide to pee one day, and then that is the end of it. But, it has never taken more than 2 weeks. I am very no pressure about it though. I tell them that we are done with diapers when this bag is all done. We talk about it etc..and then for about 3 days they get nothing on their bottoms. Naked! Usually a dress or long t-shirt for modesty:) They earn the underwear. By having nothing on the bottom, they dont feel that safety to just go. They just get it faster honestly. Sure, I clean up some messes..but its better than another year or more in diapers!! I also tell them that I want them to pee on the potty, that I believe in them, and know that they can do it. I remind them gently, but never make a child go on the potty. We do reward with m&m's, we just try to make it a very positive thing. Never scold them for accidents, I dont punish them..unless I know it is willfull, which takes a while:) I just feel like for me, if I allowed my children to control when they were ready to do something, they would never eat vegetables, clean up after themselves..you get the idea. Sometimes we have to tell them that they are big enough. Again, I realize that this is not the popular opinion..but I am used to that:) But it is what has worked in our family. Hope you can find a middle ground and get him to success! Good luck ~A.~

I went through the same thing with my daughter. She was not allowed to move up to the next class until she was 3 and potty trained. My pediatrician told me I should push the issue and yet others told me not to. I decided not to strongly enforce it, but asked all the time if she had to go. (She always said no.) Finally, with my approval, the teacher made her go "cold turkey". Big girl underwear while in class. She had a few accidents, but was basically potty trained within a few days. It was only a few weeks before her 3rd birthday when all this happened. She stayed in pullups at night until she was about 3yrs and 9 months. I never pushed the nightime thing at all. She just decided one day she didn't want to wear a pullup. I can't remember if most of her friends had already moved up to the new class or not, so I don't know if that is what also pushed her to potty training. But truly, the teacher at the daycare did more than her share of training. All I had to do was enforce the same thing while at home. It was way easier for me.

Wait until he's ready. If you wait until he's ready, it will be easy. If you push the issue now, it will be miserable (and likely unsuccessful) for you and your son.

My oldest son was 3 1/2 before he was fully day trained, night trained at 4. We pushed him a lot, and I think it was a control issue for him. He knew we wanted him to, he wanted to be in control.

My second son, was 3 and doing exactly as you describe. We never pushed it or made an issue. We'd ask, and if he went, fine, if he didn't, that was fine too. One month after he turned 3, he said he needed to pee. From that moment on, literally, he never again went in his pants, even at night! I couldn't believe it was that simple. I kept him in pull ups for a couple weeks just waiting for it to backfire. Never did. He is 5 now!

I know how you feel! I have a hard time doing things sometimes b/c I want them to go perfectly and of course this is something that you can not control and will not go perfectly! =) My dauhgter just turned two and I thought she was ready to be potty trained already, she was very interested and doing really well, but one day that all stopped, now she refuses going to the potty! I really look forward to all of your answers....I know I can use the help!! Best of luck with it! =)
D.
www.workathomeunited.com/dkm

My son was very difficult to potty train. He likes to be in control of everything he does. Your son will do it when he is ready. With mine, I started when he was 3 and he wanted nothing at all to do with it. I even took a week off work to do the every 30 minute thing and it was fail. He just wasn't going to do it. So, I gave it a break and started again when he was three and a half. I was on the phone with my pediatrician every week letting her know if there was progress or not. She had many suggestions for me. He was almost 4 before he was trained. We ended up putting him in underwear and taking away the pull-ups completely. Every time he went in his pants, we'd clean him up and put him in his room for 30 minutes. It sounds mean(my pediatrician suggested this and said it sounded mean, but that it would work for a child who has control problems) and it worked! He was potty-trained within a week doing both no. 1 and no. 2 in the toilet.

"Wait until he's ready. If you wait until he's ready, it will be easy. If you push the issue now, it will be miserable (and likely unsuccessful) for you and your son.
"

Ditto! 2 boys later, i can attest to this!

Having "trained" 2 boys and 1 girl, I can tell you from experience -- they will "train" when they are darn good and ready and not a moment sooner. If you start the training before they're ready, you're just setting yourself up for a battle you will not win and the only one "trained" will be you. Boys simply take longer than girls in the first place. Therefore, some boys will take longer than other boys. Both my guys lost their diapers between 3 and 4 years of age. Now at 24 & 19 they are perfectly potty-trained, at least most of the time!! :))

Seriously, boys take longer for this process. It needs to be on their terms. If you let your son take the lead on this, it'll be like magic and there won't be any "training". It'll be almost overnight and you'll wonder what happened.

Keep doing what your doing -- letting him watch, having a place for him to practice, talking to him about it (be careful not to nag!), and letting him see his peers make this progress. He'll get it, I assure you!

Be patient,
R.

i couldn't agree with you more...don't let all the other kids sway you into doing it. do it with your child when *you & your child* are ready. my daughter will be 3 in march too. i had it in my head i'd try between jan & mar. i knew she was ready...but probably being a little lazy. she basically was using the potty all the time at school...but didn't want to do it at home because it is too much work. i wasn't totally ready to do it either with the holidays, etc. however, i can say it was ALOT of work the first 2-3 days...and then click. she started telling me when she needs to go and we've barely had a handfull of accidents. like most "big things" i've experienced so far with having kids...i think WE build it up to be so much more in our heads and it is often a lot easier than we think it is going to be.

the only advice i'll give...is don't do it until you are 100% ready too. i read this in a book and definitely agree with it. if you start it...you have to proceed. no going back...or it is kind of like telling your child you don't believe in them, etc. it has really empowered my daughter to want to do alot more things for herself too! (which is NICE!!!) good luck to you...i wish you the best and he will be fine whenever you both are ready for it!

We started potty training our son about the same age your son is. We used the Potty Scotty system (you can find it online). It goes with a book called potty training in a day. My son was not potty trained in a day, but it actually got him to start using the potty, and then he knew what was expected of him. Because he was in daycare, he still wore pullups and I think that prolonged the learning ability. We started in March and he was fully potty trained in June. His birthday was in May. He could pee in the potty with no accidents about 3 months prior to being trained to do the number 2 in the potty. Once he turned 3, I started making him wear underwear at home. We used m&ms and suckers for using the potty. Also, for number 2, we told him that if he did number 2 in the potty he could pick out a toy he wanted. Training, patience, use of underwear, and incentives worked for us. Good luck! Potty training a boy is not fun. LOL!

The bare bottom technique worked well for us. That being said, it's much easier in the summertime, because you have less clothing to deal with in the first place (when you're doing playdates, outings, errangd, etc.). So my suggestions are:
Wait until May or June to start and take advantage of the warmer months.
Play outside as much as possible, but they come inside to go to the potty - you don't want to teach them that it's OK to go in the backyard - my nephew had a hard time for a while distinguishing which outdoor places were OK and which were not. If you're trying to teach them to go to the potty... teach them to use they bathroom first. Going outdoors can be taught later.
We used 3 M&Ms as a reward for each time they went in the potty.

Finally, we kept a potty seat in the back of the van for outings and emergencies. The little plastic bags that you use to dispose of soiled diapers fit into the "cup" of the potty perfectly, and are very waterproof. We'd line the cup, then when they were done, dispose of the urine. We also kept TP and wipes so they could clean up. It may sound gross, but it saved us a number of times, and I know many moms who have done the same thing.

Good luck!

Take it from another mom, who has to constantly work on being patient that everything doesn't go perfectly from the get-go, that starting before he is willing and ready will cause you many stressful and upsetting days ahead. It will, also, cause your son to dig in and be more stubborn about not using the potty. It is his body and he knows you cannot make him go. I learned the hard way. My son wasn't willing to use the potty until right before his 4th birthday and until I had completely backed off and until he was willing to give it a try. He was potty trained in less than a week once he decided he was ready and had only a couple of accidents. If your son isn't interested, then back off and mention it again in a few months. Summer is a good time to give it a try because some boys like the idea of peeing outside, just make sure he's in the backyard!:) Good luck!!