Free Range Kids--Do You, or Could You, Let Yours Go Freely Around?

I am a Free Range parent as much as is possible, because here's what I don't want for my daughter: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200411/nation-wimps

I am no helicopter parent but I don't think I would send him to a camp like that. Who knows who those kids are and there could be bullies etc. I would not throw him to the wolves all (thanks PPer) Lord of the Rings style LOL

Yesterday I saw my 9 year old maybe 3 times from 12 noon till 8:00 at night because he was running around the neighborhood with friends. Certainly not a helicopter parent.

Ever read Lord of the Flies? Or are passingly famine with street gangs?

That said... I agree with the author in many ways (HAVENT read for years, but its talked about as often in homeschool circles as Love&Logic is in parenting circles).

I seem to recall that she points out Comnon Sense differention. Meaning... FRP is NOT
- neglect
- applicable in all places the same way (cities via suburban via rural, neighborhood type, et cetera)
- the same for every age group
- the same for every kid (even same age/ family/ neighborhood/ etc.)

Those 2 things added together...

Nope. I absolutely would not throw my kid intentionally into a Lord of the Flies situation NOR sign him up for a camp whose motto is "Understaffed & ill supervised".

INSTEAD... I give him his head in areas & times I deem safe to do so, and rein him in during times and in areas I deem it unsafe.

AKA... As Maria Montessori said:

"To give a child liberty is not to abandon him to himself."

I don't think the past mistakes of the parents (too much control, over scheduling, hovering etc.) necessitates the over correction described here. To me, that's like saying, I've cut your meals up into teensy tiny pieces three times per day for the last 12 years, now here's a lobster--figure it out!

Being "free range" was pretty much my childhood, as it was for most kids in the 60s and 70s. My child and kids from one other family on our block are the only ones I ever see playing outside unsupervised. Heck, my daughter and these kids are the only ones in the neighborhood who walk home from school by themselves (my daughter is almost done with 3rd grade) and we only live three blocks away. I'm sure the other moms think I'm just lazy, but I let her do it because a) it empowers her and b) it teaches her responsibility.

I raise my kids by the free range philosophy. I'm not radical about it, but I do let them run around, and I hang with a group of HS moms that share similar beliefs as me.

In fact last week some woman reprimanded us at the park because we were hanging at a table away from the playground and "there are small children over there! They aren't being supervised." We took a look. Some were digging, some were just playing tag. No one was hurt, No one was destroying private property. No one was fighting. So we went back to our conversation.

I tend to let the kids do whatever they want, as long as no one is getting hurt and they aren't breaking the rules of the context we are in. I'm even OK with wrestling and play fighting, if all parties want to do it, and NO ONE IS GETTING HURT. This doesn't mean I let them run wild. We do not jump on furniture, chairs are for sitting, we use our manners at all times, you are responsible for your own things, etc. There are lots of rules, but I do kick them out of the house and let them take care of themselves.

For me, the best thing you can do for children is get out of the way. The research does show that kids aren't learning valuable life skills because most parents helicopter. In fact, research shows that kid organized games are more beneficial to kids than parent organized games. Why? Because we are stealing them of chances to learn: to problem solve, to resolve conflict, to create rules, to figure out what's fair, etc.

But no, I wouldn't sign up for such a summer camp.

I was also raised on a free range childhood. That was the norm when I was a kid. "get outside" my mom would say, and we had the run of the neighborhood.

Nope, I just let my kids go out and play.

You just can't create cause and effect, that has to be a natural thing. They make bad choices things happen, they learn.

A simple you must be home by five can teach cause an effect. It isn't like they actually have to be harmed.

My kids go out and play for HOURS a day. They have been catching frogs, playing in the sprinklers, at the apt. park, playing foursquare, and trading pokemon cards. My kids walk home from the bus stop (about 3 or 4 blocks) by themselves. My son has soccer practice 3 times a week and my middle son is out running around and playing without me. Making random friends and making up games.
I wouldn't send my kid to a summer camp like that because A) my kids already play with tons of different kids (the beauty of our apartment complex is that 67 kids go to the same elementary school!) and B) Part of getting together with other families is to get to know them. I would want to make friends with the moms and dads while our kids ran around and played.
L.

That is insane IMO. If parents would not interfere with every aspect of their child's life, kids would be able to solve their own problems. Why do they need a special camp to learn how to make up their own games. Let your kids go out and play with their friends and they will learn what they need to.
I cannot believe that people young kids out with a cell phone and GPS.
Cable news has destroyed childhoods.

I want to add onto Riley's very excellent answer:

Responsible parenting (free range or not) is about giving our children freedoms and liberties AS they are appropriate to the child's level of ability and responsibility.

Here in Portland, we have a disproportionately high number of mentally-ill homeless people who use the parks to hang out. Because there is most certainly an element of unpredictability there-- and because as adults, other parents and I have experienced some moments *we* weren't sure would turn out all right-- I find the idea of leaving the kids at the park with one adult 50/50. In the late 90s I had a group of neighborhood kids at the park most of the day (I was their preschool teacher; in summer we moved it to a beautiful park and called it 'Outdoor Camp-- I also had activities planned for 'down times' ); 15 years later, I would not entertain that idea for the reason that the park has too many sometimes-hostile mentally ill people using the space, smoking drugs in the bathrooms, etc.

My son is six and has a reasonable amount of freedom. He knows the boundaries we have given him (he can run from our house to the corner, knows which houses don't want kids on the lawn, knows not to cross the street without asking). We have a playhouse and sandbox and little cozy 'hideaways' in the bushes, etc. I am fine with he and a friend playing in the fenced in backyard (esp. if I don't know where the friend's sense of boundaries and limits are-- and at this age, their parents are holding me responsible) OR for us to take the kids out to a park and then just hang back.

When I was a kid, we lived at two houses which each had anywhere between 7-10 acres of land. I loved those places. Even at 9 years old, I could go out into the woods and not be back until lunch, most likely out of sight most of the time. I do wish we had that sort of property, but we also choose to live in town where playmates are down the corner or around the block. I like socializing with the moms of the other kids, and usually we're careful about not stepping in to solve every.little.problem: but we are there and available if they ask for help. I think teaching them (in increments) to learn when they need help and when they can 'handle' things on their own is one part of this allowing them their freedom.

And for what it's worth: to me, the summer camp idea seems a bit too structured. I think it's more fun for the kids to be at someone's house and then decide "we're going around the corner to play ball at the lot" (we have one!) or "we're going to play Legos for a while" or "we'll be in the backyard with the hose and pick some herbs to make 'potions' with in a bucket of water with rocks and mud and sand. With our street often used as a fast cut-through to avoid the traffic from the hospital (spitting distance), letting them hash out their play in the backyard actually keeps things more 'free range' because they need less adult supervision than they would out playing near the street at 6 years old at rush hours, when cars rocket down our street. It's that mix of environment, abilities and personalities....

Depends on the age of the kids and how many kids. If the children were 6 or older and there were 6 or so kids, yes, I would. I agree that kids are missing out by having to be supervised so much. I remember roaming the neighborhood doing all sorts of pretend play with kids. The moms were at home and all knew each other and kept an eye on us but we were pretty much on our own. Of course, we can't do that now in many neighborhoods for a variety of reasons.

I would expect the parent to also be there for ideas and advice as well as to provide some structure as well as meals and snacks. Nine hours of no structure would not be helpful.

Later: After reading other responses I googled "free range kids" and found several sights. Here is one. http://www.freerangekids.com/

This is a fascinating topic and has many nuances that the post and the responses do not consider. I had no idea that this idea has gone main stream.

How to Give Your Kids an Old-Fashioned Summer!
Posted on May 6th, 2013 by lskenazy
Hi Folks! This lovely and simple idea comes to us from Heike Larson, who is the Vice President of Parent Outreach at LePort Schools, a group of six private Montessori schools in Orange County, CA. She writes about education in general and Montessori in particular on the LePort Schools blog. – L.
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IF SUMMER IS FOR PLAYING, HOW CAN WE MAKE THAT HAPPEN?

This summer, instead of just enrolling my 6-year-old in camp, I decided to find a way to get her some real Free-Range experiences. I’ve organized for a group of about ten 5- to 7-year-old girls from my daughter’s school to have two weeks of “free play camp” in local parks. Here’s how it will work:
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Each day, we’ll pick a different park, preferably one that is BIG. The parents will drop their daughters off at the park in the morning, and pick them up late in the afternoon. One parent will stay to provide minimal supervision (basically, to make sure no child leaves the park, and to serve as a safety net in case there is an injury or allergic reaction the kids can’t handle themselves). Mostly, she stays in the background. The goal is to leave the girls to themselves, to just play, like we used to do.
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Since where we live, it’s not practical for the girls to just roam around the neighborhood at age 5 or 6, this is the next best thing. And the parks we’re choosing have forests, big concrete slides, climbing walls, bike paths, creeks, even a lake. We’ll bring some gear — balls, picnic blankets, bikes, Frisbees, and lots of extra clothes — and then, of course, there are all the cool things that nature provides!
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I’m very excited to see what the girls come up with: what games they’ll invent, how they’ll solve the problems and conflicts–and how they’ll enjoy this new experience. I thought I’d share this idea with Free-Range Kids, which is part of the inspiration of making this camp happen, because maybe it will catch on. I’ve been very encouraged by how excited the parents I approached have been about this idea. And it’s a great way to have a free summer camp, as each parent only has to supervise 1-2 days during the two weeks! Wouldn’t it be cool if parents all over the country started offering their elementary age children a similar Free-Range camp experience? Maybe it can really happen!.
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Cheers, Heike

The same site discusses our fears about abductions and relates the statistic of less than 1/2 of 1% of all missing children are abducted by strangers. The number of such children in the USA in the cited year was 115 children.

So why are we so afraid and why do we keep our children under such close supervision? Just another idea to think about. I am beginning to look at my own fears after reading this article.

The article goes on the talk about more aspects the issue. I highly recommend reading it.

I hardly consider letting kids play freely "summer camp." I went to camp my entire childhood, my kids went to camp as well. Camp is about structured activity.
I am not a helicopter parent. My kids went out and played with other kids. They went around our tiny neighborhood to other kids' homes and yards. As teens, they rode their bikes out of the neighborhood. They went to camp. They went to playgrounds. My son (13) is a Boy Scout and they do plenty of things independently. My kids (teens) have no problems with real life skills. They cook, they have their own bank accounts, I used cash to pay for things so they learned about money rather than thinking you hand over a debit card and get your purchases for "free" (yes, kids think this, they never see money). I taught my kids to work problems out with friends rather than running to an adult for every disagreement, and didn't interfere immediately.

We don't need a camp like that.

My kids attended camp like that for years and still do. It was full of creative projects, games, plays, shows, climbing, biking, digging and art. It was free, there was no pick up drop off, we just opened our doors (front and back) and kept the snacks and band aids handy.

ADDED: Cheryl, When I said "we" I mean my family and the neighbor family I was referring to in my post. She asked if we would send our kids to a camp like that so I answer that I didn't need it.

I also think if people were less worried about letting their kids have a little freedom, relax about spending time with other families and God forbid let them just play alone we wouldn't need so many planned activities and "baby sitters". When I was 12 I was babysitting our neighbors newborn. No people are hesitant to leave their kids in the care of a high school kid.

Probably not because of my child care background. Kids need boundaries or they don't learn to obey morays and traditions and eventually how to obey the laws.

For instance in this case, what if someone stole something from one of the other kids? That child didn't have any consequences because an adult did not come in and teach the child that it was wrong, they did not get grounded, punished, etc....in any way. So they learn they don't have to respect another person's boundaries. They end up taking their college roommates clothes when all theirs are dirty, they use other peoples things without ever learning that it's wrong.

Kids need boundaries and being free range is too much freedom for a kid.

When you were a kid, even if you got to go outside all day and play, didn't you have some boundaries/rules/interventions? Like you can play between this house and that field? Or you have to come in when the street lights come on? You can't ride your bike in the street? If the neighborhood kids were being mean to you didn't your mom come check it out and watch more?

Letting kids go without any rules or restrictions is not healthy. Lessening strict rules that serve no real purpose is not always a bad thing but each scenario is going to be different.

I wouldn't let the kids go to a camp like this because I think kids do better with more structure than what you're talking about.

If the parent is using Love and Logic parenting or something similar then the kids ARE learning how to think, to correlate actions and consequences, to think more about the outcome of their actions.

So strange, I just discovered that website this past week. I even posted a story on their site. And now here is a post on that topic. Cool.

I consider myself a free range parent. Yesterday my 9yo spent the day with a friend, exploring a marsh and small creek without any adults. He just got done explaining to me how they used logs to build a "bridge" over a section of creek, how his friend was scared to try it so my son went on his own to explore the other side. He had a fantastic day and came home exhausted and happy.He has many days where he just goes out and messes around in the woods by himself near where we are building our house.

In terms of a camp...if done right and in the right location, I would consider it. But just being in a city park wouldn't appeal. I would rather see it in a more "wild" area. BTW, my son is going to be attending a camp where they just provide building materials and then let the kids go to town designing and planning a project. They let them use all types of tools. The materials are mostly leftover items donated by various businesses and organizations...the variety of odd items can't even be described. It is an incredibly cool place (Leonardo's Basement, check out this video to get an idea http://leonardosbasement.org/2LBvideo1.php ).

I agree with Riley that Free Range doesn't just mean unsupervised all the time. I was a free range kid but my parents also took us camping many weekends every summer and taught us skills we needed to get by in the wilderness. Then during the week days we ran free in the woods below our house exploring creeks and deer paths. Kids need adults to teach them some skills but then they need time to just be on their own to practice and internalize those "life lessons" as well as a chance to make some mistakes so they learn the importance of those lessons.

ETA: K-Bell - unfortunately, we do need "camps" for kids...as parents are too busy working...the economy is sucking so bad that many have to have two incomes to get by!

Kindred:

I have not really checked out the "free range kids" website. So I will just answer on my experience.

My daughter is now in her 20s, when she was a child - we lived in Belgium and Germany. In Belgium - we had a large fenced in back yard with a Great Pyrenees Mountain dog - she played outside alone and with friends over.

My boys - 13 and 10 - are allowed to play outside without me watching them.

Would I put them in a summer camp like what you have stated? Yes. I would. I would rather my children learn how to fix problems and solve issues on their own instead of me holding their hand the whole time. At some point - they have to learn how to do these things on their own.

There are many reasons that our children are not learning life skills anymore:
* parents are not parenting...they would rather be "best friends" with their kids than be the parent
* society doesn't want to hurt little Johnny or Sally's feelings...God forbid...they not get invited to a party, or try out for a team sport and NOT make it.
* education is focusing on testing and passing the SOLs instead of TEACHING them.
* too many parents expect the school to teach their kids more than just education...manners, sex, etc.

Hope this helps!

No because my son gets to do that practically daily with the neighborhood kids. For a camp I would want structure and activities he does not get to normally do so it is exciting for him.

No, I wouldn't unless it was literally the only option. Which I can't see happening.

Kids do need a lot of free play especially outdoors, it's imperative to their physical, psychological, emotional well being just to begin with. When they don't get it they are not only not learning life skills but their whole learning process is stifled even where academics are concerned.

Ours play a lot outside in a big yard w/ fence. We take them to the lake and park about once a week in the warm months.

Love K-Bell's answer, gave me a delighted chuckle. I agree. That's the way it is here more than not.

You have lots of great posts

My kids do go out and play. All the time.
However... I just use common sense and listen to my gut, per my kids.
No kid is the same as others, no matter what age.
No environment is the same.
No situation is the same.
My kids are kids and play wherever.
But I go by my instincts and gut/common sense.

ie: I am not going to send them somewhere by themselves or have them do things, if I get a bad vibe about it and/or per the circumstances/environment etc.... JUST because I want to be a Free Range parent. I don't, make being a Free Range Parent, just to be a Free Range Parent. It is not about *ME* or my wanting to "be" a certain philosophy and making a statement to all who bother to notice.
It is about, my kids and what is best for them. While keeping in mind, the type of kid I have and their own proclivities. No matter what age they are.

I am a parent. First.
Not a statement.
I am a parent.
Not a reactionary impulse driven parent using only statistics to "decide" for me how I parent.

Free Range Parent or not... our kids learn about life.
And not only by being in a certain type of kids camp or not.

What ages would this be for?

we chose a place to raise our kids where we don't have to be terrified all the time. yes, bad things happen all over, but there are some places you really cannot let a child out of your sight for a second.
our boys have always been allowed out to play in our yards, from the time we bought our little house and our elder was 2. they roamed the immediate yards in the neighborhood in a wolfpack. they probably weren't under someone's eye 100% of the time, but they were for the most part. and always within hollering distance. if they were going over a court or out of hollering distance, they asked and generally got permission to go, understanding that they needed to be where they said they were, and home when we told 'em to be.
their school was at the other end of the neighborhood. they both wanted to try riding the bus (it took longer for me to take them to the bus stop than to walk them to school!) so they did that for a bit. when the older was in kindergarten and 1st i drove him, then he started walking with a group from the neighborhood. from 1st grade on, his little brother went with them.
sometimes groups of them would walk the 3 blocks into town together to get ice cream. i'd allow that from around 7 on.
when we moved to the farm they lost their ready-made playmate group, but had even more freedom to wander. the C&O canal is right down a private road, and there are acres of woods in which to play. town was too far to walk, but my 13 year old was thrilled when we gave him permission to ride the 3 miles on his bike.
some of our homeschool camps were similar to what you suggest. the kids were part of the decision-making process and sat in on brainstorming sessions if they wanted. it was a lot easier to reach consensus with them than with the parents!
i'm sure i'm shockingly lax by most modern parents' standards. but my kids had great childhoods, and are confident, assured, terrific young men. no regrets here.
khairete
S.

No I would not send my daughter to a camp like that. I want atleast one educator who is qualified to keep an eye on them and has had a background done. Usually most camps these days though have one educator and a few teenagers to help out. I usually go by word of mouth and check out the camp the summer before while in session to just see what it is like.

Today’s children need more discipline, which parents around our hood do not do. Parents need to step up and be a parent! A summer camp around here would not work as our parks were destroyed!

BayBays in our hood need to stay indoors, padlock the doors, and learn life skills on how to respect!!! I dread the warmer months as I know they will be out in droves. In our hood it is called watch your property be destroyed by baybays running the street! Parents need to watch their children at any age 24-7, especially when outside. No running the hood until 3-4 in the morning, playing basketball until 6 am (when some have to go to work with no sleep), destroying everything they can get ahold of (even nailed down) tagging property, their trash everywhere, breaking window, even coming into your yard when you are not home. Pedophiles are lurking on every corner, these parents could care less, and these girls around here are called hood rats. None of these parents work, and when you do see a parent and then say something about their children, they look at you as if you are stupid, and call us names. The cops told them it was a good way for someone to get shot when their children are on private property in the middle of the night looking for trouble.

I came home the other day from work to find 40 (yes 40) kids standing at the corner destroying my blooming lilac bush, and reaching over the fence to grab all the other flowers (dog was in the house). I yelled at them, and they called me a name. So I parked my truck in the middle of the street, got out, and then they all scattered.

Our new neighborhood renters have 5 children under the age of 8. Saturday, all of them where out until 3 in the morning, yelling, screaming, crying.