Friend Issue

I actually had the same exact thing happen. I asked advice from non biased parties and the consensus was to try and just phase the friendship out, unfortunately when you've been such close friends it's virtually impossible to have a discussion about having simply grown apart and wanting to 'break up' without it going really bad. So I did start to phase it out, which really is easier once you have kids and meet new mommy friends, tend to have so much less valuable spare time anyway it's easy to make the excuses. She definitely got the clue, and although it's so much nicer not having to deal with all the tension, irritation and uncomfortableness that comes with hanging out with her these days, we still have to cross paths with mutual friends. Those times, thankfully in large groups, are still uncomfortable, but few and far between. But unfortunately there really is no tried and true way to do it, it's gonna be a little messy either way. Good luck!

I agree with Eve, I feel like I could have written this post too! My 'bff' has been my 'bff' since we were fourteen years old, but today we are very different people, and we went in very different directions in our adult lives. I still love her so much, and we speak often and I know that she loves me unconditionally, but she is not the one I call first when I need to talk to someone. I don't think you need to end the friendship, just let it naturally run its course. Glad you found someone you can relate to better!

I feel like I could've written this post. I have a friend of 10 years and it's the same thing... it's just different. I moved about 2 hours away but I visit where I'm from a lot. The longer I live away the more I notice things about her that I didn't know before. She's argumentative, rude, I'm always wrong etc.

But... I can't seem to break the friendship. I'm lucky in my case b/c since I live father away I can blame the distance. I don't think it's worth having a formal break up or anything, but I don't think I will be going out of my way to hang out. Life happens and people drift. Maybe you can let it naturally evolve.

Good luck!!!

I totally understand about this. I have a "friend " I've known since birth and im realizing more and more that we just weren't meant to be friends. She's rude and sadly self absorbed. And she makes me feel like I'm only good enough to talk to if she's got nothing better to do. Anyways I've just decided to let whatever happen happen. I don't seek out her friendship. I don't call or text anymore. I'm letting it take its course and letting it phase itself out. I don't think it bothers her because she's got plenty of other people and things so why should I put in the effort if she's not willing to too? Therefore I don't.

By doing this too with your friend you might see more so that she will most likely stop calling etc too and sounds like its for the best. Why be friends with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? Its just not worth it even if you've been friends for so long.

Sorry your going through this but sounds like your new friend is better :)

I would not completely stop being friends but certainly set boundries and spend more time around people that are more positive towards you. Nothing wrong with that and taking a break. Get into a group that interests you and it will seem your busier then normal to put into the friendship. It may take a while, but it does not seem healthy this way.

As people age, they change. Not only do they change but thier circumstances and environment change (kids, where they live, income, etc). I beleive that the feelings your having are only natural.

I sometimes have similar feeling about my BFF as she's in such a different place in her life right now compared to me. I find that sometimes we just need a little bit of time apart. Then we seem to reconnect, strong as ever.

IMO if you try to end the relationship, you will probably regret it in the future. Maybe she just needs to be your friend and not your "best" friend. Start enjoying the time you have with your new friend.

Wow, I guess a lot of us have situations like this. I've been trying to distance myself from my friend as well. We've been friends for almost 24 years. In our case, I just have no clue what I ever saw in her. She's very selfish at heart. Everyone and everything comes before me. For about 15 years I remembered her birthday, 7 days later she couldn't remember mine. She never had time to talk and would call me just to cut me off mid sentence. If she doesn't agree with something she doesn't let a person talk or express a thought. She just becomes very abrupt. It never has mattered if I go see her or she comes and sees me or if she calls or if I do. She controls what we are to talk about and mostly, just don't talk about anything. She has no attention span and stays for a few minutes and if I'm at her house, she just abruptly dismisses me. Last weekend she dismissed me so fast that I couldn't even get a monster soda out of her freezer that I put in to get cold.

Every time I have been just done, she starts calling. This last weekend when she got in touch with me on facebook, I tried to say I might not be able to come. She just didn't see what I said and seemed to expect me to. I went. I didn't want to. I get all the way out there just to be given a bottle to feed a baby and she didn't have 2 words for me. She's just too busy. I swear it seemed as if she just brought me out to sit and play with her grandchildren so she could work in another room. We don't see each other for months!

I deserve better and so do you. I haven't even scratched the surface about the major ways she's hurt me through the years. WHY did I ever pursue her?

A., some come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I know as I grow, I "out grow" some of my friends, or they out grow me. And that is alright too.
Decide what is best for you and move toward it. You will thank you for it.

B.
Family Success Coach

Spend less time with her. We all change and friendships evolve. And, really, isn't your husband your BFF??

People come into our lives for a reason and a season and it seems that that time has past for you. You don't have to cut off all contact just distance yourself and I bet she will find a new BFF who is in the same space as she is. Remember this is your life and you don't owe anyone any explanations. You don't need to put someone in your life that makes you feel bad about yourself.
We have all had friends that we just need to pull back from. It hurts but grieve the friendship and friend that you used to have...............I DID!

Yes, had been there before. People change, and so do your "best friend". If you don't really feel comfortable being with her, you don't have to force yourself. Tell her what your problem is and be as straightforward as possible.

Yes. I have twice taken a break from her but she apologized and I gave her another chance. I haven't talked to her in two weeks and I feel more relaxed, hopeful, and happy. Her daughter is jealous of mine which is stupid to me and I am sick of both of them. I won't be getting together with her anymore because her daughter is mean to mine and I am only available when my child is out of school.

I had a best friend of 20 years dump me. She had been doing things to get me mad but I kept forgiving her. She was sick of my mothering her and I never knew it until years later that she didn't want to be friends.
It is hard but I enjoy my new friends.

Yip ... I have a "best friend" whom I see maybe twice a year! We've been friends for 30 years, but our friendship seems to work best in small doses! :)

Okay, I have felt like you but I am going to answer this on the side of the friend. She seems to have an issue with growing old--as does many American women. She sees you as her mirror. If you have outdated clothes, hair, and eye wear, then you are "dating" her. She wants you to stay fit so that you don't 'die' on her. I understand you both. I need friends who keep me perky. I don't respect 'yes' friendships.