Friends Not Including You - Would like Your Opinion, Please.

I'd be happy that they liked each other, because I'm not in junior high and I'm not possessive of my friends.

I do not expect to be included in everything my friends do. I have introduced friends and had them develop friendships. I do not get jealous over these friendships.

I haven't had this happen to me, but I think I would feel the same as you. Although not everyone hits it off and clicks, I guess I would be happy that 2 of my friends did become friends too. I would probably feel a little slighted though if I wasn't invited along since they did meet at MY birthday party. I know its easier said than done, but try to not let it bother you and now that you know they are friends too, plan some things for all of you to get together. Hope you feel better about it. Good luck.

I would be happy that other people's worlds have expanded with great people.

Why would I care if they got together without me? PAHLEASE! I'm an adult. I am not in high school!

No. I would not be confused.
No. I would not be annoyed.
No. I would not feel hurt.
No. I would not feel slighted.

I would be happy for them. I would be happy that I could connect two people together and press on.

Hope that helps.

I think I'd be hurt. I'm mean, sure, logically I understand that they met, they hit it off and they made plans. It doesn't mean they don't still like you and don't still want to be friends with you. But you're only human, and you have feelings.

It's completely normal to feel slighted.

Try to remember that them getting together is not a statement about their friendships with you. They just clicked and decided to get together.

But I do understand.

I would probably feel a little bit hurt but then I'd realize that we all need friends and the more the merrier. Do you include all of your friends together at the same time or do you do things with one friend or another? Look at this from the view that they've become friends and friends get together. You wouldn't feel hurt if 2 of your other friends got together without you. This is really no different. The fact that they met at your birthday party does not make them beholden to you.

Now if they never included you then there would be a reason to feel left out. Consider that they are just doing what is natural. Developing their friendship separate from your influence. Then they'll be ready to do things with you too. They are individuals separate from you. If they were to include you in every transaction then you'd have a triangle sort of relationship and that rarely works. And they wouldn't be able to learn about each other in ways that they've already learned about you.

How often do you actually get together with either one of them? If their spending time together reduces the amount of time either one spends with you then I'd understand better holding on to the pain.

If they're both still your friends, I'd change the way I talked to myself. Instead of saying that they left you out say that, thanks to you, they both have a new friend which will only add to more friendship activities for you.

Nothing that you wrote indicates that they've dropped you for the other friend.

Actually I think it is strange that you are feeling this way. But we are all entitled to our feelings. I am sorry you feel left out.

Please don't be one of those needy friends that always has to be included. It becomes exhausting to a friend like me....and I would pull away from someone that acted that way.

Be happy that they have become friends. Don't feel ownership of your friendships with people. It doesn't matter that they met because of you...that has no relevance. They don't owe you anything. But I am sure they are very grateful they met because of your bday party. We all need at least a couple of good gal pals! I treasure my close friendships..and all my casual friendships.

You sound kind of young...and that is ok. I am not slamming you...just that this sounds kind of immature. Maneuvering in the world of adult friendships can be an awkward place...and takes some time to figure things out.

Put a smile on your face when they are around and try to get all of you together again. If you are moody,mopey or act as if you feel left out then I worry they might actually pull away from you on purpose.

Good luck and best wishes!!

I guess i'm not grown up enough, i would be hurt.

I don't take friendships lightly and i really work to cultivate and maintain those few i have.

unless they were completely up front and i knew from the start they were doign this with my knowledge, i would feel slighted.

Hmm, well, yes I might be a *little* bit hurt but I wouldn't let it get to me. I mean, it's nice when you REALLY hit it off with someone, right?
I may be going through this now. I have met a new friend through book club. She and I were introduced by a very good mutual friend, and I can already see that we might have a lot more in common with each other than we do with our initial, mutual friend.
So yes, we may end up getting together without her. Why not? We actually have more in common and want to do certain things together that the other friend has zero interest in. Must all dates and outings include the people you first knew together? I don't think so. But I hope to be tactful about it. I certainly wouldn't say, oh guess what, we're going to the (insert event name here) without you.
Like I always taught my Girl Scouts:
make new friends
but keep the old,
one is silver
and the other's gold.

Gosh, I can't imagine being hurt that my friends got together and didn't include me. I would assume they were interested in getting to know each other, which is often easier one-on-one. Besides, sometimes I am in the mood to meet with lots of folks and other times it's nice to chat with one person only. The dynamic changes depending on how many folks are around, and who it is. Not better or worse, just different dynamics. If I introduce two people, I have no claim to either of them or the relationship that develops between them.

When two friends start hanging out, and I introduced them, I feel satisfied. Like I've done a good job matchmaking :-)

This happened to me and I was jealous and hurt. It took me awhile to understand that they had a deeper connection than I had with either of them (which was still a great connection). I went through most of the emotions of thinking it was crappy that they didn't include me, and I felt left out.
It wasn't until years later that I found out they hit it off so quickly and tightly because they were both cheating on their husbands, and spilled the beans to each other. This gave them a shared secret that I didn't have. So, you never know what will bond someone with another!

I think it's normal for you to feel initially upset if you're excluded from a group.
But I have actually had this happen where I am Sue or Ann.
Just be mature about it, I guess is best.
It's not like they kicked you out of a social group forever or something, they're just getting together because they've become friends, and planned something together. This time.
Just be adult about it and extend a few invites of your own.
Chin up!

That kind of thinking is so high school. What gives you the right to dictate your friends' social interactions this way?
No, I would not feel slighted or hurt. That's ridiculous. My friends are free to hang out with whomever they choose. And I wouldn't want to be friends with women for whom this kind of scenario holds any consequence.

eta
Well, of course you have the right to feel any way you do. I just don't see the point. Which is why I don't waste my time on people who get upset about things like this, and trust me I have tried to be friends with people who do. The friendships never last because I don't want to be owned. I don't think that is immature, it's actually the result of many many years of catering to this kind of attitude and not being able to play by those rules, myself. I'm almost 43 and yes, being upset because two people that you introduced became friends and did something without you IS immature, I don't care how you want to spin it regarding your "right to feel feelings". Call me rude, call me mean, call me whatever makes you feel better about yourself, but at least I don't have friends I'm mad at because they became friends with my other friends, nor do I waste time wondering why they would exclude me.

Where did this idea that people own friends, like they are a possession, come about? I mean that is how you are talking. Like they are your friends for you to control. That since they met though you somehow you are the boss. That since your birthday party happens to be where they met they owe you something.

I have seen this enough to say your feelings are felt by others. It is just it makes me question your idea of what a friendship is.

If I have a friend and I want to do something with 'them' I wouldn't even think to clear it with any and all mutual friends. So no, I wouldn't care. Obviously I think it is kind of strange that you think they should have included you.
___________________________
After reading your what happened. How do you justify calling them immature? They were probably on the phone someone mentioned doing something with the kids, the other was like I love doing this, oh I forgot about that, that sounds like fun, hey, are you doing anything, maybe we can meet there.

That is not immaturity, it was just you weren't on their field of vision, Saturday was. That wasn't excluding you, that was just not thinking to include you. That was what confused me when I made my original post. What made you think that just because you are friends with both of them they would just think, oh, I wonder if Mom would like to go too?

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. I also have had this happen, and it stings. In my case, it was one woman who met a lot of my friends and was constantly inviting them to get-togethers and parties at her house without including me. In that instance, I do think she was being unkind, since it wasn't like it was just one or two people that she had a special connection with. She was deliberately excluding me.

Maybe they had a good reason for not inviting you, though? Maybe they're planning your birthday party for next year. :) Please try not to take it too much to heart. I'm sure they both still love you and will love you even more because you helped bring a new friendship into their lives.

(Oh, and I agree with you about some of the people on this site. The anonymity sometimes makes people less diplomatic than they would be with people they actually know.)

Even though you are friends with both of them and are how they met, they are free to see each other (or other friends) without you. Just like they are free to get together with you with or without each other.

While a group of friends is fun, sometimes it is better to have yourself and one friend (3 can be a crowd). With three people, typically someone feels left out...they did you and themselves a favor and wow...you still feel left out (which is probably not their intent).

Let this go. If you want the 3 of you to get together, invite them both over or out.

It does not bother me.
I can't control how people interact and I certainly don't expect to be the center of their lives (nor are they the center of mine - I can 'see other people' too and it matters not how/where I met them).
Friendships are not hierarchical (like reporting up through an org chart tree).
They are a network and there are multiple connections and interactions.
It's healthier that way and it's not good to be paranoid about it.

Yes, I would be hurt and feel slighted. It isn't about being needy, or young, it's about being excluded. I always feel hurt when I'm excluded.

It hit me the other day at a bday party that every single guest was there because of their connection to me. The friend throwing the party literally become close with all of my friends, and I never mingle friends. Each time I found out about her befriending my friends, it was a little painful. I took a deep breath and tried not to take it personally.

I would be relieved that Sue and Ann did not need/expect me to join them in their plans. It would have been tough to get together with them for my birthday. if I have time, I might I invite Sue and Ann for an event or play date, otherwise I would just chat with them about how great it is that they hit it off.

Most everyone, has several circles of friends.
These circles of friends, can overlap. Or they will not overlap. Whether that is intentionally or not.
But, most everyone, has more than one, group of friends that they get together with.
And it does NOT have to be, all co-mingled.
In fact, I personally do not like, to make all my different types/or groups of friends, overlap.

Now per your situation: No, I would not feel bothered by it.

As one of the commentator said below, if you want to talk logic and reasonableness, there is nothing wrong with what they did. If you want to talk thoughts and feelings, I would personally feel all of the above -- hurt, slighted, confused, annoyed, and maybe even jealous. And yes, I would probably overanalyze the situation and wonder why they didn't include me, but at the same time I would tell myself I'm being silly.

I guess I am stuck in middle school, too. I would be both hurt and pissed.

What you should do next time is invite ONE of them to your next event and when the other asks why her new besty was not invited, tell her that you and the other friend will make plans to get together on the following weekend because you have found that mixing friends leaves you with fewer social dates... Hopefully she will get the hint.

I read ALL of the responses because I have had this exclusion problem all my life and I want to get over it. However, I think that the new friends who exclude and commandeer (sp?) friends without even considering that they met that friend though you--also have a problem.

You introduced them, but that does not mean that they have to check in with you or include you when they make plans together. That is how middle school girls conduct friendships, not adult women.

You were not "left out" of anything. Two friends simply got together. That's all. Your prior knowledge of these individuals does not give you any rights over how they conduct their own friendship independently of their friendships with you.

If Sue and Ann were to both stop making plans with you entirely, individually as well as group, that would be a real problem.

Unless it gets to that point, say nothing about this to them. Don't bring it up, don't make 'funny' little comments. That is a surefire way to become someone that is avoided for real. Too awkward to want to hang out with.

I would feel left out.

This is why I have friends in many different circles and I don't co-mingle.

I would definitely feel hurt. Sometimes, when we are around the same people, we like a new spice, a new flavor! Be glad they are friends and know - trust that your friendship will grow and next time it happens, call up another friend and make plans. Just enjoy life. It's too short to harbor grudges and petty stuff. Even though it is easier said than done. I'm working on my growth too.

when i was younger and more thin-skinned it may have bugged me. i don't know. i HOPE not, but a lot of things bugged me then that don't raise a ripple any more.
tripod friendships are inherently unstable.
and even when they work, sometimes 2 of any threesome should be able to enjoy each other amicably without the 3rd. you are 3 independent beings and should not need to cling to each other as a single unit.
i'm worried that you'll alienate both of them if you give off vibes of being jealous or controlling to the other two. assume the best motives unless you are faced with absolute evidence that they are deliberately avoiding you.
khairete
S.

There are times, when I get together with friends.. and some people cannot make it to an event,. While at this event during a conversation, we may agree to go somewhere in the future, but we do not invite or remember the people that are not there.. Maybe limited space..

It is not a slight, it is convenience, mutual interest.. but as I used to tell my old business partner while she was alive.. "Honey it is not all about you, just like it is not all about me."

If I want to hurt your feelings, I will warn you first. and give you a reason..

We are grown A$$ women and we do not behave like middle school girls.

You want to be included and participate?.. You make the plans and organize it. That is the hard part..

I do not depend or worry about others to invite or include me.. I make sure I also come up with the plans too..

I hate missing out, but we cannot all be included every time.. ..

Sorry your feelings were hurt, but this is not a big deal..

I would not be concerned in the least. I would be happy they hit it off. Their relationship should not be a threat to you.

No, I would not be hurt. I would suggest not feeding into the hurt thoughts and feelings. Life is too short to feel badly about this. I would invite them both over for a playdate and have fun. The more the merrier.

The fact they met through you doesn’t give you control over their decisions with one another. I would not be slighted or think negatively in the least. Just because they met up this one time, does not mean they will not include you in the future. At this time, your feelings of jealously are a secret. You should keep it that way, or they will pull away. There are too many other things to stress over. People finding common ground should not be one of them.

Addendum: I just read your update - wow. You are correct in that your feelings are your feelings and it's ok to have them. However, I think calling them immature for meeting up without you is very interesting. You really have a lot of anger and resentment towards them. You might not have said anything outright, but perhaps your feelings of control have been exhibited prior. There may be a specific reason why they did not ask you. Just relax and everything will fall into place. I wish you luck in sorting your feelings out. I hope you feel better soon.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind at all and I'd think it was pretty cool actually. I keep going over it in my mind with various friends as examples, and I keep coming to the same conclusion. My initial reaction would be "cool! They must've really connected! Now we can all hang more often!". And then I'd move on with my busy life. I think my reaction may have to do with the fact that I feel really busy and am very used to "missing out" and not feeling bad about it (since having kids).

I really don't blame you (or others on here) for feeling a little irked at that, however. I do see that their could be some annoyance involved, its not totally "out there" to have that reaction.

I admit that I would probably feel a little sad or slighted about it. Having had something similar happen, I've found the best thing for me is to recognize and accept my feelings about it, and not berate myself.... after all, we keep telling kids that feelings are okay, it's what you do with them/how or if you act on them that can cause a problem. Accepting and not judging myself allows me to move past it, and come to peace with it. I don't "own" these people, and my relationship with them is not exclusive. But it can still hurt when if feels like your friends might be choosing others over you (not necessarily how it is, but it can feel that way).

It honestly wouldn't bother me as long as they didn't both just completely dump me as a friend. The fact that you intorduced them doesn't obligate them to include you every time they get together.
Do you still get together with either of them? If so, then you're overreacting.
Sometimes I want to hang with my whole posse and sometimes I just want to hang with one person. Hanging with one doesnt mean I'm deliberately snubbing another.

Honestly, it would bother me, but I tend to be somewhat sensitive about stuff like that. I do think it's a little rude to not include you.
There's nothing you can do about it but maybe say something jokingly like, "and you didn't invite me? Shame on you!" or something like that.
I've had similar situations and you just have to let it go....girls and women don't do well in 3's. You can continue to see them one on one.

Hmmm..... I think there would be a small part of me that would feel a bit left out.
But the bigger part of me would be ok. I can't control who my friends are friends with! I can't demand they include me although it would be nice.
I wouldn't say anything though. They are friends now and they don't have to get together with you.
L.

I don't think there is anything immature about two grown women meeting up and not including the friend that brought them together. That comment evokes images of them passing notes behind your back saying catty things about you. I have two friends on facebook on two opposite sides of the world - australia and UK. They've never met face to face, but I introduced them. They chat all the time and if one went to spend time with the other, I'd be thrilled that I was able to make that happen. It would never occur to me for them to include me or feel offended. I hope you can work through your emotions - I don't think they've done anything wrong. And yes, I do think sometimes three is a crowd.

I have to admit that I would never have even considered that this would be an issue for either me being hurt if people I introduced to each other did stuff without me, or me getting together with new friends who I met at someone else's get-together hurting anyone's feelings.

Loyalty to a friend doesn't include considering my friend "property". That's kind of what "the little green monster" does, Mom, make you feel like someone "belongs" to you. We just don't have dibbs on people like that.

The best thing you can do is be happy that your friends are your friends and that they have other friends too. Just like you should go be friends with other people.

I hope that you can change your way of thinking. It WILL happen over and over and it's so much better if your feelings aren't hurt because of it...

I think, yes, I would have felt a little hurt. But I would try *not* to and try to talk myself out of feeling that way. It could be that they wanted some time together one-on-one to get to know one another better and get the friendship going. One thing, I'm sure, is that they weren't trying to purposefully hurt you. So just remember that. If you are comfortable doing so, maybe the next time you are all together and enjoying a cocktail or whatever, you can jokingly chide them: "What's with this planning stuff without me, you two?! Can I still be part of the group??" :)

I read your swh, but none of the responses.

I think I would feel hurt and would probably assume that they don't really like me all that well or at least they like each other more than they like me. So, yeah, I would feel hurt.

Now, would I act on that feeling? No, I would suck it up and paste a smile on my face!

Not sure if you're still reading responses...but I think you (and others out there) are WAY overthinking this.

Just becuase you introduced them does not mean that they're not allowed to be friends without you. Personally, I'd love it if I made a new friend or connection through another friend. And I would purposely try to foster that relationship without the old friend. I'd want that friendship to be able to stand on it's own, rather than rely on you to be around all the time. I'm not someone that makes friends easily, so I tend to seize the opportunity when I can.

I think feeling hurt is applying an intent to their actions that I'm sure they didn't mean. And I'm sure they intend to include you in furture engagements. They probably just wanted to get to know each other better. I would not take this personally.

You're probably sick of answers by this time but I'll chime in... And yes, people who said you're not in middle school are just rude and the immature ones. I'm kind of the onee who became friends with someone via a mutual friend... But - it was the 3 of us for quite a while and then my daughter and this other woman's daughter really hit it off. They're the same age and both are different in their likes/dislikes than the first mom's daughter who is also more than a year older. So it did evolve to 2 of us doing things... The first mom is also SUPER busy but I've wondered if it bothered her. Thing is - it wasn't immediate. So I think it's different but both of us I think have always tried to be sensitive to the first mom. I think Sue and Ann were pretty insensitive though circumstances also matter. ie: I have "old" friends and "newer" mom/neighborhood/kids' school friends and I get the sense a lot of the latter women are still trying to make friends. Many of us moved from the city to the 'burbs, had kids, friends changed etc. So if Ann, Sue and you all live right near each other with kids the same ages and when you stop and think about it, both Ann and Sue probably could use a new friend while you're pretty busy these days so don't see them all that often, I can see them being excited and just planning something. But if say my old college friend who is still in the city and always so busy that I barely speak to her did this, then I'd be really hurt and to be honest, a bit po'd. Kind of like she's encroaching in my territory and then leaving me out... The latter is immature but whatever. So I'd look at this from their pov. Do you get the sense they both have holes in the social lives now and this worked out well for them? Are their kids identical ages while yours aren't? The latter can be a big factor... And what's the time lag between your party and them getting together? If it was a long time, they probably emailed for so long they feel like real friends and not a big deal to not include you. If it was very soon after, I'd be more hurt. Either way, nothing you can do now and i"m sure it's nothing personal... Sometimes people just do not think and that in and of itself can be immature...

I would feel just as you do. You should have been invited along with them. What they did is inappropriate.

it depends on the people i suppose, but generally no it would not bother me. I am too busy and over extend myself as it is. Sometime i go out of my way to get certain people together because they might have similar parenting style or interests.

I have some friends whose kids are not the same age as my kids and I can see why Sue and Ann would hit it off if they have both have 8 and 5 year olds and my kids are not on the same page as their kids. Also, it can be over crowded in a small house with 7 kids and 4 could be more manageable.

I would think it is fine. I have had this happen before. I would just be happy they hit it off. I love spending time with groups of friends...where we are all together. But I also love spending time one on one with friends. I have 2 recently new good girl friends (the last 2 years). I introduced them to each other and they hit it off. At first we all would meet and go rock climbing or mountain biking together. Now sometimes they get together without me or sometimes I get with one or the other. It's really no big deal to me! I had a best friend in grad school who became insanely jealous of another new girl friend I made. The new friend and I were sharing an office together and both in the marine science department. My best friend was in a different building in the physics department. So, we were all insanely busy but I was in close contact with the new friend daily and we started running or skiing together on our lunch break. My best friend became incredibly hurt and started acting weird. We had to go out to a restaurant and have a big heart to heart talk about how she was still incredibly important and wonderful to me and I did not like her any less. She had a hard time with the fact that I had made a new friend...she admitted she was jealous and insecure and we just had to work on this issue for the next year. Silly, I know...but her feelings were hurt. It all got resolved. She went into therapy for years to work on her insecurities...we talked about it a lot. She realizes she had absolutely no reason to feel that way...that even though we were best friends we could both still have other friends too. Anyway, try not to take it personally and be happy that your friends have hit it off. Invite them one on one or both together to do things with you and just enjoy your friendships with them! Try not to be jealous even if it is hard for you.

Your feelings are normal. High school, middle school or what ever school. They are normal feelings. I get it that you want them to be friends, they were just rude about how they went about it. Of course still be friends with them maybe let them know you wish you could have gone also. Ya, three can get crazy, but every once in awhile it doesn't. I would just let them know "next time you would love to join them"! And take it from there. I'm tired of other women saying "grow up" "be an adult" I'm sure if someone did that to them they would be pissed off! They need to give advise on here verses cuting people down for their feelings. Take a deep breath and get your mind off of it and come back to it and see how you feel. It is ok to have these feelings it is all about how you act on it :D.

I wouldn't worry about if it were just this one time...if it was becoming a regular thing, then yes, I'd be hurt or confused or something....

I have not read any answers....but my, they sound all over the map due to your SWH.

Personally, I would feel a little left out and wonder why too???? And obsess for a short time and realize isn't it great that my friends are friends now too? Rather than the other options.

And then I would invite them all over to my place after school, with kids, and serve fresh fruit, and laugh and feel all good again. Happy planning!!!

So yes, momentarily I would feel slighted. But would move on and manage myself and my friendships with what is kind and honorable.

The scenario you described in your original post doesn't bother me at all. I actually HOPE that when I introduce friends that they'll hit it off. I don't worry about being "excluded" though because I don't see it as exclusion. Sometimes people make plans that are inclusive to only themselves. The simple fact that they know you doesn't mean that they're obligated to invite you along, right? And maybe this was just a stepping stone in their own "getting to know you one on one" outing for them.

I don't see this instance as a big deal or something to be hurt or feeling slighted about. If it were to continually occur, then yes I would have an issue with suddenly never being included because it would seem as if introducing two friends means I've lost two friends. I wouldn't assume that's what has happened right now.

I've had this happen. While I do feel a little left out I am also very happy that my friends are getting to know each other. In the last instance their husbands got along too. They would get together as families. I am a single mom with one daughter and totally understood. Though usually we did things the three of us and left the kids with the husbands.

I would be happy that two of my friends got along so well. I wouldn't feel the need to be invited to everything they do together, just like I wouldn't feel the need to invite Sue every time I made plans with Ann, or invite Ann every time I had plans with Sue. I wouldn't think they "owed" me their shared plans *just* because I happened to introduce them. If I expected to go to every meeting of every friend I introduced to another friend, I'd have no time for anything else. I'd constantly be going out.

I wouldn't feel slighted, confused or annoyed, or think it strange. I'd think that they didn't include me because they wanted to get to know *each other* better. I'd feel honored for having brought about such a good friendship.

And that's my opinion.

I'm an introvert, which means that larger groups (even 3 people, if there are also kids around) stress me out. I have some friends whom I know because first they were friends of friends. Sometimes I'll invite everyone to something, but other times I'll invite just one to keep it simpler and change the dynamic. I'll invite a different friend the next time. My husband, on the other hand, loves groups and always invites everyone to everything.

I might feel a little slighted and annoyed, depending on what's going on with my hormones at the time, but I would know intellectually that there is nothing wrong with what they're doing. I was more territorial when I was younger. Not so much these days. They are adults and can be friends with whomever they choose, and I do not have to be included. I might wonder why I wasn't included in some of their initial meetings, but I wouldn't dare ask. It's none of my business; they have their reasons. They are in that initial courtship phase and need it to be more one on one so they can create a bond, before introducing other elements. If they try to hide it from me or refuse to EVER include me, then I might feel really slighted, and I'd ask them what the hell is going on. Otherwise, YEA, I helped to bring two people together who really enjoy each other. I'd be thankful just knowing that.

My schedule is so crazy and hard to match up with others', I could never expect people to always include me! The friend or friends that I spend time with on a certain day is usually determined by how far in advance I knew about the invite or how my schedule happened to shake out that particular day. So it would just be really, really impractical for me to try to do everything every time one of my friends wanted to get together. It wouldn't occur to me to be upset for that reason.
My feelings might be hurt if it was "Sue's" birthday or another special occasion that we normally celebrated together and she invited "Ann" but not me. But just a regular Saturday at the park or happy hour? Not at all.
I agree with the other ladies who have said to mention to one or both of them that you would love to hang out with both of them some time. I am fairly certain that they did not get together with the intention of hurting you, and may well be happy to include you in future plans.