This site is so wonderful, so I have decided to ask a qustion that is heavy on my mind. So here it goes, I will try to keep this short. My husband and I moved to a new neighborhood when my daughter was 9 months old, we had such a pleasant life, normal quiet and peaceful. Well we got pregnant with our second child and were overcomed with joy. After my son was born, my husband was so happy and was expressing his joy with some of the neighbors, well one lady in paticular wanted to come see the baby, so yeah sure no big deal. Well this is when my nightmare started. I am currently a SAHM, and my husband works long hours, and since we have no family I am alone with exceptions of church and music group. Well this lady who wanted to see our baby decided to appear at my home nearly two weeks after I had my son from a c-section. At first I thought how kind she came to check on me. Then she started sending her children over to my home for playtime with my then 21 month old.(Her children were 3 and 5 yrs. old) At first I thought how do you send your children alone, but no big deal my daughter was excited to see them, and was able to play, so I disregarded it. They were sweet children and all played well together, until the 5 year old boy was in my new baby's crib while he was asleep jumping up and down in his crib.(This happened in matter of sec. while I went to the bathroom) I quickly explained that no one was allowed in the baby's room while he was sleeping. Well I started noticing that this lady frequently sent her children to my home , for hours with no phone call and or checking up on them. She would use excuses like will you watch my children so I can pick up my medicine, since she had migranes. Well I started noticing that there was always something wrong with her medically, head tumor, going blind, seizures, you name it she had it, and most currently deaf. Well I just kind of listened to her, but dismissed it, and thought how strange, my husband thought she was strange. My own mother was worried about me and thought it was weird that she would try to come over when she would come visit me. I decided to remain her friend I think bc,I felt sorry for her, which led to such disappointment for me. Well on several occasions when her children would come over I noticed that the kids were always hungry, and when I would send them back home they would return and tell me their mother was not home.(She later said she ran to the grocery store.) I started to get very irritated with this family's lack of respect, bc the kids were constantly ringing my doorbell,and entering our home through our backyard, which led us to put locks on the doors. (I might add that there is a father in this equation , and he pretty much works, cleans the house and makes dinner every night. This lady has stated that her job is just to have fun with the kids during the day, which she was not even doing b/c she would send them to my house) This was difficult for me bc I was trying to nurse my son to sleep or it would be nap time for my daughter, and I was always being disrupted by these kids. I started to get very irritated with this family which is not my nature. So after praying about the situation I decided to be honest about it. I spoke with the lady and explained that if she wanted to schedule a playdate that this would be fine, but it was a big incovienence when there was no phone call and my naps go out the window, and also I think that since her little boy was getting older it was difficult for me to have a play date with him bc my little girl was then 21/2 and my son less than a yr. That maybe he could play with boys his age, bc lets face it I AM NOT HER BABYSITTER which I think she took advantage of me. She finally understood and a week later hired a babysitter. I finally thought great I was at peace with my boldness. Then, her babysitter rang my doorbell, and said if she could come over. I told her it was not a good time, but she insisted since she really needed to ask me a question, we spoke outside in my front yard, she was upset bc this lady was not paying her and it had been a couple of weeks, and expressed that there was no food in the house, and that all the lady did was sleep. Since this babysitter was over eighteen yrs. old, I asked her if she lived alone or with her parents, she lived alone and was going to college. So, I advised her that she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders since she applied to college, and to maybe think about looking for another job, I told her I was busy and sent her back to the ladys home with food.That night I recieved a very nasty email from this lady, expressing her anger at me for speaking to her employee and that I was an overprotective mom etc. My husband and I had enough, we never spoke to her again even to date, blocked her phone calls, and banned them from our lives. Now that this has happened she has turned evil, she has yelled cuss words at my daughter, yells constantly to get attention, her children pick all my flower petals, she on purpose lets her dog poop in my yard, and just constantly talks about me. After speaking to some of the neighbors I started to find out that this lady was also sending her children to other peoples homes without calling, and they were not as inviting , some even said they felt sorry for me. Well pretty much the neighbors and my family have no respect for her and we are all angry with her behavior, we had a letter sent to her that it is unsanitary to not pick up dog poop. She does not care, I believe she is very unstable, so I do not want to ruffle her feathers. It has been year since we have spoken and now I am in a new dillemma , our children are now in the same school. I act like I do not even know her and my daughter has since forgotten about them , and my son does not remember them at all. So my conflict now, is I feel uncomfortable @ her and her new group of friends bc I know they are talking about me. I have not spoken about her to anyone I act like I do not even know her , but I have had some moms tell me to stay away from this paticualr lady b/c she is weird. Wow, if they only knew. So I hold my head high, but I am angry b/c I did nothing wrong but stand up for myself, I did not quit my career to SAH for her kids,I quit for my kids. My husband and I both feel srongly that she is a bad person to have in our home and @ our kids, and we both feel terrible for her kids, b/c it is not their fault they are innocent, but we really do not want drama in our lives. Since the letter our family is more at peace and feel comfortable in our home like old times. So my question is do I remain silent, and let these moms talk away, b/c soon they will discover what she is all about, or what? At this point I am trying to forget about her and do not like to gossip. I am a good person, and just want to do the right thing, but I believe that she is not a normal person who needs lots of help. Also I might add, that I have thought about calling CPS but I was afraid to get involved, but my gut tells me something is not right in the home, now that the ladys children are at school I feel better they are being nourished. AHHHHH! Why did I ever let this woman in my home!!!!!!!!!
You are doing the right thing by keeping quiet. It is not right to expose anyone else of their faults. The light will shine on her one day and all things will come to a head. Until then, just keep doing what you are doing and ignore her.
Just ignore her and all the other ladies. Don't ignore the children, but don't be extra friendly either. Be kind to the kids, the older they get they will know that their mom is a little weird. You want the kids to respect your boundaries - the kinder you are to them, the better the odds are that they will be kind to you. If they come over to play, don't allow them inside. They can only play outside with your kids and they have to ask permission first. If they are hungry, give them some popcorn or something simple; or (as I have done) tell them to go home to get their drinks. But, since you know their situation - I would give them something reasonable. I wouldn't call CPS at this point since you said the dad works hard and cleans up and stuff. It's not the ideal situation, it's a situation that I would keep a distant eye on, but it's not a crisis situation either. I think CPS might make things worse at this point.
It seems like you have no more contact with her and don't want to. It seems like your dilemma at this point is only that others are talking about you. Get over that really fast. People are always talking about you whether you know it or not. All you can control is your own integrity. Who cares what they say or think if it's not true! If someone asks you about her, just say, Yeah I know her. She's my neighbor. If you know that person well, and they persist, then you can say that she has some issues and is a little weird. You've had some run ins with her and prefer to not have anymore at this point. Leave things short and not detailed. You prefer not to talk about it. You know she can be a very nice person, but that it's best you don't get involved is all that needs to be said and only when the issue is pushed. But, I don't see why it would be.
I would have called CPS the first time you realized there was no food in the home and the mom wasn't home when you tried to give her kids back. This is neglect. You could always call CPS and tell them exactly what you said hear. They can go from there with what they want to do with it but at least they have a heads up.
As far as telling the other women. Unless you feel they are being taken advantage of or their kids are in harms way I don't think you should let them know. Don't contribute to gossip.
best of luck.
You are doing the right thing. Just leave her alone. Anyone with half a brain will figure out soon enough she only makes friends to babysit her kids for her.
She may be mentally ill or physically ill or both...but just stay out of her radar. Let her vent her frustrations with the world in another direction, not yours!!
She is not a friend....she is a parasite! There is something really wrong with her head. I would call CPS. You can be anonymous to her. You will have to give your info to CPS, but they do not tell her who reported possible problems. Not feeding your children and being able to supervise them is a big problem!
Hello Mary,
What a predicament this lady has put you in! I am very sorry for you to be in this position. I want to say that you were much more patient with this lady than I would have been, and I consider myself to be a good person, and a good strong Christian also, but I don't like it when people take advantage of me. I would dare to say that not only did she take advantage of you, and put her kids in an abandonment situation, I think that this lady is probably mentally ill, perhaps bi-polar, or worse. The dad is maybe a good dad, but gone much of the time. This woman should never be in charge of those children as far as I am concerned. and I have to say that I agree with many of the other posters, that you should call CPS annonomously and then let them sort it out! They will probably get her on meds, or make the husband decide between the wife and the kids. If he wants to keep the kids, he may have to leave her, and if he wants to be with her, then they may take the kids. But it doesn't sound to me as though being with her is a healthy enviroment for the kids. You are right to ignore the lady. If she is talking to others about you, it won't be long before they figure out who the bad guy is between the two of you. Right now the kids and their proper care are the most important thing. Have you ever spoken to the husband to find out if he even knows the situation? Perhaps he is oblivious? Definitely do not confront this woman, she has serious mental problems and there is no telling what she would do. But I would let the authorities look into it. I wish you well, and I wish those children well! Oh one more thing, i bet there are many others there who have been this road with her. She dumped them off as soon as you moved in? Sounds like she had already done the rounds with the other neighbors, and come to the end of a road, when you showed up, and she had a new victim to use up! Take care!
You poor woman. By all means, listen to your gut. What if something really is going on in that home? Someone needs to protect the children; someone needs to get involved. If CPS goes to the house and there's nothing wrong, great.
Try to avoid her as much as possible. Let her and her "friends" gossip about you. They'll find out her true colors sooner or later.
Best of luck.
yikes, mary!!!! talk about the neighbor from hell! kudos to you for setting boundaries with her! that must have been hard. i assume there is no dad in the picture? i just heard this saying on oprah, "hurt people, hurt people". she obviously has a lot going on inside that head of hers....pray for her. even though it may appear that she has friends, i'm sure they know her true colors and just don't want her to talk badly about them. also, you have learned a great lesson....set boundaries right away....before it's too hard to backpedal. good luck!
Wow, what a dilema. My advice to you is to call CPS or some type of authority. I will hate for those kids to be more neglected than what they are. I would call from a public phone and let them know that you are one of her neighbors. I feel so bad for those children. The other thing you can do is pray for her and especially her kids.
The best of luck,
Elisa
