Frustrated - Carlstadt,NJ

Hi E.,
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to your frustration.
My self and each of my friends choose a different path. I personally gave up my career which made a huge difference in our income and the financial decisions, no more vacations only day trips which included a picnic lunch,no eating out, buying clothes unless on sale, shopping off season. I shopped in consignment stores for my kids.

I have a friend who went to p/t work, one who switched careers and took a job she was way over qualified for another started her own medical billing business ( also a switch in careers), another moved her mom in to care for the baby and another hired a house keeper to continue working f/t.
I went back to work last year after 8 yrs. I purchased a irobot to wash the floors, yes it works, food shop on line to be delieved ( my husbands job) and started to car pool the kids, and told my husband to step up and pick new chores like making the kids lunch. My kids are now school age so each discovered chores too, liking getting their own snack. I also help my kids pick out 5 outfits for the week on while I am doing laundry.

Give yourself time to adjust to your new life which may mean venting and grieving the old one. Keep in touch with at least one girlfriend that relates.

For everything I gave up I gained something else. Find what works for you.

S.

Good Luck

E.,

I've been in the same boat. I stopped working full time after my first son was born (I now that three wonderful children) and I have been trying to create the perfect work/family balance ever since. I've now find a flexible job that I can do from home working as many or as few hours as I want. Of course my rewards reflect the time and effort that I put into the business but I don't mind working at night or during naps etc if it allows me to be here.

It's almost impossible to truly work from home without help. Can you work part time, and share a nanny? My husband and I have made a lot of sacrifices, so I can stay home with our son full time. I don't regret any of it, though it's not easy.

If you can manage to stay home (financially), and truly want to, then you owe it to yourself to give it a try! But I wouldn't recommend trying to work from home without help. It's not fair to you or your baby, because neither your work nor your daughter will get all your attention!

I can understand your frustration though. I knew I would feel the same way once I got pregnant. I loved my job as a teacher, but I was all about my little boy- even before he was born! :)

i had an office job until my girls were born, then got a deal with my boss to work full time at home after they were born. i did that for a while. then my job ended. i stayed for a year home with girls, and then applied for a job. didn't mention to prospective employer that i was looking to telecommute. i went for an interview and was told right then and there that i was hired. then i dropped the bombshell about telecommuting. it was approved. i worked for them for last 3 years. it just ended. i still have my girls at home. they're almost 5. i will look for a job once they enter kindergarten this september. so it is doable. if you're used to working i wouldn't recommend you switch completely to full time stay at home mom. the change is very difficult. i see it now, and my job just ended a month ago. so my recommendation would be either propose to your boss you work part time for a few years or be allowed to work at home, with 6 months trial basis to see if it can be done, and if both parties are satisfied. the only downside i can tell you about telecommuting is that you do not get the same kind of bonus or raise as the people working in the office and you really have no room to complain. my bonus became a joke, and so did the raise. but i was happy to be working and taking care of my twinkies, so i didn't let that part bother me too much.
good luck

I work full time but 5 days a week and was just thinking of switching to 4 days a week now that my husband will be home with the kids. Until recently, I didn't think I was cut out to stay at home and be with the kids all day. I know now that I could do it and love it, though it's also very challenging. One thing I know is that it's impossible to work at home without someone to help care for the baby(ies), and even then, when you're home and the baby is home and awake, little work gets done. And what's worse, it's exhausting to both work at home and care for kids at home - and you get nothing for yourself out of that arrangement. You have to work when the kids are sleeping! After 3 weeks home doing this, I had it down, but wow, I was really happy to be back at the office, where, at the end of the day, I could leave my work there and give my family 100% of my focus.

Onto something that works for us: My hours are pretty flexible, so I go to work betweent 6:30 and 7am, and then I can leave by 3 or 3:30 p.m. My kids are up VERY early, so I get time with them in the morning, and lots of afternoon time before they go to bed at 7pm. We make the most of our time together, avoid running errands as much as possible, and I hardly ever even take phone calls when I'm with the kids. My kids are (were!!!!) sick a lot so I had to take time away from work to spend with them. I wish they weren't sick, so I would recommend that you take more time off here and there, long weekends etc. Just remember that toddlers especially need routine, so as your daughter gets older, whatever you decide, it should be consistent from day to day so she finds comfort in that. Good luck, I know it's not easy to find your own personal balance.