Tell Me It's Possible to Be Good Mom and Brilliant Professional.

I don't have personal experience at it, since I didn't do both things at the same time. I will say that it's very very very hard to do both.

BUT, I have known a handful of people who have pulled it off. So you can too.

Ephie, I do not believe there is a single thing you cannot accomplish.

And I know stuff.

:)

ETA: 8kidsdad..I have enjoyed reading your posts in the past but this one really offends me. Why try to guilt mothers who work and imply they would rather work than take care of their children? I have been a stay at home mom. I have also had to work part-time and yes, I've also had to work full-time.

I guarantee you that I wasn't working for my kids to have the newest expensive toy or so they could have two weeks in Disney as you stated. No, it was because my husband became ill and disabled. My working was needed to keep a roof over our heads, food in the kids bellies, to have heat & electricity!

Thank goodness I had skills so I could work or our mortgage wouldn't be paid. My husband's disability pay from his employer was a whole $100 a week, which sure wouldn't go far.

And God forbid something worse happens to him...he knows damn well that I will take care of him and the kids & still work to we aren't depending on the government or anyone else to take care of us. And I know my kids will realize that their mom stepped up to the plate when it was necessary and it wasn't going to hurt them to see it either. I know they will be proud of us as their parents..isn't that what we all want.

For you to make Ephie feel that she is choosing school/career/work over her children is so wrong on so many levels. What if something happens to her husband..she knows going to school will make it so she has skills to work and support her kids.

And on another note...is it fair to assume that a husband has to carry the full financial burden of raising a family? Thank God my husband and I are a team in many ways. He doesn't love it that I work, and there are days when I sure don't love it, but we both know it is a necessity.

Ephie...PLEASE do not let what he said influence how you feel. You are doing what is right for you and your family. He can make all the meals he wants from scratch...if that is what is needed for HIS family.
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Original post - Yes, definitely is possible to be a good mom & a professional at the same time. Back when I was in a position that I hired people (no longer in that position) I always preferred to hire moms. I would hear things like don't do it because they constantly want time off for their kids, they call in sick, etc. Well I'm here to tell you the best employees were always moms..and good moms! Think about it...we moms are used to balancing lots of things at the same time; we know how to handle demands & unreasonable requests; we know how to make the peace, etc. So my take is an employer wants an all-around good person for the job...the people who are good employees are also good moms! I know I'm rambling now...sorry..hope I made a little sense :)

So Ephie, to answer your question - Yes...and you are/will be great at both!

I'm pretty certain that if any person can be a professional and a brilliant mother, it's you. Don't sell yourself short. Anything you start, initially, will bring up insecurities about yourself and whether or not you can handle it.

My mother worked very hard every day as a Nurse. Hours were hectic, and some holidays were celebrated on different days. However, she was and still is my hero. I love her to death. She is still ( at 60) in high demand in her field, and respected by all of her Doctors. Winning Nurse of the year at Vanderbuilt, and finally getting the recognition she deserved. She rocks.

And..so will you!

Hugs to you Ephie!

First, I'm so glad that you are enjoying school so much, Ephie.

One thing I notice on this site is that there are professionals who SHOULD know how to handle their children at home, considering their professions, but they can't seem to see the forest for the trees. Forms of discipline are the biggest surprises by medical professionals, to be honest. However, that's not going to happen to YOU. You WILL be able to "bring it home".

I also think that to be really successful at home and at work, you have to have help. That means having someone come and clean for you, accepting the limitations of cooking on the weekend so that you have food for the week to save you time, and being super-organized so that the week is easier.

Have faith and belief in yourself. You WILL be able to do this - I promise. You will be great! If you feel shaky, just remember this.

Hugs~
Dawn

It can be done....just at different times.

My mom worked full time as a nurse. She was gone a lot...early hours...babysitters in the summer. But I never ever felt she wasn't there for me. Between her and my dad....we had wverything we needed, one of the was always there, and we had our siblings too. I turned out great and feel I had an awesome childhood.

Wen my mom passed away 18 months ago...I truly got to see who she was when she wasn't home. She wasn't just my mom, she was a mentor, a well respected nurse who saved countless babies lives and was so caring and made deep friendships with co workers and people at church. The stories I heard at her funeral and in cards made me more proud of my mom than I even knew. She not only made a difference in my live...she did in every other person who knew her.

Would that have been the case if she just stayed home with us? NO. She did what she was called to do...be a nurse! And I would have it no other way.

I am at the crossroads of going back to work full time, and although I can only dream to make an impact as she did...my environmental engineering job just doesn't have that personal touch. I know I need to find out what my calling is to feel as complete as my mom did.

You sound like you know this will complete YOU as a person...and that can only make you a BETTER mother!

Ephie,
These are major life changes and plans that you are embarking on.
Some trepidation is normal and natural.

But, of all people, I believe that you are one of the extraordinary ones that will fulfill all of your goals and plans.

Don't project problems onto the future. As you said, you are only 5 weeks in. While planning for 5 years down the road is right and good, anticipating problems five years down the road is premature. As you progress through the next few years you will grow as a person, a professional and a parent. What seems difficult now, will become seamless in the future because you have grown into it. Through education, through practicing balance between professional/personal, through growth.

I have always been a single Mom. I have worked up to 60 or more hours a week (and am back to doing so again). But, my son is a fairly well adjusted teen with a strong moral compass (eh, stronger than mine LOL) and a good sense of self. We have an incredibly close relationship. I balanced by ensuring that the time I had/have with him was/is focused on him. No distractions (chores, phones, TV, other people). I included him in many of my work events, as it was non-profit and volunteer centered, and made/make a point to build time into my schedule for just us.

In fact, I just literally asked him, if during the times I was working a lot, out of town for work, etc. if he ever felt neglected? He said "no, positively not". Because it is about creating a presence for our children in their lives. A presence that transcends physicality. And Ephie, you do that already with your family.

Oh, and being scared of success - PFFT !! I think we all are. At least I was. Because somewhere in my past I got the impression that I was never going to be successful. Be it from a parenting fail or societal messages when growing up - I struggled with it - but you know what, I grew through it. I define my own success - and you will also.

Take it all one step at time, and you will reach your goals.

Hugs and more Hugs.

Wow, I am not sure if I should be offended at 8Kids post.

I believe that you can be good at both. It IS a constant balancing act for sure. I work a position that had a lot of responsibility, but I am able to work mostly normal hours with just a little travel mixed in. I do think that it is crucial to choose what your career will be. I think that it would be impossible if the minimum job requirements were 80-90 hours every week.

I work full-time, but I am also pretty involved with my children's respective schools. I am on the PTA board for my son's school. On Friday, I chaperoned my daughter's VPK field trip, helped my son's teacher set up for the Fall Festival, and sold tickets for PTA during the event. I am coming in the next couple of Friday's to help my son's teacher with their 1st grade science project. I am also helping out with the Veteran's Day celebration and field day.

I also get rated very highly at my career job. I have a job that I mostly love and that I do well at. I am known as a go-getter and am well respected in my field of expertise. Am I perfect? Hell no.

You do not want to see my house right now...I made a choice on Friday when I was off work. Spending time with my kids far outrated going home to clean my house. I am not Martha Stewart, but my kids are well taken care of and they know that they are loved.

No one is a 100% at everything all of the time. There are times that I have to blow off my job to stay home with a sick child. I am lucky enough that my DH and I take turns on that. There are also times that I have to work a little later and DH has to pick up the slack. There is always a balancing act, but I think that I do a pretty reasonable job of it.

Yes. It is possible. But the question should probably be, "Is it possible to be an excellent, committed mom AND a Brilliant, committed Professional?

You only get 168 hours in a week. How you spend that 168 hours is up to you.

IIf you think your kids woud rather have the latest expensive toy instead of you. AND you would rather have a day at the office instead of a day with your kids, then you know which direction you should go. Its your choice.

If you think your kids would rather have take home dinners loaded with salt and preservatives rather than dinners cooked with love from scratch from you, then you can act accordingly.

Which is more valuable for the growth and education and moral values of your kids ? 2 weeks at Disney World with all the goodies and 50 weeks of mom going to work before they wake up and coming home as they are getting ready for bed?
OR 50 weeks of love from their mom and games with mom and lessons of life taught by mom and two weeks of an inexpensive vacation, maybe even just camping near a lake or around home?

Then what about you? After all its your life too! Which is more valuable? Your kids or your profession.

"There is no success that can compensate for a failure in the home." "The greatest work anyone can accomplish will be within the walls of their own home."

My experience? My mom was a hands on mother. She only worked when I was in High School and later. She was my counselor and friend and most importantly, my mom. She was there when I needed to talk or brag or complain. She helped me think through problems and delemas. When I came home from from school, she was there to cheer my victories and console me in my defeats.

And my dad? He was serving our country as a soldier. He worked from too early to too late every day, and Saturdays and Sundays if he needed to or our country needed him to. I remember him leaving one day with his bag in his hand, giving my brother and I a hug giving my mom a big kiss. He told her he probably would be home for dinner. The next time I saw him was about 7 or 8 months later, after Kennedy released the troops off alert from the Cuban Missile Crisis. He was working 20 hour days in Florida at a USAF Base keeping our fighters flying.

My relationship with my dad was never what it was with my mom. My mom was there for me. My dad was not.

What do you want. A relationship with your kids or your job. When you are on your deathbed. Who will be there with you? Your kids, or your former bosses telling you how much they really appreciated all the extra hours you spent on the job?

Good luck in your choices. The consequences may be farther reaching than you have the vision to see.

for you ephie, i'm sure it's possible :)

the thing about intelligent, realistic, wonderful people who care about others - you are aware of the situation. just as you knew it was time to (regrettably) cut back on the volunteering, you will check your situation, see what needs tweaked, and readjust. life is a constant readjustment. it's exhausting, but it's exhilarating and SO worth it. you will get there.

what is it they said in A League of Their Own? Of course it's hard - if it was easy, everyone would do it! Hard is what makes it great!

the fact that you are thinking about tells me YES you can be a GREAT mom and brilliant professional. I've seen some kids of 2 doctors who seem very neglected but their parents are unaware of it! If we teachers gently suggest their kids need a few minutes of one on one time they look at us like we have two heads. YOU are aware you need to balance your life, that it will not be easy but you will succeed because you will make the effort.
I work hard outside the home and bring home extra work but I make time every evening to read to my son, talk to him while he showers and have a long bedtime routine. When I feel like weekends get too busy with errands and chores I stop myself and make time to have fun with my little one. We make memories that will last a lifetime, we take little trips to farms and nature centers and the beach we have fun together and let the house look like there is always a hurricane. My kids grow up feeling loved, your will too.
Worst case scenario: my cousin once told me she and her siblings pretty much raised themselves, their mom was working all the time. Her younger sis told me the older sis (one yr older) was her mommy. They turned out great! they love their mom (always felt loved by her) and they are proud of how she did what she had to do to raise three young kids by herself. She gave them enough fun memories and unconditional love, she talked to them frankly about life and sex and anything.. and made it clear she would always listen.. she was un traditional in terms of cooking and helping them with home work etc. I would never want my kids to say they raised themselves, but it shows us that it isnt a home baked meal, always home at three kind of mom that raises great kids, it's the mom who is a good listener, keeps the lines of communication open, and who excels at unconditional love no matter what her work hours are.

What I have found is it is easy to be a good mom and a brilliant professional because both need you are very specific times and want you the rest.

I suppose there may come a point where both need you at the same time but I haven't hit it yet.

What I mean is in work you have projects and deadlines. With your kids you have meetings, games, movie night and then you have life. Life tends to overlap deadlines and kid's need tend to overlap projects. That way only one needs you at the same time, ya know?

Easy as pie.

I know this is not your exact question, but my daughter works with speech therapists, occupational and physical therapists. I keep thinking that's an AWESOME career choice for a woman a passion for working with people and helping them build more productive lives, especially working with kids. My daugther's physical and occupational therapists work 2-5 days per week. Her current speech therapist works Monday and Wednesdays, and her last one worked Monday, Wednesday and Friday and was done by 3:30. During the school year, they can contract with the school district to provide services at the school. If you look at growing careers, these are some of the top growing careers in the U.S. in the next 10 years. The average OT earns $70k+, and the average Speech therapist earns over $60k. It definitely takes a special person with a real love for the job, but it is a field that will have jobs and allows a good living and time for family. Educationally, it requires a Master's degree, clinicals, etc. So, I look at that as a career choice where someone could be a brilliant professional who makes an unbelievable impact on people's lives while also being a brilliant parent. There are other fields in medicine where that's not possible; it just depends.

In my current job/role, I don't think it's possible to be a brilliant mother and also brilliant at work. I changed my role slightly when I adopted my daughter to eliminate those aspects that would be detrimental to my daughter However, in doing so, I also had to limit my advancement opportunities and am not always as challenged as I could be. At the same time, I have a job that allows me a great deal of flexibility, which is definitely good. I think that overall, it's really hard for women to have it all at one time.

I am sure you can. At times you will be called upon to be a brilliant mom and a good professional. That's harder because nobody tells you, great job!
Sounds like you are striking a great balance. Keep open to change.

Well, from my experience yes and no. No, because you cant be 100% at both at all times. It's impossible. You will always have to set priorities, sometimes it will be your job (or school) and sometimes it will be your kids.

Anyone who tells you that they are running 100% at both at all times is lying.

BUT, you can be a good professional at times and a good mom at others... the secret is to find a balance. I have a good female friend who is some sort of vice president at a fortune 500 company. During their busy season she works 80+ hours a week and barely sees her kids. During the "off season" when she gets to work more or less regular hours she will spend extra time with them and "make up" for it with great fun activities (which of course they can afford because she gets paid very well).

Let me know if you come up with a secret formula - because I am struggling with this as well.

As I age--I find myself singing the praises of SAHMs more and more. I think its what our country needs.

I was a SAHM for less than a year after my son was born because I saw it as a waste of my college education.

Not so sure anymore.

I am a little unclear as to how long you will be in school and what kind of career you plan to have when you get out of shool. I think you can have an excellent career and be a great mom but you really need the other parent to be flexible and pick up the slack. My cousin's wife is a neurologist and works full time. Her children seem lovely. Her husband works freelance and his mother lives in the same town as does his brother and wife. So for them, it works. I just read that our governer's wife works full time on wall street. She makes more money than he does but I don't think it's appropriate for her to have a full time job with with 4 children who are still in school. Even with nannies and family near by you can't have that many children and have both parents in very demanding careers. Only you know in your heart if will be true for you. Sometimes I do get a bit jealous when I see other women my age that I went to school with having exciting jobs but I didn't have my son until 30 and I certainly did not have this amazing career at that point. When I look at my son and the happiness being at home with him brings me, then I am sure I made the right decision.

You are passionate about what you are studying. There is a real life lesson in that. I think that, if you are able to make sure your kids' needs are met (with the added support of family and friends), then you should go for it with all your heart. You will be demonstrating something truly valuable for your children-- that you can be excited about life, give back and be fulfilled-- and share that with them. You will give them their wings to fly if you don't tether them to the notion that they are tethering you. Everyone is different. For me, I always wanted to be a SAHM. I know some of my professional colleagues think that is antiquated, but it is what I wanted. I also wanted to have side work that would allow me to truly reach into my intellect and creativity. What ended up for me was an abusive marriage and having to go back to school for a teaching job which I mostly love. It is hard, I won't lie. But I feel that, even in the struggle, I am providing my daughter will more resiliency and meaning. Another friend went to medical school and her husband also was a professional. They managed to really be there for their children and still have meaningful careers and stayed grounded in their faith. My friend died when the kids were pre-teens. Her husband did a brilliant job being there for the kids and all three kids have gone on to very successful academic careers and give back to society. It can be done. Just make sure you have good support to keep you there. Best of luck to you!

I think it is but depends on the exact job. You're studying medicine. Can you be an excellent nurse and mother at the same time?m I'd think so. Could you start on becoming a pediatric neurosurgeon and still be a great mom. Have to say I'd think no. It becomes a functions of hours in a day... I have worked full time and still think I'm a really good mom. Bc I work very close to home, if one of my children is sick and wants me, I can run home. We have a nanny so that makes things easier. 8kids dad who I usually likes said something about unhealthy dinners. Well, some mothers make enough money to pay someone to cook in the home for them so it's not unhealthy food. That's always been key for me. My career has suffered some though. I won't travel much and my hours are shorter than male coworkers with SAHM wives. That's ok with me though and I am still very successful and valuable to my boss. Honestly, maybe if I needed less sleep I could be even more successful at work. Lots people work after the kids are in bed. So I think it partly depends on how much sleep you need and how much downtime. I'm not super high energy and I need time to just chill... I think you have to look at how many hours a week people in your field who you consider brilliant professionals put I'm. That'll answer a lot of your question... Top litigators at huge law firms I don't really see as mothers who are present enough. Attorneys like that work insane hours. The are a limited number of hours in a day. I feel like I'm a rally good mom despite working full time bc I'm still home a lot, I'm available to my kids when they really need me, I can and do volunteer at school often which is very impt to them, bc of household help, I've never been so focused on chores etc that I can't focus on them, our weekends aren't just one errand after another. What bugs me about 8 kids dad is his sweeping view of working mothers. I've probably been more attentive to my kids than some SAHM's! Situations really can be different. I know a Sahmwho puts her kid in after care a ton etc. is her child really better off than mine just bc she's a SAHM? She's not with her child much or any more than me and is also providing no role model. So overall, I think the answer is yes but as Tracey said, it does also depend on what job you choose and I think the type of person you are. I have a friend who is very successful but her job means getting up at 2:30am or 3 everyday. Upside is she's off work around noon. So she is around almost as much as a SAHM bc she doesn't sleep! Somehow she deals with is well. I never ever could....