Frustrated and Needing to Vent

You are a good Mom! You still need a life! Maybe it is time to ask a friend, relative, or daycare provider to keep her a couple afternoons a week for you. That way you can have some time for you and she can have some time with other 2 year olds! It would be good for both of you.

You must have some alone time! For you and your daughter. If you never go out, you wont find yourself until your kid, maby kids by then, are out of the house, and you go threw empty nest syndrom. My mom had it and it was horrible. My dad worked alot and all she ever did or had was her kids. Once we were gone, she got pretty depressed. She did get over it, and now she's fine, but it took a couple of years. The best saying I feel is how can't you fully take care of someone else, if your not taking care of yourself. I'm not saying going out all the time. Do whatever you need. In the beginning it may be alittle more, for me it was twice a month, for alittle bit. But now I try to go out atleast once a month. Somtimes alittle less. Honestly, usually it depends on the stress of the month. Do whatever you want for a couple of hours. It really does help.

Oh, A., you are SO NORMAL! I was the same way. There are days when I want to work outside the home just to get away from the kids. Add the frustrations of that 2-3 year old child and some days it can be hard to cope.

My mom kept telling me, "It will only get easier as they get older." She was right, but living through those years was hard. My daughter is now 5 and I have a 22-month-old son. Some days I wonder if I'll survive with my sanity until he's 3 1/2 or 4.

Just try to take it one moment at a time. Join a playgroup if you like that sort of thing (wasn't my cup of tea). Keep doing all of the great things that you are doing with now like library and playing outside.

You are entitled to a few hours away. Ask your hubby to watch on the weekend while you run to Borders or get your hair cut or even go to the grocery store. Take a really hot bath when she goes to bed at night. Give yourself a few minutes here and there. I know you can't have hours to yourself all the time, but make the most of the ones you do have. Your carpet will survive if you wait another day to vacuum. No one is going to die if you make pasta two nights in a row.

I think you are completely normal and nowhere near being a bad mom!!! :)

Best of luck!!!

M.

I wish I could be a SAHM but I know it is not for me. I am a teacher and I still send my kids (5 & 1) to daycare 2 days a week when I am off work in the summer. I think my kids and I need some time apart. My kids always seem to behave better when they are not with me. I find that I enjoy my time with them more after a little time apart. I have felt the way you described when we are together 24-7. Heck, I even feel that way about my husband when we are together 24-7. Maybe it is time for you to go back to work part time? Good luck!

Give yourself a break. This is not uncommon. I have been through this before and am going through it now. Only because I didnt' register for class for my son on time. Look at the park district where you live. they should have a class you can put her in for a bit. They usually only run about 1 1/2 hrs but look around see what you can find. Also, you can check the YMCA for classes. Classes arent that expensive. Also, you could if you don't already, join a gym where they have child care available. Go work out for an hour while they take care of her for an hour or so. Getting a little time to yourself is important. I don't have much interaction with the outside world at the moment except for 2 nights a week I go to school. My son sleeps with me also and follows my into the bathroom. But you do what you have to and try to find a way to get out. It's also better once spring comes and you can get outside more. This weather keeps us trapped and feeling trapped indoors. Another cool thing to do in the better weather is during nap time going for a bike ride. I have a trailer for my bike and my son will sleep for hours in that thing. So I get to be out and go for a leasurely bike ride while he sleeps. I can't wait for it to start warming up. I'm going a bit stir crazy myself. Good luck...

Before I got a job I was in the same boat u were but it's good to get away from your kid sometimes. Maybe try seeing if ur bf or husband will watch her for you or a friend so you can spend some time to yourself. I know the feelings very well. We hate to yell at them but sometimes we just get so irritated or tired we can't help it or they don't listen and we get stressed out.

Don't worry girl...us stay at home moms can relate! You need mommy time. Find someone who can take care of her once every week for a couple hours and do something you love, even if it's taking a nap. I am guilty of keeping my son in his at home daycare a couple days a week for a short time after I lost my job to keep from going stir crazy myself. It will get better, and it's ok to blow off steam, just not at her cause she's tiny and doesn't have a clue what mommy is going through.
Have a better day tomorrow!

I think what you're feeling is totally normal. I still have those feelings, but luckily my son just started preschool so I get a couple of hours a day to myself. Before that, he was glued to me all day long. My hubby and I instituted "personal time" when Perrin was 2. I get a chunk of time on Sunday afternoons to do whatever I want (usually 4 or 5 hours). He gets Tues nights to veg in front of his computer, go to a movie, whatever. Without my Sundays I would literally go mad. You've got to make time for yourself. It makes it a little easier...not a lot..but enough to get through another day. You have no idea how many ideas I told myself, "Just a few more months until preschool." It's obvious how much you love your daughter; that makes you a great mom. But you're also a woman. Treat yourself every now and then, even if your husband moans about being left at home. He'll live.

A., I can COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from! My daughter and I are glued at the hip and she is my best friend in a sense. BUT, I know how important time away is for both of us and my New Year's resolution was to make sure that I get some time to myself for a couple of hours either on Saturday or Sunday. I go walk around Borders, Target, etc. My husband has also been great about taking my daughter out with him to run errands on Saturday morning so I can sleep in. Try to find a couple of hours here and there or you will literally go insane. Also, we have been involved in park district classes since she was a year old (she's now 3) and that has been wonderful, too. Just last month she started going to Tumbling by herself and another mom that I have gotten to know from the classes go to breakfast together while our girls are in class. I feel so refreshed after those breakfasts! Also, we have been in a playgroup since my daughter was 18 months old and that has also helped in letting me vent to other moms who are in the same situation I am. Not to mention that I have made some awesome friends and so has my daughter. It's also wonderful to have her playing with other kids instead of playing with my husband and me all the time. And just recently she has been so great about playing by herself to the point where if I look in on her she'll actually tell me to not bother her! And, no, you are not a bad mommy ~ we have all been there, done that and you are HUMAN! Try to find some time for yourself ~ not only will you feel refreshed, but your daughter and husband can have some time together as well. :-)

Yup. Totally NORMAL. Sounds like me. I am a Stay at Home Mom and I often wonder why, once upon a time, I thought it would be heavenly. My baby is at my hip too. We co-slept he first three years. I breast fed until she was 2.5! Believe me, it gets better. She is now 4 and she will tell me to get lost. She plays by herself (an only child) and she can put her movies in the DVD player and even make herself PPJ sandwiches and cereal for breakfast. I can clean and she leaves me alone. I told her the other day that I wanted to do a craft with her and she said that she had other plans for her afternoon! I asked her when she became a little girl? Where did my baby go?
I love her, and now I am getting a smidge of separation anxiety. She is growing up and your little one will too. this will pass and you will miss the moments you were having without knowing they were moments to be missed.

had to LOL. totally normal! seriously, like a lot of other moms said, get your ME time asap. definitely on the weekends, have your husband take her out for a while or you get out for the day. during the week, get a babysitter for a few hours. well worth the money. my whole outlook changed when i got a sitter to come once a week for a couple hours to a whole day. now, my son just turned 3--its time to look at preschools. parttime, half days, i bet it will change your life! or try lots of playdates. i know when my son is with his friends, he completely ignores me. i can sit on the couch and read a magazine. the key is to get that alone time.

I hear you sister. I am at home and it has really been an adjustment. I now have two kids, but the only way I keep my sanity is getting out of the house by myself. Your need to talk to your husband about needing to leave, if he doesn't get it, help him understand as much as you love your child you need to blow off steam just as much as he needs to get away from work sometimes. One of the ways I have done this is joining the park district fitness center. For 4 dollars I get a solid hour to myself. Wether I am working out, taking a class, or just sitting in the library reading. I do this about twice a week in the morning. Don't feel like a bad mom, it isn't natural to loose your entire self in your children. A mistake I made for almost a year. My is my love, life and everything, but if mommy is going crazy you are no good to anyone.
smiles
kate

You are not the worst Mommy ever. Really, you are not. While it is absolutely wonderful having the option to stay at home and be your child's sole provider, it's hard to go from having that "you" time (even if it is work), to having none at all. I'm in the same position. I have two and we took them out of daycare when the youngest turned 1 because I too, missed them all day and the expense wasn't worth it anyhow.

The hardest part right now is that it is cold outside. But once spring comes, maybe get her involved in some park programs so she is at least occupied by something else and you two can have fun together. Also, is it a possibility to join a gym, a book club or something like that that you could do even once a week? I go to the gym and run outdoors when the weather is warmer and it gives me that time to just enjoy silence or my choice of music, whatever, but it's just me by myself.

I love my children to death, as do you, but we still need some time just for ourselves. It allows us to be better moms. A frustrated Mommy is not a fun Mommy. =0)

Welcome to parenthood! It's hard not to smile reading this post, especially when you said, "I know, bad Mommy". LOL~ I swear, having children brings upon the most fear and guilt you will ever experience in your life! I'm not a stay at home mom and even though I (sadly) son't get the quality time I would love to have with my children, I experience the same exact feelings, emotions and frustrations. I feel guilty because I work full time and then the little time I do get, I'm a "Bad Mommy" too! I can't tell you how many times I've said I deserve the award for worst mother ever. But somewhere along the line I did something right because both my girls adore me and are as sweet as sin. My little one can't really count since she's still "in training", but my 11yrs old is proof that none of my insanity impacted her negatively. (at least not yet :)
One suggestion I have for ya though, do WHATEVER it takes for ME TIME!!! It is MANDATORY!!!! If she naps, screw the chores for 2 hrs, they're not going anywhere. Tap a nice bubble bath, chat/vent on the phone to a girlfriend, do something that makes you feel good. And if at all possible, try to escape once every week or two for some female bonding time, shopping, massage, something for you. Honestly, after a night out with my girls (friends-not kids) I feel so recharged I can't even explain! Spending time man & kid free with my friends is the best antidepressant ever (at least for me)! I win worst Mommy of the year award for THAT statement!

Don't feel like you are a bad mom. Kids can be a huge stress, especially when you are with them 24/7. I have a 3 year old and a 20 month old and I could not do it. I tried to be a stay at home mom and I was miserable. I too just wanted to get away from my boys and at times did not even like them. I would get mad at them for just about everything. I do believe I was not being a good mom. Finally I decided to get a part time job. It is working out fabulous. I get to be with adults and then the next day I get to be with my boys. I am a much happier person and so are my boys. They get to hang out with mom some days and some days they get to go to Kindercare and hang out with there friends. Kids are very very stressful and I believe you need breaks from them to make you a better, more patient mom. I am sure you will get alot of responses from moms who feel the same way you do. Hang in there before you know it your little one will be in school.

For me, I have found balance in a home-type job and house cleaning, as well as mom groups to get me out of the house and into the world. I NEED adult conversation or I am not ok. It's ok for you to need that too, and losing your temper is part of the gig-- just make sure you count the hits AND the misses, because most of the time you don't lose your temper and that counts too.

Brookfield zoo has great indoor activities, the Field museum is free this month, and the park district should have several classes for kids her age, and it will be nice for you to meet and talk with other moms as much as it is nice to not be isolated and bound by what you do.

You're NORMAL. Anyone who says otherwise is a LIAR. I love my son to death, but I need mommy time and when my husband takes over on Saturday morning so I can shower in peace and (gasp) shave my legs, it makes my whole week.

You're not a bad mom. You're a human being. Just keep it up and try changing up the routine a bit. I know winter is a downer, but there are ways around it.

Totally feeling your pain!! What about a park district class? Yes you would be there with her, but there are other moms and kids there too, so the kids can group up and play while you chat with some of the other moms. A few of my new friends I have met through the park district. Our kids became friends, then we did too. Plus at the park district the classes usually aren't super expensive, they are usually about 1/2 hour to 45 min, and usually 7-8 weeks in length, once a week, so if your daughter doesn't get that into the class, it will be over soon. You definately need to get away for a bit by yourself or with friends! Set up some time for your husband to watch her for sure! You will feel alot better after that! Sometimes I get sooo sick of the same old routine day after day I feel like I'm going crazy and I dream about going on vacation and just not coming home! Sounds bad, and of course I would never do that, but we can dream!! LOL Hang in there!!

A., I feel your pain. You are a great Mom! We've all been there at some point. You are in desperate need for some alone time. Explain to your husband that you need a break. Whether that means you join a gym that has daycare or that you need a sitter a few mornings a week for some time to yourself. Maybe you need a Saturday to go to lunch with your girlfriends and do a little shopping? I make it a point to meet with friends at least once a month (more if schedules permit).

Sometimes after my husband comes home, I lock myself in our bedroom and do the crossword puzzle or read a few chapters in a book. My three daughters are not allowed to disturb me during this time. They have to go to Daddy. :)

You'll be fine, you just need some time to yourself. Good luck.