Is it appropriate to give money towards funeral expenses or the educational expenses of the deceased grandchildren instead of flowers? They did not specify any charity or preference. Which do you think the family would appreciate most?
Thank you for your advice. It is always good to hear what others think, especially since we live in a world of diverse cultures and backgrounds. I appreciate all the good feedback. Since this was all so sudden and nobody expected or planned for this ahead of time, I decided to go ahead to contribute towards the expenses. I felt close enough to the family to do so. I'm sure I would stick to flowers if I wasn't close to them. If they had specified a charity, that would be what I would have done too. But they have been very busy trying to put everything together and in this economy, I'm sure they need it. When I had to arrange for one family members' funeral, I remember my husband and I having to cover a lot of things that other family members didn't want to pay for. Anyway, my parents always gave to the deceased's grandchildren's future academic needs so that's why I thought of it but I'm sure it may not be appropriate for some families.
I think that money in the deceased name for the education of the grandchildren is an absolutely fantastic idea. What a way for her to be remembered and have her influence carry on.
I agree, if in doubt what to donate money towards, ask the family is there is a particular cause she supported. Or, was there a place she loved to go to? If she enjoyed the library, you can send the branch money in her name to be used for the purchase of books. A church she belonged to? A prayer book can be dedicated in her name. You can plant a tree in her name (such as http://www.treegivers.com), etc.
Good luck to you.
GS,
Have you thought about www.starregistry.com/? You can name a star after the children. I'm sorry for your loss.
K.
Dear GS,
It is completely appropriate to give money or help out in any way possible, especially, in that type of situation. I can't tell you how many last minute expenses the family of the bereaved will have to spend on big and small items, for example, the funeral burial, flowers, food, drink, cleaning supplies...etc for a the wake(if they are having one),or even plane tickets. It is a very thoughtful thing of you to do. Take care, and God bless you!!
From my experience, anything that you do, whether it is flowers, or contributing to a charity, or even just sending a check in a condolence card would be appreicated as a gesture. However, if these people are easily offended when protocol is not followed, I'd look into it deeper. But like I said from my experience, just being remembered and thought of in any way is touching.
It's not usually done to contribute to funeral expenses (unless perhaps you're close family and know it's needed). I would ask the family directly and say, "I'd really like to honor X's memory with a contribution to a charity he/she would want donations for -- is there a charity you would like a donation to go to in his/her name?" Also, if the person was, for instance, very active in a church or temple, you could ask about giving to that organization. If the person died of cancer, the American Cancer Society or specific cancer groups like the Susan Komen breast cancer foundation are good candidates. So if the family says, oh, we don't know..., you can suggest something like that. It's really OK to ask them at this time; don't be too worried about "bothering" them with this. They are grieving but a question like that will touch them, I'm sure. My mom died recently and we did specify donations (if people wanted) to one charity and one historic preservation society that were of interest to her when she was alive. Good luck and it's great of you to be so thoughtful.
When we lost our daughter at age 20, several of her past teachers came to the funeral, and one of her middle school teachers gave us a card with money in it. I had never heard of this before, but I liked the sentiment. While we did have life insurance for her, many people do not, and anything would be appreciated. She also left at infant son, so I understand your wanting to possibly contribute to a fund for the children. I'm sure whatever you decide would be most appreciated.
