My great-uncle recently passed away and his service is tomorrow. My family and I are unable to go because we are in VA and the funeral is in CA and it just wasn't possible to get us (or me) there in 10 days notice-- we tried. My mom and my sister are going. I was not very close with my uncle but still felt I should be there but I feel sort of represented with my mom and sister attending. He did not die suddenly, we've all known this was coming for years, and we did get a chance to say good bye.
I started looking at sending flowers and OMG could they be more expensive?? I really do not want to spend $50+ for flowers that they are barely going to look at and its just going to take up space on a flat surface in their home. I was there during my great-grandma's funeral and I distinctly remember my great-aunt commenting on how all the flowers were nice, but they were a little overwhelming.
Is there anything else I could send? My mom already veto-ed an Edible Arrangement and cupcakes, cake pops or cookies just seem too cheery. A simple card seems like not enough. Should I just buck up and spend the money on flowers or is there something else I could do?
Added: he died from brain cancer and left behind his wife and two daughters both in their 20's.
Thank you everyone for your great ideas! I am relieved that I am not weird with the whole anti-flowers thing. I really liked the wind chimes idea so I think I am going to look further into that! Thanks again, you all are the best!! :)
Some families will have a charity set up in their name to contribute to instead of flowers. Maybe they set something like that up?
When my stepmom's mother died I sent a plant so that they would have something to remember her by. Her mom died 8 years ago and she still has that plant.
Sorry for your loss, My dad past away this past May, we got tons of fruit, flowers, cookies, but the most touching gift I received was wind chimes with my Dad's name, date of birth, date of death, and a beautiful saying on it. I think that was the best gift I have ever gotten in my 31 years of life! I hope you find something!
So sorry for your loss. I would find out if he had a favorite charity, and send them a donation in an amount you're comfortable with.
Sometimes you can donate to a certain cause instead of sending flowers. I would maybe see if that is an option. You can also put the donation in memory of your Great Uncle. We did that when we donated to the American Heart association when my grandmother passed away. I also made a frame with my grandmothers picture alone with a quote. Something to remind them that you are thinking of them, and cherish their memory is always a kind gesture.
Who is his closest relative? Is his wife alive? Send an outdoor plant to her home, maybe?
A fruit basket or candy & fruit might be nice as well. Especially if she is going to be having house guests.
A memorial throw blanket is also nice for a surviving relative and will be something she can keep and use.
I overall agree--flowers are certainly nice but they're brief and wasteful...and EXPENSIVE! I tend to go with something more practical. I have less trouble spending more money on something that's a little more lasting.
you could send money to the person thats paying for the food that many have at their home during this time. or just to the wife saying that you wish you could be there but sense you can't you wanted to send money to help pay for something to help out. my mom always sends a living plant like a fern or something just green to the spouse or parents. i think this is a known tradition too.
I have not read any other answers but this is what helped me when my dad died: gift certificates and menus to restaurants that deliver or a night when someone else coordinated dinner for me and it just showed up at my door (though they knew I would be home, they picked up the phone talked to the deliver guy, put in the order, gave the address and directions to my house and gave their credit card number, I was so grateful! Also, someone sent a cleaning service for my house after the crowds left. It was the mundane things that became hard to do. It was that type of thoughtfulness that stuck with me, not the money they spent. And honestly the flowers just made me sneeze.
So sorry for your loss.
Ask the family. My grandmother, when she passed, asked that in leu of flowers, people make a donation to the national cancer foundation (she died of uterine cancer). What did your uncle pass from? Maybe you could do something similar.
I'm so sorry for your loss :(
Is there a cause that they suggest to donate to in lieu of flowers, food, and so on. Many do this now and usually is found in the obituary or the details of the funeral that was sent to you (or relative). Personally if there is not a suggested donation cause I give them money because funerals are expensive.
I would try to find a plaque with a nice saying on it and mail it to the family. It may not be there for the funeral but it would still be nice to recieve it after everything calms down and they are actually able to relax and think.
I have sent an Edible Arrangement for a funeral. If you tell them funeral, it doesn't have to look cheery. Chocolate covered strawberries are nice. Perhaps they'd like a donation to a cancer foundation. Are the girls grown or in college? Perhaps the money could go toward college expenses? Maybe a gift certificate to your uncle's favorite restaurant, so they could go out, reminisce and relax once they get over the initial shock. Hey - it's the thought that counts.........
Hi, E.:
Sending a donation to the American Cancer Society in
your Great Uncle's name is one way. They will send the family
the information that you contributed something in your
G Uncle's name.
Just a thought.
Wishing you and your family
healing through your pain and
sorrow.
D.
Updated
Hi, E.:
Sending a donation to the American Cancer Society in
your Great Uncle's name is one way. They will send the family
the information that you contributed something in your
G Uncle's name.
Just a thought.
Wishing you and your family
healing through your pain and
sorrow.
D.
Did they pick a charity to donate to in lieu of flowers? Most families pick something to donate to. If the family didn't, perhaps you could find a cancer-related foundation that you could donate to on his behalf and include a note about that in the card that you send. Also if he used hospice (most people who die slowly of cancer have hospice help at some point) see if you can find out what organization provided it and make a donation to them.
Sorry for you loss - I'm sure that whatever you do, even if it's just a card, will be appreciated.
How about a meal from Heavenly Ham or a place like that? Is there a caterer in their area? I'd do that or make a donation to a charity of their choice.
I think flowers are so lame...just another thing we've been hoodwinked into buying for special occasions. Honestly, I think a nice card right now is important and then another card a month later and then another one a year later. Everyone seems to have an emotional outpouring right at the death, but then forget and never contact the widow, etc.
The card a month after the death, you might want to ask the widow if there is anything you can do and that you've been thinking of her, if there is a widow.
My sister passed away this year. Someone sent my parents a few books of stamps in a card. Not too exciting, but it sure came in handy when sending out all the thank you/acknowledgement cards.
Also, see if they have something like DFW Dine-In Delivery. It allows you to have food delivered to someone's place from area restaurants. The day's before and the days after, when so many visitors stop in, it's nice to be able not to have to worry about meals.(or you can check for a local favorite restaurant that delivers).
Also, gift cards for groceries, toiletries, utensils, etc are always helpful with company too.
My sister had a middle school aged son. A fund was set up for him and people made donations towards that too.
So very sorry for your familie's loss. Wishing your family peace and comfort in this time.
I like the windchime idea. I also like the idea of giving a live plant that they could plant in the yard as a remembrance... a tree, or a gardenia, something like that that would be hardy.
Or, make a donation to a cancer society in his name and send a card to the family mentioning what you have done.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
What I would suggest is a gift card to a favorite restaurant or maybe grocery delivery from a local store. Some still do that (I know you can get deliveries from safeway). Might not be any less expensive but sure would ease a bit of a burden for your great-aunt.
Send them a live tree or plant (that would do well in their area) that his wife and daughters could plant in his memory. I hope someone does this when I die.
