Gas Money

Just tell her you can't drive unless she pitches in for gas. So what if she sulks? That's her problem :-(

Just stop driving. She'll get it soon enough.

And enjoy the break for a few days if she doesn't talk to you over gas money.

Start asking her to bring gas money with her when you tell her about the trip. If she doesn't bring it, say, "Okay, we can stop by the ATM." Or, "Okay, you can fill up the tank with your card when we stop for gas."

If she gets all sulky about it say, "Sis, I love going on these trips together, but I don't have a bottomless bank account. We're going to have to work something out. We can either trade off whose car we take each time and not ever talk about gas money, or you can give me some gas money for the use and mileage on my car. What do you want to do?"

I read your last sentence.... "If I don't ask her if she wants to go with me she sulks and doesn't talk to me for days"

SO what... you are not obligated to ask her to go with you when you run errands. Maybe you want to be running your errands alone. You have every right to do so in your car and on your time.

Also, if you are inviting her to go with you, then you don't ask for gas money because she probably sees it as "you invited so you are the hostess" type of deal. If she has asked you specifically for a ride someplace, then yes, ask for gas money.

Only you can change how people treat you... Don't sit back and be a doormat.

When you take sis along, would you be running those errands and doing 60-70 miles anyway? if so, you really aren't out of pocket any extra gas, you've just gained company.

When she drives her car, and you kick in for gas, is it cheaper, for you overall, than what you spend in gas, and the wear and tear on your vehicle? If so, you are actually ahead.

While you might be on more equal footing if she chipped in for your gas, you aren't necessarily on the loosing end of this equation as it stands.

Best,
F. B.

Welcome to mamapedia, A.!!

Sorry - but if you take her and don't ask or demand - you are allowing her to take advantage of you.

Next time? Go straight to the gas station and tell her she's filling up your car before you go. If she doesn't want to do that? Too bad. Drive her car and meet there....or don't go at all.

She asks you for gas money - but you can't ask her? Too bad. If she sulks and doesn't talk to you for days? That's HER problem - NOT YOURS.

Insist that from now on you take turns with whose car you use, and stick to your guns. She is taking advantage of you because you are allowing her to, people treat us how we let them. Demand better.

First of all I hate shopping with other people. I want to go and do waht I want to do and not have to stand around waiting for someone else. So - if she really bugs you about be straightforward with her and tell her when she's ready to cough up the cash for gas you'll pick her up. Otherwise she can take her own car.

Don't tell her when you are going out! If she asks you to take her somewhere say no!

When I go out with friends, the unspoken rule is driver does not pay for lunch. Whoever is passenger pays. It's the proper thing to do. Has worked well for many many years.

I would tell her that if she is going to treat you like a taxi driver, you are going to start charging her like a taxi driver.

When I called and told her I was going somewhere and she said hey I want to go too, I would say "great, I need $10 for gas money. If you don't have that, then we can go to the ATM". If she starts fussing, I again would say "you play, you help pay".

Not that difficult. If she sulks, then she sulks. She's a grown woman for pity sake.

I'd look at it this way - with a sister like that, who needs enemies? Unless she does lots of other stuff for you that you don't mention, she is very selfish and manipulative. Does she have a credit card? If so, like someone said, take her to the gas station. Make her own up to this. Ask her why it's ok for you to always drive and give her gas money the few times she does but she can't reciprocate? Let her get mad. Then make a decision whether you are going to make this a breaking point or she's so important to you that you will suck it up. Clearly she's in the wrong but only you can decide how important she is to you.

If you are going on the trip anyway why would you expect gas money? If you invite someone to go shopping with you, you don't ask them to help pay for the trip. If, however, your sister asks you to drive her to Bob's Country Store 30 miles away then you can ask for gas money. If she routinely "forgets" to give you money then just tell her you don't have the funds or that you are not available.

Time to do your own thing without sis. You are under no obligation to take her. Let her be pissed she'll get over it. You are not running a taxi service. She sounds cheap in that she won't use her car but doesn't care about yours.

You show Livingston, NJ. Do you live in the town or are you in the southern part of the state? I used to live in NJ and the garden rural areas were in the southern part. I am just kind of getting my bearings to your location. I am not comparing my 100 mile one way trip to Lubbock to your Jersey trip which I did today for a doctor's appointment. The gas price was posted at $2.84 a gallon.

the other S.

Let the woman sulk and remind her she still owes you money.

She's your sister, and you have enough of a relationship to regularly ride and shop together. When she asks for gas money, ask her why she asks you for gas money and if you should start asking her for gas money. Say the words, and hear what she has to say in response.

Tell her you won't drive unless she pitches in.

I like Wild Woman's suggestion, drive to the gas station and tell her to fork over the dough.

And everyone else who said let her sulk!! LET HER SULK!!

The way I see it, you have two options:

Talk to her about it and endure the sulking (sounds like she still has a bit of growing up to do here). Try not to be judgmental, but let her know the mileage on your car is adding up too fast and you need to insist that you split both the driving and the gas money evenly. Then get the gas money when you pick her up.

Or, if this is not a pressing issue financially for you, you can decide to accept her uneven take on things. Perhaps there is some sort of resentment powering her behavior, who knows? Maybe she is to be pitied for her selfish take on life and your relationship.

What you shouldn't do is continue to simmer. Choose what you think will work best for you and stick to it. Don't let her pouting influence you and don't let her work your guilt reflex. Good luck!

Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable driving. I can't picture a 60-70 mile trip occurring that much. How about occasionally teller her you're busy that day, so it's not so frequent?