Getting 3 Year Old to Sleep in Her Own Bed

Just keep putting her back to bed, even if it is 2am and you are exhausted, get up and put her back to bed. Do not give in! It may take a few nights, but she will get it.

First of all decide where you want her. If you are ok with her in your room or on your floor - it's not hurting her. Just depriving you of sleep. If you know for sure you want her in her room, I agree that you should ask her why she comes in and needs you and listen to her. Then work with her on explaining why it's best for her to sleep in her own room and you in yours and plan out how that will happen. Will you do it gradually - staring w/ the bed on your floor? Or will you set a routine for her to follow then go to her own bed. I have to confess I have a 3.5 year old and a 27 month old and the older one comes into our bed 90% of the time at night. I let her. The little guy is still confined to his crib. I've choosen to be sleep deprived for a few years. My "mommy instict" tells me they need me now and parenting doesnt' stop at night. I have a family friend who is in her 60s now and she tells me that some of her best memories as a young kid were climing into bed w/ mom and dad and brothers and sisters when she needed some comfort. I guess I'm a sap, BUT the point of my story is you have to do what is right for you and your family - not what others think you shoud do! Congrats on #2

Talk to her. Tell her that while it was lovely having her in bed for the time that she was, it is time for her to transition into her own bed. Ask her what would make her excited about doing this. New bed (could just be new sheets), a light, pictures of you, dolls.... Set up a routine. Bath, potty, book, bed. Perhaps let her have quiet music playing that may be a cue to her mind and body that it is sleep time. Some kids also really enjoy a parent singing lullabies on a cd.
Try to remain positive and supportive of this change. Change is hard, BUT do not put anymore fear or stress in her head than she has.
"I know this is going to be so hard and you will be scared but it will be ok." That sounds great but let her tell YOU how she feels.

It will take time but all will be well.

B. Davis

Child And Family Coaching
http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

Put a mattress on the floor.... in your room.
Tell her she can sleep there, IF need be.
Make this the 'rule.'

In her room... make her bed all comfy, let her pile stuffed animals in there, a flashlight for her to keep in bed.... let her choose something special for HER room... and talk with her about it. She is 3.. .and you can talk to her about it.

Next, when I was that age.... (even if I had my own room), I would, wake in the middle of the night, creep down our LONG dark scary hallway, and go to my parents room and squeeze in between them to sleep. They let me. It was no big deal to them. I grew out of it.
I was simply scared and lonely and missed them at night. That is one of my FONDEST "memories" as a child. It is normal.
Kids this age, DO go through age-related "fears" at night, and missing their parents. It is developmental based.

Also, since you are pregnant.. this throws a kink into the child's feelings too.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd child... my daughter was 3 as well. BUT... I spent a TON of time, on HER.... during my pregnancy... and explained to her what I am going through (that Mommy will get tired, that Mommy needs to rest, etc). and we took a lot of photos with her AND my growing tummy each month... so that SHE could "bond" with her little brother in my tummy. I made her a PART of my pregnancy and INCLUDED her... I also took her to all my Prenatal appointments (which my Doctor encouraged), and the Doctor even taught her how to use the Doppler heart monitor on my tummy etc. I ALSO... made it a daily "routine" that she AND I, NAP.... I explained to her that I 'need" to nap... to take care of my body/baby... and she would nap with me. The KEY is... I made my eldest child a PART of my pregnancy... and explained it to her in simple child-friendly ways. THIS made a BIG difference.
So, instead of making my pregnancy "my" thing.... I made it a "team" thing... and included my daughter INTO it.
Then, once I gave birth to my son, HER "brother".... she was MUCH more, bonded with him and loved him and had no 'issues' of jealousy or resentment.
I also explained to her, that after baby came home, that I have to feed it/that he will cry/ that Mommy will be busy... but that is "my" job... and she doesn't have to 'worry'... and that she is STILL my FIRST baby, always. And she actually 'helped' me and was so loving/motherly toward me and the whole process of a 'new' baby being home.
We ALSO, kept all of "her" routines.... the SAME for her... and special. Not taking away anything from her in HER daily life.
All of these things, was KEY... in "helping" an eldest child, adjust to her "changing" Mommy and household.... because, the eldest child is also "having a baby"... and their lives changes too. So you need to provide security for them.
I ALWAYS talked 'with' my Daughter... about her baby brother... and what he is going through and what "babies" do... that they cry, need to feed, they are not able to do what she does etc. Explaining baby development to her, each month, in simple ways that SHE could understand... so that she was a "part" of it, and felt "special" and that I was not abandoning her... but that she was a part of it... and she understood her "baby" brother better that way... and it helped in her adjustment to having a new baby at home etc.

all the best, just some ideas,
Susan

I agree with Jen C. It will take a few nights but good for you for starting now and not a month before the baby is due. Good Luck and congrats on your growing family.

I've got two words for you: crib tent. I bought one to keep my cat from getting into bed with my DD, but it's been awesome for keeping the child in the bed. I usually go in and check on her to make sure that nothing is really wrong-so far, so good. Once I've confrmed that nothing is wrong, I tell her it's time to sleep-her in her bed and me and Daddy in our bed. Then I go back to bed. Sometimes she goes right back to sleep, but occasionally she screams and carries on like she's being murdered. I've learned to tune it out. Daddy, on the other hand, will frequently go sleep on the floor next to her crib. It doesn't really help teach her anything other than "if I scream long enough, Daddy will come and sleep on my floor." Interestingly enough, she doesn't throw the big hissy fits unless Daddy is home (he works overnight a couple times a week). She also a big Elmo Doll and a Scooby Doo Doll that she sleeps with. When she tells me that she's not sleepy, I tell her to talk quietly with Elmo and Scooby, but I am sleepy and I'm going back to bed. Like I said, it works pretty well unless Daddy's home. If she's already moved out of her crib, I don't know what to tell you. I'd give Kristy's suggestion a try. Good luck.

I just went through the same thing and the only reason my then 3, now 4 yr old ended up in her own is because I was pregnant and didnt want her to kick my stomach. We also had problems conceiving the second time around. I know this might not be the ONLY thing that worked for me was putting a tv in her room, decorating her room with princess stuff and letting her fall asleep watching a movie. Even then she would get up during the night and crawl into bed with us. I would get up, and just say "lets go back to your bed". We would walk over to her bed, I would tuck her in and play her movie again. She eventually understood no matter how many times she came to my bed, I was going to walk her back to hers. Also since she would wake up during the night several times the next night she was more tired so she would not wake up so many times. Eventually she stopped coming to our bed and stayed in her room. Now its been about 6 mths that shes been sleeping in her room and she still wakes up every now and again to come to my bed. At which point I wake up and take her back to her bed, because I have a newborn now and we dont all fit in the bed!! I will eventually do the same to the baby or maybe get her out before shes a toddler!! good luck... just be persistent, remember to always walk her back to her bed and tuck her in without sayin anything but "lets go back to your bed" or something simple... dont talk to her too much because she'll wake up more and it will become more difficult for you... i also did this all while pregnant so i know how tired u are... good luck!!

but i have to say sometimes she sleeps in the bed with me because my husband isnt home but she knows when daddys here she cant come and sleep in the bed... sometimes my husband tells her she can sleep with us too and she will... last night all four of us were in the bed!! we need a bigger bed!! : )

I think you're just going to have to keep doing it.
Explain it to her.
Try making it a COOL thing to have her own room, bed, etc.

Really It comes down to consistency and keeping at it.. Although I feel for ya on the being really tired thing.

I have a 2y/o and a new baby due in about a month
Good luck!

I went through the same thing with my oldest. Everyone told me I should make her sleep in her own bed, but I just felt safer with her next to me. During my pregnancy with our second child, I started 'making' her sleep in her own bed and yes - halfway through the night she would be in our bed. We would comfort her and move her back to her own bed. I just kept putting her in her own bed at bedtime with her favorite stuffed animal and blanket and eventually she slept through the night in her own bed. It takes lots of patience and persistence. My thoughts go out to you. Congrats on new baby!!
As far as the lectures go.. every child is different just relax and know you are being a good mother to YOUR child(ren) - we meet their needs as they come.

M.,
First, I completely understand. My husband deployed the first time when our little girl was 2 yrs old and she ended up sleeping in bed with me in the mornings. It took a little bit, but it finally happened, getting her to stop coming into our beds.
Second, you may want to see if you husband will take the reigns on this one and be the bad guy. Just talk to him, the worst he can say is no.
I'm sorry you got lectures, you will have to learn to listen, nod and then if need be ignore everything you have heard. It's going to happen A LOT as your kids are growing up. It's always easy for other people to tell you what you are doing wrong instead of looking at their own parenting mistakes. Since they are your family you might give them a dose of the same medicine.
I hope this helps.

I don't know if this is a possibility for you, but why not ask her dad to help out by putting her back to bed for a few nights? I know how tired you must be and you really need your sleep now. Maybe it would only take 3 or so nights for her to get the hint that she needs to be a big girl now and sleep in her own room, and you could start on a Friday night after discussing it with her and committing to the change. I totally agree that letting her pick out some new bedding or a stuffed animal or pillow to get her excited about "her" space would help. That's my plan for moving my 2yr. old to her own room before baby brother arrives this winter! :) Best of luck to you.

I like Brandi's suggestions...I think since she's 3 she can really start to understand these concepts and you can have a conversation with her. Just straight up tell her she has to start sleeping in her room, you need rest to help the baby grow, etc. Have her pick out something special for her new room (if you go the sheets route, I'm sure most stores will be having back to school sales starting very soon) and make it exciting. I would tell her that starting on X night you are going to start putting her back in her bed every time she comes into yours. It's possible it could be a few nights/weeks of painful middle of the night times for all of you, but personally I think it's worth it. When my daughter moved to her big girl bed, which is slightly different than your situation, we used the "supernanny" method and I think it works if you do it consistently, but I was pregnant too and I'd be lying if I said that there weren't nights we BOTH were crying! Good luck. I don't think it will be too hard, just prepare her and you both before it happens and I think that will help!

Good suggestions. No judgment here - we have our own bed issues. Sigh. The only thing is that if you are going to explain to her that the baby needs to grow and you need to rest, try not to blame it on the baby - it will just foster resentment. Good luck!

I have tried several things with my little ones, and it sounds horribly mean, but this is what worked for us: we put a child safety lock on the inside of our little mens' bedroom. They can't get out. We sometimes go in to soothe them when they are very hysterical, but for the most part, we let them self-soothe. When we first started, it took a few nights for them to realize that we were not going to attend to their every need. After that, it was a lot easier. Now we know that if they cry at night, they really need something, and we go in as soon as we hear them. It has saved us all from sleeplessness!