Getting Babies to Learn to Sleep

along with other posts, i agree that 2 months is too early to worry about his dependency on you to fall asleep. shoot more for the 6 month age to work on this. you are doing a great job helping him get the sleep he needs at this age.

for a great book on babies and sleep, i highly recommend Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" which has great advice for each age range. he strongly advocates for babies learning to sleep on their own, but i think will give you the confidence that what you're doing at 2 months is just perfect.

The IDEAL is to get them to go to sleep on their own, but you have to do what works for you. Is it easier if they can do this? Yes. Will it traumatize them for life if you have to teach them this when they are older? No! I have 4 kids. One I put to bed asleep and she was and always has been a fine sleeper. One I had to coax (that would be the gentle term) to sleep and she was and is my poorest sleeper. It just is who she is. Two I could put to sleep while drowsy and they went to sleep on their own. Again, it just is who they are. If you can get him to put himself to sleep, great! If it doesn't work for you, then do what does and DON'T stress over it. If he was 2 years and this was still a problem, it might be time to battle it out, but at 2 months, enjoy the extra cuddles and let it go. Good luck and happy sleeping!

there is nothing wrong with what you are doing!! let me tell you my story.

i am very strongly against any situation in which an infant under ~12 months is left to cry. as a result, i NEVER let my son cry if i could help it. by all means, if someone is at the end of their rope, there is nothing wrong with taking a break, walking away from baby, because baby picks up on mom or dads stress and it makes things worse anyway. but for the most part, there is no real reason for babies to have to be laying in their crib crying.

the first 3 months are also known in some circles as the 4th trimester. baby is SO immature mentally, they do not even realize that their body is a separate being than moms! after all, they have spent 9 months only knowing what moms body sounds like, smells like, feels like, etc. so its no surprise that infants under 4 months would be very hard to get to sleep alone.

also, the second thing is that babies are not programmed to sleep well. some do, yes, but really, i am more concerned about a baby whos sleeping for long periods of time than a baby who wakes every hour. the reason is that if a baby is waking often, they are not entering into too deep a sleep that something could interfere with their breathing... and also waking often is a very good deterrent of SIDS.

so, back to my story, when my son was born i was of course told that i would have to do this or that, let him cry to get his lungs strong (which is actually bull because there is reduced oxygen when baby is screaming..) and that he wont ever learn to sleep on his own.

we NEVER let him cry it out under any circumstances... and he is the BEST sleeper i have ever seen. hes almost 3, and though sometimes he lays in bed for quite a while and talks or reads books, he never cries, never fights us at bedtime, he simply lays in bed and relaxes and goes to sleep. very rarely, like when he is sick or overtired, he will be fussy and cranky, but he wont fight that its definatly bedtime. by not letting him cry or expecting him to just fall asleep on his own, i feel we have done him a world of favors. first of all, we never put him to bed on our schedule. he sleeps when hes tired. that way he knows when hes tired, and that its always ok to go to sleep, and that if he has a problem or a worry, he knows we are there in a minute to get him and everything is ok. second, the crib (yes, i said crib) isnt a scary place. he has never been left alone, so his bed isnt a place that hes been left alone crying. third, he has learned to be an independent sleeper by us allowing him to be dependent while he needed to be. children in all stages of their growth, have periods where they NEED their parents to depend on! babies depend on their parents for EVERYTHING. and to allow a baby to depend on you... THAT is what fosters independence. knowing that they have a safe and secure place to go with their needs, that sets the stage for life long trust between you and your child. that means that when they are 2 and having a tantrum, you will be able to read what they need. it means that when they are not able to express what they are feeling, you have the ability and connection to figure it out. they trust you, and so their tantrums are less often and less wild because they know you are in control, even if they arent. i swear, my son has been a fantastic 2 year old. NOTHING like other two year olds i know.

it seems so backwards to allow dependnce in order to give independence. it would seem that you would have to "practice" independence, but that is not the case! your child WILL learn to sleep on his own. i promise! it might be exhausting, it might be frustrating, but it only lasts for a very short time, and you wont regret a SECOND!!

my resource, the ONLY person who was supporting me when i first had my son was dr sears. i dont know him personally, but i read his books and had other info and it was so nice to have someone giving me support to do exactly what my heart was telling me to do. it sounds like you are doing that - you are doing exactly what you need to do to help your son. there is NEVER anything wrong with that! keep it up! the closer you listen and respond now, the better you will be able to later, i swear to you there is nothing like it. NO ONE knows your son like you do. not your parents, not your inlaws, not your doctor, not your friends. only you have the instincts to give your son exactly what he needs and how he needs it. if you stop listening to that, you could lose it and its such a valuable tool to have!

anyway, www.askdrsears.com is the website, there are books galore on there, but you can probably get them used on amazon or something. they are fantastic. really an awesome place to go!

as far as stopping the nursing when he falls asleep, that works sometimes, it takes a couple tries, but it should work. you never deny him nursing more if he needs to, but you dont have to be a constant plug either :P so if it works after a couple tries, as the sucking slows down and stops, you can release him, but gently, and see if it works. put him back on and when he stops again, try again. it wont always work, but its worth a try when you need to put him down. OR
get a moby wrap! they are insanely comfortable! i loved the one i had. it was amazing. and baby loves nothing more than being in your arms watching everything you are doing. :)

so, anyway, let me know if you just need some support. another place to go is the la leche league if you are breastfeeding - they will help you with everything - from REAL moms who have gone through many of the same things. if there isnt a group in your immediate town, try a nearby one. i had to drive an hour to go to the group closest to me, but it was SO WORTH IT!
anyway.
yeah. :)

Find what works best for you and stop letting a book tell you how to raise your child. God gave you a mother's instinct to know what is best for your baby. Books set mothers up for failure!! Relax and enjoy your baby. He's ONLY 2 months old!!! You'll get it figured out. You're never going to be happy as a parent if you have to rely on a book to tell you what to do.

I did this with our 1st baby and I so regret it. I'm now pregnant with my 5th baby and all I can say is that they are the easiest to care for when they are babies!!! Just do what comes natural to your mothering instinct. If you want to rock your baby to sleep, then by all means, rock him to sleep. I've nursed all my babies to sleep in bed with us. They all put themselves to sleep with no problems and they sleep well at night. They are all very secure, independent, loving children.

Good luck!

I nursed both my babies to sleep for naps and bedtime, my oldest for about 11mos and my youngest until he was 19mos, and neither had a problem putting themselves to sleep, both slept through the night at a reasonable age, and as toddlers neither woke at night, and now at 4 and 7 are both fabulous independent sleepers.

Why you ask? Because their needs were met without having to cry for them, and in turn that made them independent, trusting little beings.

My advice? Nurse him to sleep. Soon he will be wriggling out of your arms to do his own thing, and you will cherish these nights of being able to put him to sleep at your breast, in your arms. If he doesn't fall asleep nursing, then putting him up on your shoulder to burp, or rocking, or bouncing on an exercise ball will help him. He will outgrow it, trust me. Soon he will be happily nursing to sleep, and he will eventually be content with putting himself to sleep.

Trust me, just go with his flow. A baby that cries it out just learns that his needs aren't important, and he's crying for a reason. Go with his needs, because again soon he won't be as needy and you will have missed an important time with him.

Jen,

I agree with Ericka. I never let my boys cry, they didn't sleep through the night until I weaned them (at around 15-17 months), and they each sleep great now. We have never had any "bedtime issues" and both boys go right to bed at 7:00 and sleep straight through till 6:30 or 7:00 every night. I see all the horror story bedtimes on the Super Nanny and other shows and wonder how they got to that point? We started some sleep "training" around 12 months, and both were putting themselves to bed by 2 years. You might be thinking - 2 years! How will I ever make it that long? Seriously - they are the fastest 2 years of your life, and you will miss them when they are gone.

Best to you!
J.

SAHM to Rebecca (almost 1) Joey (almost 3) and Charlie (4)

I think the person who wrote the materials you've been reading about it being "important to teach babies to go to sleep on their own" is not a mom but rather an inexperienced theorist that does not have you or your infant's best interests in mind. Your infant is in his fourth trimester, and you are there to provide assistance in all aspects as he becomes familiar with life outside the womb. There is absolutely no scientific proof of a need for an infant to learn independence. Wait until he's 12 months old before you attempt that. There is however an abundance of attachment research in regards to babies, just google "attachment parenting" and you'll find it. I think what the theory is behind teaching a baby to be independent is to make the mother get more time for other stuff but it doesn't work that way. But we don't have babies as a side job do we?; it's hard work and we know it's inconvenient from the get-go. Babies need us to respond to them, especially at night. If you're not already doing this, are you willing to entertain cosleeping? It's hardly comparable to the closeness you experienced during pregnancy but the benefits are amazing. For your baby, he learns how to sleep and how to relax by being close to you and hearing your heartbeat like he did in the womb. Also it is nice for easy access for nursing. The nicest part is the transition to the 'big boy bed' in his own room when the days of him sleeping perpendicular to you arrive which signal he's ready for his own space. Also I definitely do not recommend making him "cry it out" because that is just not nice for anyone...nursing him to sleep is not harmful and is actually a very nice thing to do for your baby.

We rocked our daughter to sleep until she was 15 or 16 months old. After a year I would try putting her down awake but sleepy and she would scream her head off. I decided that it wasn't worth it. Why take a time that was so nice for cuddling and bonding and turn it into a screaming hell for all of us? That didn't mean I gave up. I just waited a couple of weeks and tried again. The last time I tried she didn't freak out so I knew she was ready. They aren't going to let you rock them to sleep when they are 16. We still rock, sing and read stories every night before bed and she goes to sleep on her own every night. Good luck!

Don't believe everthing you read. At this age he needs YOU! Hold him, nurse him, rock him. Just enjoy him because he will be a toddler before you know it.

I nursed our youngest till he was 18 months old. This included waking up at night until we weaned. He is almost 2 1/2 and sleeps great at night. We play a little, read a book, pray, and then tuck the kids in. He sleeps in the same room as his 4 1/2 year old sister so sometimes they talk and giggle for a little while before falling asleep. But both kids are quite good about going to sleep and staying in their beds for the whole night.

Just don't worry about it right now. He's too small to put on a schedule and train yet and babies are more satisfied if their needs are met immediately. Go with your instincts and do what's best for your family. Congrats!

You have been reading the wrong book.
Human infants are mamals with survival instincts
that in earlier times served to protect them from
harm. It is a primal instinct for babies to occasionally
wake for comfort, security, and food. A human mothers
instincts - when proper bonding occurs - is to meet those
basic needs.
When a babies needs are regularly met, they feel
content and secure and will sleep better and fuss less
during wakeful time. It is proven that babies raised in this secure
simplistic way become more secure and independent children
than those that are forced to self soothe.
So my advice would be find info about attachment parenting
and see what feels right to you. I personally co slept, breastfed
on demand, and never "trained" my babies to self sooth.
I now have a 4 and 9 year old who are compassionate,
loving, independent joys to be with.

I have been in your shoes with so many sets of advice over the years. They sound so good on paper--so logical and workable, but when I bring them into my personal situation they don't work the same. Be careful about trying to parent by "methods". This is your baby, an actual human personal being. He doesn't know methods. If you concentrate on learning him instead of learning methods, the entire parenting path will be more joyful. If you want to read it in a book, I would recommend Dr. Bill Sears. I have just started reading The Discipline Book again, though I have been doing this whole thing for nearly 20 years. The Baby Book is so great for starting out.

i got my babies into the habit of nursing, then 'playing' (I'd change their diaper right after nursing to wake them up), then sleeping. so that they weren't eating before naptime and couldn't depend on that to go to sleep. when it's time to sleep i hold them for a few minutes (not rocking or bouncing, just holding) until their eyes started to droop, then put them in the crib. if they were still fussy I'd pat them on the back and 'shhhh' until they drifted off. it takes patience, sometimes I'd have to do it for 10-15 minutes. but the time got less and less until they didn't even need the patting. at night I'd just quietly nurse and put them right back to bed, of course, but they didn't do sleep right after eating during the day or at bedtime (I'd nurse, then do bath, books, etc).

teaching good sleep habits does NOT have to mean letting your baby cry, we never did that. but you shouldn't have to rely on nursing or walking to sleep, either. my son slept through the night by 2-3 months and at a very early age we could just read and sing to him, give him a kiss, lay him down and leave the room. my daughter is only five weeks but she is doing great so far in this
routine.

we learned this all from the baby whisperer series of books, i would
highly recommend them!

I do agree with the other person who says this time goes by so fast - if something works for you and your family, just do it and don't worry what anyone says! good
luck! :)

Congrats on your new baby. He's a little young for any "sleep training." I've always heard that 4 months is about the youngest age you can start trying to work on sleep issues and schedules. And, some babies just have special needs. Mine were colicky. I always rocked, fed or nursed my kids to sleep. They did become dependent on that as toddlers, but they are now 10 and 13 with no long term effect or sleep problems. My 13 year old sleeps like a typical teenager! For sleep issues, I always recommend the book, "Sleepless in America" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

Books can be helpful at times. It is also important to realize that you know your own child better than the book authors do. You've found something that works for you and your baby for now. Looking ahead, who knows? I always held/nursed/rocked our first baby to sleep. With the second one I was willing to put her in her bed to fall asleep, but her dad insisted on holding and rocking her. Both kids did fine when it came time to get themselves back to sleep. You have experience with animals--it's great that you can use it to look at your little creature and guess what he needs.

Hello, just a quick note today :) I know that I worried about this quite a lot when my first baby was tiny like yours. Try not to worry... with experience I've realized that when they are so little, the best thing is to do whatever gets you and them the most sleep. I'm convinced they don't know the difference between you holding them until they fall asleep and you putting them down to fall asleep until they are a bit older - maybe 4-6 months. For now, I would enjoy the cuddling. Just watch for signs of readiness and anytime he seems calm in the evening after a feeding, put him down to give him a chance to learn. It will all come together gradually since you are so aware of the issue. Good luck!

Read the book Baby Wise. It saved us twice! With their system (which does not rely on nursing or singing or anything else but the child's own ability to go to sleep), you follow an Eat, Activity, Sleep, You (EASY) routine on about a three-hour cycle. It totally works, but you have to be willing to put your child down awake at the end of the cylce (when they are getting tired) and let them settle into their nap, which may involve crying at first - until they learn that this is nap time and time to close their eyes. It took us about three to five days of crying it out, then our kids got it and knew that when we put them in the crib and tucked them in and turned the lights out that it was nap time. In the book they talk about the first 5-10 minutes of crying as being a way they work out their energy and fall into a relaxed state. They advise a 15 minute rule which allows you the comfort of knowing if they're tired, they'll be asleep within 15 minutes so it's okay to let them go. After getting into this routine, usually the crying wanes within 5 minutes and they're sound asleep. If they are still crying after 15 minutes, you get them up and try again in a half hour. But you get to the point where you know when they are tired, and they know it's nap time, and you put them in their bed and they just go to sleep. It's a beautiful thing. After a month or two, we could even put our babies down for a nap at a friend's house when they were tired - in a portable crib or carseat even - and they would go to sleep, with maybe 5 minutes of crying if they were in a fussy mood. I wish you the best!

Jen,

With putting babies to sleep, the younger the better. With my first, I waited until she was 6 weeks old and the process took a week. My second started at 4 weeks and it took a couple days. With my third and fourth babies, I started from the hospital and we never had to "cry it out." I nursed, changed diaper and nursed on second side until calm but not asleep. I laid the baby in the bed swaddled the way they liked it. I turned off the light so it was nice and dark, shut the door and left the room.

It doesn't matter if your baby falls asleep right away. He has had 9 months of isolation in the dark and is very comfortable with that. Don't feel like if he is awake, you have to be entertaining him every second. I made that mistake with my first and we have both paid the price for the last 8 years.

Your baby is old enough to sleep 12 hours at night if he was not a preemie. If he doesn't do that right away, make sure the feedings and diaper changes if needed are done in the dark and quiet. Just have enough light that you can find the baby and feed him. Don't socialize or play, just feed and put back to bed. When parents turn on the lights, make noise, talk, and play during nighttime feedings, the babies could be up for hours.

He is old enough that if you let him fall asleep in the car or the swing, it will interfere with his ability to put himself to sleep. That means he could be waking up at the end of a sleep cycle in the middle of the night for months or years and you will have to continue to put him back to sleep. So yes, it's harder now, but it's a couple weeks of hard work now in trade for years of sleeping through the night.

Good luck,
S.

I have used and suggest the Baby Whisper by Tracy Hogg. I fell into the same routine. Baby would wake, I would change her, play with her, after some time when she got cranky I would think she was tried, nurse her and put her to bed. The EASY method changes that routine a little and gets them to sleep on their own. When the wake, you feed them (E), then active time (A), then watching for sleep signals, change them and have a little routine and put them to bed (S). Finally You (Y) time, whatever that is for you, a nap also, read a book, catch up on email, do the dishes or laundry.....

Hope this helps.

H.

Didn't have time to read other responses but I bet most say the same thing. 2 months is too young to start thinking or worrying about this. I think with both my girls, I nursed them to sleep until they were closer to about 6-8 months old. Then I started trying to nudge them a bit awake before putting them down. Don't worry and enjoy your sleeping baby!!

I tell you what has worked for us, but it certainly isn't fool proof. From what I read in preparation for our twin boys (now 8 months old) I decided to "help" them sleep until their sleep rythmns developed. So we held, rocked, etc. until they were 3-4 months old. I never nursed them to sleep because the logistics with one mom and two babies didn't work out. My disclaimer is that my babies have never excelled in the sleep department, but do go down awake and get themselves to sleep now. Good luck. I remember those early months and looking for sleep solutions for them, it can be tough.

I think it's too early to worry about teaching a baby to fall asleep on their own when they are only 2 months old. For the first several months babies really can't learn to regulate themselves that way. When your baby is 5 or 6 months old you may want to get more serious about having him fall asleep on his own, but for now I think rocking, swinging or cuddling him to sleep is just fine (and probably actually good for him -- babies NEED lots of physical comforting, it promotes healthy brain development). Congratulations on your new baby!

Hi Jen,

I wouldn't worry about it too much yet. He's still so young. As he gets older and develops more routine to his day you can start to sleep train using the method that works for you. I have a 4 yr old that we have to "re-train" 1-2 times a year because something changes his routine (illness, vacation, holidays...) If you snuggle or rock him to sleep now you aren't bound to do that forever. As he matures so will your routine with him. Enjoy that baby! My "babies" are already 4 yrs and 20 months.

I used the sleep sense.HIGHLY recommend it http://www.sleepsense.net/share.html?p=sleepbabysleep&amp...