What Does It Mean to Fall Asleep on Own?

My definition of "fall asleep on own" is to put the baby/child in their bed while they are still awake, and let them get to sleep by themselves. In my opinion, it is hugely important for developing good sleep habits as they get older.

I think it means you put them in the crib still awake, you leave the room while they are still awake and then they fall asleep "on their own".

For my son around 3 months he went from wanting to be held to wanting to be laid down in a semi-dark quiet place. My daughter was the same way and still is (1 yr old). My son on the other hand got a really bad cold on top of teething around 7 months old and we had to hold him (so he was semi-upright so he could breath better) in order to get him to sleep. Unfortunately that became a habit and we still do that today (he is now 2 yrs old). But he is in daycare and is incredibly tired after running all day so he is usually asleep by 9:00 at night so we don't mind holding him till he falls asleep.

I am actually almost done with my bach. in child dev., it means to allow the baby to fall asleep without the help of nursing, bottle, etc.... it's similar to when adults go to bed, we do it on our own, same idea applies to the baby. They have to learn to fall asleep on their own, it's like a small milestone. you can stay in the room and rub her back/belly, the cry it out methon, but no more than 15 minutes, after that go to her because then the whole attachment/abandonment issue comes into play. you'll find a method that works good for you, you should also start at 5-6 months, so your girl is ready for it, it will just take some time, maybe a few days or a few weeks all depends on the child and how she was put to sleep before.

Hi Emily:
You're right -- all moms have different ways of doing things and different opinions when it comes to getting their little ones to sleep. I personally went for similar methods described in the Baby Wise book because I wanted my daughter to sleep in her own bed and self-soothe herself to sleep. The book advocates getting your baby on a flexible schedule from 1 mo. on so that she knows what to expect. It also recommends keeping your baby awake after feedings (eat, play, sleep). This establishes a nice routine and, for many babies, it helps them go to sleep without rocking, nursing, vibrating or driving around in a car, etc. It's a natural way to encourage independent sleeping from an early age with very little "crying it out" involved.
With few exceptions, (for the last few months she was waking up at night and we'd get her back to sleep with a bottle) this method has worked very well for us. And occasionally, when she's sick or needy, I'll rock her to sleep, but for the most part, she's been an excellent sleeper. While I have a great respect for moms who rock their little ones to sleep every night, I just knew that approach wasn't for me! It's been really nice just putting her in her crib, kissing her goodnight and closing the door to a quiet, happy baby. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Emily,

Snuggle your baby while you can! I nursed my babies to sleep, or snuggled next to them, or rocked them in my arms, or cozied in bed to read them a book, until they went to sleep. They never had a pacifier, so that is a battle I never had, either. They are 6 and 3 years old now, and I do not have problems with them sleeping "on their own."

I never believed letting babies cry it out was a good idea, because then they are all upset right before they are supposed to be relaxed and feel safe. When you do not respond to their pleas for help, it sends the message that you are unreliable. Research has proven conclusively that babies who are not touched and loved do not thrive. Remember, babies are NOT miniature adults and should not be expected to act like one.

I also wasn't very interested in establishing a "routine" because then you get problems whenever it is interrupted. I have a friend whose 2-year-old daughter will only go to sleep in her own bed, so if they are visiting, or traveling, they are absolutely miserable because when she gets tired, then screams and cries because she cannot get to her own bed. Also, all that talk about self-soothe should be taken with a bit of caution. The same little girl when finished with her tantrum at not having her own bed will finally lay down and her form of "self-soothe" is she gropes her crotch with both hands. Humans are not robots, so too much routine can be a bad thing.

Trust your gut instinct when you feel like holding baby close and expressing your love. Watch how a mother cat treats her kittens and you'll have a pretty good model. :)

Best wishes,
K.

Falling asleep on own means that you can put your daughter down awake and she will fall asleep without you rocking her or humming to her. She may cry at first. If this happens go in every 5-10 minutes and rub her back and tell her she's okay, but don't pick her up. It took my daughter 2 days of this before she was able to go to sleep all by herself.

Hi Emily!

I read a book called Good NIght Sleep Tight!, I don't know the author, but help us a lot, I'm mother of twins, so you can imagine that I needed some help, is very good, it's about how you can teach your baby to put asleep by it self.

My opinion is when a child is put down while still awake. Now, I must be the exception to the rule with this one. My children have been on a sleep routine since day 1. I breast fed both my children for 8 weeks and 10 weeks. After they fed they went to bed. Then after we switched to formula they got a bottle fed to them and then went to bed. After 1 year of age, they were then set into the routine and I have no problems at all with bed time routine. I do have days where they want to whine or cry and they just cry it out for a bit and then fall asleep. I personally feel that when they are too exhausted is when they want to cry and whine.
I hope this helps you.
God Bless and best of luck!
~AJ

I must admit I didnt get my son to sleep on his own. I put him in a daycare/education center. They were able to get him to sleep on his own. I use to hold him as well as granny, pawpaw. Now thanks to the lovely ladies there, all i do is get his blanket and pillow and he lays on it and goes to sleep. He afraid of the dark so he falls asleep on either the couch or my bed and I move him to his bed. But they helped alot. He had no problems going from one to the other. I am learning as well as he is about what works and what don't. First child and single mom and its hard but we make it. I realized with my son that when he is ready he will do soemthing on his own.

i haven't a clue, if you can figure it out please let me know. i've been sleeping on the couch with our 7month old son since about a months old, what our pediatrician recommended. but they say at six months they need to be able to put themselves to sleep-meaning cry it out until they fall asleep in their own crib. bull-duties! i don't agree that a baby should scream all night long until they eventually might fall asleep. my brother and sis in law did that and everynight their daughter would puke because she cried so hard. and now she's 18mnths old and have to lay with her on their bed until she falls asleep then put her in the crib. now if they try to put her in the crib first, she automatically throws up. let me know what you find out b/c i need some helpful advise too!!! S.

Our daughter has always slept in her own crib, tho we didn't move her out of our room until four months because the hike upstairs in the middle of the night to nurse was too daunting up until that point....

We define sleeping on own as falling asleep in their own bed by themselves. Both of my children have slept in their own crib in their own room - my son since two months and my daughter since four ( as we moved to a two story). Once moved to their own room, they both were put down, covered up, fairly awake, told it was sleepy time, and typically before we walk out of the room and close the door they're snoozing happily with their stuffed animal of choice. They occasionally had/have problems - fear, teething, illness - but for the majority of nights (and naptimes) it's as follows:
Take child in room
Put child down in crib
Cover with blanket
Make sure transitional object is with child
raise crib side
Say "Nappy/Sleepy Time!" and use the ASL sign for sleep
Kiss on forehead
Turn around, walk away, close door

Also, we have a nightime routine with both the kids that consists of bath, story, bible, prayer, song, bed. In that order every night.

I also did have to let my son cry it out for one night at six months for an hour and half. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Gutwrenching. But he never had a problem after that. My daughter has never had a problem falling asleep on her own so that was never needed with her.

This also works with a 14 month old I babysit who cosleeps at all other times with a family member. I've only had one time when he didn't fall right to sleep by himself in his own playpen without assistance and that was when my husband was in the room with the flu. His mom marvels at that, but even she's made it clear that the cosleeping is more for her than her son.

If all else fails, watch some archived SuperNanny episodes on getting children to sleep on their own. She's consistent, keeps the same pattern with every child that has a problem with it, and it always works.

Above all, realize that if your daughter is older than a few months, and/or if you've been cosleeping, getting her to sleep alone, and fall asleep on her own, is going to be ALOT OF WORK. Be prepared. But it's totally worth it in the end - when you get a good night's rest and aren't getting kicked by a squirmy sleeper. :)

Good luck!

i honestly think this completely depends on the child. i have two. one wants to be up my but. i have always read stories and held him. i tried the crying asleep thing and guess what six hours later he was screaming his head off. and people who say well do it for a couple of weeks did not work for my child there are night i put him in his room and he has a tv now and he goes to sleep fine others not. he will cry till 3 in the morning. and next my second child i read stories and love rocking him and then all the sunden he goes bed and he wants in his bed he rolls over and sucks his thumb and he is out. he is 20 month. meanwhile i have a four year old still sleeps in my bed at least 3 times a month and my 20 month old wants nothing to do with my bed ( even when he is sick).

Hi, Emily --

I bet this is one that you get many different answers for! Unlike my cousin's son, who could fall asleep sitting up or would grab a blanket and put himself to sleep on the floor, or wherever he was, our daughter NEVER would sleep easily. We were so thankful to get her to sleep that, however it came, we welcomed it.

We did develop a bedtime routine and began by trying to rock her to sleep to music (from approx. 1 month old to 4 months old). After we'd done that for several months, putting her in her bed after she'd fallen asleep, we gradually started "weaning" her from it... We'd do the same sort of routine, but complete it after she was in her bed so that she would fall asleep in her own place.

Personally, I am not sure why there's an emphasis on this, unless it is to help babies learn to be responsible for turning their minds off by themselves vs. relying on external stimuli to relax and slumber. My daughter's mind is always going, and it's still very difficult for her to relent to sleep, even when she's tired (she's now 3). She doesn't fight going to bed, since it's a pleasant time of stories and books, hugs and kisses, but it's definitely been a learning process for her to turn her little head off and relax.

My feeling is - always encourage some independence in your child, even if it's just in tiny ways, so that they can become capable of helping themselves. I feel like that's the goal, however, you still need to create a routine that's right for you, too. Moms need SLEEP, and if you can only get peace by putting your child in bed already asleep, then do that. I did a mix of the two - aspiring to the higher standard but permitting myself "whatever works" when I was exhausted and had had enough. Be good to yourself :)!

Emily,
I have a 4 yr old daughter and a 7 month old son. For my four year old she didnt want to fall asleep on her own until she was was almost a year old. I had to go into the bedroom and lay down with her and pat her back for a while till she fell asleep then lay her down in her crib. My son on the other hand is was only about 5 months and didnt want anything to do with me patting his back. Which is kind of sad for me because i like that mother baby time. He already doesnt want me to put him to sleep. He would rather lay down in his crib and fall asleep on his own. I would have to say that he is pretty much on a routine though. He goes to bed at the same time every night except for on the weekends because his father and i both work full time monday thru friday. And i dont have any problems with my daughter going to sleep on her own although i did pat her back to sleep for a while. good luck

Falling alseep on their own is to fall asleep by themselves in their crib. As I recommend toe veryone I know, read the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Children book. Our son has been going to sleep by himself since 6 weeks. We put our son to sleep in his crib awake, but tired. He grabs his dog Rover, rolls over to watch the rainforest, sings, giggles and in about 5 minutes goes to sleep. Occassionally he cries or whines a little, but not much
I know others will blast me for saying this, but it is an important step to independence and self soothinng. I refuse to be a mom who must hold and cuddle her baby for as long as it takes them to fall asleep THis is not doing you or your baby any favors.

Well I have two daughters who I would say could fall asleep on their own. My oldest daughter did have some sleeping issues but I would put her in her crib while she was wide awake and she would most of the time fall asleep on her own. She did go through some stages were she would cry,but she was good for the most part.. I started her at a very young age I would say within the first month... My youngest daughter as been able to put herself to sleep since she was a baby. I have always put her in her crib when she's awake and she's always falls asleep. (unless she sick then I rock her) I do miss sometimes that I don't rock them or get to cuddle them. But it's nice to just put them to bed and not have to take hours to put them to bed.

I nursed my first 2 children to sleep and I payed for it. I didn't get a full nights sleep until both of them were over a year old and I had to let them both cry it out. I even had to send my husband up to calm our son (2nd child) because he was so attached to me. Our daughter goes to sleep right away and stays in her bed usually, she's 6. Our son, however, at 3 fights to stay in his room and to fall asleep. Our 3rd is 8 weeks and she has been sleeping 10 hours and I have been determined to put her down when she's very sleepy but not "limp asleep". I would put your daughter down when she's almost asleep, but still occasionally opens her eyes so she can see she can go to sleep on her own. If you wait until her arms fall when you pick them up, you've gone too far :). Hope this helps. It took me 3 kids to figure it out!

My son is 13 months old now but at 11 months I said to myself he is going to have to learn how to put himself to sleep...many moms probably do this before 11 months but I chose to rock him to sleep for naps and night time. Maybe it is because I stay at home and he is my first.
What I did was I took him upstairs and I would say to him "go night night". Then I would give him his milk to hold in a sippy cup and sometimes he would drink it and other times he wouldn't while I was rocking him. Then I would just lay him down in the crib...cover him up and give him 3 paci's. (we are working on the paci thing now)LOL! He would cry but I NEVER would go back into the room and let him see me...I think that confuses them. Of course after 30 minutes I would go check on him...and he was asleep. Then after 2 nights he started pointing to his crib....like he was saying "I am ready mom". What a good feeling that was for my husband and I.
I do think that going to sleep on their own means the baby being awake when they lay down. But you don't have to take away "special" things that you and your baby enjoy...rocking, bottle, paci,singing, reading.
I think it does develop a bedtime over time because now my son knows at certain times of the day it is sleep time and he gets tired.
Do whatever works for you....my son goes in and out of routines, sometimes he cries when I lay him down....so nothing is ever perfect. Just like slleping through the night....they will do it for a while and then one week they will sleep horrible :-)
Good Luck