Getting Baby to Nap

I don't mean to sound harsh but you snd the au pair have created your situation such that she has been held to go to sleep and is trained that way. I hope you want to stay single because as nice and easy as it is to have her sleep in your bed you will have trouble getting her out. I hsve s friend that couldn't get her daughter out of her bed until her marriage was suffering her daughter was 8 yrs old and another friend that has a son that still comes in her bed at 14. You have to sleep train her now and it will be a hard time for you. Conistenancy and pAtience are key.

Hi Cassie,
This sounds a little like what happened with our first daughter. Our nanny "trained" her to only fall asleep when being rocked and sung to. It was cute when she was a month old, but got really old when she was a year old and 25 pounds. The thing is, you trained her to do this, so this is what she does. Now you have to train her to do what you want, which is to fall asleep on her own without so much help from the grown-ups. I'd recommend "On Becoming Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo. We used his method with our younger child and it worked wonders for us. It is a really quick read (I finished it in an afternoon) and just made a whole lot of sense to me, not just in getting babies to sleep, but in parenting in general. He gives a lot of great ideas on how to help babies learn to self-soothe (not just CIO, but many different methods - we happened to use a pacifier). Also he does address what to do when your baby wakes up crying (in short- the baby is not ready to wake up. Let them cry a few minutes and they may very well fall back asleep!).

If it would be helpful I can go more into detail on the various methods he describes in the book, but it might be faster just to run to the library and pick up the book! =) Good luck, I was there once and it IS possible to get past it. (My older child, who was such a pain to get to sleep as a baby, is now nearly impossible to wake up! She looooves sleeping now that I need her to wake up for school!) Hang in there.

Hi K.,
Try putting her in the stroller and walking around the block or even just out in front of your house. My daughter used to fall asleep in the stroller quite easily. Good Luck!

I agree with those who say to train her to go to sleep the way that works best for you. I found with my daughter that the more consistent I am, the better off she is. Don’t forget to make the atmosphere as sleep friendly as possible; i.e.: dark room, soft music playing, etc. Setting a new routine and actually getting cooperation from the baby may take several days, but don’t give up!
It sounds like she is comforted by sucking, which is completely normal. It’s something your daughter can find and use to comfort herself even in the middle of the night. My daughter only gets her pacifier to sleep or for long drives in the car, she doesn’t demand it otherwise.
I agree with other posts that say she’s not done sleeping if she wakes up crying. I don’t really like the idea of CIO either, but I do pay attention to what kind of cry my dd makes and I go to her if she really needed me. I started this at about 9 months, and it was hard, but no one said parenting was easy. Get to know your daughters “voice”. If her cry is like ringing a bell, “Mother COME”, then wait and listen, if it changes to more of a panicked “where are you/are you ever coming back” then go to her immediately. It didn’t take my daughter long to learn, that I’m always there for her, but I’m not at her beck and call. That too, is not to say she doesn’t keep trying. Be consistant.
Night time wakings are rare for us now at 16 months and most of those we do experience are resolved by my daughter without my assistance. In fact the more I go to her, the more she then expects that.
The Baby Whisperer was a good resource for me.
Best wishes

Dear K.,
First, congratulations on your baby!
Second, you have instilled some patterns that are going to have to be changed. It will be better to do it now.
My neighbors, who I'd gone to high school with, had their son exactly 30 days before my baby girl was born. She weighed 5 pounds at birth, he weighed 10-1/2 pounds.
When his mom went back to work, I took care of both babies. (I had him until he was almost 5 years old!)
Anyway, it wasn't too bad at first, I could have them both on my lap or carry them both from room to room. But before long, I could barely carry him at all for any length of time. I only weighed 105 myself. So, I had to get creative...much like the mom of twins must do. They both had little bouncy seats and they both had strollers so I could give them their bottles and rock the strollers with my feet. They just simply couldn't be carried all the time. My daughter was walking by 7 months and she never slept during the day which made it easier to rock the little boy, but they both had "rest time". Either in a crib or a play-pen or a stroller...they had times of day where they layed down. If they slept they slept, if they didn't they didn't, but they got used to being fine with not being held all day long.
They are 22 now and both very independent adults. Back in those days, I'd never even heard of the "cry it out" method. Maybe I'm a little "old-school", but the first thing I learned as a new mother is that it does not hurt a baby to cry. I don't mean left alone to scream for hours or anything like that, but their lungs are just like anything else...they might as well exercise them once in a while.
Like I said, my daughter walked very early and she might cry if I turned her around to walk away from the rose bushes or moved the remote so she couldn't grab it. She cried. Did it hurt her? No.
Does it hurt a baby to cry while you lay them down so you can go in the bathroom without holding them on your lap the whole time? No.
We don't want our babies to cry because we want them to be happy all the time. That's not realistic.
We don't want to listen to a crying baby. But, that comes with the territory. I think it's a disservice to the child to never let them fuss or cry. Especially when it comes to just letting them lay down.
I'm sure your au pair's back does hurt!
I'm very fortunate in that when I had both babies to contend with, being tiny myself, pacing someone else's baby to sleep was never expected of me. I didn't expect it of myself. That little boy got just as much love and affection as my own daughter did, but I was not physically capable of the carrying thing...for either one of them. I could soothe by rocking or walking or pats on the back, but the carrying thing was out of the question.
The other thing I wanted to say is that if your baby wakes up and starts fussing, let her fuss for a little bit. She may fuss herself right back to sleep. You said that she seems startled if you enter the room, she may not be fully awake yet. You really don't have to race to a child everytime it fusses.
You're a new mom. You aren't doing anything wrong. And your au pair may not have confidence as far as being experienced with knowing it's okay for a baby to cry sometimes. She's not doing anything wrong if the baby cries.
Your baby will figure out that there are other ways to fall asleep. You just have to give her that opportunity.
Best of wishes.

Hi K. - gosh - it sounds very trying. I remember only too well the sleep deprivation of the first year or two. My son is now 4 and half. Have you tried massage?
When my son was having colic and alot of difficulty sleeping I tried it - by the time I finished massaging him he was asleep. Local hospitals sometimes have classes, or you can buy a book to get you started.

They have massage oils for kids with some very gentle calming aromatherapy - which can only help. It makes the parent or caregiver feel better too!

Good luck!

I second the yoga ball recommendation. My little guy had severe reflux and had to be sound asleep before being placed in his crib. He has a BigBro at home so laying down with him was not an option. I would nurse him and then put him over my shoulder with a sling used to support his rump and hold hiim against my chest. I would put one hand under his bottom and use the other to pat his back/burp him while I was sitting and bouncing on the ball. He would start to nod off and then startle a little so I'd offer a pacifier. He'd then go into a deeper sleep and I'd loosen the sling little by little until I had him horizontal. It took a bit of practice to get the sling off us so I could put him in the crib but at least by this time he was sound asleep and I saved my shoulder and back from supporting his full weight. He was over 9lbs at birth and tipped the scales at 20lbs by 6mos on breastmilk alone so I definitely understand having a sore back! How wonderful that your AuPair has been going the extra mile to ensure your daughter is well-rested!

Our son used to do the same thing for naps (and nighttime). We resorted to using his car seat/stroller and walking him around the house. For him, it was about being in motion to fall asleep. We could then either let him sleep in the carrier, great for when he had a cold and couldn't breathe well flat, or try to let him get into a deep enough sleep we could lift him and put him in the crib. Good luck!

Unfortunately for her, your au pair has set the bar for your daughter and your daughter expects the continuity. Any deviation will certainly be met with resistance (crying). She won't need to do CIO, but she will need to do some nap training and try to teach your daughter to self-soothe while in her care. There are a couple of books you/she can try, the easiest of which is "The SleepEasy solution" or "The Baby Whisperer".

Good luck

Hi K.,
Well, sounds like your little one has you just where she wants you....wrapped around her finger. So many moms don't want to try CIO, and I can understand to a certain extent. The problem is, you have created a baby that is now the boss, and it will continue to move on over into every other area of your life. If that's how you choose to live, then more power to you and I wish you the best of luck. However, it will be a hard road. I know it sounds like I'm making a big deal of nothing, but believe me, 4 children later, I have learned that every little thing they can begin to control gives them more and more power over deciding who's the boss in your house. Try looking into the future and seeing your precious baby at 15 years old telling you what she's going to do/not do, when she's going to do it and that you can't do anything about it. Sound painful? You bet. So if you start now, while they're little and innocent, to set the tone of your relationship, you can avoid so much pain, heartbreak and anguish later on. It is possible to be the boss and still have a loving relationship with your child. We're not their friends, though, we're their parents. I know this all seems like it has nothing to do with your question, but here's my point. If you try CIO for just a few days, I really do believe it will change your life. 9 months old is plenty old enough to self soothe. She has just been able to choose her method of soothing up until now, and it has been to have someone carry her around or lie with her the whole time. It's a natural progression that each new soothing tactic eventually will not be enough for her. Just give CIO an honest thought. Of course it hurts us to hear our babies cry. Naturally, as mothers we want to soothe them and say everything is alright. But this is a lesson she is going to have to learn, or she is going to rule the roost from now on. Please understand there is no malice intended in my response...just experience talking. God bless and good luck mama.

My nine-month-old was going through the same thing. Since she could now stand in the crib, I couldn't just rub her back as she lay to get her to sleep again. Now, as soon as I would put her in her crib, asleep or so I thought.. she would literally roll right over and stand and cry.

I have tried just about everything, but what's working lately is the WAY I lay her down in her crib. It's no easy feat, because we co-sleep mostly too. I lower the bar on her crib right before I am about to "grab" her for nap time. After I get her to sleep in my arms, I very gently lay her down, keeping her close to my chest the whole time. This means that you will bend all the way over. Some times she fusses, but when she feels I'm still "there", she closes her eyes again. I gently pat her and quietly shush, and then I slowly get up, put the bar up on the crib SUPER quiet, like a ninja!

She has managed to stay asleep from 30 mins to 2 hours like this, which is way more than she's ever done in her crib. She's never been much of a napper.

Maybe you're already trying this, but just in case you haven't, hope it works for ya!

Good Luck!

Oh! Also, or "P.S.", make sure your baby has eaten well, very full belly helps A TON.

Having several chhildren and several wonderful little ones for me to love, I know that nap time is a hard time for some children. Some of mine gave up naps early (by 18 months) so we called it the "Perry Mason" hour, because the show came on at the same time everyday the little ones would get placed in the crib or we would pretend they were baby birds and they nested on the floor in quilts and had to stay there quiet for the length of the show. Sometimes the audio is turned off and I would just sit and read to the little one for the length of the show. This was "moms" quiet time I didn't get on the phone or even answer the door. I now have a new generation of my children that are aware of nana's Perry Mason hour. Recently my daughter was here and answered the phone its Perry Mason time my mom can't talk right now! She is over 30years old.
So try a entire new routine and see if it works. Walking with my children never did anything but make them more active and curious as to why I wanted them to sleep.nanaglenda

You might try The No-Cry Nap Solution book (from the same lady who wrote the No-Cry Sleep Solution). My baby and I are working on napping now and I got some useful ideas from this book.

There are also sleep consultants in the area you could talk to. Check out Sara Cohen at http://www.sleepyfamily.com or Angelique Millette at http://www.angeliquemillette.com

I'd try having your au pair sit on a large exercise ball and bounce up and down. Our exercise ball was our salvation. I had a large baby and don't know what I would have done without it. good luck!

I've done alot of reading on infant sleep lately in order to help my own child. It sounds like if your daughter wakes up crying she is looking for you and your arms because that is how she fell asleep. Imagine if you fell asleep somewhere and woke up in another place, if you will. It might be time to teach her to fall asleep independantly. If you don't agree with CIO there are other methods you can try. The baby whisperer discusses something called pick up put down, or the sleep lady reccomends soothing from a chair which you gradually move out of the room. I did the second method with my first when she was about a year old. It did not work with my second though whom I had to let CIO. It will really depend on your childs personality. Good luck.

Hi Cassie,
Oh your daughter sounded just like my son did 3 months ago. He has never been a good napper. Just couldn't transition during the sleep ____@____.com @ 9 months it was horrible, ____@____.com separation anxiety hightened during this time and I couldn't even start the laying down motion before he woke up screaming. So unfortunately what I ended up doing was rocking in a chair for @ least 20 minutes and laid him down in the way corner of his crib so he felt as if someone was still there. He still only slept 20-45 min but @ least it was something. Then he started to crawl the teeth broke through, and he started out of nowhere having 2-3hr naps. It was clearly just a "phase" he went through. It finally passed for him right around 10.5mth.

In the meantime, I am a firm believer if you create a loving and fun time in the crib eventually they will sleep when they are ready. My son exactly at a yr old all of sudden started sleeping through the night with no CIO. I just kept the routine consistent..Bedtime= dinner, bath, storytime w/dad, music and cuddle time w/ mom and to bed. Naptime- story time, and rocked to just being settled pacifer and to bed. It eventually worked.

Although, he does put more of a fight with other people. But if they stick to the routine they eventually get him to bed. I would suggest the Au pair starts a routine that she can carry out throughout your daughters care. She might fight it at first but as long as she is comforted it will all be okay. I've also found a slower nipple on the bottle seems to help with the bottle running out before she's asleep. That is as long as she doesn't get frustrated with it.

It was hard for my son at least to get settled down. he just needed the help getting to the point where he could relax. My only advice is to start now to cuddle, nurse, rock or whatever to that point, then lay her down before she's all the way out, and just sit there next to her. Pat her, let her play with your hands whatever. She will eventually get use to be laying down and fall asleep.

The reality is @ 9 months they are going through so much, so just try to make it as comforting as possible. Its a longer process, but it did make my son enjoy going to sleep.

Sorry for being long winded, but if you need any addition help feel free to send me an email..
Amy