Getting My 3Yr. Old to Bed

Here's an excellent book:

"Good Night Sleep Tight, The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake Up Happy"

Author: Kim West with Joanne Kenen.

It addresses sleep issues by the age of the child, and actually kind of offers a compromise. A way to wean him off of your presence in the room as a sleep aid, but with no tears on his OR your part.

Worked for me with my son!

After I wrote this I realized it is quite wordy the main idea is kind of in the middle (baby gate). :

I am a mother of a 3year old girl (Lydia) and 16mos. old boy/girl twins (Zachary and Zoey). I do not yet have the experience of the "big" bed but with my 3 year old... we do find ourselves having to go back in room once and a while but we limit it to twice (or try to). Sometimes we have to let her cry for a bit and/or scream (I know this could be an issue with your husbands sleep.. but it shoudl get better.)... The main point is I/we put a baby gate up in front of her door so that she knows when it is bed time she is to stay in her room. She is allowed to read a book in bed by the night light (this is usually the same book we have just read to her). We also use the baby gate for time outs... so she can calm herself down and know that it is her choice of when she is done. I guess it makes one of the child/mother struggles a bit easier. As to how he behaves in his room with his sister... I have no experience as of yet... my Zachary and Zoey are still in cribs and fall asleep alright or of course talk until they do (they are usually ready to sleep when they are there though).
Also... at first I did worry a bit about what if she needed us but she if very good at letting us know when she needs something etc. Our apartment is set up with our bedroom at the end of the hall way, then Zachary and Zoeys, and Lydia's. So that the rest of the house does not get terrorized in the middle of the night you can always move the gate to the hall way to block off the other part of the house so that she can still have access to your room. If lay out allows. We don't do this anymore because she goes and wakes up the others and they like to sleep in a bit past her 5:45 a.m. wake ups (lol).
Anyways... so far this has worked very well for us... if she is not as tired as she wants to be she still realizes that that time (including nap times) is mommy/daddy or whomevers time. (her time too of course.) If I do have trouble with the screaming/crying... I go in or stand at the door and remind her that she needs to go to sleep so that she has energy for the next day "you have to get some sleep so we have energy to do fun things tomorrow". I usually then tell her that when she wakes up in the morning a new fun day will start. This works for her.
Sorry this ended up being so long... got to go now because Lydia is attempting to climb up through my arms under the desk and Zoey is wanting morning cuddles. I would love to talk with you more... I'd love any advice or what not with twins. I just can't imagine how the big bed thing will go. One day at a time though, right?
C.

Hi
We had this problem when my daughter was about the same age (now 4). I was at the end of my rope with the going to bed insanity and then the simplest thing worked magic...I just promised to come check on her. "I'll check in you in one minute," and she would wait excitedly, like it was a game. I'd check, give her a smile or a hug, sometimes she'd stall and ask for a glass of water, but she had to stay in bed and wait for me so it put things back under my control. Then I'd say that I'd check again in 2 minutes. Next time 3 minutes. etc.
We still are doing this but I think I've only had to go to the "4 minute level" a handful of times in the last year.
Seems simple and obvious but it saved me!!
-OM
ps- I have a boy and a girl on the way so I'm sure I'll be posting lots of fraternal twin questions soon!

Hi P.,

This is what I used to do for my son and I also shared this with another mom and it worked.

Do you have big boy sheets to want him to go to bed? Also, instead of time outs at that time of the day, tell your son that he will lose his favorite TV program the next day. If he comes out of his room, then he will lose his favorite toy the next day. But, don't tell him both things at the same time due to his age.

Try it and see if it works. Good luck and this will get better.

HA

Hi P.,

I am a mother of 4 (now 5,8,11 & 14) and with all of them I stayed in there rooms until they fell asleep. I did this until they were 4 years old. By that age they were over the separation issue and went to bed when asked. To start them on there own I would ask them to lay in bed while I loaded the dishwasher or used the restroom. Then it only took them about 10 min. after I went to there room to fall asleep. After about 2 weeks they went to bed with no problem, I told them I would check on them and I did. They will only want you around for a short time, so savor every moment they want you. Good Luck!!

Try going on the Supernanny Website. She employs great techniques with how to deal with getting your kids to bed. If you fall asleep next to him any night, he is going to expect that the next night again & again & again. I would try the technique of continuing to put him in his bed, again & again & again every time he comes out of his room. You don't have to take special things away from him or use time-outs at bedtime. He'll get it eventually when you keep replacing him back to his bed. This technique may take hours & hours, but he'll get the picture after you keep putting him back in his room, & back & back & back.

P.,

That's tough and I have no solutions, but my younger daughter, who shares a room with her big brother, had troubles going to sleep for a while about a year ago (she's 3 1/2). At first, I was all hardball, but then I started to 1) put my son to bed in a different room and 2) lay down with her for a set number of minutes after tucking her in. It helped tremendously to separate them, b/c they kept each other up. I move my son back once one of them has fallen asleep. As for laying down with my daughter, I always put a time on it -- usually 5 minutes -- and counted down from there. Then I would leave and tell her that she could only call me once. After that one time, I'd tell her that I wasn't coming back. It seemed to work. Now, sometimes I lay with her for "1 minute" and she's fine.

Hope this helps,

S.
Mom of Jerimiah (6) and Samara (3)

Have you tried rewards for staying in bed? Our son really responded to earning a sticker (or candy) if he stayed in bed. Since if was tough to get him to stay in bed for any amount of time, we started small. At first he received a reward if he remained in bed for a a little while "while Mommy brushed her teeth". Then for longer "while mommy cleaned up". Soon he started getting a sticker only if he stayed in bed all night. The still loves his morning sticker and is a much better sleeper. It really helped to set goals of small time periods at first so he could see some success. I also think being very specific about where you are going if helpful at first as well. I would say "Mommy needs to go get ready for bed and when I am finished if you are still in bed you will get a sticker". After I returned I would stay until he fell asleep, but I made my trips out of the room longer and longer and soon he was asleep before I returned and collecting his sticker in the morning.