Getting My 4 Yr Old to Begin Cleaning up His Toys

It's simple. He can't do the next thing unless he cleans up first. If it's dinner time, he can't eat. If it's video game time, he can't play.
Trust me... it works.

This works great:

It is time to go outside or watch his favorite show. Oops! Can't do that until the mess is clean. Watch how fast it works. I have a 4yo boy also.

Hi, I am a single mom of a 13 yr old and a childcare provider. My experience has shown me that starting small and giving praise is most effective. Cleaning up many toys can be overwhelming I think. Start with him having to put back the one toy he is playing with before getting another out. If he doesnt that one toy gets taken and it must be earned back. Making charts are great also. Kids sometimes need something visual to understand. Give a small reward for a job well done each night, an extra story read before bed or a small treat. One thing is for certain no two kids learn or work the same lol even when they come from the same family!

Best of luck to ya!

Hi L.,
My first two kids were the first grandkids and had way to many toys. So I bagged up the ones they wouldn't clean up and WE would give them away to other children who didn't have toys. I also separated the toys and put some of them up, then rotated them every other month.

Picking up and cleaning up after themselves became a battle because I didn't start from the beginning, teaching them that when play time was over the toys needed to be picked up. What I did was started planing our days the night before, with them. We started with breakfast and what we would eat and then on to getting dressed, hygene, and then take a vote as to what we would do with our morning and afternoon free time. Go to the park, read/visit the library, puzzles, art/drawing,finger paint, etc. and toy time. This way we knew the night before what the plan was. When it came time to do the planned event and our 'maintenance' wasn't completed (as in cleaning up) then we wouldn't be able to do the event until that happened. At first we missed out on some of the planned events, but after a week they quickly realized that they were missing out on a lot of fun stuff so we all worked together as a team to get the necessary stuff done to allow more play time.

That also included taking out the trash, dusting, sweeping, folding laundry, scrubing the bathtub (which was done after they bathed)preparing meals, cleaning off the table after meals and setting the table for dinner. Because the MOM stuff still had to be done!

When we all worked to together we had lot's of extra time to do even more fun things like go to the zoo, airport to watch the planes take off and land, etc. If one of us didn't do our part we all went without so working as a team taught some valuable lessons.

For instance after dinner they played with their toys, while I cleaned up the kitchen, if one of them didn't clean up their mess, none of us got to watch our favorite TV show until the job was done.

This stategy was also helpful in teaching them about money and how to budget. As in...we have this amount of money for the week to invest in entertainment, it cost this amount to do this and that, how would you like to invest it? If we go to the movies it will use all of it, but if we rent movies we'll have some left over to go out for ice cream. It also helps while grocery shopping to remind them that if we spend all our funds on stuff we don't need we won't be able to do ......!"

With my grandkids, I started off with cleaning up their toys so that by the time they were old enough to do it themselves they just did it because it's what we always did! "ok toy time is over let's clean it up so we can ....!"
"hurry along now we only have so much time to do ______, do it quickly and maybe we can do ____too!"

It does require consistancey. Good luck!

Hi.
Why would you take away your daughters toys? She does clean up her toys. Isn't that punishing her for her brothers actions?
If you son is telling you to take away his toys, it may be that there are too many and that he's overwhelmed. We go through this sometimes. We sit down and figure out what to keep and what to give to GoodWill, etc. We get two big boxes across the room from each other. One is for keeps and one to give away. We let him sort them out, and don't argue with his choices (although sometimes its been hard when he gives away a recently new toy and keeps a really old one).
M.

L.,

I'm a little against the clean-up song or trying to make clean up fun (especially beyond the age of 2)- it gives kids the impression that everything NEEDS to be fun in life, and that is obviously not the way life is...

I'm all for consequences of not picking up. For instance, how about you put the toys that he DOESN'T pick up in the "naughty bin" where he can't reach it and also can't play with those toys for a few days- or he can "earn" the toys back by doing small chores. You may need to keep doing it until there are no toys left (hopefully not). Also, something like he can't play with his sister's toys unless he will put them away (that way his sister's toys don't end up in the naughty bin).

Giving rewards (bribery) for cleaning isn't a good idea to me either because that could give him the impression that it isn't something he needs to do anyway, and then he'll expect a reward every time...

I've had this problem before myself- hopefully the advice is helpful.

Rebecca

hi L.,
the problem i see is binS, plural. i fell into the same trap when mine were that small. he really really really really doesn't need a whole lot of toys. reduce the bins to bin, and make it a small one. suddenly his mess potential and your stress level are magically reduced. you can keep more toys for him if you must, but put away, not available to him, 'special toys'. he can have ONE of them at at time if his small bin of toys is all put away. keep it simple. seriously. you will thank yourself.
i see no benefit to taking away the cooperative kid's stuff.
khairete
S.

I think that 4 is still borderline as to understanding the need to clean up. (how will i play with this if i put it away?) but it is our job to teach them to take care of their things and their space. I have 2 kids of my own as well as 4 more that I babysit for ranging in age from 9 months to 7 years. At the end of every day i start warning that clean up time is coming in X minutes, or at the end of whatever cartoon the are watching if that's the case. Then they are responsible for picking up whatever number of toys that equals their age (7yrs=7toys) the big kids are great at this but the 2 3 year olds need help. I have to point out things and send them along to put them in the toyroom and for the little guys as long as they are getting them in the big general toybox i consider it a success. I let the older ones take things that need to go to more specific areas. They all think it's a big game and sometimes if they are still things out I announce 'ok, one more time!' to get rid of the last few toys and they scramble to be the one who gets to carry them!
At 4 I wouldn't be threatening taking things yet for not putting away but showing him how to do it and making it fun. Plus, as long as the room isn't a disaster, what's wrong with having a few toys lying around!

Someting that works really well with our son is timing him to see how fast he can do it! He loves the challenge and all his toys get picked up with record speed! We use a timer or his preferred method is for us to count so he can hear his progress along the way.

We do not limit our children to only playing with one thing at a time - they can play however they choose, but when it's time to clean up they need to clean everything up. :o)

Otherwise it is way too much micromanaging on my part, and we have witnessed some really creative play when they can mix and match :o)

Oh, and if you need to take toys away - do not take them from your daughter! Let your son see her being able to play with her toys since she respects them :O)

hi L., first let me say that your four year old is definitely trying to exercise his sense of control. For whatever reason he feels as if he isn't in control when you ask him to clean up and thus he rebels. One way of trying to get him to clean up is develop a reward/demerit system. You can use a calendar or a dry erase board and place it in an area where everyone can see it. For every day that he cleans up you place a star or whatever sticker he likes on that day. For every day that he doesn't clean up you place a sticker and at the end of the week he will either recieve a reward (something he enjoys doing or a special treat) or have something taken away from him. What you don't want to do is remove the bins. The whole purpose for them being in view is so that he can clean up. You taking them away just means that he doesn't have to do it.
You can also start stripping his room of things he enjoys.i.e Pictures on his wall, toys he likes playing with, radio, t.v. computer, dvd. You may find yourself removing everything to the point that all he has is a bed and a dresser. That's ok, he will get the picture. To some this may sound harsh, but when you teach your children that there are consequences for their actions they soon learn how to be responsible. And our goal is to create responsible individuals who will contribute to society.

The concept of "clean up" can be overwhelming at this age. Try breaking it down in to smaller jobs. Be specific. "You put all the blue blocks in the bin and I'll do the yellow". Try removing some of the toys so there aren't so many available at one time. You can also turn it around and ask "what shall we put away first?. You will have to stay involved or it won't happen. One final idea is to set a timer and see how much you can clean up in 10 mins. Trying to "beat" the timer can be a great game for any task. Lastly, a sticker chart is always a great way to get over a hump.
Good Luck.

What works for me is taking away privleges,like video/computer games if the boys don't do their "chores". But my oldest 2 are 5 and 7. I also have bins/containers for each toy. Legoes have a basket, men have a basket, dinosaurs have a bucket and so on. They like to line up the containers and shoot the toys in like basketball. I have even put on a song and had them clean until the end of the song and that has worked too. Try making a game out of it or using a reward system. My 2 year old cleans his toys because he thinks is funny to put them in the toy box and yell "score". If you find a way to make it fun, he'll want to do it. Good luck!

Hi L.,

I am a SAHM of 3. My 2 oldest, a daughter - almost 4, and a son - almost 3, have gone through this within the past year. We had a similar issue: my daughter would be fine to clean up, but our son didn't want to help. What we did was: Any toys that he didn't clean up, he didn't get to play with all day the next day. We would display them so that he could see them, and ask for them, but we told him that since he didn't clean up, he couldn't get them back. Also, we made "clean up" time through out the day, at random times, to make them used to cleaning up. Now, it's rarely an issue. If we tell them to clean up, they do. So, maybe you can use this to help with your son. Good luck & God Bless! J. N.

Hi L.,

We have trouble cleaning up too sometimes. I have a 6 year old girl, and a 4 year old boy. They BOTH give me problems at times, but they end up doing it because they know I'm not going to give in. We usually clean up at a certain time during the day. Maybe you could say, "OK, 5 more minutes till clean-up time!" And set a timer. If there is an activity that he wants, or maybe it's lunch time, he cannot do that activity, or eat, until he has cleaned up. He cannot leave that room until he has picked up his toys.

Stickers and stuff never really worked for us. My son just did NOT respond to that kind of thing AT ALL. Maybe when he does his cleaning up, he can help you write a note to Daddy and stick it on the door so he sees it when he comes home and can reinforce it with praise too.

This is a tough one. I also tell my kids that when they DO clean up, they will have much more room to play. They are pretty proud of themselves when they finish. You might want to push that too. Wow, ___, look at what YOU did! Aren't you proud of yourself?? Look at how much room you have now to play!! Just keep it as positive as possible. The more rewards they can see that is a natural consequence of their actions, the better (that's why I don't do the sticker thing anyway).

Well, hope this helps L.!

K. C

i used to make a game of clean up. first i sould have my kids pick up everything that is blue, then call out a new color when they were done. sometimes i'd use letters -all things that start with the letter "d", for example. or by function: all toys that don't make noise, all toys with wheels, that open and close,....etc. it was also routine. if they wanted to move on to something else-tv, computer time, play dough time, snack time....then the rooms had to be clean first. if they got distracted, i'd turn on a timer. they acted like it was a ticking bomb!

i always reward them when they clean up without my prompting. a warm hug and praise is usually enough. sometimes i give a cookie and remind them how proud i am that they did something responsible WITHOUT BEING TOLD.

i am a single mother of three, ages 10, 8, and 2.

I went through this phase with my daughter as well. She is now three years old. I had this idea passed down to me from another mother.

If I ever have any trouble with her picking/cleaning anything up...my husband and I take a trash bag/trash can and start throwing whatever she won't clean up in it along with something else that's important to her. Even if the thing that is precious to her has not relation to what she'll clean up. For instance, if she doesn't want to clean up her mess from play dough, we'll throw in the trash bags along with the teddy bear she sleeps with every night.

We'll do this all very quickly without hesitation and make sure to throw in more than just a couple of items, so that she gets the point. We let her protest so that there is no question about who's in charge. We've taken it as far as tying up the trash bag and letting her see us take the bag outside. Then we ask her if she's ready to clean up her stuff, and when she says yes, we help her take the things out of the bag and she is instructed on where things go. We always follow up discipline with an eye-to-eye, calm talk and explanation of what just happened and hugs and kisses.

It's hard to see her get so upset when she thinks that we're really throwing her things away, but we recognize that's it's necessary to establish who the alpha dogs are.

This has worked very well for us, but no one knows your children better than you so only you can decide if this am appropriate tactic for your family.

Have tried giving away a toy a day to a charity or just to a homeless shelter, if sees his toys dwindling away, he will realize that he needs to modify his behavior to keep his belongings. I had a friend do this and it took about a week for her daughter to change her mind, or if that is too drastic, how about taking them out of the house so that he thinks they are gone and see what happens.

Hey L.,

My 2 oldest are 8 and 7 and i STILL have problems getting them to clean up. I started threatening to throw the toys away that are left on the floor. Once I threw a couple of toys away, they started doing better with picking things up....I hate to do it because I spent that money but if it works, that's the route i take.

D.

I think the biggest issue is that it's really overwhelming for a kid when there is this huge pile to put away, especially if we moms want them to do some sorting.

If you have a place to put them.. many of my friends have had success with rotating toys. Get everything sorted and get the bins together. Choose 2-3 to keep out, and put all the others away--a closet, a shelf in the garage, someplace out of sight. Then, he has only those 2-3 to play with and deal with. Lots less mess at any given time, and lots less stress for you, and much less overwhelming for him when clean up time comes. When he's tired of those, or when he asks for one of the others, rotate them. A "new" bin comes out of "storage", and an "old" bin goes in, so there are never more than 2-3 bins out.

Hi L... I have the same problem with my 4yr old daughter. I've been trying to let her play with only one thing at a time, and before she can get out another toy she has to put away the first one. But this of course is a work in progress, and as you well know, you can't watch them 100%, so her toys will end up all over and I end up picking them up. But, I try to always make her help me so she can learn responsibility. Good luck!

I agree with a lot of the advice you have gotten already. I remember the days of trying to get my son to clean up. Hey, they're still here, and he's 24! Boys as a whole really don't have the desire to keep things neat and straight, I think that they see the floor as part of the closet/shelves. This issue will come back when both of your kids are teens, teens never seem to keep their room clean. Good luck, and I hope you can instill a desire to have a neat environment in your son. Try to not make this a catastrophic emotional tempest for you and your son that interferes with your relationship. Pick your battles is a good strategy.

Here's a suggestion. Set up a timer for 5 minutes. Tell him he has until the buzzer goes off to clean up any toys he wants to keep. (You may want to make sure it's only a few toys or some that you wouldn't mind losing). After five minutes put all of the other toys in a garbage bag and donate them to the Salvation Army. The trick here is to not make any empty threats but really give away any toys he won't pick up and don't buy any replacements. I'm sure your son has plenty of other toys but will learn to take care of his things if he wants to keep them.

Hi L.,

Children will be forgetful until they move out of the house. Save yourself alot of grief. This is normal behavior for this age. No need to punish or make them feel ashamed. Make this a game and help them.

There is a support group for SAHM's. SAHM.meetup.com/

There is a list to choose from to support you in your quest to do the right thing. Good luck. D.

I have this problem even with my oldre children. With my younger ones I try to make it fun to clean up by making a game out of it. We race to see who can pick up faster or we sing the clean up song while picking up. If that doesn't work you may want to try only putting a few toys in the bin and that way it wont seem overwhelming and it wont take as long. Hope this helps.

Try turning it into a game. Use what he is really into and turn it into a way to make cleaning up his toys fun. It worked with my son. Give it a shot.

Ahh, this brings back memories- my mom had this same problem with me when I was little. It would literally take me ALL DAY to clean up my room. So she started setting a timer and whatever wasn't picked up by the time that timer went off, she put in trash bags and took to the Goodwill. And she wasn't bluffing- let me stress that the "follow through" is the MOST important part. Because if you tell him that you're going to give his toys away, then he gets them back in a few days or you replace them with new ones, he'll learn that you're just bluffing and he still doesn't have to pick them up because you'll cave and give them back.
Personally, I wouldn't take away your daughter's toys for 2 reasons. 1) because she is doing what she is supposed to do and should not be punished because he isn't. 2) it will help show him that if he takes care of his things then he will get to continue to play with them.
From someone who has been on both sides of this situation-Hope this helps!!!

Prayin' for you!!
E.

at this age when mine wouldnt listen i would take their hands and make thm do it. they figured out it was best to do it themselves..much faster that way.

You might check out the House Fairy website. I think it is Housefairy.org. It is a fun way to teach children responsibility. I found out about it through www.flylady.net which has also been very helpful.

I am a WAHM with six children ages 4-14 and we homeschool.

I have a 6 year old boy and 4 year old girl and cleaning up is still a challenge. I have to stop myself from doing it, because it's just so much easier ;-), but I have found a couple of things that help. Bins that you already have are great, but have you tried to make it into a game? we'll all race to see who can pick up the most, or fastest or who can find all the small dinosaurs etc. You said in your question you have taken his bins away but have you ever actually taken something away for good or a very long period of time, one of the hardest but most effective things I ever did was to actually throw a toy away now all I have to say is if you don't do...I'll just have to do it and then you know where they'll end up, that tends to work. Also have you ever taken his stuff away and not let him play with the toys your daughter is playing with? I would just keep saying sorry you can't play with those, those are you sisters and when you want to pick up your own toys then you can have yours back.
Like I said at the beginning my son is older and clean up can still be a challenge and I still help, but I think that getting them to at least participate is a step in the right direction and lately he's gotten much better and also I think understands better about cleaning up the things he is not currently playing with, especially if he's gone onto something else.
Good Luck.

Does he know the clean up song? Really, for now, its probably best to clean with him till he starts to get it. It would be a bad idea to punish your daughter for things your son is doing. Taking away all the toys wouldn't be very fair. Break it down, make it a game... with clean up you can use your imagination. Sticker charts are good with a fun incentive at the end of the week. Just be sure to follow up on that incentive when he reaches his goal or he may not be inclined to clean up knowing that his "surprise" or "treat" will not be there for him when he reaches his goal.

You cannot take toys away from your daughter if she is doing her job of cleaning up, that's NOT fair to her. If your son sees that she gets to play with her toys BECAUSE she cleans up, maybe this will get him to understand. If he has to watch is sister play, he will get the message. You can't give in to him.

Each of the kids have their "special toy" that is allowed to be out all the time and goes to their bedroom at night. For my son it's a collection of "Cars" diecasts and my daughter has twin baby dolls.

Beyond that, we go the bin route, too, but keep them secure in the toy closet off our livingroom where the kids can't access them on their own. The bins are by toy type (IE, dress-up clothes, tractors and farm animals, building blocks, etc) and the kids are allowed to have one bin at a time.

If we've played with blocks and they then decide they'd like to dress-up, all the blocks have to go back in their bin before I'll switch it out for the clothes. We also make a game of our clean-up and "race" against the Bear in the Big Blue House song, "Clean up the house". My kids saw the song on "Tidy Time with Bear" when we checked out the DVD at the library and it really clicked for them.

It's not a perfect system, but it does make for a much happier home. *S* My kids are almost 3 years and just 19 months and it took them less than 2 months to come around to the new system. I find it leads to better organized and more creative play because they are not as overwhelmed by the excessive # of toys around them and focus better on the play at hand.

We bought inexpensive stackable, wheeled bins with handles from Target. They are quite sturdy and large enough to hold a lot of toys but easy for my oldest to pull around the room while his sister throws in toys, too. I made laminated die-cuts to label the bins with a representative picture of it's contents and the word written out~probably a little anal about that part, but it makes it easy to identify what is where quickly when I dip into the closet for our next adventure.

When we host playgroups we put all the bins out but clean-up is easy and done (correctly) in minutes because all of the other kids and moms know exactly where the toys should return to.

Good luck!
C. Amie

Hi L.,
Sometimes children get overwhelmed if you just say "Clean up your room". Especially if it is a really big mess, they just don't know where to start so they don't. Have you tried breaking down the instructions into things like "put all your dinosaurs in the red bin" and then after he's done that, "put all your race cars in the blue bin", etc. It takes longer but eventually he might get used to the routine and you won't have to be so specific anymore. Also, my kids like the "kitchen timer game" where I set the kitchen timer for ten or fifteen minutes and have them race against each other. If they don't clean it to my standard by the time the bell rings they don't win. Good luck! --A.

Hi L.. First don't punish your daughter for something her brother does. It's not fair and you will mess up their relationship. She will resent him,and he probably still won't clean up. Second, Have you tried singing the clean up song? You know: Clean up clean up eveybody everywhere clean up clean up everyone do your share. While ya'll are singing everyone helps putting stuff away. If that doesn't work try telling him that if he doesn't want to pick up his toys, he doesn't want to play with them. Then the next time it's time to play don't let him. Let his sister play with her toys and when she's cleaning make comments on what a good girl she is being, and ask him if he wants to be a good boy too. WHen he says yes tell him all he has to do is clean up him messes. It might take a few times and some crying but he will get it. Please don't make your daughter suffer for something she has no control over. Good Luck!

You are on the right track, you just need to figure out what his currency is. Take something away that he will really miss. Does he have a favorite TV show? No Dora for 4 days....We use to have a confiscation box and when the kids didn't pick up then it would be confiscated. They had the option to earn back what was in the box by doing an extra chore (like sweeping the porch or pulling weeds from the garden) OR the items in the box would either be donated to Goodwill or pitched. My 4 year old has told me she didn't care if I took something she didn't feel like cleaning up so I did and it went in the trash. The next week she wanted it back and I let her know I wasn't fooling around and that it was gone. She was sad, but I think now she knows that I mean what I say. Good Luck!

I have a daycare in my home and we are always needing to clean up. The kids can get bored with it, so we keep it fun. Counting to see how fast they are, cleaning up fast like Superman (or their favorite person), singing the clean up song, and when we are done everyone who helped gets a sticker. If you don't help, no sticker. This is a great motivator. I usually put one on their hand and then one on a chart, so parents can see how great they are doing. I use stickers as a reward for everything, but even just making a big deal of saying thanks to the ones who help is a big incentive. Try not to focus on the fact that he isn't helping, but focus on his sister who is. Good Luck

I found something online to help my kids. Check out the House Fairy http://www.housefairy.org

If it can help my kids clean their rooms, it can help anyone's kids. LOL

1. be consistent
2. don't make empty threats...follow thru with whatever you say. even if they cry. they will know you mean business. kids really need the structure and discpline early on. trust me...it will save you A LOT of drama later on.

hang in there.
mzbmore

Hi L.,
I don't think taking the toys away from your daughter who cleans would be a fair approach. It might teach her that no matter even if she cleans she gets them taken away too so she might get an I don't care attitude. I suggest one of two things. First what I did was take my kids hands in mine and force them to pick things up until they started doing it on their own (they were both one at the time). Since your son is 4 I suggest letting him sit and watch his sister play with the toys and let him know that he is not playing with them, because he is not helping clean them up and until he can help like a big boy then he is not aloud to play with the toys. Another idea is maybe making it a game. See who can pick up (between your kids and yourself) the most toys in 10 sec. and whoever does gets a big tickle fest. I hope I helped. Good Luck.

It looks so daunting to a little person to see a huge mess they made and now they have to clean it up. So have him (and your daughter--she's not too young) to focus on one particular "category" (trucks, dolls--something big and easy to see in a mess) and and have them put those in the bin. Then suggest a second category (blocks, Army guys, etc.) and so on.

Good luck!
D.

My advice comes from a Montessori teacher, and I think it is excellent. Put all but three toys away, and rotate the toys when you think he is bored with a particular one. We tend to have WAY too many toys (my children included) and they just clutter up our homes without really being necessary.

I'm a kindergarten teacher and I hate having to nag my class to clean up, which takes forever. What I do to lessen my stress is to play the "Rubber Ducky" song that you hear on Sesame Street (I burnt downloaded it and burnt it onto a cd). The kids know that as soon as they hear it they are to start cleaning up and the goal is to be clean by the time the song is over (which is about 2 1/2 minutes). They are rewarded if they are clean by the time the song is over. Make it a competition and see if that works.

I am new here but I know a web site that just might help you it is www.housefairy.org The site shows you how to help your children with out you being the bad guy. The children love her.
Hope this help

V.

I can understand, I have 4 year old twins and they are the same way. I found a great way to get them to clean up though. I took a sheet of paper and told them they could put a sticker on it whenever they cleaned up or did something good. At first I told them just to get 10 sticker and then I would take them to buy a toy. (I only took them to the dollar tree, but they thought it was great). The next time I told them 20 stickers. They are doing a great job cleaning up know.
T.
The MOM Team, Helping Moms Stay Home
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