Getting My Toddler to Sleep in His Bed; How Do I Get Out of His Room?
Updated on
January 29, 2010
W.S.
asks from
Pasadena, CA
5
answers
Ok, if you've read my previous posts, you all know what a just fun time I've been having getting my 2.3 yr old son to sleep over his lifetime without going completely crazy or setting off a tantrum in my other child (aka the hubby). Now, I'm trying to get my child (the little one) to sleep in his "big boy" bed and am stuck trying to figure out how to get out of his room while he actually falls asleep. (Skip to the last few sentences if you don’t need all the fun details…)
To recap, over the last month and a half, I've been trying to get him to sleep, well, at least fall asleep, in his "big boy" toddler bed. Yes, I'm very aware of all of the other developmental and life changes going on: potty training, my pregnancy and new baby coming, hubby’s multiple business trips, my son’s everlasting teething, etc. And, he firmly knows the crib is “for baby” and he’s not a baby any longer, and he firmly won’t let me lie down in his bed because it’s “his bed”.
A little over 2 weeks ago, woo-hoo! He finally fell asleep in his toddler bed (as opposed to the floor or my lap then waking every hour) with a combination of sitting with him, patting him on the back, and sitting in the room...but I still have to be there while it takes him 40-60 minutes to settle down. Through the night, 1/3 of the time he’s sleeping until 5am before crawling in bed with us, another 1/3 we’ll get our little visitor around 2am, and the last 1/3 I'd be up at midnight for a few hours making sure he didn't hurt himself while he was having night terrors (those were really fun nights--at least my hubby realized that our son was still asleep and waking him would be worse--the one night he did wake from a terror resulted in me, and, as much as hubby actually tried but only I would do, having to carry a screaming, disoriented toddler around the house up and down the stairs for 2 hours to calm him). Thankfully, the night terrors have subsided, and we’re down to a little squirmy visitor at 2am or 5am.
The new bedtime rule became: mommy will stay with you if you stay in bed and close your eyes or else mommy leaves the room. Leaving him will set off the chasing game of me quietly telling him, “bedtime” and silently leading him back to bed multiple times leading up to screaming and running around tantrums from both kids (the grownup one too), so that’s not working. Keep in mind, our old bedtime routine, when he was in the crib, took 15 minutes--2 books, 5 minutes of cuddling in the rocking chair, 5 minutes of singing while he did gymnastics in his crib, then I was out of there. He'd either continue his gymnastics, read, talk, sing, play, and pass out on his own, then stay there until morning. We still do this routine with the funny (funny, because it’s the only time of the day he tells me this) addition of him telling me he has to go potty…and he really has to go!
So, I've weaned him from the back patting (an unfortunate habit brought on by his preschool teacher--she immediately cut it out of her routine after we talked about his sleeping). He still begs, "Momma, pat me," but I remind him that he's a big boy and doesn't need it anymore. But now I'm trying to get out of his room while he's falling asleep. I started out sitting on an incredibly uncomfortable little stool next to his bed but facing away and ignoring him. Each night, I’ve moved the stool a little further away. He’s been pretty good. If he walks over to me (maybe once or twice), I just tell him get back in bed and close his eyes. I’m now at his bedroom door and can’t figure out how to get out of the room without me having to engage him or starting the chasing game again.
Any hints? (Drugging any individuals involved does not count ;-) And, yes, I know I'll probably have to do this all over again after the baby comes.
Two steps forward and one step back. That's progress with a 2 year old. He got sick and wasn't feeling well, so I was back to rubbing his back for a day before starting all over again. Well, last night, I was just too tired and fed up with the getting out of bed/I'm thirsty/I have to go potty game, so I told him so, said, " I love you, but Mommy has to leave because you can't stay in bed." Then I left, closed the door and held it shut until he gave up. Wow. Took, like all of 2 minutes of screaming and pulling on the door before he climbed back in bed and sulked. Watching him on the baby monitor get out after 15 minutes and go to the door, so I ran to his door to hold it shut again, but he didn't try to open it. He just stood there crying for me, "Mommy, please!" for a few more minutes before going back to bed to sulk. I can't remember how long it took him to fall asleep, but he did it. Gosh, he hasn't fallen asleep by himself for over 6 months!
Ok, he's still waking up and climbing into bed with us, which I actually don't mind, but next up: baby gate up to "show him" how to sleep by himself all night. And, I have to figure out the bed time needing to go potty thing.
We'll see how tonight goes. Wish me luck!
Oh, and for those of you who commented about my hubby helping....If I actually had my husband's help, this would never have happened in the first place.
More Answers
D.P.
answers from
Pittsburgh
on
W.,
Sounds like you're almost there! What Supernanny does is starts out on the floor by the bed every night then every 10 min or so, move toward the door. No looking AT him at ALL. No eye contact. He can see your profile only. If you do that, you could pat him for little (if he asks) then start moving, quietly to the door until the last move is OUT.
Each night, the "jumps" to the door get a little bigger til you're just walking out after saying goodnight. I did this with my son and it did work for me. As for the big kid-----earplugs? LOL
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E.F.
answers from
Casper
on
I think what you are doing will work! I think just keep the door open tonight and maybe move the stool back where it was the day before and go from there, Buy keeping the door open you will eventually be under the door frame and then out the door. Then maybe keep the stool on the outside and crack the door and the next night shut the door.
The other thing is to just decide to do your old routine, everything you used to do when he was in a crib. You sit in his room for 40-60 min anyway, you might as well get somethings done in between the "firmly leading him back to bed each time he gets out" times. with one of my children I would just sit outside her bedroom and read a good book. eventually she stopped getting out because she knew I was just waiting for her to come out so I could put her back. After I didn't need to sit there anymore, on days when she would come out, I would give her three chances to stay in bed. Then I would put her "lovey" in time out and she could earn it back by staying in bed quietly for one min for each year she was old.
when you are fist putting him in bed, it helps to say something like,
"I will be back to check on you in a bit, after I... do the dishes etc... if you stay in bed." Then make sure you go back in there. A lot of times I find that they are asleep and then I kiss their little soft cheeks and think what an angel they are:)
What I do for visitors in the night is just take their hand,(not carry because then they are getting the reward they wanted) and walk them back to bed and tuck them in with kindness, and leave. Minimal talking the first time if any. and do not hold or rock him. It might take awhile with tiring nights, but eventually he will get it. Perhaps you and your husband could take shifts who will put him back in bed. I did this, I would take the first four hours and my husband the last four of our night time sleeping. Worked pretty well, then at least we would each get some sleep. you could switch shifts every other day to so one is not getting less sleep then the other.
This my favorite, because then you still get sleep...
When transitioning I like to keep the crib up and in the same room (if you can). I remind them that if they are going to sleep in a big bed they have to be big and stay in bed. I give three reminders (putting back in the big bed), then I put them back in the crib for the night and tell them they can try again tomorrow. Same with nap times. This might work really well for you since he wants to be big and knows that the crib is for babies:)
If you don't have a toddler bed to put in the same room as the crib, you could look into borrowing a friends just until he can stay in bed. or look at a 2nd hand store or garage sale. That way you can still use your crib for him. Also you could use a portable crib in his room if your crib is going to be in use quite soon.
Remember it always gets worse before it gets better. And you must do it for at least one week maybe two, to see if it is going to work. Whatever you do you will need to be supper consistent. So make a plan with your husband and talk to your toddler about it and tell him the rules and what will happen if he listens and if he doesn't listen and then stick to it. (reward system or chart works wonders too!)
Good luck!
E.
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N.K.
answers from
Cincinnati
on
i needed tips about this as well-my son was a night wanderer and it didnt involve my bedroom suprisingly-but the rest of the house--we ended up putting a latch handle on his door with the lock on the outside--we have a video monitor in his room so we can keep an eye on him at night--but basically we do our bedtime routine and then when thats done i leave the room and if need be lock his door--he has been doing pretty good with that--he has some books available that he has started to take to his bed to read or he rolls and gibber talks as well-sometimes he falls asleep with his body on the floor and head on his bed- we do not have his bed on a frame just mattress on the floor-sometimes he sleeps entirely on his floor. hopefully this input may help you some!
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C.L.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
W., you are a TROOPER!
Would you mind if he came to your room but not your bed? I have a friend who put a mattress on the floor by her bed and told her 2 year old that she can sleep there if she wakes up but not to disturb mommie or she won't be able to come there. This might help with the transition, eventually, to his own bed for the whole night. I've also heard of a nightlight that goes off or on (can't remember) on a timer, and you tell the kid that they can't come to your room if the light is on (or off) and you set the timer for later and later morning times, and then reward them a lot.
I do think it would help for hubby to be more involved- it made a huge difference with us when my husband started pulling the night shifts; somehow my daughter didn't find his presence as rewarding or stimulating and went to sleep faster. Plus, you'll need his help when baby #2 comes so might as well get some practice now!
Good luck.
Updated
W., you are a TROOPER!
Would you mind if he came to your room but not your bed? I have a friend who put a mattress on the floor by her bed and told her 2 year old that she can sleep there if she wakes up but not to disturb mommie or she won't be able to come there. This might help with the transition, eventually, to his own bed for the whole night. I've also heard of a nightlight that goes off or on (can't remember) on a timer, and you tell the kid that they can't come to your room if the light is on (or off) and you set the timer for later and later morning times, and then reward them a lot.
I do think it would help for hubby to be more involved- it made a huge difference with us when my husband started pulling the night shifts; somehow my daughter didn't find his presence as rewarding or stimulating and went to sleep faster. Plus, you'll need his help when baby #2 comes so might as well get some practice now!
Good luck.
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S.C.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
I am dealing with the same nightmare...our lastest thing that has been working for a week is, we do bedtime a NEW WAY!! BTW my daughter will be 3 in March...we read books in the living room, then she gives us kisses and goes into her room on her own. She must have a drink of FRESH water by her bed and also we just put a CD player in her room and she can turn that on herself when entering her room. she climbs into bed herself and so far so good on most nights. Tucking her in for us was the problem...getting out was impossible..one more story..one more hug..sing me a song...the process was taking FOREVER!! so we cut out us taking her into her room...
