My son had a very routine bedtime & always went to bed on his own just fine in his crib up until we moved last summer when he was 27 months. In the new home, he was very afraid to be in his new room & so one night we brought him into our bed & that was the beginning of the end to my son's wonderful sleep habits. At first we found it adorable to have him sleep with us, but soon it was way to cramped in our bed & I began sleeping on the couch for awhile leaving him with my husband. Then we decided that we needed our bed back & tried to get him back into his crib. He started climbing out & throwing fits and we knew that his crib days were over. So, we set up an extra queen bed we had in his room & got rid of the crib. We gradually were able to get him back to sleeping in his own room on the queen bed. The problem? Well, yes he slept in his own room, but he had to have one of us with him to fall asleep. Now he can not sleep without one of us there. And we'll both sneak out once he is asleep but he will wake in the night & come in our room crying until one of us goes back in there with him. Eventually, I gave up & just decided to sleep in his room with him.
Now I am so ready to be back in my bed with my husband. I miss our normal nightly routine of reading next to each other & being able to have a conversation. Plus, some nights it takes forever for our son to fall asleep & we are not able to get any break at all before we too have to go to sleep.
My question is for anyone else who once co-slept- how did you wean your child from this? My son is very stubborn. We have tried a few nights to have him cry it out- but he does not stay put in his bed. He will come into our bedroom & just scream & scream until he can hardly breathe. He gets so upset & it breaks my heart. I love him very much but I just can not co-sleep any longer. Should we just rip off the band aid or try a slower approach?
Any advice on how to transition him to sleeping on his own is greatly appreciated! He will be 3 in April- so we were thinking of making that our start date.
Thank you so much!
I just wanted to thank everyone that responded to my question with advice. I think we are going to buy a new bed- probably a twin or full & get nice new sheets that he picks out & make a big deal about it very soon. Then we will set a date (not too soon since we are all very sick right now with awful colds) & we'll just expect quite a few nights of no sleep because my son is not going to let this happen smoothly. At the times that I will slip out once he has fallen asleep & then he wakes up awhile later, he will come down crying and demand that I go back into his bed....seriously, my little tyrant! : ) Its going to be rough but I know we have to show who is boss & just stick to our guns! Thank you again!
There's lots of books on the market that might help:
The no-cry sleep solution
healthy sleep habits, happy child
nighttime parenting (Dr.Sears)
What feels right? do that.
I just answered a question like this with my similar story so I am just going to copy and paste it. Hope it helps!
My kid was a terrible sleeper, then I finally got him to start sleeping through the night a little after a year using The No-Cry Sleep Solution book. Then just before he turned 2, we had some home life changes and he stopped again. He started freaking out about being put in his crib. So I tried getting him a bed. All that accomplished was that it was more comfortable for me to lay by him while he fell asleep, and that he could get up and come in my room in the middle of the night. I didn't feel like fighting that battle, so I let him. (dumb me.) Anyways, so just a couple weeks ago I was totally over it and I started doing this new thing with him because I was tired of laying in bed with him forever for naps and bedtime.
I started by doing our usual routine with the book and such, but instead of turning out the light and laying by him, I told him I was going to go in the other room, but I would set the timer on microwave for 5 minutes and I would come back to check on him and give him more kisses. I just told him he needed to stay tucked in and I'd be right back and to listen for the beep. I make sure I go back in AS SOON as it beeps and give him kisses, then I tell him the same thing over about coming back. I praise him for staying in bed and just keep reassuring him that I will be right back. I actually set the time for longer than 5 minutes if he seems fairly calm and sleepy when I go back the first time, so that after that I am usually setting it for 7 or 8 minutes. So far I haven't had to go back in after 3 beeps. He is always asleep by the third time. I will actually turn off the light and do "snuggle time" with him for a couple of minutes now. Then I start talking about going in the other room. I keep it short, but make sure I talk to him enough to reassure him. If he calls out for any reason that is real, I go back in before my 5 minutes is up- like tonight he yelled out that he had something in his eye. If he gets up (which he has only done a couple times, I just put him back in bed, tell him the little speech, kiss and restart the timer. I don't know how this started working after trying everything. Maybe he was finally just ready, but wow, am I glad I thought of this. He seems to sleep through the night in his own bed if he falls asleep on his own. It has worked every single time, with very little fuss. Hope that helps!
My daughter is a co sleeper, we just recently got her a toddler bed (one that matches the wood of our bedroom furniture) and put it at the end of our bed there has only be a few nights that she wants to sleep with me in the big bed. I set her in her bed with her DVD player and she falls asleep on her own.
Updated
My daughter is a co sleeper, we just recently got her a toddler bed (one that matches the wood of our bedroom furniture) and put it at the end of our bed there has only be a few nights that she wants to sleep with me in the big bed. I set her in her bed with her DVD player and she falls asleep on her own.
The best way is to talk to him (he is what, around 3 years old now?) and explain what is going to happen first. Then, develop a routine where you lie down with him during prayers/story (bedtime routine stuff) and then after "x" number of minutes you leave to____. Give him say... 4 minutes... then you have to go empty the dishwasher... but you will come back to check on him. DO. Go empty that dishwasher and then come check on him.. but don't lay back down with him.. just peek in, say you love him, sweet dreams.. now you have to __ (go sweep the kitchen floor, empty the dryer, put away some clothes, etc)... keep this up until he falls asleep. Check on him, do a chore, check on him, do a chore, etc... Not only will he learn to go to sleep on his own... but as an added bonus, you will get some things done around the house! Seriously, he will not feel like he is "missing out" on something fun or exciting (like "spending time with Daddy" or watching a movie, or something.. they are CHORES-- BORING) AND he will be able to HEAR you moving around.. which is comforting in itself.
It will take a while... but it will work. Be sure that when you spend your 3, 4 or 5 minutes with him after the goodnight kiss when you get up from lying down with him, that you do NOT inadvertently let it get drawn out past the limit you set. Count to 60 four times in your head if you have to. The idea is that you are there, not talking, etc. Have the lights out, and no talking.
It worked for us!
HTH
We just went through EXACTLY to the letter. He is four and we couldn't take the nightime routine of staying in his bed until he fell asleep and then in the middle of the night he would still come to our bed anyway. None of the tactics worked ..... until we took him to the store and he saw a red tubular bed that sat off the floor and had a couple steps to get up into it and my son wanted that bed sooo bad... we told him he could have it but mom and dad were too big to lay in it so we could put him to sleep at night. He looked at us and said "I can go to sleep by myself if I have this bed". It worked like a dream and now the bedtime routine lasts about 10- minutes everynight - we LOVE it!
Good Luck!
How about setting a "reward" night every week when he can sleep with you if he stays in his bed the rest of the nights?
Our son (who has never been much of a good sleeper) was moved to a toddler bed at about 12-14 months old. With the new found freedom, he would make his way into the living room, our bed, where ever we were at the time, so we put a gate up at his door. He is now 2 and we still do the gate thing...then he knows that until the gate is down, it is still naptime/nighttime...and yes, the "cry-it-out" method hurts your heart, but just think how nice it will be in a few more days/weeks/months to be able to be in bed with your hubby sans kiddos!
We also turn on music for our son (Imagination Movers...HE LOVES THEM!!!), but if he gets out of bed, they turn off (for about 5 minutes until we give him a 2nd chance to stay in bed) and if staying in bed is a problem, then his "friends" come out to sit with us for a few minutes too (on a funny note...I once saw my son out of bed and said to him "well at least "so and so" are being good and listening and staying in bed, maybe you should too", but the next time I walked past, he had all those "friends" on the floor beside him...guess he figured that he wouldn't get in trouble if "everyone" was doing it...LOL!!!). So far, that is the farthest we have had to go. We have had a few nights where he has fallen asleep by the gate, but we just pick him up and put him back in bed when we go to bed.
Oh, another suggestion would be to get one of those fun tents (either the kind that go over the mattress or that lie on the floor) with a character that he likes. We got one for our son and he could have the choice to sleep in the tent on the floor or in his bed (if he chose the tent, then we would just move him to his bed when we went to bed) and after a few weeks of choosing, he was fine to just stay in bed and only played in the tent during the day!
Hope this helps!
I think that Kristen W. below has the best option. If you prefer to skip the TV watching part (my sister did this with her kids but they loved it, and it was hard to take away) you could use a "crayola glow station"...have you seen them? They are the coolest things ever! Both my boys have 1 tacked up on their walls next to their beds. It comes w/ a wand you use to color w/ and it has a cool crystal attachment thing, that makes a sparkly effect...it is a glow in the dark writing board thing...it is perfect for this situation. It will give him something he can do in the dark and it is fun! The reading the books and the flashlight is a fabulous idea to add into the mix. The CIO method is not for everyone and this step down gradually add in fun things for him to do in bed and nightlights and it should make the process easier for everyone all the way around.
Good Luck!
My daugher co-slept with us from 3 months until a few weeks ago. She would often start out in her crib (and then toddler bed) and we would either rock/I'd nurse her/sit in her room until she was asleep. After having my son six months ago, I decided that her routine needed to change because eventually (3 weeks ago), we were going to put her brother in her room with her. That being said, she would also wake up in the middle of the night, but instead of getting out of her bed, she would cry until we went in there.
The first night that we decided to start trying to get her to stay in her bed, fall asleep on her own, etc, was a hard one. It was a Saturday night and we had our same routine but I told her I was only going to sit in her room for five minutes. She started crying and I told her I would leave her room if she kept crying but if she stopped I would sit in there for a few minutes. She stopped crying while I sat there. When I got up to leave, she got very upset and was crying. I usually closed the door but told her I would leave the door open so she knew we were out in the living room. I left the room and she was screaming. She came right out and I walked her back to her room. This happened about 10-15 times. Each time she'd come out, I'd either walk or carry her back to her room and put her in her bed. Sometimes she'd get right out and follow behind me, and once we got into the kitchen, I'd turn around and take her back, explaining that it was bedtime. I then told her that she needed to stay in her room if she wanted me to keep the door open. She did not want me to shut the door!! (I did it briefly and she screamed). So I opened it and told her if she wanted the door open, she had to stay in her room. So she stood by the door and cried. And cried. This went on for about 15 minutes. I am not a fan of Crying It Out, but I KNEW she was okay and was just tired and testing us so I knew I could endure it. Finally she laid down (in the doorway) and stopped crying. I went to check on her and asked if she wanted to go in her bed. She told me no so I told her she could lay there. I got her a blanket, pillow and stuffed animals. She proceeded to fall asleep in her doorway!
The second night, she followed me out 1x and then I put her back into her room and bed and told her I'd leave the door open and that we'd be out in the living room. It took her less than 10 minutes to stop crying.
The third night I got a whimper and that was it. Again, I told her I'd leave the door open and would be in the living room. I think by me re-iterating that we were close by and leaving the door open so she could see (she was used to sleeping in complete darkness) made her more comfortable.
That was about a month or two ago and she has been sleeping great. Until about 2 weeks ago, she would still wake up (sometime between 2-5am) and cry and we'd put her in our bed. But the past week, she's slept all night (her baby brother is in a crib in her room so maybe that is helping?) and isn't waking up until she's ready to get up for the day.
Sorry for the long post...what I'm saying is that:
1. You can do this - I do not believe in crying it out, but it came to a point where I knew that her crying for a few minutes was teaching her that her father and I are in charge and she has to do what we say, that she CAN fall asleep on her own, that we ARE close by if she needs us, etc.
2. Give it three days....see where you are after the third day. It may surprise you that things get easier each day.
3. Lay with your son if you still want to but tell him in advance that you will lay with him for X amount of time (whatever you are comfortable with). Then tell him that you are going to bed with Daddy because Daddy and Mommy sleep in the same room but he gets X to sleep with (stuffed animal, blanket, etc).
4. Every time he gets up and comes out of his room, no matter how much he's crying, walk or carry him back. It may tire you out the first few days but he'll eventually tire of it.
5. If he's up in his room or doorway but not coming out of the room (and still crying) that is progress!
Take it one day at a time....good luck!! PS: I do not think you need to wait until he's 3.
I'll make this short as I am not one who has ever co-slept. Try a reward system, rewards are a great way to get a kid to change a behavior. Have you tried laying down with him in his bed? I had to do that for a while when my son was afraid in his room. And lastly, be twice as stubborn as he is... lay down the law and don't bend from it :)
I know this sounds silly but it worked pretty good. My husband got our daughter into the routine of someone laying down with her when our baby son was little so it would be quiet. Well, to get out of that we had to make it seem like a treat for her to watch a movie in her bed. We would set her up with a show on the travel dvd player and she would watch it until she fell asleep. It kept her in one spot and got her comfortable being in the bed and room alone. Then we made the switch to reading books(I did not want her watching movies to go to sleep for very long). We bought her a little flashlight and after we read 3 books then she could lay in bed and read them herself until she fell asleep. If she did get out of bed then we took away the flashlight, so she usually got right back in. I know the movie thing sounds bad but it was the only thing to get us out of her room and still catch her attention long enough for her to not want out of bed, and it's only a couple weeks. It seemed to work for us. Might be worth a try!
We put my daughter's toddler-size mattress on the floor next to our bed for a few months while she got used to sleeping in a bed other than ours and then moved her to her own room. She was 30 months or so when we did that and it's worked great!
Hope you get something worked out soon! Good luck!
You could try putting a mattress on the floor of your room for him to sleep on. He'll be in your room but not your bed.
You could set a time limit on how long you'll lay with him when he goes to sleep, when the time is up he's on his own.
Good luck.
