Seeking Help to Get Two-year-old to Sleep in Own Bed

With my oldest daughter who is now 7 years old, she slept w/ me until she was 2 years old also. I did the cry it out method. For the first couple of nights she cried like some one was killing her. When she realized I wasn't giving in the crying became less and she slept by herself in her own room.

I have the SAME issue with mine. I also have a routine we do every night and now I can get her to sleep in hers but only if I stay in her room in the floor while she falls asleep.. Im trying to get her to fall asleep ALONE in her room bt she isnt having it.. but 3 wks ago she would only fall asleep in my bed so I switched up and tried the sitting in the floor thing beside her.. thinking she would get comfortable with that and soon I plan to just leave and tell her good night...

I highly recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution For Toddlers.

Hi, I just want to share that my daughter is 28 months now and still goes through phases of waking up in the middle of the night and we bring her to our bed, too. I'm not too worried about it, though. There are so many more worse things she could be doing :) I chalk it up to teething...although it may not be. Putting her to bed doesn't seem as hard as you all's case, though. We sometimes have to let her cry for about 10 minutes but she puts herself to sleep without a paci, which was a big transition for us! We talk to her about bedtime after her bath and count her down, "5 more minutes until bedtime", and the night time routine seems to help. good luck!

Hi R., I had the same problem. When my son was about 2 yrs. old, I had enough of waking up with his foot or butt in my face. It was hard the first night....I finally put him in his room and told him it was time he start sleeping there by himself. Letting him know he is a big boy now. He scream for about 1 hour and then finally went to sleep. The thing is not to give in to them. Children are very smart and know how to pull your strings. If she starts crying, be strong and don't give in. I was very tempted to go into the room when he was crying. I was pacing back and forth in the hallway comtemplating if I was doing the right thing. Good thing I didn't go in, because the next night he went to bed with no problems. He understood I wasn't letting him have his way this time.

I haven't read the other posts, so here is my experience on it. Our oldest son is 2 and a half. We have had and still have the same problem, sometimes. My husband works night, so it was a comfort for me to have my son sleep with me. The way I was able to transition him to his bed was 1) try and put him in his bed when he could barely keep his eyes open.(worked sometimes). 2)let him fall asleep in our bed and then put him in his bed. (worked most of the time) 3)If after placing him in his bed he woke up. I would lay in there with him until he either fell back asleep or he calmed down enough for me to leave. We still have some of those nights. Sometimes he will just sit in there and cry. (I do the cry it out method (knowing everythign is fine with him), but I go in every 5-10 mins to check). (You may or may not do this, to each their own.) He will usually go right back to sleep. It won't be an overnight change, but if you do it gradually she will start to understand. I still let him fall asleep in our bed, some nights, but I am also able to put him in his bed after bedtime routine and he's be fine. I don't know if this helps at all, but I hope it gives you some ideas on what you could try.

Hi R.!
First, I sympathize. I think sleeping arrangements and time of sleep is an issue for many years! I do agree with Suz T, she said it well. Who decides? And if it's your choice, you could introduce her to a couple more "routines" trying to get to the one you want, or institute what you want now.

For us, the key was that any new sleeping "routine" began with the mid-day nap--- maybe on the weekend. My little guy very seldom comes into our room because 1) we have a rule about getting out of bed after lights out; 2) I always answer him - go to him- if he calls in the night.
After our stories in bed and lights out, I sit in his room where he can't see me lying down. (we've arranged his tooddler bed w/the foot in a corner and my chair is at the head of his bed). We have some good night words, some music, and I leave when he's almost asleep saying I'll be back to check on him...and do it. He's usually a good sleeper.
This is also the time when magic cures or celebrations can help put a positive spin on what you want to happen (e.g. "you're growing up -- becoming a big girl--- big enough to sleep by yourself and to celebrate that we will...."
My guy's actually going through an "afraid of monsters" phase but I prefer to make him comfortable in his bed...actually lying down on his floor until he goes back to sleep. I did that one night and the next night he was good!!
It's just "food" for thought... sometimes I get more confused asking for suggestions and getting so many different ones. (lol) Good luck.

You could try what We did with our kids. Try moving her next to your bed on the floor (in a portable crib). If she starts to cry you will be there to comfort her but, she wont be in your bed. When she gets used to not being in your bed and she starts to go to sleep on her own (dont worry it will happen!) move the crib across the room. Eventually she will be used to where she is and then you can move her and the crib into her room. It took us a few months for the transition but, it worked. Good luck. PS. The move from the bed to the crib will be the toughest part! Just stay loving but firm.

R.,

What a comfortable and loving way for your daughter to go to sleep at night! Why would it benefit her to sleep in her own bed? She'll get there eventually. She'll be grown so soon, and you'll actually miss these nights. 26 months is such a tender age, and they go through cycles of needing you vs. independence. Just follow her lead, and she'll grow to be an independent child, even if you think she's clingy and needing you more now.

Good luck!
M.

I'm a single mother and have definitely been where you are. My situation was a little easier because we shared a room. As long as he felt I was in the room, he was fine with sleeping in his bed all night. He did wake up and want to be in my bed when he was teething though. A few months before he turned 3, he was jumping in his bed and broke the frame. Fortunately, the other bedroom here had a daybed in it, so we set it up and transformed it into a room for him. He was scared, but he would finally go to sleep in it. Now, he's been in there for 6 months and he still won't go to sleep unless I'm in his room. I'm working on getting him to sleep without someone sitting in there with him. Some nights, if the temperature is just right, he will stay in there all night, but most mornings around 3 or 4, he does kick my door down to sleep with me. Your routine sounds good, but I would suggest staying in her room to get her started or starting her in your bed and moving her back to hers. Everytime she wakes up, put her back in her bed or she'll know she can always sleep with you and she'll be 5 or older and still in your bed. Personally, I'm ok with cosleeping, but my son sleeps so wild, I get more peace in my bed alone! LOL

We co-slept with both of our girls - 2 1/2 and 5. I still have one or both come into our room 1 or more times a week and we are okay with that. We made a big deal about the big girl room. I started my oldest by laying with her in her bed until asleep, then getting up to "let the dog out" and come back. I progressed to sitting on her bed, and eventually, leaving before she was asleep for longer times. I know it sounds exhausting to those who don't believe in co-sleeping, but I don't mind. Our rule now is, you start off in your bed. If you wake up with a bad dream or afraid, you can come into our bed. My oldest was coming in a lot, but wanted her own room (they were sharing a room) when she started kindergarten. We told her if she could prove that she could stay in her own room with her sister all night for 3 weeks, we would move her into her own room. That was just this week that we seperated them. I admire your philosophy.

R.,
You could start to transition by putting a sleeping bag on the floor in your room and having her sleep there for several nights. Then she could get used to still being near you, and sleeping on her own. Then, bring her to her room and see how that works.
L.

Wow. Our kid has been sleeping in her won room since she came home from the hospital. Once in a while, as a treat (or regularly on the weekends) she gets to come in and snuggle with us in the morning.

Try this...
http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Supernanny-techniques/...

You just have to tell her she's a big girl and needs to sleep in her own bed now. Is she ready for a twin bed (with rails) yet? Maybe you could get her a new bed and let her pick out the covers. If she throws a fit the first night you start putting her in her won room, reassure her and then leave. Then try the Suppernanny list. You gotta be firm! It will seem cold but it needs to be done cold turkey like the other lady said.

If you can get this done, needless to say, you'll love it!

-S

Hi,

I have the same problem. My daughter is 22 months old and she can't fall asleep just by herself in her bedroom. I have to hug her for a few minutes than she closes her eyes and next 5 minutes she fall asleep. I usually wait 15 minutes and take her to her bed. Sometimes she stays in her room until morning, but more often she wakes up during the night, come to our bed and I have to start again make her sleepy and usually it takes around 1-1.5 hours.
I understand you very well and hope you will find a good solution soon.

D. C

I am a single mom so I kept my daughter in bed with me for a while. She is almost three and a half and we are going through this right now. First I took everything out of her room that she could tear up. She used to have a bookshelf with all her books in there. Now it is just some posters on her walls, a table, a mini rocking chair, a table, her bed and her toys. Then came the routine. We get ready for bed I tuck her in, give her kisses, turn on her night light, set up the baby monitor, put a baby gate in the door way and shut the door. Then I make sure there are no lights or sounds near her room. For the first couple of weeks it was hard on her. She would cry and try to yell for me so she could talk to me. But it has been going on for a while now and she has gotten much better. Now after I shut the door she gets up, turns her light back on and plays for about a half an hour or so, depending on how tired she is, turns her light off and crawls into bed and goes to sleep.

Hope this helps!

R.,
I'm one of those moms who insisted on the babies (we had twins) sleeping in their own crib-they shared a crib for a few months then we separated to two cribs. My reasoning being that they needed to learn to be good sleepers on their own so that for the rest of their lives they would be good sleepers. So far so good. My boys are about to turn 6 and they sleep wonderfully. OK, now that I've said that, let me suggest a few things for your sitaution. I do understand co-sleeping but it creates this kind of situation where you eventually have to kick the child out of your bed so you can have it back to yourself and spouse!! And the child really does need to learn to put themselves to sleep.

My suggestion is to start on a Friday. Tell your daughter that she is such a big girl that she will now 'get' to sleep in her own big girl bed. If/when she gets upset, let her know that you will lay with her for a while until she's really really sleepy. It may help to let her pick out a new set of sheets or something to get her excited.

Friday night: follow your usual bedtime routine but put her in her own bed instead and lay down with her. Tell her that you will lay with her for 15 or 20 minutes until she's sleepy. Then do it. When you've clocked 15-20 minutes, get out of her bed - quitely. If she is asleep, then ok, but is she gets upset, quitely tell her that you will come back up and check on her again in just a little bit. The calmer you are, the better this will go.

I say start on Fri night since she may just get really upset and you might not sleep until late. No matter what you do, once you start this process, don't let her back in your bed. Later (much later) after you have successfully broken the co-sleep pattern and she is putting herself to sleep in her own bed, then occassionally let her sleep with you two as a treat.

Each night, after you start this, lay with her for a few less minutes. After a while, you won't even lay with her. Maybe just read with her in her bed and when the book is done, you tuck her in and leave.

Consistency and patience are the only things that will get this transition complete with as little 'drama' as possible.

Good luck!!!
Julie

In order to give you the best advice I would need to know all of the reasons why she is still in your bed. Like has she ever slept in her own bed?? First of all it is not good for you and your husband. I would suggest if she does fall asleep with you to place her in her bed. When she wakes up in her own bed tell her that she did a good job and what a big girl she was. All kids are different so what works for one may not work for another, but try to let her pick out her own sheets or a new blanket. Maybe she needs some music on or you can try to sit by her bed until she does fall asleep.

there's really not a transition stage for a toddler this invested in sleeping with mom. i love your relaxed attitude toward co-sleeping and sensible desire for her to have the benefits of both modes of slumber! but with a routine this established, your best bet is either a 'transition' so gradual that it's basically all up to her (and will probably take years) or cold turkey and short term mizry for all. if you DO decide it's time, you really have to be consistent with it. once she's okay with sleeping alone you can have treat nights and special occasions, but if you relent while the new habits are being established you muddy the boundaries and either sabotage yourself or drag the process out ad infinitum.
what is your priority in this matter, when you really get down to brass tacks? there is no right or wrong answer, but will help you determine whether or not her independence (and your privacy) is worth it at this time.
khairete
S.

Have you considered starting her off with a crib mattress in the corner of your room? That way, she's close enough to hear you breathing and know you're nearby, but she's getting use to sleeping without your warmth and so on.