Getting One-year-old to Sleep Through the Night

Hi D.:
This article from Harvard university tells it all.Its brief but to the point. Some of you advocates of CIO may find it enlightening. http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNe...

Here are some other links that support the idea that it is okay to tend to your young child around sleep issues rather than abandoning him when he does not yet have the emotional resources to cope:

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...
http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
http://www.educarer.com/brain.htm
http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/parenting/cryitout.htm
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/bonding/connec...
http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html
http://www.fresnofamily.com/articles/aa040100a.htm
http://www.nospank.net/fleiss2.htm

Many of us have similar experiences because this is absolutely normal. Why not stop considering those two bad options and choose one that is beneficial for your son? At this age, babies are becoming much more self-aware. Anxiety and fears start to brew. They are growing fast and learning even faster. What is the problem with nursing him for 15 minutes when he wakes up at night? Holding him? Giving him the comfort and security he not only wants, but NEEDS? Both of the methods you are considering may eventually work, in terms of getting him to stop bothering you at night, but at what cost to your son? Set your priorities. Read this study from Harvard, only one of MANY worldwide.
http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNe...
You are a mom now and you are the only mom your son has. Be a mom. Give him what he needs. You can sleep when he is 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 - probably not so much from 15-18, but then, forever after. Right now you have a one year old baby. You are working during the day, so give him what he needs at night - you.

Hi D.,
Looks like you have lots of differing advice. I hope you find something that works for you. I was desperate with the same situation and bought the 3-Day Sleep Solution (which I hated- it basically says, take away binkis, toys, and let your child scream for up to an hour every night. She also says you MUST put your baby to bed by 6pm. It was a waste of money!). And, then we got the Sleepyplanet Routine- Sleep Easy Solution! I LOVED it! We also borrowed a video monitor to use while we were doing this sleep training. Within four days we saw huge differences! My son is 19 months now and I can't believe how well he sleeps. I honestly had thought I just had a kid who didn't require a lot of sleep (cuz he wouldn't nap) and just had a bad sleeper at night. Now, he sleeps 11 to 12 hours straight at night(with no wake ups!) and naps for 2 hours every day without a single battle! It really worked great for us. Don't know if that means it would work for everyone but our little boy is EXTREMELY strong willed and stubborn and I was surprised anything worked with him. I had tried "crying it out" prior and he had screamed for 1.5 hours without ever falling asleep! This method was a much better way. They call it the "least cry solution" because you do allow them to cry some but there are rules and timelines. Also, they suggest not picking them up if you go in to check on them. I think that helped because I'd usually pick my boy up to lay him back down and I think it teased him a bit. They have other good suggestions like a white noise machine or fan to buffet sound and a book to help your child understand the changes in sleeping that are about to occur. I rarely ever write in to these Mamasource questions but since we found this program I have had my whole life changed and want to tell everyone how great our experience was. I think it cost under 20 dollars on-line. Good luck to you, whatever you try!

I went back to work very soon after my daughter was born. It was a very difficult decision but necessary at the time. My nursing daughter figured out very quickly that her mommy and her nursing time was home in the evening and through the night. M daughter become what is called a "night time nurser" She took very little liquids through the day and bulked up at night and during the night. I was pretty tired at some points but I got used to it.
I know your child is older than mine was when I was working but the scenario is a bit similar. He has just figured out your home in the evening and this is his time to be with you. I'm not sure when he'll be ready to move on from the night waking but it may be a little while before he gets used to the new routine and backs off at night. I know with my little one when she got to be about one or so we gently trained her not to ask for nursing time at night. It was hard because even though we were being to loving and patient with her and didn't allow her to cry by herself she still cried and got really upset. Eventually she moved on.
There are those times though, like sickness or potty training or another upset in their lives where they feel they need to have night time nursing with mommy. Then you just have to retrain or remind them that we have to go back to day time nursing.
It sounds like he isn't ready to give up his time with you and has figured out that your most available in the evening and at night when you get home from work.
I would suggest the "No Cry Sleep Solution" as a reading reference and you might look on the La Leche League message board for more suggestions on night time weaning.

I know many people who have used the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and Dr Sears with great success.

He is probably still adjusting to you going back to work, and could be going through some developmental stuff as well. A growth spurt, new teeth, learning a new skill, etc. Sounds like he needs some extra comfort during this time.

With kids who nurse a lot at night, it can mean they are missing it during the day. Is there any way you can nurse him a bit more during waking hours? That may help fulfill his need there.

Crying it out is 100% unnecessary and really, really bad for your child. Unless of course you want a child with a broken spirit who doesn't trust you.

I have a sleep blog if you need another sleep resource- kidstosleep.blogspot.com

Crying it out does take more work and commitment as kids get older... but I would try this. They know how to get our attention and they know what they want- even at 1- may explain the screaming. It may take a couple days or it may take a week to get him sleeping through the night. In the grand scheme of things it is worth it- for both of you. Just stay consistent and stick with whatever you decide to do. He needs to learn how to soothe himself back to sleep and not use you- definitely a skill you want him to learn before he gets too old. And trust me he can do it!! Good luck and happy resting.

It's late, so you MUST be having a hard time. We went through a similar experience with my son, who is now 15 months. All through his first year, his pediatrician warned us: "set up a sleep schedule. His tummy is big enough to eat at dinner and sustain him through the night. Night feedings are not necessary." It is REALLY hard to listen to your baby cry. Keep in mind too, that your 12 month old has stronger lungs & greater volume than a tiny baby. It sounds worse now that he's older! I don't know about the sleep lady method, but I can't imagine staying in the room, listening to my son scream.
Anyway, I really recommend the book "Solving your child's sleep problems" by Richard Ferber. I know, Ferber's methods are considered controversial by some people, but the book talks a lot about natural sleep rhythms and how to set up a bedtime routine for your child, as well as how to predict the waking sleep cycles during the night. (Our issue with my son, was that both parents travel for work, and our son would come with us -- hence, a different schedule every night meant no routine.) It took us 2-3 weeks or so to implement (so you have to commit), but this is what we did (note - our son goes to bed late in general, but this works for him & us):
Our bedtime routine: 7:30 pm have dinner, play a little afterwards; 8:30-8:45 warm bath & pjs; 8:45pm-9pm read 3 books while he drinks a bottle (or in your case, nurses); then at 9 pm, he goes in his bed still awake. When we started this routine, he'd scream/cry really loudly. We'd go in every 10, 15, 20 minutes for 2 minutes each time. We wouldn't pick him up, but we'd give him a hug standing at the crib, in a really soothing voice we'd tell him it was OK and that we loved him and it was time to go to bed, and we'd lay him back down. He'd cry & we'd repeat the process until eventually, he fell asleep. If you are consistent with your routine (your husband or partner needs to do the SAME thing as you), the number of visits you have to do each night will decrease. We also traded off - I'd do 2 visits, then my husband did 2 visits, so no one parent feels like the bad guy.
For middle of the night wakings, our pediatrician gave us a rule of thumb: wait 20 minutes before you go soothe the baby. Sure enough, around minute 19, he'd fall back asleep on his own.
Our son has been going to bed each night with no crying, and sleeping through the night for about 2 months now, and it is SO GOOD.
GOOD LUCK! I hope you get some rest soon!

Hi D.,
We went through this back in July with my daughter, who was 9 1/2 months old. She was only waking up once during the night, but it was really wearing me out. My husband finally said that's it, we're letting her cry it out. We do this in the middle of the night only. I still nurse her to sleep at night and for naps during the day, but I'm sleeping so much better now that she's not getting up at 3:30 in the morning. All in all, it wasn't too bad. She cried for maybe 10 minutes the first night, 2 minutes the second night, and 1-2 minutes the third night. I think it was harder on me, as my husband had to keep me from going to get her that first night. We then started with a rule that I wouldn't go get her before 6 am.

Saturday, she woke up at 4:30 and I did nurse her since she went to bed early the night before. She was doing her "nursing acrobatics", rolling around all over the bed, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I finally picked her up, and put her back in her crib. She let out one cry as I put her down, but then shocked both me and my husband by going back to sleep and sleeping until 7 am.

You never know how they'll respond until you try.

Go to www.3daysleep.com and get Davis Erhler's video - it's quick and you'll get advice fast. Your baby will be sleeping in NO TIME but old habits are hard to break (especially when they are older) so hang in there!
Davis is AMAZING and you can do f/u consults with her (if you buy her DVD) for a reasonable price - WORTH EVERY PENNY!!
Good luck!

My son just turned one as well and I have been breaking him of the bottle in the middle of the night for the past month (sadly, my breast milk stopped producing at 3 1/2 months). Around the one year mark is when child start to go thru seperation anxiety. It sounds as though you son is going thru this at night since he is used to being fed. This is what I have done and it has worked well. First of all I have to say that hearing your son cry, I know, is so very hard. Having said that I feel that it is necessary to let him cry it out. He is not hungry, he is asking for what he has been used to getting as a little baby. Although I am sure we both hate to admit, our sons are little boys now and need to be treated as such. I let my son cry for a few minutes (up to 5) and then go to comfort him. Reassure him that I love him and that it is time to sleep. I give him his pacifier and blanket and a kiss and tell him "night night". I sometimes have to repeat this 2 or 3 times however each time I let him cry a bit longer between when I go back in (also, if you can tell that his crying is winding down, try to not go back in - he is probably nearly back to sleep). This allows him to try to settle himself down AND tire himself out. I have to warn you that the first few days of this were hard for me however now it is not nearly as often and it is easier. I have to ask, do you have him put himself to sleep? This also has helped him son sleep thru the night as he has realized that he can calm himself down and doesn't "need" my husband or I to be right beside him to sleep/fall asleep.

Yeah - we all go through this whole sleep dilemma :o) My friends and I have talked about this so often, now we all have 2 kids and here's what we've concluded - and some parents don't agree with this, but it's worked for all of us.

First of all, just the fact that you ask advise shows that you are a caring parent and your son knows that and feels safe and secure and loved. So, unless there is a reason that your son really needs you (fever, teething, real hunger, changing etc.) you have to take the time to let him cry. A night or two of tears is worth the future good sleeping habits for him as well as you. He really won't remember those tears/tantrums, instead he'll be a happy kid who gets the sleep he needs without waking. Mind you, it's HEARTBREAKING! to hear your child scream for 3 hours+, but be strong. "This too shall pass" as they say :o)

Good luck to you and your little one.

I had this problem with my daughter and had to start training her to sleep by herself through the night. It was a problem of self soothing. If they use something like a breast, they can't soothe themselves without it. So my daughter would scream and I mean SCREAM, and I would get up, soothe her, leave the room for five minutes, soothe her, wait another five, soothe again, wait ten minutes, soothe again and do this over and over dragging out the time between visits. It took awhile, but after about a month, she slept through the night. I was pregnant with number two at the time and didn't want to have to be up with both of them all night long!!! It is more disturbing for us to do this. Sometimes, I would pick her up and hug her and put her back down, but I also found that this was more disturbing to her than just leaving her. It was a really hard time, but I can assure you that my daughter is a happy, healthy and very confident 17 month old today. So I don't think this method has had any detrimental effects on her, just me!

Hi D., I'm not familar with the Sleep lady method is, but I will tell you as a married woman of 27 years, you belong in bed with your husband not your child, I have put off responding to these types of request becasue, mons write it and tell me I don't what i am taling about and that I am crass and disrespectful. but to me the best advice you can give another person is what they NEED to hear opposed to what they WANT to hear. The qucickest way to get a one year old to sleep through the night, is don't go to hime during the night? I have a 3 month old in my daycare who sleeps from 7:00 PM to 5:30 AM without a feeding, You are nursing a one year old? put a sippy cup in the corner of his crib so when he wakes up he will see the cup, and learn to take a drink and go back to sleep, but as long as you will go feed him her will coninue to wake up, and if you keep nurcing him as old as he is, you will probably still be nursing him at a age where he should be being potty trained. Sorry if I didn't use the right tact, in my response, and sorry if I came across disrespectful, D. that was not my intent, I will share this with you the requests that I read where a child will not sleep through the night, are mainly breast feed children, not all mind you, but most, I think alost of these issues that moms write in about would be solved, if only they knew how to seperate the needs of an infant to the needs of a toddler, their not the same. I pray for sucess with getting your one year old to sleep through the night. J. L.

Hi D., Your problem is not unusual, and I think I can help you help your son with a gradual approach to minimize crying. My name is K. Smith and I am a Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach. Please check out my website and contact me if you wish. www.theindependentchild.com
Thanks and good Luck,
K.

Hi D.,

We went throught this with my 14 month old daughter. Up until she was 12 months, she would wake up many times during the night. I'd have to breastfeed her back sleep. We were exhausted! We tried everything, including cry-it-out. (I'm not a fan of the total cry-it-out method). Nothing seemed to work...and she could outlast us with crying it out.

Finally, my husband came up with something that works perfectly! I breastfeed her and put her down for the night. She no longer cries for that.. Then, when she'd wake up through the night, DADDY would go in to her, lay her back down, cover her, pat her a few times, and then leave. She hated it! (She adores Daddy, but he doesn't have "the goods"!)She cried a lot at first. But once she understood that mommy wouldn't be the one coming in, she gave up the night wakings. Once in a while, she still wakes, but once Daddy goes in, she lays back down and is content to go back to sleep. This method was way more palatable to me, because at least she knows we will respond if she needs us...maybe not mommy...but certainly daddy!

She does wake every morning around 5. At that time, I do breastfeed her for about 5 minutes or so. Then, she's more than happy to go back to sleep until about 6:30 or 7.

We are all so much happier and well rested!!!!!!

Good luck to you!

S.

Oh man I could have written that myself. My son was exactly the same and the reason I was still nursing him at almost 2. I got my husband involved and had him go in the first couple times. We also brought him to bed with us, which is ok if you believe in co-sleeping. It took us a while to break him of that and get hims sleeping in his own room. To this day though he still gets up at least once a night and he's 5. You just may have a child that hates to sleep. You've gotten some great advice here. Try some and see if it works, but don't feel like a failure if it doesn't. Good luck!
M.

My 9 month old is also regressing and not sleeping through the night even though she did at 3 and 4 months. I think I know where we may have gone wrong and I'm currently trying to fix it. When she was new born, I loosley followed the PDF method (from the book Baby Wise) its stands for parent directed feeding which is the opposite of demand feeding. The biggest rule for PDF is the wake, sleep, eat pattern vs. the eat sleep wake pattern. I followed the no eating before sleeping rule during the day when she was little and she was sleeing through the night. When she started standing in her crip at 7 months, I resorted to putting her down with a bottle. It was a great trick to getting her down for naps, but then it screwed up her eating schedule and she no longer made it through the night. I tried the cry it out method the other night and regret it. I've used CIO method for naps and bed time when I know she is just fighting sleep, but the middle of the night hungry baby is different. The next night when she awoke and saw me up making her bottle, she cried intensly like she'd never done before. I feel I traumatized her with the CIO method. I think there is a time and place for CIO, but I won't do it again when I know she really is hungry. So I'm hoping getting back onto the wake, sleep , eat order will get us back to where we once were. The method keeps babies from using food as comfort to sleep. And apparently is magic for getting babies to sleep through the night. We'll see about that. Best of luck to you.

Hi D.,
A girlfriend of mine swears by the book Healthy Sleep habits, Happy Child by Marc WEissbluth, M.D. Also, I suggest, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League. There are some great tips in there about weaning your child. Maybe he misses you and just wants more one on one time. Not sure but good luck to you and your wonderful boy:)

If you can handle it, just nurse him when he needs it! A nursing 1 yr old doesn't have to be sleeping through the night (mine didn't until he was 2)- especially when he's lost so much of mama during the day. Just seems that he's processing the transition this way, and if you can respond to his need lovingly, then it will continue to go well. Abandoning him during the night doesn't seem like a solution. . .
Good luck, I'm sure it's very difficult!

Hi D., this sounds exactly like my son, and I can understand the difference between "cries" and "screams". There was no hope in letting him cry himself to sleep if he was all worked up screaming. This is what worked for me: I weaned him from the breast around 10 months, by slowly decreasing the feeding time each night (and he fell asleep by nursing most of the time). If he didn't fall asleep on the breast, and when he was completely weaned, I would say goodnight and let him cry (scream), for two minutes max while I waited outside his room. I would go in and pick him up (right next to the crib), and hold him until he stopped crying (not fell asleep), then set him down for round #2. I repeated this until he would eventually just whimper and fall asleep. It took about 5 rounds the first night, and gradually decreased over the days. He slept through the night for about a week, then got sick, but once he was better I started again and it was much quicker! He was recently (15 months old now) sick for a week, and only one night did he wake up multiple times, I think he's finally figured out his bed is a nice place to be!

I did the standing next to the crib thing... tiring but worth it. He ended up back in our bed after a couple weeks of it, but didn't nurse during the night anymore.... so, go for it, if it doesn't work try something else! :) Good luck

Alright, I had issues with my son's sleeping habits at this age and asked the same question. I was trying to get him to sleep in his own bed and get him off the bottle all at the same time. Basically, I've read a bunch of books and spent nights trying to start the CIO method and finally walked away from it, once I read the article from Harvard that so many have referenced...

There is nothing wrong with comforting your child...he doesn't know he's supposed to sleep by himself, he was sleeping with you for nine months and is seeking that comfort in being close to you and hearing your heartbeat. A NICU nurse, would grab my son from me as soon as he fell asleep in my arms, and lecture me on how to make my son independent and another one would tell me it was okay to let him feel my presence while he slept...

I guess, my opinions on sleeping are kind of old fashioned and have even been called a little 'hippie', but my son is happy and healthy and knows he is loved...and, so what if my sleep suffers from time to time. I'm his Mommy, it's my job to be there for him.

Like my son's doctor said, find what works for you and don't let anyone tell you that it's wrong...

Hi D.,

I don't know if this is good for a year old. But my 12 week old son sleeps through the night on 5 -7 hours per night. Do you have a regular sleep routine? My husband thought this was crazy. We do a bath then a feeding (or visa versa which ever works for you) and then we do a reading or I do music and rock him and then we swaddle him and put him to bed. I don't know if it is good to swaddle at that age of your son you have to ask. That makes him sleep better and not wake up. They need to feel comfortable. My son also feeds more frequently throughout the day and is very active. I hope this is of some help. How much does he sleep during the day?
E. Kuhn