Getting Used to My Daughter Going to School

Hi D.!
It will get better in time. My son was almost 6 before he started kindergarten b/c of his birthday. And eventhough I worked full time I was scared to death for him to go to school. I was worried that he'd be hungry, get lost, miss me,etc. He just started 1st grade this year and loves it. He loved it last year too. He has never cried about going to school and has made lots of friends. The first day of school last year I sat at home with my youngest son and watched the clock. I was in line to pick him up and 3pm. School doesn't let out until 3:45pm. But I couldn't wait. Now I'm lucky to get there by 3:45:0) I still miss him but I have found other things to do with my time. Nothing fun though. Its the usual clean house, do laundry and grocery shop. Best of luck!

I just finished a terrible daycare drop-off before heading to work this morning, so I understand how it feels to think you've betrayed your little one.

Is it possible to work day shift now that she is at school? This would keep your mind more occupied & gives you the time to spend with her when she comes home.

My Mom used to watch my son ... and now he only stays with her 2 days a week. She is having a hard time adjusting, but tries to fill the days with errands, hobbies and lunch with family/friends. I think it'll take her a long while to adjust, so don't beat yourself up that you feel upset. It will take some time, no doubt.

Good luck ...

Hey D.,
My baby (shes 5) just started kindergarted too I have also been home with her for her whole life. I cried the first day after I got home. It was really hard. Then when I picked her up I expected to hear how great school was and she said she hated it. I thought for a brief moment of pulling her out and waiting a year because I was afraid that she wasn't ready. Well we are into the 2nd week and she still tells me that she hates it but out of the blue will start talking about the things that she did that day with so much enthusiasm (sp) I know she loves it but is probably afraid to let me know that she is having fun with out me. I do however have a 1 year old to take care of during the day. I am more excited to go get her at the end of the day, and every morning she is excited to go to school. I am glad that I didn't pull her out. I mis her but this is what she needs, she needs to be more independant. Whatever you do don't let her know that you are sad because she might try to use that against you and make you feel worse. Children are very good at that kind of thing. I think my daughter tried that by telling me she hated school but then I just told her that she would have to go until she liked it ever since then she hasn't complained. Hope this helps just try and keep busy and remember what good it is doing her.

I had to go back to work when my daughter was only 6 weeks old. I know what you are feeling. I felt like the worst mommy in the world that i couldn't stay home with her. trust me though, each day will get a little easier. you will both get used to the new routine. just make sure to tell her you love her and you'll see her later. and when you do give her lots of hugs and kisses and ask her how her day was. she will love getting to tell you about her new adventures at school. but you need to find a hobbie or some sort of activity to pass the time with. that way you are not just sitting and dwelling on how much you miss her and how lonely you are now.

I totally understand how this can be hard for you, but think about this.....who is D.? What did D. do before she became a mother? What kind of things did D. enjoy doing in her free time? I think it's scary that mothers allow themselves to completely be consumed by motherhood. You can be the best mother in the world, and still be yourself and there's nothing wrong with that. I have always made it a point to stay true to who I am. It's too easy to get sucked in by motherhood, but just because I'm a mother doesn't mean that I'm not the same old Julie who loves to hang out with friends and loves to have fun. I still do many of my old hobbies, plus have acquired a few new ones like jewelry making. I love my kids more than anything, but that doesn't mean I have to give up a part of myself to make me a better mother. You shouldn't either. You're a mother, yes, but you're also an individual. If I were you, I would spend the time when she's at school getting to know myself again. I would go shopping to figure out what kinds of clothes appeal to me, just me, not ones that I think would look cute on my daughter. I would go into a bookstore and sit down with a cup of coffee and read through magazines, or a book that catches my eye. You need to get in touch with your inner self again. Pick up the book "Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul" if you're religious. It's a great book and reminds a mother how to stay true to themselves. It sounds like this isn't about your daughter and you missing her. It sounds like you have let yourself completely forget who you are as a person and without your daughter beside you, you've forgotten how to live and completely don't know what to do with yourself. Cheer up and take some time to get intimate with your thoughts, feelings, and desires. Then, you'll LOVE those quiet moments when you are able to spend time alone that are so few and far between at times.

Have you tried sleeping? When you do sleep?

On a serious note, how about spending the time to put activities together to do with her when she gets home...like a treasure hunt or something. My kids are only 1 so I'm not sure of the skills of a kid the age of yours, but I bet you could come up with idea that could take some time to prepare for, but let you think about her at the same time without being sad.

Don't feel bad...she's probably thriving! She's got lots of new kids to make new friends with, and alot of activites to keep her busy! I'm sure you'll get an exciting report of it all from her when she gets home. I'm sure she misses you too, but that she's very distracted from those thoughts by the newness of her shcool experience. Maybe Mommy should take up a hobby during the day? Buy a gym membership, or something that interests you. If she has been a only child, school is going to be great for her socially. Sure, she may have been apprehensive at first, but she needs to adjust, and most kids adapt wonderfully! It's o.k. to feel sad about the fact that your child is growing up, it's a part of life! But, don't dwell on it...be excited for her! I hope she did well on her first day-give us an update and let us know! I have four kids, and 2 are school age, so i've been there and done that...i know of what i speak! My best friend has a daughter who is an only child also, and once she started school, she blossomed! She was so happy to have friends and companions/playmates her age. Sure, there is no substitute for Mommy, but a kid has to have friends her age too! She'll be O.K. Momma! :) Keep us up to date!

D., I understand your feelings so much. It is hard the first time, very hard but, believe me, you will overcome these feelings. First of all, you should not feel you betrayed her, on the contrary, you are giving her wings to start knowing the world. That is real love. When I left my boy at school the first day of kindergarten, (he didn't attend preschool), it was me the one who needed the Kleenex tissues not him.(I did not cry, but I wanted to, My husband and I showed him a huge smile and said to him,"See you later big boy!!!) He was so happy, so thrill to do different things and he he knew and he knows we adore him, him My boy, then, was sharing part of his life with other little people and other grown ups. Now he is 7. He loves school!
It is very important that you never ever make your daughter feel sad because you are sad..never do that please! Just make her feel she is learning and playing and having new experiences that will help her to live in this world. You will see, she will enjoy; she will miss you sometimes, but she will be more than OK.
D., just try to live your life, do other things, work during days if you can or go to the gym. May be you need to discover so many things about yourself or re-discover them, and that is very exciting! For the time being, try to keep your mind busy doing these things I tell you.
Good luck and be happy for your little girl