Getting Your Baby Back to Sleep at Night

Babies need to be held, especially when they are that young. Mine did that too so I spent many nights sleeping in the rocking chair. It won't last forever, cherish it now.

Read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It changed my life!! I had no idea what to do with my first 2 babies and did whatever it took to just get some rest for all of us... but I read that book with baby #3 and it explains what to do... My 3rd child was/is a miracle sleeper thanks to the loving techniques in the book!

Your baby is still brand new. Of course she wants to be held! You cannot spoil an infant. Hold her and rock her back to sleep. As she gets a little older, you will see that her sleep & feeding patterns will becme more regular. It can be a hellish period but hang in there. That's motherhood!

I recommend the baby whisperer, http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Baby-Whisperer-Connect-Comm...

It's obviously too early to sleep train your little one, but starting her on a flexible schedule like the BW's EASY schedule could help getting her to sleep a little longer at night. One thing to make sure of is that you arent turning on any lights or anything with the baby in the room when she gets up for feedings. I bottle fed, and made the bottle then got the baby, or put on a very low light, so she wouldnt think it was time to be up and playing. I even got to where I could change her diaper in the dark with only a soft night light.

It takes 20 minutes for them to fall into a deep sleep, so feed her, swaddle her and let her fall asleep on you, then put her down. Also, they will wake every 2-3 hours for food for at least the first few weeks, if not first two months. They have very small stomachs and need the food, so yes, the cycle will be only about 30 minutes.

Hang in there.

A couple things to try:
- Swaddle her more tightly, or try a sleep sack instead (I prefer the Carter's sleep sack to the Halo ones - the Halo ones are a lot harder to get on and off a baby without waking them up)
- White noise or soft classical music playing
- Put her in a swing instead of her crib

While babies do cluster-feed and feed frequently, it does sound like she really wants to sleep more at night but just can't do it outside of your arms. Experimenting with more warmth (the sleep sack), womb-like noise, or motion (the swing) might help her (and you!) to get more sleep. Don't worry about 'creating bad habits', she's too young for that. Just do what you need to help her get more sleep!

Newborns and young babies, OFTEN go through what is called "cluster feeding", in which this means they feed frequently and more often, and even every single hour. It is because they are growing and need it to keep up with their growth and development.

Both my kids, went through this often and at growth-spurts. 24/7.
They need the feedings...and if not, if hungry, they will wake and cry. Your baby is only 9 days old.
They do this... they are STILL adjusting to this world, and everything- smells/textures/temperatures all affect them. And they are still needing to bond and get used to everything and need comforting. A pacifier at this young an age is not recommended and it should not replace feedings to make them sleep.

You might also make sure she is latching on properly... if not, she will not be getting enough intake. And breastfeeding can take about 15 minutes for them to reach the "hind milk" and then they will nurse longer than that and need to. Breastfeeding sessions can last anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes.
Oh, and make sure you have enough milk as well, or she will not be getting enough intake. Drink lots of water.

It will not end anytime soon.

All the best,
Susan

9 days in and her system is all new! if you are nursing, check your diet. any gassy foods i.e. onions, salad, broccoli, etc always upset my children's stomachs. 6 weeks is the peak of fussiness according to the book healthy sleep habits happy child and it proved true with my two so if this is any encouragement maybe it won't be too much longer. hang in there. is she gassy or do you suspect reflux? one reason i suggest reflux is because she is feeding and then put right back down. have you propped her on her side? its tough, and all trial and error with new babies. i am an RN and was in Labor and delivery for a while, and my nursery nurse friends always told me babies eat more frequently at night and have more fussy time at night. and that was true in our lives. do you think she is taking a full feeding? when i suspected snacking with mine i would nurse then immediatly pop a bottle in their mouth to make sure they were full. also, if you have no other babies at home i would make her rest time my rest time during the day so you can go at night. good luck! i will say an extra prayer for you! one more thing i did (especially during the cold months) is lay a heat pad in the spot you will put her to warm it up (not too hot ofcourse!) then once you are ready to put her down just move it out the way, check the area to make sure its not too hot, and place her in that spot....that way she goes from warm body to warm sheet.

Wow, I remember how long and frustrating that time seeemed. But now that I'm looking at it from a distance, nine days old is REALLY young. I think the eating every two hours for about 25 minutes is fairly normal, and maybe necessary for her still. It is frustrating that she won't go BACK to sleep in a bassinet at night. However, I wouldn't worry too much that she's creating a life long bad sleep habit. Before one month you're in survival mode and you just do what you got to do, even if the only way for anyone to get any sleep is in a rocking chair. Two things you maybe can do to help during the day is try to keep her awake more. Talk to her, play with her, etc. When she does fall asleep during the day, put her down. We had a similar problem with our little guy and I suddenly realized that we had a non-stop flow of family and friends coming by who loved to hold our sleeping baby all day long and then when we all wanted some sleep at night it was an extremely rude awakening for no one to be holding him anymore. But, that said, you can never give a brand new baby too much love and attention when they're awake to appreciate ti.

I am also not a fan of co-sleeping, and was terrified of doing it at all, but for the first 14-18 days of my son's life, he refused to sleep anywhere but my arms. I finally broke down and bought one of those pillows that prop you upright so that I couldn't roll over even if I wanted to, and then I slept with him in my arms. It was that or go crazy, and with my next child, I plan to be a little less strict about my "no baby in the bed" policy (although I still believe babies should learn to sleep in their own beds early on)! Fortunately, my son did outgrow it very quickly and was soon able to be put in his bassinet once asleep (at night - nap time was a completely different story). From there, we were able to progress to always being able to put him in his bassinet once asleep, and by 4-months-old, my son knew how to put himself to sleep. Holding your child right now is not going to hinder development in the second or third month, so no worries.

However, you may want to see if you are able to cut back on her sleep time during the day - slightly. My son had his days and his nights confused, and so we worked hard to keep my son awake as much as we could during the day, and I think this helped him sleep through the night much earlier. Of course if your daughter needs to sleep, you shouldn't torture her, but often newborns seem to sleep just because they don't have anything else to do, and so at these times, see if you can keep her up.

The first 3-4 weeks are the hardest because your baby resists any schedule and just wants to be with you constantly, but the good news is that she will outgrow this. You don't have to "co-sleep" to occasionally fall asleep with her in your arms, so give yourself a bit of a break, make sure you're propped up safely so that nothing can happen, and realize that in only a week or two, she'll start to form a schedule and probably accept it when you put her down at night. Good luck.

Oh, I know what you're going through! Both of our babies were like that. It seemed like forever that they slept on us- usually my husband, they seemed to like sleeping on him better for some reason. It really didn't last long though, and then they were fine in their cribs. We felt the same as you about cosleeping, but we ended up doing this with our first because like you, we weren't getting any sleep at all. When our second started the same way, we just let her sleep on us because we knew it wouldn't last long!

This is what worked for us. My 1st slept in her swing for the 1st 2 months. My second HATED the swing so we use the Nap Nanny. She loved it. http://www.napnanny.com/index.html It is a little expensive but so worth it! Some of my other friends just let their babies sleep in there infant car seats and it worked for them. With both of my two I used a heating pad to put in the swing or nap nanny before placing them in it so that they went from my warm body to a warm thing. This allowed them to stay asleep and sleep longer. also both of my girls had there schedules switched when they were born and it took them a couple of weeks to figure out they were to sleep more at night then in the day. i should get better as she gets older and used to her world. I hope this helps.

Welcome to motherhood!

I take it this is your first?

Question - you say she will sleep in your arms but when in the bed she "wakes up to feed" - clearly it's not to feed if she is content in your arms.

After you know it's not the diet you are eating and the room is dark (these are the obvious things to look at) make sure she is full and burped, sounds like gas to me.

My first ate every two hours for MONTHS! You cannot spoil a 9 day old baby!

Both of my girls were the same way. I put them to sleep at night in the baby swing set on low. I felt that they were missing the "sway" of being inside me and also eveything is so quite at night. The sound of the swing would also soothe them.

I found this out with my first daughter after several frustrated nights like you're having. One night when my baby was 2 weeks old and my arms were so tired of holding her I put her in the swing and laid on the couch beside her. I woke up an hr later with her still sleeping in the swing! She slept for another hour woke to eat and put her back in the swing and we both slept for another 2 hours. I felt guilty at first but she was strapped in, safe and it worked! When my second came along and I noticed the same pattern I went right to the swing. They both slept in the swing at night for the first two months or so before I switched them to the bassinet.

She's too young to worry about co-sleeping becoming a habit. I held my son to help him fall asleep and brought him into bed with us for the first month and it didn't develop into a habit. He's 16 months old now and has been sleeping in his crib since he was a month old. The world is so new to your baby girl and she just needs to feel safe with you. The most important thing is for all of you to get sleep!

It sounds like your daughter might have her days and nights moxed up (VERY common!). Make sure that when she sleeps during the day that the room has light in it and that she is getting up regularly with very short period of being awake with you, but not feeding. When she goes to bed at night, try to make the room very dark(if it isn't already) and don't get her up to do anything but feed and change her diaper (do those together). Don't talk to your baby at this time and don't turn on any lights when doing this either. These things should help.

I know you don't want to co-sleep, but I have to say that I had the same problem and co-sleeping was the answer. Our pediatrician recommended it, and I ended up LOVING it (I was initially against it). I just sleep curled around baby, and he eats when he likes and goes back to sleep immediately. That was the end of those horrible non-sleeping nights for us, and I love it. Best wishes!

Sounds like your baby has her days and nights mixed up. She's sleeping all day, but not sleeping at night - I think every baby does this, especially newborns. And it can be very frustrating - sleep deprivation is NOT fun!

During they day, try to keep her awake more. It's HARD, but just try to make daytime more "active" for her. Carry her around the house and show her stuff (even though she can't see it). Make her a part of any activities you're doing - laundry, dishes, whatever. Talk to her a lot. Make noise around her. Just keep her stimulated more during the day. Then at night, keep things quiet and calm. Talk softer. Dim the lights. She'll notice the difference and figure out it's time for sleeping.

My son was like that. Ugh. I feel for u. I found that he slept best at night in his bouncy w/vibration on. If he did get fussy, i would nuke a rice sock & lay across his tummy. if u aren't familiar with the rice sock, u take a sock & fill it with regular uncooked rice & sew it shut or tie it closed. nuke for about a minute & it stays warm for about 10-15 minutes. If the bouncy didn't work, I would use the swing. Just try to use the bassinet/crib by the time she is 3 months old so you don't start bad habits. I found that I kept waking my son up with my snoring as I snore when I'm over tired & so it was a vicious cycle for us both. :D Best of luck & remember this too shall pass.....my son is now the best sleeper in the family.

I feel your pain...we had the same situation and ended up co-sleeping, which allowed us some sleep. I would say give it some time and hopefully in a week or two she will adjust - sorry not much more help! Just wanted to say I've been in your shoes and good luck.

At 9 days old she's in charge and it sounds like she's on a weird schedule. When you do have to get up with her at night, try not to stimulate her by turning the lights on or playing with her. Change her, bottle and back to bed. Also, make sure you change her first, that way after the bottle has gotten her sleepy, you don't have to disturb her to change her diaper. I was afraid to co-sleep also. I've heard many stories of people rolling over on their babies during the night. I did find this little The First Years Close & Secure Sleeper on Amazon that fits in your bed and is enclosed to prevent you from rolling over on baby. My husband and I put it between us at night during those first couple months and allowed us to sooth our little one back to sleep without having to keep getting up and down.

First off, I'd like to encourage you! Co sleeping is more and more common these days and I also refused to do it. I have lots of friends that co sleep, but it was never the answer for me or my husband. Sometimes, when I was soooooo exhausted in those first few weeks, I would be tempted to just take my kids to bed with me so we could get ONE NIGHT of better sleep. However, I believe that my kids are BETTER sleepers and my husband and I have a better marriage for not co sleeping. At nine days old, she's still adjusting to life outside of the womb. It's kind of just part of this parenting thing... but I really truly believe that if you just be patient and continue to let her get used to her own bed and the system of the day and night, she will adjust and be a better sleeper and happier baby for it. I have two sons and my third son is due in six weeks... We'll be taking the same approach, once again, that you have. I think it's worth the struggle for a couple of weeks. Just keep your chin up congrats on the new addition to your family!

I don't have an answer, I am actually curious myself since I have the same problem with my 7 week old. However, he is starting to do 5 hr stints now at night..thank God! However he sleeps mostly during the day as well and I can't get him to sleep long periods in the bassinet. He loves the couch! I don't want that to be a habbit. Good luck to you, maybe we will get an answer too so we can rest! :-)

We used a snuggle bed nest (I think that's what its called) for our 2. Its a portable bed that can be placed next to you so you can hold her paci in her mouth and soothe her to sleep, then pop the whole contraption into the bassinet without waking her up. I think they sleep better in a more confined space when they are still used to the womb. The (padded) hard sides relieved my worries that I would roll over on them when I occasionally drifted off to sleep with the baby in my bed. My son had reflux issues and it was easy to prop him up by slipping a rolled up towel under the top of the bed nest! Good luck and rest up - it will get better.

That's a tricky one. If she sleeps better during the day, is it always in her bassinet? Or do you lay her down in a swing or bouncer? I put both of my kids to sleep in the swing (all night) when they were newborns. The motion was soothing, of course, but being partially upright helped with digestion (and kept the reflux down for my daughter). And it's actually safer for them to be buckled in like that so there's no chance of rolling over and suffocating. Not to mention there's less pressure on the back of her head when she's partially upright so it will help reduce flatness as well.

So yeah...obviously I'm a fan of baby swings/vibrating bouncers, etc. Anything you can do to get some sleep! :-)

Totally normal for 9 days old! They need the nourishment!! My son will be 5months old and he still gets up to feed! It will get easier, at least ur baby naps for that long ! Sorry I'm not thatuch help' I am a first time mama too!! Try to sleep when he naps.

I'm guessing she wakes up as soon as you lie her down when she falls asleep in your arms. She is still really young. There is a good chance that she will start going to sleep in her bassinet within the next couple of weeks - or at least staying asleep for a while once you put her down.

The early days are hard - especially because you are not getting sleep. Hang in there. It won't be forever.

I feel so bad for you. I have a now 5 month old and went through the same thing. The only thing we really could do was try to soothe him by gently tapping him with my hand on his chest and shushing him quietly and singing. And when that didnt work, we just rocked him in the carseat. But other than that, thank God he out grew it after the 2nd month. Good Luck!
B.

I haven't seen anyone else mention this (I scanned the other replies):

It's not uncommon for new babies to have their days and nights mixed up. Essentially, when they are inside, your walking around during the day lulls them to sleep - think sleeping in a hammock. They are used to this swaying motion and the sounds of you talking, your heart, your digestion, etc. It's LOUD in there.

Then they come out, and suddenly at night we expect them to sleep in dark, quiet and unmoving environment. WRONG.

My suggestion (I have three kids, the youngest went through this too, he's 4 1/2 mos right now), get a papasan swing (believe me it's worth it if this is your first child). The baby can safely sleep in the swing - it's miraculous.
If you don't want to do that, then at least start training your LO on how to reset the day/night confusion...

During the day, put the baby down in a dark and quiet place as much as possible. Then at night, make the room somewhat light, and play a radio with talking, or a sound machine on white noise. This will start "fooling" the baby that nightime is like that lulling, loud time they are used to sleeping. Then you slowly start changing it, so the door is left open during the day, the blinds more open, etc. Your LO will learn how to sleep during the night, but you have to help her learn that QUIET and DARK is sleeping time. The white noise will certainly help act as a "cue". Also, it's never to late to start a brief nap and bedtime routine. These cues all help your LO expect what comes next.

About the co-sleeping. We didn't do this much either. However we did have a pack n play in our room. It really helped me to nurse while sitting up in bed, then putting the baby down right next to me. Yes, it's more disruptive to my DH, however the point was to save ME some time and energy in getting back to sleep. Plus if our son was really fussy, DH would get up and give me a break.

Be careful, sleep deprivation is cumulative. So you will feel worse and worse as time goes on. Get sleep during the day whenever you can. Get help with the cooking, cleaning, etc. as much as you can. My DH got me a house cleaning svc for the first three months and it was a relief to know that I didn't have to bend and stress about "a dirty house" with everything else going on.

Good luck

I'm happy to chat more if you want. I've been there!

I apologize for not reading all the responses so far. However, I also have newborn (my 3rd child) so I don't have much time. What your daughter is doing (waking and feeding frequently ) is completely NORMAL and HEALTHY. Please don't try to change her routine this early. As parents we need to adapt to our babies not the other way around. My first baby was like yours and I fought the frequent sleep interruptions and spaced her feedings and it turned into a disaster. At 2 months she had not gained any weight (she was at birth weight) and she was crying hours at a time. YOU CANNOT SPOIL A NEWBORN and they have no ability to adopt a routine. That's why parenting is so difficult. Just feed her, cuddle her and realize that soon she will be several months old and this challenge will be replaced by a whole bunch of new ones. Best wishes. R., Nurse Midwife/ SAHM of 3.