Newborn Sleeping with Mom in Bed at Night

Updated on October 23, 2006
C.K. asks from Chicago, IL
18 answers

I'm a first-time mom of a beautiful 10-day-old son. He takes reasonably good naps in his crib during the day, but I have been falling asleep with him in my arms when I do night feedings (I'm breastfeeding). I'm nervous about having him sleep with me in bed - you hear so much about the dangers of this (SIDS, etc.), but he sleeps so well this way. My question - is it better that he sleeps with me on his back, or is it ok if he sleeps with me on his tummy on my chest? If the problem is tummy sleeping, is it just as dangerous for him to tummy sleep on me as it is to tummy sleep in a crib? Should I sleep upright with him in my arms on his back instead? How about if he is sleeping on his side? It's so hard to sort through the recommendations out there - between trying to figure out sleeping and figure out breastfeeding, I get so ovewhelmed! Thanks for any and all advice.

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for the great advice! It can be overwhelming being a new, first-time mom, and I really appreciate being able to ask you experienced moms for advice!

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T.B.

answers from Chicago on

C.,
I know you've been getting lots of advice, so here's one more story. For the first 3.5 months of my 10 month old's life, he slept on my chest for every nap and every night. He slept on his stomach. We couldn't keep him swaddled and he screamed in the bassinet, so he ended up sleeping on me or my husband. I didn't get much sleep, but the baby slept much better. He sleeps in a crib now, but I miss having him sleep on me. I was worried about it in the beginning, but quickly got used to not moving too much in my sleep. Although I miss it, my advice would be to get the baby into a crib or bassinet sooner ranther than later. I was amazed at how much better I felt after my first good night of sleep!

T.

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S.F.

answers from Chicago on

I understand how as a first time mom you can be extremely exhausted especially with the frequency and newness of breastfeeding. Additionally, I too wanted to know that my baby was o.k. at night. I think this is very normal especially for first time moms.

With my second child, I bought a bassinet (mini - cosleeper) and placed it next to the side of my bed. At nighttime, I would put my daughter to sleep in the bassinet. In this way, I could look at her whenever I wanted, but be sure that she was sleeping in a safe environment (as well as respond to her quickly when she awoke for night feedings). I move so much in my sleep that I could never be certain that I wouldn't hurt her if she were in my bed. In addition, I think that you sleep better knowing that the baby is safe.

During the daytime, I would put her down for naps to get her used to her crib. When the time was right (only you will know), I transitioned her to sleeping in her crib at night(for me this was around 8 weeks old).

I once read a book that said that before you start any routine with your baby, make sure that this is something that you are willing to continue for the long haul. It doesn't take long for babies to get used to routines, but it can take much longer to change them. In other words, you may really enjoy having your 10 day old sleep on your chest (I assume that the baby now weighs less than 10 lbs), but as your baby gets older and heavier and more alert, you may not be very happy with this position. In the long run, you will likely be happier if you get the baby used to the idea that the crib is where he/she sleeps. In addition, at a very young age (less than 3 months of age), babies tend to accept change a bit easier. The older that the baby gets, the harder it is to change the routine.

I hope that this advice helps. Parenting is very personal and by no means do I mean to suggest that there is one way of doing things ... However, this way has worked for me and both of my children are now excellent sleepers in their own cribs in their own rooms.

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N.R.

answers from Chicago on

Hi- Congrats on your new baby! When I had my daughter the only way she would really sleep was in our arms, or chest to chest. Ultimately we had her sleep with us, on her back, or sort of in our arms. However, you need to be very careful not to over bundle. If you have lots of fluffy pillows and covers on your bed you need to be sure that they are not around your son.
It is hard to not hold them because you are exhausted, and they are so sweet! However, 19 months later my daughter still comes into our bed in the middle of the night, so you need to think about the long term:)
Good Luck

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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

There are a million resources about co-sleeping out there. I recommend reading Dr. Sears as well.

The studies that say bed sharing is dangerous were funded by the juvenile mattress companies. hmmmmm.... interesting....

Bed sharing can be VERY safe if you follow basic rules of common sense

1. no water beds or couches
2. no pillows or blankets on the baby
3. Do not bed share if you or your partner smoke or if you are drunk or under the influence of drugs
4. No soft sleeping surfaces and baby should be on its back

More babies die in cribs when they are alone than do those who share beds with a safe parent. There are studies that indicate that babies do not sleep as deeply when bed sharing which reduces the chances of them not breathing. Also, moms tend to sense that something is wrong when they are in close proximity to their baby.

Mama- trust your instincts. If you feel better sleeping with baby- then do it.

I co-slept with my daughter from the moment she was born. It definitely made me sleep better. I tried one of the in-bed co-sleepers but if I couldn't see her, I couldn't sleep. I needed to know she was ok.

I was always well-rested because- after you get the hang of nursing while laying down-- you barely need to wake up to nurse! It really helped us preserve our breastfeeding relationship.

I don't think him sleeping on your chest is the same as him tummy sleeping on his own.....

Good luck and you're off to a great start!

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R.

answers from Chicago on

Why not just buy a co-sleeper bassinet? We had one and loved it. I would feed my daughter, then lay her next to me in the co-sleeper. She slept there for the first 4 months of her life, then we put her into a crib. She would lay in bed with us sometimes, but it did make my husband uncomfortable because he was worried that he'd roll over on to her...which IS A REAL DANGER so don't let people tell you that it's completely safe. My husband is 6'3'' and 210 pounds. Our daughter was 8 lbs, you do the math!!

I loved the co-sleeper because she was literally at arms reach, but had her "own space" and put our worried new parent minds to rest.

The company is called "Arms Reach Co-Sleeper":
http://babybungalow.com/arreacmincos1.html

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C.U.

answers from Chicago on

Hey C...........these times can be so overwhelming. Sleep with him in your room, in a bassinet next to your bed. You should be putting him to bed on his back. If he falls asleep with you in your bed just put the bassinet right next to you so you can put him in the bassinet and you know he is safe. They also have things called co-sleepers you should see if someone you know has one you can borrow, since he wont be in it for that long. *****This is a terrible story, but my a friend of the family was sleeping with her newborn and the head got caught under the headboard while the baby and mom was sleeping and the baby died from sufficating.****** So just be careful.

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R.

answers from Chicago on

Congrats on your new bundle of joy. SIDS also made me nervous. So I put my sons basinett right next to my bed, that way I could see him, hear him and touch him. When he was in our bed I could not sleep. SIDS is so scary, A friend of my just told me about someone she knows loosing their 18mo old to SIDS, I thought after they could roll over you didn't have to worry about it anymore. but you just don't know.

I think you have to do what is best for you and your son. If you like sleeping with him they have co-sleepers that you put right in bed with you. And always have him sleep on his back when laying down, you don't want any blankets or pillows up around his face. I used sleep sacks and positioners, they worked well for us.

Enjoy your little Angel.

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P.D.

answers from Chicago on

C.:

IT IS PERFECTLY SAFE FOR YOU TO SLEEP WITH YOUR BABY. ( yes, I am yelling)> there is NO data to support what the sids people say.
Search James McKenna on line and read his research on co-sleeping.
It is unfortunate but the crib manufacturers have a big hand in the sids campaign.
Think about it... if 50% of the sids cases are babies in bed then 50% are alone in a crib!. it is all a matter of how you write the literature.
Breastfeeding is protective and there is data to support that.

P., RLC, IBCLC
Pres. Lactation Support Group, Inc
www.lactationsupportgroup.com

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H.

answers from Chicago on

Congratulations on your new baby!
I don't think research has shown if babies who co-sleep are in any more danger of SIDS than those who sleep in cribs. But you should take the same precautions such as limited blankets and pillows near his face and sleeping on his back (although mine always preferred to sleep on his side.) We used a sleep-positioner foam thing from Target to keep our son from rolling or from us rolling onto him.
Here is a link with very useful information about co-sleeping safely. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp

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D.

answers from Chicago on

Hi C.~

My son slept in the Fisher Prices Aquarium swing next to my bed until he was about 3 months old, as sleeping on an angle relieved his reflux. Then he was in our bed until 6 months old.

Good Luck!

Debbie

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D.S.

answers from Chicago on

HI! C. I AM D. AND I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAD THREE BEAUITFUL KIDS AND THEY ALL SLEEP WITH ME WHEN THEY WERE BORN BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS DANGROUS FOR THEM TO SLEEP IN A CRIB BECAUSE OF SO MANY CRIB BABIES DEATH BUT THEE GOD TRUTH LET YOUR BABY SLEEP WITH YOU AND YES THAT BEAUITFUL YOUNG CHILD CAN LAY ON MOMMY CHEST ON THEY STOMACH BECAUSE YOU CAN FEEL THEY HEART BEAT ON YOU AND IF THE BABY WAS IN THE CRIB YOU WOULD HAVE TO KEEP GETTING UP CHECKING ON THE SWEETIE PIE SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK DO WHAT MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE. PS. THE BABY MITE GET TO THE POINT THAT THEY DO NOT WANT ANYBODY BUT YOU BUT YOU KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THAT JUST BY MAKING SURE YOU KEEP THE BABY WITH SAFE TOYS TO PLAY WITH . MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BABY.

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L.W.

answers from Chicago on

Hi C., congratulations on being a mom! I breastfed my son (he's six months old now) and it worked really well during those first few months to have him in an "arm's reach mini-co-sleeper" which is a little bassinet type thing with a drop-down side that you can attach to your bed that is at the same level as your mattress. My son woudl sleep over there and when he awoke for a feeding, i coudl jsut slide him over to me, feed him,a nd slide him back. It gave him his own safe sleeping space but kept him close to me as well for his comfort (and mine!). He never slept well on his back so I bought him a sleep positioner(wedge) and used it to balance him kind of on hi side but still 45 degrees angle facing up and this seemed to help him sleep better. To this day he curls up to sleep on his side to sleep (he moved to his own crib at 4 months). I thinkt he cosleeper set sthem up better for sleeping on their own later on--unless you want a five year old sleeping in bed with you, be careful! Of course I have read though that anything you do for the first two months is fine, they won't establish patterns and habits yet at that young age. I woudl avoid having him sleep on his stomach at all, at that age they jsut can't adjust if they can't breathe well enough. When he was little I let my son sleep on his tummy a few times when i was at my wit's end, but only during the day for naps when i coudl keep an eye on him and was not asleep myself. good luck! L

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K.C.

answers from Chicago on

Congratulations on your newborn! My best advice is to follow your own instincts and do what feels best for you and your son. It is scary what all the literature says about not sleeping with your child in your bed. However, I think that many cultures have done this for centuries or longer. Dr. Sears offers very non-judgemental advice about the issue. Before my first son was born, I would have said that I would NEVER sleep with my child, but the minute he was born, I realized that everything had changed. He slept best chest to chest on me while I was propped with a back pillow. That's what worked for us for the first 6-weeks. He gradually slept more and more in a cradle next to us until 4 months when he was finally ready to go to a crib in his own room. My second son (13 weeks right now) only slept occasionally with me and the rest of the time in his basket next to our bed at first and now sleeps next to us all night. It all depends on what feels right to you and what works for your child. Best of luck!

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B.B.

answers from Chicago on

Hi! Congrats and check with La Leche League in your area. they helped me a lot as well as a laction cousultant> I personally belive in cosleepign and find the babies need the cuddle and touch. Dr. Sears has a great book on nighttime parenting. I did put my daughter on my chest for naps but at night she was on her side or back and i was on my side nursing her. i took a while to get comfortable with the positions and nursing. I remember the first 2 nights sitting up in bed sleeping- I almost fell out of bed sideways with the baby- so I decided laying down would be better. Go with your instincts.
B.

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R.M.

answers from Chicago on

I slept with my daughter on my chest during the day mostly (which does count as tummy time according to my pediatrician)...sometimes at night for a while until I put her back in the bassinet.

As for your bed at night, if you are considering sleeping with your son for breastfeeding convenience (and it is convenient), you may want to look into "co-sleepers" that connect on the side of the bed. You can then put him on his back and not be so worried about smothering with pillows, blankets, you, etc.

Good luck!

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K.

answers from Chicago on

Hi C.,
Congratulations on your new boy! It gets easier... I promise. Co-sleeping is fine as long as you can get some sleep that way. I always found that my baby slept really well in bed with us. Most of the time for the first 3 months or so we used an "Arms reach co-sleeper" which was great, but if he was restless and we wanted an extra hour of sleep we would often pull him into bed with us. But, I never slept very well when he was in the bed - it was more of a doze for me.

Make sure you keep him on his back until he is able to roll over himself (then he'll end up in whatever position he wants but that's ok - you should still start him on his back). Another option if you're worried about him but want him in bed is to get an in-bed co-sleeper like the "snuggle nest" co sleepers (google snuggle nest and you'll find one). These are also great for travel when your baby is small and you don't yet feel comfortable using a crib/pack-n-play. We took our 8-week old to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and just brought our snuggle nest for him and it was great.

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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

Congratulations on your baby! Isn't it so overwhelming right now? I remember those long nights when baby is still mixing up day and night. My son is 7 months now and the time is flying by. I personally am all for co-sleeping or sleep sharing whatever you would like to call it. I think, as long as you and your husband do not drink, that co-sleeping can be very safe. I am not an expert but I would recommend back sleeping when co-sleeping. I think him sleeping on your chest on his tummy is okay too. But co-sleeping is a bit more comfortable than him sleeping on your chest..of course you do what you got to do. Regarding SIDS...you are so super aware of your baby when you co-sleep that any peep out of the ordinary wakes you. There are studies that find co-sleeping safe as long as there are not a lot of pillows or extra blankets. When my son sleeps with us I don't even cover him up with our blanket. I think my body heat keeps him warm enough. Also if you are interested in co-sleeping you may want to learn how to nurse on your side. I simply roll over feed him and then we both fall back asleep. It couldn't get easier. Also don't feel either that co-sleeping means the baby will become dependent on you to sleep. My son sleeps in is own crib too and has since he was 13 weeks, however, after his first wake up at night or if he is having a hard time sleeping or napping we then co-sleep. We do a little of both and it works out fine for us. Good luck with this all and I hope you find helpful advice.

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A.F.

answers from Chicago on

Congratulations! Follow what feels right. If you are falling asleep with your baby in bed, it will make it much easier for you and baby to nurse and be less disturbing to your sleep. I co-slept in our bed with both of my children and I loved it. I had the baby sleep sometimes on his back and a lot on his side. During the night, I would lie down next to the baby and nurse that way. Sometimes I fell asleep while he was still nursing, and sometimes he would fall asleep before me.

There is nothing sweeter than having a newborn baby sleep in your arms or on your chest. If you enjoy it keep doing it because these are precious moments. I do think that you should only do this when you are awake. It sounds like what you are doing having him sleep in a crib during the day is a good idea because then he will be comfortable with both the crib and your bed.

With my first child I too felt overwhelmed with what and how to handle sleeping and nursing amongst other things. Sometimes I found advice helpful, but after a month or so I just had to start listening more to my own maternal instincts and find the parenting style that felt right for me. Follow your heart.

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