Girlfriend Who Just Stopped Being a Friend?

I would suggest letting things go for awhile, a few weeks and give her some space. It's possible that you did something you are unaware of or maybe she did something herself and is embarrassed and cant face you yet. Maybe she had something happen in her very personal life and isn't ready to let you in yet.

There are many possibilities to this question but dont spend too much time dwelling on it, it will only drive you crazy and there is only one other person who can answer it for you.

So give it some time and see if she comes around. If not, then you know that you need to fully move on and let it go. Sometimes these things happen. As unfortunate as it is.

i'd have let it go a lot of messages and texts ago. after the initial silence i'd have sent a simple 'i'm afraid i've offended you in some way. you are very important to me, and i hope at some point you're willing to discuss it with me. my door will be open!'
and leave it up to her.
khairete
S.

I would let it be. I had a spat with a friend a few months ago. I apologized and she simply said she understood that I needed space and hasn't spoken to me since. I thought she could be my shoulder to cry on, and found I was very wrong. So I am figuring that at this time she needs HER space and we'll see what will be down the road. We are at very different points in our lives which may also be a factor. If you've tried to see her and tried to apologize and she isn't talking to you, then just leave it for now.

Sounds like something happened between you two that you aren't aware of. OR something has happened in her life that has made her emotionally unavailable for anyone.

Some people are willing to talk about a slight or difference of opinion. Some people don't feel that the emotional turmoil of discussing something is worth the friendship. I suspect, since you are asking the way you are asking, and not turning this into a "how dare she treat me this way" vent, that you are nice to people when there is a conflict. Maybe she doesn't know that you wouldn't "go off on her"?

Maybe you could send her a "thinking of you" card and write in it that if you have done something to hurt or offend her, you are terribly sorry. You've wracked your brain trying to figure out what you did to hurt her feelings, and can't figure it out. You value her and her friendship, and you would like to talk to her. If she doesn't want to be around you, you will respect her wishes, but you hope she will talk to you so that perhaps you could work this out.

If she doesn't answer, then at least you know that you gave it your best effort.

Good luck,
Dawn

There have been times in my past where I am going through something personal and I have shut down. I guess that is how I am. If I am going through a problem or something there are very few people that I will talk to. I'm sure it's nothing personal if you guys didn't have a falling out. I'd let it go for now and see what happens. Maybe just check in every couple weeks or so to see if she is ok.

There has to be a reason why she is acting this way. It may have something to do with you or it may not. Whatever the reason is..Im sure she is not the only friend you have. When she want to contact you, she will. Stop calling, leaving messages and stopping by.

It isn't all about you.

Or about your friendship. Or her ability to be a friend.

It could be all those things, of course, but it also could be things that you haven't considered -- things that frankly a "very good friend" of hers would consider before jumping to the conclusion that "I valued the friendship more than she did."

She could be suffering from depression (especially if she had a child recently). She could find herself overwhelmed with something -- her child, problems in her marriage you know nothing about, health issues you know nothing about, problems with her parents if they're in the picture, financial worries she doesn't want the world to know, anything. You say you've tried for weeks to find out what's wrong, but did you frame that as "Did I do something wrong or anger you" or did you frame it as "Are YOU all right, and is there something I can help with? If you need space I understand and I'll keep in touch for when you are ready to talk"?

See the difference? She may indeed be blowing you off as a friend and therefore unworthy of your friendship. But she also may have troubles she either doesn't want to share (yet?) or troubles she feels would make friends distance themselves from her -- so she is putting the distance there first before they can. Especially if she is depressed, she may feel that "People will just hate me if they get to know the REAL me so I'll cut myself off from them because I'm an awful person." That can happen in depression, or in cases where people are blinded by huge issues like marital problems or even ugly financial problems. People start to feel they must hunker down and hide in case they're "found out" as being less than ideal.

I would always assume, first, that a friend was having issues or was sincerely so busy that keeping up was tough for a while. Don't assume that she's just dropped you because she doesn't value you, personally.

Also, if you were in the habit of very frequent communication with her, is it possible she really is too busy to communicate as often as you prefer?

I have been on both sides of this. Let it go, there is no point trying to figure out what went wrong. Either it has nothing to do with you personally or there's something you did she doesn't want to talk about. The worst thing you can do is try anymore, you will just feel more hurt by her incommunicado ways, and she will simply become more annoyed and will be less likely to contact you in the future.

I'm sorry you lost this friendship, but don't beat yourself up over it and don't try any longer to figure out what went wrong. The truth is, you may never know, and you need to find a way to be ok with that. {hugs}

Well, stop feeding into her drama, move on, and leave the ball in her court. I am sorry, but I refuse to beg anyone to tell me why they're not talking to me, to be my friend, or to tell me what I did wrong. She obviously has SOMETHING going on in her head that is preventing her from contacting you. I think you should just take the hint & move on. If she were a mature adult, she would have the balls to tell you whatever was bothering her. I would think someone who was a really good friend could come to you with anything. It sounds like maybe the relationship wasn't as tight as you thought it was. At least you know what type of person she is now. I'm sorry, I know it sucks!

My friend "A" has been my friend for 15 years. Your post sounds like her talking about me. The thing is, when I get busy, and don't return her calls, etc., it has NOTHING to do with her. NOTHING. I have three kids (well, 2, one on the way), a husband, extra-curriculars, and a full time job. My days are packed. I do not have time for a social life right now. She used to call endlessly, leave messages, send texts, and even show up unannounced, which was SO freakin' rude. Yes, I would deliberately not answer the door when she showed up because I simply didn't have time for someone who was being so inconsiderate.

Give your friend some time. She has different priorities right now than you do. Neither of you is wrong, but try seeing things from her perspective.

Of course, I could be totally wrong, and she could be deliberately avoiding you, but give her the benefit of the doubt. BAck off, and give her time. And please, for the love of everything, do not show up at her house unannounced. It's rude, and sort of needy.

Hi! I could be your friend. I don't know, I'm just kind of stuck. I know I need to call people, write people, I just can't get to it. Maybe tomorrow...

I think you got too close and she is pushing you away! I used to do this a lot when I would confide in someone I would then push them away. did she tell you something incriminating/embarrassing about herself recently? That would be my guess.

I had this happen to me and she was our child's godmother!
It hurts. It makes you wonder what you did and I know I was afraid to make new friends for awhile.

I also will admit that I have done this to a couple of women. The one CONSTANTLY asked me for favors but would never think of me for fun times or help me when I NEEDED it. I talked to her twice and she never changed.

The other woman and I spent a lot of time together and I realized I hate the way she treats her kids. I didn't want to hurt her feelings or have drama so I am too busy when she calls. I do not want my child around that.

The last time I simply could not handle the woman's constant problems.
I have problems and want to go out and forget them. She won't let me forget mine or hers and it was too draining.

I would try MOPS or a book club, even the park. There are women looking for friends who will accept you and want to spend time with you.

It's most likely her issue and has nothing to do with you.

I had a girlfriend do this too. We lived in different states, but still communicated regularly. I distinctly remembered our last phone conversation ending on a positive note and then nothing! For about six months, she didn't respond to any of my attempts to contact her. Turns out she was having an affair and didn't feel herself worthy of me (so she later tells me) and our friendship. Or something along those lines. I still don't really understand because I thought I was the ONE person she could talk to about those things. It completely ruined our relationship and even after somewhat reconciling she did it to me again. I have ended all contact with her. My theory is bad on her for the first time, but bad on me for the second time. It will not happen a third.

So, my advice is let her go. If your friendship is that important to her then she will be back with some wild explanation and it will be up to you to decide whether to welcome her back.

As long as you know she's OK (and it sounds like you do since she texts back occasionally), then let it go now. The only thing you gain by trying to track her down is frustration. Sorry to hear that your friend didn't turn out to be such a good friend.

Seems to me if you two were good friends before that she'd be talking to you about what's wrong, if it had nothing to do with you. But just by the info you gave, if sounds like it may be you. Seems a bit childish to just cut things off without telling you why and talk about what she may be upset about. I would give her a call. If she doesn't answer leave a message saying that since she doesn't respond to any of your calls, texts or emails that you assume that you've done something wrong to upset her and that you'll be sending her an email letting her know how you feel and giving her one last opportunity to explain why she's shutting you out. If you get no response you'll assume your friendship is over and apparently for some childish reason that she refuses to discuss. In your email state all of this and let her know if you get no response you wish her well and hopefully some day when she has the courage she will at least share her problem. Then wish her luck in life and move on. It's frustrating but I actually had to do this with my own half sister.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I read these reponses because something like this just happened to me. I don't think it ever has before. I can't say I don't know why she's not responding, because we did have a knock down, drag out, clear the air sort of verbal fight, which I am embarrassed about, but in some ways it needed to happen. But this sort of take all my toys and go home type of reaction was unexpected. I find it very immature. I apologized, she kind of apologized. I'm just kind of bewildered. But I guess its over and the ball is in her court. Just kind of one of those this is not what I needed right now kinds of things. Oh, well. Hang in there.