Give It to Me Straight Ladies.

Yikes. I feel for you. I say - you win. New baby with Daddy overseas risking his life for our country trumps marathon running any day of the week. I hope your mom can help you out.

J.

I expect few to agree with me, but here's my opinion:

It sounds like your plans changed... You (and everyone else) originally thought your husband could possibly be there and your sister & mom made plans based on those initial plans. Then you find out today that those plans fell through... You're the party who is throwing a monkey wrench into the set plans.

Running 26 miles takes a huge committment. Training everyday. And then afterward, it's my understanding that the post-marathon injuries can be challenging... Cramping in legs and back so bad that the runner can't move well, bloody and swollen feet, dehydration, vomiting, exhaustion. Seriously, it would scare my daughter to see me like that--and I wouldn't have the energy to be 'mommy'. So I can understand why she doesn't want the children to go there and be watched by her husband. She'll need his attention to herself! Oy!

You say that you understand why she doesn't want her MIL to watch the kids. So, it sounds like you already know why that is not a solution.

Being that I was recently pregnant, I can remember being struck with Prima Donna syndrome on occasion... Its all the hormones. Unless you have a pending medical reason not to move it by 3 days (which you don't because the c-section is 5 months away), I think you should oblige and reschedule the date. Besides, I wouldn't want my family to have such negativity around my due date. If your doctor decides you have to have the c-section earlier, then have a family friend available as plan B.

A marathon can't be moved.

Pure and simple, your sister CANNOT change the date, and you can. But you're furious with everyone. What I'm hearing (sorry) is that no one else is as important as you are. That everyone else should cancel their plans so that you don't have to change yours. That your kids and your plans and your situation are the only ones that "matter".

I am late, and I know the situation is resolved, but I just wanted to say that I think it was wrong of them to ask you to put off the birth of your child. I even find the compromise odd. If my sister was having a baby, I would cancel my marathon to be there with/for her, and would run in a different race later in the year, there are a ton of them. I am sorry she was not more supportive of you.

Well, I think having a baby takes priority. if there is any way your children can stay in their own beds, it will be better and everyone knows this.
I also think she has a MIL willing to babysit so you should get your mother to be on standby in case the baby comes early or you have complications. Your husband is in Iraq and frankly it is time for your family to step up and support our troops beginning with YOU!
I really hope they don't wear yellow ribbons to support our troops then treat you this way. I would have to point out the hypocrasy of that.

I'd probably side more with your sister. She can't change the date of the marathon - but you can pick any date for your section after that 39w mark (or whatever your doctor is comfortable with). Yes those 3 extra days are not exactly fun, but it's only 3 days. I just pushed my induction back 3 days because my husband wanted to get in a full week of work and was worried about all the logistics of getting kids to school.

Basically, the street goes both ways. You feel like "you shouldn't have to be the one to adjust your schedule", but why should your sister have to adjust her plans/schedule either? She has other options (MIL), just like you have other options (friends), but for reasons she prefers your mother - just as you do.

Your sister should 100% let her MIL watch her children. She is their grandmother after all. I am so sick of hearing how much women prefer their own mothers. Yah-I get that. But you are not the only one in the parental relationship. ITs only fair, like it or not, to let your husband's mother watch your little darlings once in a while. Tell your sister to get over herself already.

To be honest, I don't really know who's "right" or "wrong" in this situation, but a) I'm on your side here and b) if I were you I would be spitting mad.

So no advice, but a little empathy : )

Good luck with the new one, and thank you to you and your husband.

Well I did not read the other responses, but is your sister always this self-centered about her life? Her wants? Her needs?

My goodness women, you are completely spouseless, with a husband not just out of town supporting his family, but out of the country supporting and protecting her rights and lifestyle and she still wants to be considered above your birthing a baby needs?

I am blown away by this scenario. It even seems that your own mother gives into her favors and doesn't stand up to her.

Here's what I would do, b/c the truth doesn't work people like your sis. LIE. Tell her you called and asked to reschedule, but your doctor is also running a marathon later in the week and can only do you then.

OK, if that lie won't do it, make up another. But you deserve to have your own mother, IN LIEU OF your husband be by your side and with your chlidren while you are bringing another baby into this world. I cannot imagine a ridiculous marathon would ever trump your birthing need.

Please let us know how it all turns out. There are probably lots of moms here who would run to your aid. Just ask us.

I am sorry you are alone during basically your entire pregnancy and cannot even have your hubby by your side during delivery. I hope you can videotape or I wonder if there are TV shows who would help you document and send him a live link, like Ellen Degeneres, or Dr. Phil, Oprah, etc.

BTW, ALL my friends who run marathons or are Tri-Athletes, love having their spouse and kids at the finish line. It's a big happy celebration to come across the finish line and spot your family and fall into their arms, exhausted and sweaty. Kids are natural cheerleaders for their mommies. I've done a few Tri's and have done several 10 Ks, and there are tons and tons of families hanging out in the support wings, with their kids.

thank you and your husband for your service. I think you are in the right--she has other options. This is a medical issue and takes priority if possible. Good luck!

I'm probably the wrong person to ask on this b/c I believe you should wait until you go into labor to deliver your baby, unless there is a medical reason it would be harmful for you to do that. With that I would see no issue in changing your delivery date by a couple days. Maybe your mom and your sisters MIL can work together to watch her kiddos.......who knows. Luckily you have some time to get it worked out. good luck and congrats on your little one!

So basically you guys have both been training for a marathon. She can't change the date of hers, but you can. You expected to have your hubby home (thank you for his service to our country) but now he's not. You have friends who can help, but you don't want them to (well you don't want to change your kids routine). You stated "she only has 2 kids," but you only have 2 kids that need to be cared for while you have the c-sention. She has her MIL, but wants your mom. You have friends but want your mom.
I mean honestly, it just sounds like back and forth between you and your sister. You guys haven't learned how to share your mom. Your Mom wants to help both, but can't be in 2 places at one time. You both could take others help, but don't want too.
I say you just accept the help from your friends, until your mom can get there. Maybe the last day of the marathon her MIL can take over for your mom, and she can get to you and take over for your friends.
Good Luck. Congrats on your baby! =)

Are we related?? This would TOTALLY happen in my family! Being an Army wife that just had baby #3, I am completely on your side! I personally think your sister and your mom should be with you. That way, one of them can stay in the hospital with you and one can be with your kids. But, you shouldn't even be having this argument, because your mom should just say she needs to be with you. My sister is totally a Mom-Hog too!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you...my hubby leaves for Iraq in Jan.

I do agree with you.

Your husband is SERVING OUR COUNTRY! He has no choice as to when he can come home.

Your sister already has 2 other adults that CAN and are fully able to watch the 2 kids. There is NO reason that your mom has to be there too.

Did you ask your mom first??? I would not change my date. If your mom chooses to help your sister instead, I'd just find other arrangements for the kids. Best of luck~! Thank YOU for the sacrifices you've made as a wife to one of our soldiers.

I would keep my scheduled date because the dr feels that will be the safest date for you to deliever.Like you said you could go early, with both of my kids I went into labor before my due date. Then leave it up to your mom to decide if she will come help you out or your sister. Your sister is lucky enough to have a mil to offer to watch the kids too. Could maybe your mil come and watch your kids while you are in the hospital? Or a friend that would be willing to watch the kids at your house?

Are you planning on someone being with you while you are having your c-section? Here is a website that provides a doula to be with you during you delivery and a little afterwards. They are there to support you and most will help take pictures of the baby afterwards so your husband can see the special moments afterwards. They stay with you until you are in recovery. It is free to military spouse who can't afford a doula. http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/index.htm

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Andrea,

I think Riley J. and Karen N. are being way too hard on you! You are pregnant, for peets sake, and I don't blame you for not wanting to postpone yoru c-section! I have 3 kids, and I remember with every pregnancy how badly I wanted my babies out! I would NOT have wanted to wait another 3 days (or even 1 more day)! Your sister has at least 2 options: 1) take her kids with her and her husband, like you suggested, 2) she could go run this marathon alone and her husband stays home w/ their kids. As a non-marathon kind of person, I don't see what is so imporatant about a marathon, anyway. Is she going to come home with a new baby after she runs this marathon? Hell no! A marathon is just a lot of running. Big deal! You are giving birth - what on earth could be more important than that??? As a mother herself, she should understand that! She can run in any marathon anytime. I think you should get priority to your mother over your sister who likes to run! Just like other people said, you win! I hope your mother can realize this.

I am on your side, sista! I am pretty blown away that your sister would ask you to change your c-section date! I realize she can't change the marathon date but if she has a grandparent available to watch the kids she should let you have your mom during for this! Wow!~ Also, I completely understand the planned c-section thing as I also have to have them for medical reasons. Can't believe your sis said you shouldn't have gotten pregnant if you knew your husband wouldn't be around. Maybe she shouldn't have planned to run the marathon since her husband can't watch the kids? Ouch! Best of luck to you. You are due about a month after I am!

Under the circumstances, mother should step up and advise she is going to move in with the children while you are in the hospital. This would ease the stress of the C section as well as keep the routine for the children. Sister's options are several while your's appear to be one. You should not have to ask; your mother should be the one to make the decision.

My thoughts....there are other marathons....and if your sister is set on running that marathon, then she should just suck it up and either let her MIL watch her kids or have her husband watch them. You don't have other options she does. She is being very selfish and insensitive. I'm sorry you are having to go through this without your husband with you and wish you well.

Yup. You win. Husband off defending our country+surgery+newborn WAY trumps a marathon.

Your sister lacks basic civility and sympathy for even asking and your mother should have just told her clueless daughter to jump in the lake.

I'm thinking that 3 days wouldn't be a big deal to change it. I know you'd prefer to have it then and not wait but in the long scheme of things, three days is nothing. Your sister could always ask someone else to babysit to help you out and that would be a nice sisterly thing to do, but you have no control over what she chooses. So, although having your C-section would be top priority especially since your husband is deployed, your sister would have the first choice since she asked your mom first. Did that make sense? Good luck and congratulations!! Thank you thank you for you and your husbands service to our country!!!

Wow you are a lot more gracious than I was!!! I was ticked if my mom or MIL didn't take a call when I was near the end!! If they would have been scheduling me around a marathon, I would have been really mad!! But then I am not the most rational person at the end of my pregnancies!! Congrats, glad you guys worked it out :D

I think that you have every right to be mad and you should not change what you have already planned!! (The birth of your child is more important then a marathon anyway!!)

Updated

I know how it is to have a husband deployed. I think that they should be worried and supportive of you and your kids before anything else. This is a time when you need them to be supportive not try to get you to move things that are that important to make things work in your sisters favor.
Keep your plan the way it is!!! You should be the TOP PRIORITY!!!!

OK I stopped counting on my mom for this same reason, she would never make a decision and leave us both sisters fighting over her for every stupid thing, however your situation is far from petty.
Do NOT change your date, have your friends watch your kids and be done with this stressful situation. Don't worry about changing the routine because let's face they're getting a new sibling so their routine is now changed forever.
Stop fighting over your mom, she doesn't have to be with you two days and two days with your sister, that sounds too complicated. Accept your friend's help and save mom for future help when she is free.
congrats on your third I'm jealous! by the way my youngest birthday is April 14th she is an Aries and she is the easiest baby ever, we love her so much, she is a joy. Hoping your baby will be easy and healthy too!

To me, you have no options. I'm guessing you're having a c-section for medical reasons? Then the scheduled date is a done deal as far as I'm concerned and no one, neither you or sis can change that. It's doctor's orders. This isn't just delivering a baby...this is major surgery folks! To plan otherwise is nuts and asking for serious complications.

If this is elective, hopefully you didn't tell your family that...because you're right. Anytime is go time for you. So for them to expect your body to cooperate with their plans is just plain silly. Sure you can change the date, only to still deliver on the date you had scheduled the c-section in the first place. There is a reason they plan c-sections earlier than the due date!

Any chance you can find a friend to watch your kids? Sounds like your mom and sis aren't going to be there for you when you need them. Last thing you need is to have chaos and confusion with your kids while you're under anesthesia. Find someone you can count on now so *you* don't get saddled with trouble when you least need it.

OH Man! Do I feel you here sister! YES, YES, YES-- YOU SHOULD BE THE PRIORITY! Your sister is selfish, in my opinion. Not that she's running a marathon, but that she's putting her own jogging session in front of her sister's baby day. Does your sister not remember the difficulties of pregnancy? The risks? Good Lord, the things people do these days that astound me. Here's what I think should happen: your mother should be the one who decides whose kids she watches and for what reason. If she has any compassion and head smarts, she would be choosing YOU in your fragile situation (HELLO, your husband is in Iraq while you're having a baby!! Is that not delicate enough for them?!) Dang, too bad you didn't live here in Colorado.. I'd help you in a hearbeat. I just went through something similar.. my last pregnancy was back-breaking and I couldn't move. I asked my sister for help in our move (3 weeks before baby came!) and she wouldn't do it. My mom helped me every day for months! She is a saint! An angel! My sister? Not so much. Selfish--for sure. And my mom agrees. Sisters help one another. Your situation outranks hers in a million ways. I contracted an infection after the birth of my son this past May. I also had a c-section. I had to stay in the hospital for 6 days fighting the infection. Case in point: ANYTHING can happen when you're giving birth. You need support and the best people to provide it besides hubby, are mom and sister. You tell them I said that. Hugs!

Hasn't your sister ever heard of a babysitter?? New baby vs. marathon? Jeez, of course your sister should have given up your mom. Oh well, you worked it out.

I would say talk to your mom heart to heart so that she cant talk with your sister (since it would probably be better coming from her) and have your mom explain to your sister that it's really important that she be able to help you right now and to see if her MIL can watch her kids just this time. I think it's a bit insensitive to me. If all you have is your mom to watch them, then I think your sister she make the change. Maybe your kids have godparents that could watch them? aunts and uncles? I'm guessing all you have is your mom so just talk to you mom about it. we dont' want you to have emergency surgery and a c-section recovery is hard enough! I hope everything works out. But I, myself, wouldn't change the date!.

Okay I just read your update and I still wouldn't be happy with the plan either! Because she has other help and you don't and I'm like, why is she giving you a hard time about it! it's crazy! But glad everything worked out!

Honestly, I would probably just move the C-section...this coming from someone whose kids all come about a week after my due date...so I know those last three days are hard. I've had a couple kids and supported a few of my best friends while they trained and ran their first marathon and both are really big deals in a person's life--really life altering--if I were running a marathon I would want the people in my life to support me too. If you can change the date of the C-section I would just change it so that both of your win. She can't change her date, but you can...Also, you're poor mom is in a lose/lose situation and I would imagine it's really hard on her....

I wouldn't change your scheduled c-section for no one but yourself. If some reason you needed it changed because of your schedule then by all means change it but for no reason should you change it because your sister wants you to do it. I am not sure where your inlaws are located but maybe you need to look into asking them as a back up. You can tell your mom that the date is that time and if she can't do it, then you have your mother in law or even if you have sister in laws that can help out. Explore the options of having your inlaws help out. Good luck to you because you really don't need the stress of this on top of knowing your husband won't be with you. I hope the best for you and Congrats on your new little addition to your growing family.

No, you shouldn't have to move your date. Yes, your sister is being incredibly insensitive and rude. BUT, the best thing for you and your family is to move your c-section. No sense in dragging this on and causing animosity.

A C-section is major surgery (only seems routine when it's not you going under the knife) and when to do it is a purely medical decision. It makes no sense whatsoever to schedule this for someone's convenience. I would have a frank discussion with my doctor about the date, follow the doc's advice, and work everything else out later.

In the last week, my doctor pushed my c-section off for 2 days and I cried like a baby, probably nervous breakdownish. lol. I do think your sister is being a HUGE brat. Your husband is in Iraq for goodness sakes and your having a baby, bless your heart. I would have a heart to heart with her and plead for her to be more flexible. I would never do that to my sister. I guess if worse comes to worse, you could push it off. I love how people treat having a baby like getting a filling at the dentist. Geez. Im not due until May and already have my parents lined up. My kids are most comfortable with them and thats how I need it to be. Good luck! I hope it works out.

I would not change my c-section. Your doctor has scheduled it that day for a reason and you could still end up going in early since due dates are only estimates anyway. I went in labor on my own before both my scheduled inductions. The health of you and your child come before everything else (even if it isn't anyone else's priority).

Knowing your sister has other options for watching her kids, you can say "Mom, I would love for you to watch the kids while I am in the hospital. If you feel you need to be there for "your sister" I understand and I will have to make other arrangments but my c-section is scheduled for the health and welfare of both myself and my baby so I need to leave it as scheduled". Ask her to please just let you know so you can plan accordingly.

This is sooo my family! My sister is the youngest and everything goes her way. If convenient then I get the benefit but otherwise it all goes the other way. I have just learned to live with it. The decision will always go her way. I like the suggestion of your in-laws but if that isn't comfortable then just use your friends. Do not change the date! Because simply it is not for the right reason. Your sis is being selfish!

I'm wth you all the way. I had a c-section scheduled, and ended up have the baby earlier. Your Mom should be with you and your children. It is a very important time in your family, and they should be very grateful to you and to your husband, he's in Irag for a reason!!! Your kids should come first at this time your family.

I would say that you win.

Both your reasons and your sisters reasons are valid. But, in your case, even if you change the date of the C-section now (4 months in advance), you still have the risk to have an emergency C-section earlier than planned (as in your first baby). You can schedule a C-section, but you cannot schedule when the baby will decide to get out. And this can be 1 week or 3 days before the planned C-section. So, your mom should support you through this.

Wow, your Mom must be flattered to be in such high demand! Too bad she cannot be in 2 places at once! :) First let me say that I'm sorry to hear your husband will not be there for the delivery - that must be very disappointing and difficult for you to deal with. I know that if I were in your shoes it would be doubly important for me to know that I could count on my Mom to be there with me. In my opinion, a birth definitely "trumps" a marathon in terms of priority, and I don't think you should have to change your surgery date to accommodate your sister in this case - especially since she has other options, like leaving her kids with her MIL, or taking them with her if necessary. I really am kind of shocked that they would ask you to do that - I think your sister is the one who needs to bend a little and be more flexible for your sake. You have enough on your plate right now, and could definitely use some TLC from your family. Good Luck!

Can't you babysit your kids while you are having a c-section, I mean just strap them in the stroller! ;)

I totally support your sister's decision to do her marathon, that's wonderful, but why not use her mil? But there's nothing you can do to sway her.

Really though, can your mom not handle all the children? If she can, I would just let your kids spend the night there for a few days. I know you want them in their beds, but sometimes you have to compromise.

And just read your update, that's great they will be with friends. They will have a good time, so don't worry about them. I hope you have plenty of support from your mom and sister when you are in recovery!

The bottom line here is this. Even though you have a "date" for the birth, babies don't always go along with what those of us on the outside of the womb want. You could go early. You could have complications. You need the support of your family, and your Mom needs to be available for whenever her newest grand child decides to grace you with his/her presence. So tell your sister that even if you move the date that doesn't mean the baby will cooperate. She has options, you don't. Plain and simple. Is her marathon really more important that the well-being of her nieces and nephews?
That's my two cents (if it's even worth that :-) )
J.

I agree with you as well. I get that your sister is dedicated to her marathon and that's understandable, but I think she needs to get over herself a little bit and let her MIL watch her kids so your mom can come to you. And...of course you have your c-section scheduled this far out...why wouldn't you, especially when your husband is overseas. Of course you could still go early, but it's unlikely you go more than a week early, but 3-4 days isn't so unrealistic, so I'm on your side!! What does your mom say? I'm sure she doesn't want to be in the middle, but seriously, this is sort of an "emergency" in a way, and I think you just need to tell sis, sorry but my pregnancy with an overseas husband and 2 kids trumps your marathon and I get mom! ;) Hope it goes well!

Andrea:
First - thank your husband for his service and sacrifices to our country - very much appreciated!!

OOOOOH MY WORD!!!! You want it straight? You may not like it - but here's my take - you and your sister sounds like grade-schooler's fighting over mama to find out which one she loves more!! This is just horrible that you AND your sister are putting your mother in the position to choose! You both are refusing to give thinking each is more important than the other.

Why are two grown women fighting over their mother?!

1. Your sister CHOSE to do this marathon. There is NOT ONE REASON I can think of WHY SHE CANNOT TAKE HER KIDS WITH HER IF HER HUSBAND IS GOING TOO!!!!! Is he running the race as well?

2. Why are you sooo steadfast on having your mom there instead of friends? You know the date this is happening. Why is it soooo imperative that YOUR MOTHER (what's wrong with your hubby's mom?!) HAS TO BE THERE. Yes, your husband is deployed. Okay-I get it. Been there, done that. It's a fact of your life and stuff happens. I don't get why sisters are fighting over their mother. It's like you need to see who she loves most or you two are in grade school again. I'm sorry if that sounds rude, but really?!!

Your kids should be YOUR top priority. If you have friends you trust to care for your children. Then that should be that. It's great that you want your mother there. It's great that she has the resources to be able to be there. Why on earth are you pulling her in two directions? The plan you and your sister have come up with sounds sooo damn complicated it's actually pathetic. Ask ONE friend to help out and keep it like that - consistency counts. This way you don't have to worry - is today Jane's day or Megan's day?! Just ask one and press on. Yes, you are having a baby and that's important but you are losing focus - this is about YOUR CHILDREN - NOT YOU. YOUR CHILDREN NEED CARE. YOU will be in the hospital. THEY NEED CARE!! FOCUS ON THAT and bringing this baby into the world healthy and happy.

Your sister is a lunatic, and selfish, and if my sister were having a baby I would cancel my little run--even just for the fact that I myself would want to be there for the birth of my little niece or nephew--and be there for my sister who is having a baby while her husband is in Iraq. That's not to mention the fact that I would not dare ask your mom to watch my kids when I knew that you were GIVING BIRTH and needed her to watch yours. Crazy, I'd be pissed.

I had an emergency c-section when they thought something was wrong with my baby. It was not fun and It was very scary. They were so rushed to get the baby out that they actually nicked her with the scalpel. She has a permenant scar on her leg as reminder. Stick to your guns. A marathon isn't life or death a c-section can very easy be so.

Just read the "so what happened portion"
I don't think it is right to tell you it's your fault. Every mother blames themselves when they have problems with a birth. Families should be supportive and say it is not their fault. If i had someone I cared about having a c-section, I would want to be there for them. It is stressful enough with a supportive family and someone shouldn't have to go into any surgery without one.

I think your situation should trump your sisters definitely. I'm just confused as to why the c-section is still scheduled if your husband can't be there for it?

I guess I don't understand why you have a C section scheduled 5 months out.
The baby might come early, you may need an emergency c section a week earlier anyway, any number of possibilities could happen.
How can a doctor schedule this so far in advance?

What about your MIL?
What about your friends? I had to rely on friends for number four. Can one of them stay at your house for a while?
I understand not wanting to mess up the schedule too much, but it happens.

What seems odd to me in the responses is not much if any mention of following up with the DOCTOR! Risking an emergency c-section is not wise for you or the baby. Because of your other birth experiences your doctor may not want you to wait to have a C Section. Yeah, your sister can't change the date of the Marathon and she's put in a lot of time training but if she did have to cancel, she could run in another one and it wouldn't put a anyone at risk health wise like your rescheduling might. I think you should stick to what is best for you and your baby. If that means your Mom decides to help you, it is her decision and your sister should respect it.

Personally... I'd just change the date of cesarean with the thought of - THREE MORE DAYS to grow stronger. C-Sections are hard on an infant... so the stronger they can be the better.

I definitely understand your disgust and anger over the issue tho... your sister definitely does NOT need your Mother going over to watch her children so she can run when they have a capable Father and Grandma (MIL) able to be with them.

You shouldn't have to move your c-section date. And with that being said, will the doctor even consider moving it? I've never had a c-section, but it's been my understanding that they'll usually take the baby at 39 weeks because then the baby is fully developed but you're less likely to go into labor than if you wait longer. If i were me, I'd much rather leave the date as it is and have a scheduled c-section than wait three days and chance having an emergency c-section because you're already in labor. JMO

on the one hand, yes, you are pregnant, and due to your situation, your family should have high priority - HOWEVER. #1 your sister can't change the date of the marathon. #2 you CAN change the date of your c-section, and like someone said, if you're five months out, is three days really that big of a deal? i can see where it would be a pain, but let's not act TOO much like the martyr here. you are a grown woman. obviously with hubby gone, you have more than your share of cahones dealing with so much alone. and yes, pregnancy is a time for a woman to be a little selfish. but i don't think this is really that big of a deal. take some time to think about it, look at the big picture...i bet with a little bit of thought, you'll see it's not the end of the universe. and you know what, it wouldn't hurt to have a grownup conversation with your sister about why it would be so helpful for her to let her MIL watch her kids just this once. just don't put your mom in the middle of it. you need to deal with your sister, with love, as a sister.

Is there any way to compromise? ie: your mother watch your kids one night, your sister's another and have the MIL and your friends cover the other nights? Does moving your Csection by one day help? I think she's being absurdly selfish given she has her MIL to help. Your point isn't so much your friends vs your mother but keeping your kids in their own beds at night. I totally understand that. Her MIL would accomplish that for her. Luckily you do have some time and that may help your sister sort this out. Sometimes when people are hit with a change, they don't react well but over time, come around. Also, thank you to your husband for his service and I'm sorry he won't be able to be home. Finally - maybe show her these posts? Say you wanted objective opinions?

Why is there so much push and pull for your mother's attention from the both of you? The marathon is something your sister trained for and obviously can't be moved. However, I don't understand why your mother feels compelled to be present when her husband will be there and can manage the kids from the sideline right? I honestly believe your mother should've just made a decision instead of being pulled in two directions, especially where children are involved. As for your MIL not being an option for whatever reasons, I can respect that because mine has poor judgement and a questionable track record with other gkids left in her care. People get upset when MILs are excluded but it's normal for the mother to be more comfortable with her own mom in terms of childcare. I can relate. I find sometimes the MIL is more involved when the family is overwhelmed with responsibilities and the husband has more "control and influence" over day-to-day decisions. Thank goodness that's not your case. Good luck with your c-section and in the future, just make your plans solidify them and if anyone else wants to help out find a place for them, but don't stress when you already have non-family options.

why can't your mom watch all 4 kids? My mil watches all 4 grandkids all the time sometimes she even takes my oldest and will have 5 kids. Plus get a few of your friends to help so that your mom can have a break during the day and even your sister's mil to help.

your sister needs to swallow her pride and stop being so selfish- having a c-section is a lot more stressful then running a marathon! Your mom needs to be there for you! Your sister can find someone else to watch her kids. I understand her wanting a weekend alone with her husband, but really? She wants you to switch your due date so she can have some alone time with her husband? Sorry, that is just selfish!
She can always run a different marathon if she wants your mom to watch her kids- it shouldn't be to late for her to change her schedule. Sorry, but this is really making me mad! Is she really thinking that running a marathon is more important than giving birth? Well, be nice about it when you do talk to her, but be firm that you will not be changing your date- get your doctor to back you up too!
Good luck! Sounds like you are handling this a lot better than I would be! And Thank you to you and your husband for his service and your sacrifice!
~C.

I feel like your sister is being very selfish and unreasonable. She and her husband should make other arrangements for their children so that your mother can help you out. I hope you can come to an agreement soon!

What a sucky situation! Siblings can be pains in the ____. Sorry that you have to deal with all of this without you husband being around. Not a fun situation when you are pregnant I'm sure. Hopefully this doesn't put a damper on your holiday plans. I hope that you and your sister work things out and I wish you all the best as you continue your pregnancy. Best of luck and happy holidays!
M.

Updated

What a sucky situation! Siblings can be pains in the ____. Sorry that you have to deal with all of this without you husband being around. Not a fun situation when you are pregnant I'm sure. Hopefully this doesn't put a damper on your holiday plans. I hope that you and your sister work things out and I wish you all the best as you continue your pregnancy. Best of luck and happy holidays!
M.

Updated

What a sucky situation! Siblings can be pains in the ____. Sorry that you have to deal with all of this without you husband being around. Not a fun situation when you are pregnant I'm sure. Hopefully this doesn't put a damper on your holiday plans. I hope that you and your sister work things out and I wish you all the best as you continue your pregnancy. Best of luck and happy holidays!
M.

Sounds like you and your sister are having a tug of war over your mom. I do agree that your sister should be more understanding of your situation and have her MIL watch her kids. But what about your MIL? Is she around or can she come help? Just a thought. Maybe you, your mom and your sister can all sit down together and talk this out. It is not your fault that your husband is deployed and can't get home, family needs to step in and help not make things more stressful. I know, my hubby missed the birth of our first child because he was overseas and couldn't get home. And really why is she running a marathon while you are having a baby? I'm not super close with my sister but if she had done something like this I would have been pissed.

wow! you've gotten sooooo many different responses already. i thought i'd add my 2 cents as a pregnant mom of 3 with a husband who may be deployed during this birth and as a "former" marathon runner:) i don't know when your sister planned her marathon, but why would she plan something anywhere near your birth if she knew she needed your mom too. i've had my kids anywhere from 2 weeks before to my due date. even if you've scheduled a c-section anything could happen at any time. and you need your mom with you she does not. she could easily bring her kids or have her mil watch them or she could go by herself -like a mini running vacation. i don't really think running a marathon is that big of a deal. also, there is a big difference between having a friend watch your kids at their house and having mom watch them at your house. so, in closing:) i feel so frustrated for you and hope you can have a rational talk with your sister. good luck to you and your family.

I don't how it is there but here the doctors only have certain days! So maybe your doctor will be unavailable! Also if you Mom already said she'd help you then she should stick with her previous plan. If she said yes to sister first then sis gets first dibs.