So next week I have to sit down and explain the proposed new parenting plan to my ex. Last year they were tardy or absent to school five days a month. Bear in mind when doing that math I have them 50% of the time so pretty much 50% of the time he has them they are late.
So pretty much all it is is every day the kids have school they will come an go on the bus from my house. Simple right? Not so much. I have actually tried to explain this to him three other times during the summer. He has two issues, one is that he is sure I am after more support. Even though it is harder on me I want nothing more than the kids being happy and stable and have told him his attorney can draw it up and I will sign it, no more money! The other is he uses the kids as an excuse to stay home from work. Can't help ya there. He works for his dad so he can take off half the year if it is for the kids.
I am fine with all of this but I would love for everyone to make me laugh so the question is how would you explain this to my ex using the smallest words possible?
He gets tripped up on anything above seven letters. :p
Guys what killed me last year is Andy, my son with Autism, had five detentions last for being tardy. Five!! Why does the school punish the kid when he doesn't drive, he can't get there. If I have to I will take him to court though really when my older daughter gets done with him.....she is not happy! She is 22 but still she shouldn't have to explain life to her father so hopefully I can communicate this to him.
Oh guys the school has spoke to him, they have suggested, begged, pointed out Andy doesn't do well if he is late. Pretty much the ball is in my court.
Jennifer, not bad, he responds well to ugg, good, bad, fire. :p
Thea, it is they will be at my house on school days instead of being at his apartment on Wednesday and Thursday.
Tracy I know I can go to court and get this just showing their attendance record. That is why I wish he understood, all that will do is make our attorneys rich, take time and the court will actually increase my child support. I have found the court isn't so bright, apparently my ex is less so.
Jess if I had a dollar for every time in the past 25 years I have said would you like me to speak slower and use smaller words I would be a millionaire.
You are right. I want more money. You pay me more every time kids are late. (I bet he would get them there on time)
I think you should get the teacher/principal to say it to him. If it comes from you he will fight it just to annoy you.
Late Bad, On time good. No more money. Stop being stupid.
You no get kids to school on time. Me do. You no pay more money. Any questions??? or should I speak s l o w e r???
Schools keep records, dumbass. I can show the days they were late were the days you had them. That is all the ammo I need. SO, either do what I tell you, or see you in court.
Write it out in crayon :)
Remember that radio commercial that was on a couple years ago where two guys have an entire conversation using only the word Dude?
Can you sneak into his house and set ALL of the clocks ten minutes fast?
Guys what killed me last year is Andy, my son with Autism, had five detentions last for being tardy. Five!! Why does the school punish the kid when he doesn't drive, he can't get there.
Well J., when parents were being punished for aiding their kids being late for school it was labled a scam and a horrible idea and just plain wrong. I know, I have the hate PM's to back it up when this subject came up a few months ago.
To explain to your ex
"Ex, the kids must be to school on time. When they are not at school on time they get in to trouble. If you can not get the kids to school on time when you have them I will have to have the custody arrangement altered. This is nothing against you - it is for the kid's well being."
Hi J.,
I wonder if you have an IEP for your son? You can either speak to the school about his arriving late so they understand the situation or have it written in his IEP that he has no control whether he can comes in early/late and WILL NOT receive detention due to the how it creates stress in your son. As for your ex the smallest word I can use for this caveman is "grunt" or "burp"! I think even Tarzan had a bigger vocabulary and I'm sure he was on time!
I'd let the court explain it to him.
Write a letter to school explaining that when they are with you they come on the bus every day and when they are with him they are tardy, nearly every time and enlist their help. Make your letter very objective as if you have no opinion just stating the facts so they do not feel they are getting in the middle of a messy divorce. Just spell out the schedule. (It should be a set schedule, yes? so you can say they are with him Mon and Thurs AM or what ever) and Get the school to call him directly, repeatedly. Instead of this being a conflict between you and your ex. make it a conflict between the school and him. Right now he thinks the problem is in your head or you are the only one that cares if the kids are late.
I'm not sure how best to explain it to him because I'm not sure exactly WHAT you are trying to explain. Sounds like he hears you and just doesn't agree.
Anyway, I like the first response.
That being said, what makes you think he'll get them to the busstop on time any more often than he was getting them to school? Seems like they're just as likely to miss the bus given that he's still driving them, you're just changing the drop off point.
Just something to think about.
Hey J.. I think you should tell him that if you have take him to court over the tardiness issue, you will get the court to make him pay your attorney fees. Though you're not asking for more money, he WILL pay money to the lawyer if he doesn't stop being such a schmuck!!!
Never promise not to charge him more money. It might be the only thing that keeps him in check!!
Dawn
Me no more money
kids with me Monday through Friday
kids with you weekend
you no agree we go court
then
me more money
you screwed
Ah, Hell J., just take him to court.
how about writing out a schedule?? having it in black and white (as simply as possible of course) might help. you could tape it to his refrigerator :)
we actually did that with two people at my work. typed out a "schedule" for their day because they couldn't manage to figure it out themselves. it had exactly three things on it. three tasks to do throughout the day. do X from 8:30-10:30. do X from 10:30 - 12:30. do X from 12:30 - 4:30.
guess what? a week later we had to get onto them because every day for a week one or the other of them was starting new tasks 20 and 30 minutes before they were supposed to. a special kind of stupid, that. i think i feel your pain lol.
