I take my daughter and a friend's daughter to school and pick them up every day. My friend works and I am a stay at home mommy, so I take the girls to school.
My friend was told to have her daughter at my house at 8:30 (she was told 8:30 because she is ALWAYS late). She was arriving on time for the first month of school, but then she began to be late. first it was 8:35 then 8:40.....
Anyway, this morining it was 8:45 and she had not called or shown up. School starts at 9:00 & it is a 20 minute drive....driving the speed limit, which is a must because the road is crawling with cops looking for speeders. So, I took my daughter and left. At the end of the road I meet up with my friend and she gave me a "death" look through the window. I pointed that I was going to back up and I did. I pulled off the road and picked her daughter up. She said nothing to me and just continued to give me dirty looks.
Let me make it clear that even if I did leave, her daughter would still have a ride to school, because she drops her 1 year old off at my mother's house for her to watch. My mother was going to take her daughter to school (I live right next to my mom).
Was I wrong for leaving? I mean I don't want my daughter late, because she can't make it hear on time.
I mean I am doing her a favor. I have to make arrangments for someone to stay with my 4 year old so I can take the girls to school (the car will only hold two boosters).
UPDATE...I asked what the problem was and why she was being late. Her response....one day there was traffice due to road construction (but this construction has been going on for months at the same place), the baby wanted to finish watching Pooh and the kitten hid under the bed and she could not get it. The baby spilled marshmallow on the kitchen floor and they had to be cleaned up.
Okay, I understand that things can happen, but I think she needs to accommodate for these things and make sure she gives herself enough time to take care of it all (I have a 6 and 4 year old so I know how hard it is to get two kids and myself ready).
Great responses to all....thank you!
Well, next week my friend's husband is taking their daughter to school two days and picking her up. No one offered to come and pick my daughter up or bring her home!!! I guess she is still a little mad. Oh well, at least my daughter will be on time.
To those who asked about a bus....this is a private school and no transportaion is available.
I commend you for even helping. It is abig responsibility to drive with someone else's child in the car. In my life (lateness should not be tolerated) certainly if you are doing someone a favor. A phone call at least should have come from her. www.livegreeneasy.com
You were absolutely right. I have little tolerance for people who are late and as far as I'm concerned, you give them an inch, they take a mile. You explain that you leave by that time precisely and she must be on time or call. It is rude to be late and she is taking advantage of you.
No, you were not wrong. When I worked and had to take my own kids to school or the babysitters it was my responsibility to make sure that we were all on time. Sure sometimes things happen. That's why we have cell phones and home phones. It is down to her sense of responsibility and organizational skills. Personally I always had everything ready to go before I went to bed. Diaperbag packed, clothes laid out, breakfast ready to go with a flip of a wrist. I hate mornings, I hate being late, and I did all I could at night to make it smooth. She just has to figure it out. Tell her that your train leaves at 8:30 sharp with or without her. IF she gets caught in traffic she had better plan on taking her child to school or leaving eariler. If you leave her a couple of times she will either hate you or get herself together...either way, it's up to her. Don't let her use you! Good luck.
I don't think you did anything wrong. Just how long does she expect you to wait. Doesn't she have a cell phone that she could call you and say I am leaving my house right now??? If she still wants you to do the favor and you still agree to do it; I say get it straight with her that if she is going to be later than ten minutes she will have to make other arrangements for that day.... you doing her a favor should not make your daughter late for school...
S.
Elizabethville PA
As much as I think she was in the wrong...I think a simple phone call to your friend that you were leaving would have been appropriate. I would have just called and said.."look, it's 8:45 and I need to get my little girl to school - I'm leaving." But I would also tell her that from here on out, you are leaving at 8:30 sharp. If she can't make it at that time, she's on her own. She should respect your time.
A.,
I think you did what I would have done!! Your friend is not being respectful of you and the agreement you both made about what time she should drop off her daughter in the morning. She could have called to tell you she was running late or apologized for not making it to your house on time. As far as her giving you dirty looks- well- that's her problem. Your daughter shouldn't have to be late because someone else can't get their sh** together in the morning!!
I think you really need to re-think your arrangment with this person and decide if you really want to continue helping her out.
Don't feel bad about what you did. Your absolutely right, you were doing HER a favor and the least she could have done was call you. If she had called you, the dirty looks could have been avoided because you would have told her the back up plan. She needs to just get over it. Why should your daughter suffer? I AM that other mother, I am late for EVERYTHING!! I have 3 kids to get ready in the morning, but I would not expect someone to wait around for me due to my own negligence. And if she does have a problem then she needs to find someone else that can do it later for her. I do think you need to talk to her about it though, dont just let it go, let her know that she has been late every morning and you can't get the kids to school on time. Tell her you know she was upset with you this morning but she isn't being fair to you or your daughter either.
Hello A.,
In answer to your question, no you were not wrong to go ahead and make sure that your dauhgter was at school on time, your daughter is your first priority.
Second, I commend you for stopping and giving the other child a ride when you met them at the end of the road. It dosen't sound like the other mother was very gracious to you.
You had given clear guidelines for when you needed to leave your house to be on time. The other mother knew this and continued to push the "time envelope".
You did the only thing that you could have done in this situation, and you even went a step further in making sure that your mother was able to give the other child a ride. When you are doing someone else a favor the very least they can do in return is to be on time.
Best Regards,
R.
My BIGGEST pet peeve in the world is lack of punctuality! I feel like it is a sign of disrespect for others. I think in your situation you were right to leave, maybe the Mom will learn. Having said that, the thing about people who are not punctual is this...they NEVER learn!!! It is probably going to come down to you threatening her with the fact that if she is not AT YOUR DOOR by 8:35 (or whatever) you are leaving no matter what. Good luck with that!
Don't feel bad, but don't let it go, either. You guys are adults, and there has to be an understanding. Tell your friend that she must be at your house by 8:30. If she's not there, you have to leave. I know how hectic mornings are, but she's got to be a big girl and manage her time. Because when she doesn't, it's YOUR time, and that's not fair. Tell her nicely, but be clear and put the ball in her court. You're the one doing her the favor, after all. I mean, sheesh! She couldn't even call to say she was running late?
A.,
No you are not wrong! Why should your child be late because the other mother is to lazy to get her butt in gear a little quicker. People like her feel that everyone should cater to them because they work. and us stay at home moms have nothing better to do. In my case I had a mother who would always be late coming home from work to pick up her son. Son is suppose to be pick up at 4;30 not 5:30 to 6 pm. My husband who leaves for work at 6 likes to have the family dinner at 5:15. I give this boy a small amount to eat with us and what does the mother do, but, yell at me not to feed the child because than he won't eat when he gets home. What am I to do the boy is only 31/2 and wants to eat when we do. After putting up with this for a few months my husband finally snap and told her she either arrives at 4:30 or find someone else. Guess what? She is now on time. These parents need to be set right. Just because they have careers does not means our personal time is useless. So speak up or this will only get worse. Good Luck
Are you wrong? Absolutly not! You are doing her a favor and she should appreciate and respect that you are doing what needs to be done (getting someone to sit with your 4 year old) to get your other daughter off to school on time! she should be doing what she needs to do to get her daughter there on time. I woud definitly explain to her that you are leaving at a specific time in order to get the girls to school on time and if she wants you to take her daughter, she needs to make sure she is there at that time! I would also say that you o not appreciate her giving you a dirty look b/c you left. I think that is extremely rude of her. It sounds like she doesn't appreciate what you are doing for her. Good luck and hopefully you can work it out with your friend b/c your daughter is probably good friends with hers and it would be sad if their freindship was affected.
You absolutely did the right thing. If she's running late, she should call you. You wouldn't want to sit around and wait and then make your own daughter late! You're nice enough to do this for her everyday, the least she can do is be considerate and be on time.
no, your friend is being selfish by not dropping her child off on time. I am a working mother myself, while it's very very hard, you have to make compromises. She could set her alarm clock earlier and wake up earlier. Personally, I feel ppl that are always late tend to be selfish, to think the whole world revolves around them. When I'm told to be somewhere at a certain time, I wake up early and try to arrive at least 5 minutes early. I would tell your friend it's not working out because it ruins your whole morning, you shouldn't have to worry about her being on time. Plus you have your own child to worry about and you don't want her to be late. I know the worst feeling is that feeling of being rushed, your daughter shouldn't have to feel rushed because your friend can't get ready on time! Good luck! look out for yourself first
She probably won't take it the right way, but my instinct is to at least try to be honest with her and just let her know how you feel. There is no really good excuse to keep people waiting for you... I think it's an unintentional manipulative thing that people do. Probably in her mind she isn't doing anything wrong... I USED to be late all the time, so I can understand... but it is still no excuse! So IF you can, I would suggest just telling her that it is important to you to get your daughter to school on time, and that you feel that you need to leave your house NO LATER than 8:30 to get your daughter to school on time. And that if that doesn't work for her that she needs to find an alternative way to get her daughter to school. You are doing her a favor by taking her daughter, and you can point out that you are happy to do it, but you don't want it to cause you to be late in the morning. You didn't do anything wrong at all!! But I would just talk to her and tell her what is important to you, and if she can't do that then she'll have to find another way to get her daughter to school. Simple right? :-) good luck!
You were not wrong. It sounds to me, that your friend does not know how good she has it. Any mom should be lucky to have someone to take her child to school. I am Very Greatful just to have our bus driver do it for me. I my daughter is not to her stop on time, the bus does not wait for her, and you should not have to wait either. Maybe than accepting her dirty looks, you should have not accepted her daughter. Have a talk with her and let her know how important being on time is to you. Good luck.
Your response is honest and for that I don't think you are wrong. However, you need to communicate with your friend how important it is to you that she drops her daughter off according to schedule. Help her understand that we all get behind schedule at times, but she has to make an effort in bringing her earlier. Find out why she suddenly started getting behind in time. If she is your friend, you will have to come into her world and find out what problems she may be having and offer suggestions. Also, let her know if she is running behind and you have already left that your mother is willing to drop her daughter off as well. The problem with friends is at times we struggle with assumptions and we become to comfortable in which we take advantage of one another. If you two are truely friends, you both should understand that you two will have disagreeable conflicts, but are willing to discuss it, find resolutions, and move on.
Coming from someone who was perpetually late when I had someone else driving me to work, I would have done the same thing. I have since improved greatly on my lateness issues. Anyway, it's inconsiderate and irresponsible of her to show up that late. There's no reason why she couldn't have called and said, "we're running a little late, but we're on our way." Something to that effect would have been helpful. However, her being late punishes your daughter, as well. So, me personally, I'd probably tell her that if she can't make it there by 8:40 then you can't take her daughter. Why should your daughter continue to be marked late when she could have been on time if it weren't for the other person continually being late? It's not fair to your daughter or you. She shouldn't put you in that position. Just my opinion.
I don't know if this would work - but why not telling her that you will pick her daughter up at say 8:35 sharp - and that way she knows that you will be outside her door at that time - and if she isnt' ready then you'll be leaving. Sometimes i think if someone is perpetually late - if you turn it around so you in charge - like being at her door instead of relying on her to be at your door - it lights that extra little fire under their rear end - ya know? plus that way you know that you and your daughter are already loaded up and ready to go - so that if she isn't out by the agreed upon time then you can be on your merry way. Maybe tell her that you will stop "on your way out" and "if" she is ready you'd be glad to take her, other wise she'll need to make other arrangements. She may start gettting ready on time!!!
Tell us how it goes!
God Bless
S. W.
A., Well it seems you are doing alot for this friend and she either is taking you for granted or just is a late person. I would pull her to the side and explain to her that you don't mind helping her out but you don't want your daughter to be later for school. If she can't make it on time then she will have to find another way for her daughter to get to school. It is better to take care of it now than to let it keep going and let the feelings build up into a messy fight. Good Luck there should be more people out there like you.
A.,
I don't think you are wrong, your friend is being inconsiderate, once in a while being late is one thing but if she is always late she needs to make her own arrangements. There is no reason for your daughter to be late because of your friend. She needs to remember that you are doing her a favor and be a lot more appreciative of it.
Hopefully, she will take a step back and realize that she left you know choice. Let me know how you make out.
S.
No. I don't think you were wrong for leaving. I think your friend is taking advantage of your friendship which happens alot with everyone from one time to another. Myself included. But I think if you make it clear that you will be leaving your house by 8:40 no matter what, she will make a better effort to be there on time. Otherwise, you're going to have to make a decision about what's more important your time or hers.
As for the excuses, they are just that--excuses. If it were her job at stake and her boss told her she needed to come in on time I'd bet $20 she'd be there on time everyday.
Also, you have to ask yourself what does she do for you when you're in need of a favor. That will tell you how much of a "friendship" you have. Good luck!
Absolutely not. You told your friend what time to be there and if she can't stick to the time maybe she should find another way for her daughter to get to school. You have a responsibility to your daughter and making sure she is on time for her education. You are not responsible for your friend's daughter. Maybe you should have a discussion with your friend and stress to her the importance of being at your house on time. I can understand maybe 5 minutes late, but if she's going to be any later than that she should at least show you the courtesy of a phone call. If this continues to be a problem I would tell my friend to please find another way for her daughter to get to school because you don't want this issue to come between your friendship. A good friend would understand, and if she doesn't then is that really a friend you want to have?
I am curious to see the responses. I have the same issue every morning. I pick up a friend's son and they are not ready on some occasions. Some times she has just woken up when I am beeping out front of her house! I then have to wait while she gets her son ready causing my child to then be late also.
I would address the issue though I'm not a confrontational person... I'd take advantage of the holiday and try to not be judgmental - just matter of fact. Yes, she might have been giving you dirty looks, but there is a chance she was frustrated with her own daughter this morning. I'd ignore that for today. It's certainly irritating, but you'd hate to upset a friendship over it. Anyways, I'd say "Hey, sorry we missed you this morning. We were crazy getting organized ourselves and I wasn't able to call to check on you. I figured your daughter must not be feeling well or something happened and you were tied up when I didn't hear from you. Since it was getting to be late, I figured I should just get my daughter to school." Then take this opportunity to offer a solution for the future to put yourself in a position where you don't need to worry about it....Say "You know maybe we should make a plan in case of crazy mornings. (Maybe buffer yourself a few minutes....) I really need to leave at 835 to make it to school on time. I realize things happen and it's sometimes tough to call while trying to get ready so let's just say that if I don't hear from you beforehand, I will assume you guys aren't going in or have different plans and I'll head to school with my daughter at 835." Then you've put the plan out there so there is no confusion and everyone's expectations can be set without blaming. If she reacts badly or it continues and she's irritated again, perhaps it is time to suggest she find another option to preserve your friendship.
I don't think you were wrong at all. You are doing her a favor by taking her child to school. You asked her to be there by a certain time and if she can't get there and is late on a constant basis then you have to get your child to school safely. I would talk to her and let her know that if she continues to be late that she should find someone else to get her child to school or do it herself.
Kudos to you for standing up for yourself!!! You are doing her a favor by taking her child to school.
I would contact her and let her know that you understand the mornings can be rough, and that she can bring her daughter over anytime from say 8:00 to 8:30 and you will bring her to school, but Mom's taxi leaves at exactly 8:30 so you can allow for traffic and have time to get your precious cargo there safe and sound.
Good for you!!!!
You are not wrong in the LEAST! The bottom line is that people who are late, are usually always late. If this was a one time thing, then your friend probably would've called to say she was running late and asked the best way to work it out and definitely would not have seemed mad at you. But I feel that when people are always late, they basically don't respect other people's time. The bottom line is that you are doing her a favor and trying to help her out and the very least she can do is respect your schedule and show up on time. Good luck!
To reiterate what the conscensous is you were not wrong. But you could be the adult here ( not that you weren't) but take the high road, Go to your "friend" and tell her you understand she is upset but you have to make a decision and everyday she seems to be later. You understand that things happen, but the girls getting to school on time is YOUR priority, not pooh or a cat etc. You want her to understand, that you have taken on the responsibility to get them to school on time and from here on in that is what you will do. The "bus" leaves at 8:35 not 8:36. You have to leave at 8:35 to drive them safely and if she is not here you have to leave. IF she will be late she MUST call you and let you know BUT that doesn't mean you will wait, you will make the decision on a time to time basis. THEN you must stick to your guns. You must lay the ground rules since what is going on is not working. If she gets upset it is not your problem, it is hers let it be hers. SHe has to learn to prioritize AND get up earlier. That is probalby the biggest issue. But stick to it and she must respect your time and effort that you have invested in her child too. Don't give her permission to disrespect that. Good luck.
L.
I dont think you were wrong ,this might teach your friend to be on time from now on ,and to be be more thoughtfull to you
I believe you did the right thing. Just a suggestion....I would let her know that in the future, if she is more than 10 minutes late and has not called you to say she is on her way, that you will leave. It is great of you to do her a favor, and I have done favors like this many times. However, your daughter should not be late because of someone else.
One additional note....a school bus will not wait for children unless they are running for the bus. I know this because I am a crossing guard. It is important for her to start learning NOW how to be on time.
Hi- I dont feel you were wrong at all. YOu are doing your friend a favor by taking her daughter to school if she is running late she should call you and inform you of this. If not you dont know if she is coming or not and your daughter still needs to get to school on time. When you do talk to her explain to her that if her daughter is not at your house by 8:30am or the time you are to leave you are just leaving and she will have to find her another ride.
I grew up with a sister that was always late for everything. I'm not sure why some people can't keep track of time. It's always been pet peeve of mine. I think it was the right thing to do. They really need to get it together. It's not your fault their late it's theirs. People shouldn't monopolize your time no matter who they are.
T.
A.,
You were not wrong at all. Your friend seems to be taking advantage of your kindness. If she can't be there by the set time it is unfair to your daughter to have to wait and start her morning out on a stressful note. As for the dirty looks, that was uncalled for. You are doing her a favor. You need to set some ground rules or stop this arrangement all together.
J.
A.,
I don't think you were wrong at all. She is taking advantage of your kindness and it is just plain rude to be that late. Especially without calling. I think you should talk to her about it and tell her you are happy to continue to take her daughter to school, but if she isn't at your house by 8:40, then you will have to leave without her. The only thing I would have done differently was to call her when she wasn't there by 8:40 and tell her you were leaving if she wasn't there in 5 minutes.
No your not wrong, for leaving. Your responsibility lies in getting your daughter to school safely. I can't understand why you would go so far out of your way to get someone to watch your 4 yr. old so you could drive her child anyway. Why can't her daughter ride the bus? Does she pay your mother for watching her other child. Don't let her take advantage, or take you for granted. All of the excuses she gave you were ridiculous. You don't leave someone waiting because your kid want to watch the end of pooh. Now I have heard it all. lol
Maybe it wasn't a death look maybe it was a "I am so mad at her for being late again!" look. Bring it up to her in a roundabout way and see what she says about that morning. Try not to jump to conclusions. You may be on the same page but your perception of the look on her face is getting in the way.
Hi A. S.,
I'm mixed about it all... Don't get me wrong I don't think your a horiable person. By all means you daughter should always come frist,But this woman does count on you to bring her daughter to school as well. I know you made arrangents with your mother to take her, and thats fine. Maybe you could have called your friend to tell her this too...
I've been there with my sister-inlaw and her daughter - so I can also see how frustrated you must feel. I quess what I'm tring to say is call your friend, meet for coffee, whaterver ot take you to just talk with her, explain how her being later, and later everyday can't happen anymore. You have a daughter to.. but be careful - you don't want it to get ugly! Trust me! :)
Good luck A.,
- A. C.
No, you are not wrong, if anything, your friend is ungrateful and does not realize how good she has it now. I know things are tough in the mornings, but we all have to do what we have to do to get out of the house.
No, I don't think you where wrong. Your friend should have called to let you know she was going to be that late, then you could have told her that your mother will just have to drop her daughter off at school because you do not want your daughter to be late. After all you are doing her a favor and it sounds like she is starting to take advantage. If she was just 5 minutes late maybe you could forgive her for that once in a while but fifteen minutes when your time is so tight without so much as a phone call, thats just plain rude.
It sounds like you are doing all the work in this relationship and you should ask yourself..."is it really worth it?"
A. I would have done the same thing in your shoes and have. I pick up my daughter's friend for school everyday & one time he was not out when it was time to leave, we waited for a few minutes and then had to leave, he's not going to make my daughter late for school! Just because your friend has no concept of time doesn't mean she needs to make your child late. Good for you.
No, I don't think you were wrong. Think of it this way: the school bus arrives at X time. Does it wait for those people who are late? No, it doesn't. They're stuck at the corner. She can give you dirty looks all she likes, but if you aren't on time, you miss the bus. The dirty looks were probably her mad at herself, projecting that anger on you rather than herself. She'll come around after the stresses of the day have bled off and she realizes she has to get her act together and get her child to you at 8:30am.
There will be days when she's late and it's valid - flat tire, puking sibling, etc. But even on those days, the bus doesn't wait for the tardy school child. You might feel bad about your decision (and that's a good thing!), but it was NOT wrong.
No, I do not think you were wrong, in fact, I would let her know if she is not there by 8:35 in the morning that you will have to leave without her. It seems she has problems with making decisions, and if you let her know you will not be there after 8:35 am she will realize that being on time at your house is more important than Pooh, or the kitty. It is what you call tough love.
