Glasses Help!!!!!

Have you tried swatting his hands, the back of them?

Have you swatted his hiney?

He's getting something out of this.

Hi J.,

Sorry to hear about the glasses. I would say with any behavioral correction issue, it's all about leverage. Identify what he values and when he misbehaves, removed it from him.

Be sure that you clearly state the never touch Dad's glasses boundary and be sure he understands it. Then when he does it again, which he probably will because it seems to illicit a response, don't get angry or emotional, simply restate "Darling, you've been told never to touch my glasses." "You just broke that rule so now I have to take your (for example) Elmo doll. Do it every single time until he associates his negative behavior with a serious, swift and negative result.

Mine is turning 13 next week and I can say that his currency has changed throughout the years, but I still use this technique and it's been very effective. My example?? You've been told that the tone you just used is disrespectful and unacceptable. Your video game privlileges have been revoked for 24 hours. No ifs, ands, or buts.

I hope this helps. I know it can be exhausting. Best of all to you and yours. S.

I'm right there with Sharon. I wear glasses most of the time, husband wears his to read.

The rule has always been "you don't touch other people's glasses, period." Luckily, we haven't had a problem with it, but I agree wholeheartedly with Sharon-- this is time to bring some serious thunder. I'd take away his favorite toy (not a lovey or security item, mind you, but toy) and tell him that he cannot have it back until you get your new glasses. Maybe it's his trike, or bike, video game/tv-- whatever. This is the time to really make it sting a bit. He's done this too many times not to know what's up and is testing because he feels he can still do this.

My other piece of advice is to be very calm and matter of fact when you talk to him about this stuff. Let's be real-- I'd be flipping furious with my kid, too, if they broke my glasses and would probably need to excuse myself for a minute or two. And then, I'd have a short, clear chat, nothing long. "You have been told not to touch my glasses and now you have broken them. When you break other people's things, then (something of yours) is going to go away,too, until I can get my new glasses."

Stick with the punishment of losing the 'leverage' item. I'd also have a consequence for throwing anything that's not appropriate, period.

It has become a game to him, a way to get your attention. Unfortunately, it worked.......

I like the idea of finding his currency.... if he even TOUCHES your glasses, he looses that currency.... a toy, electronics, videos, whatever.... but.. make it SERIOUS business!

No more holding his hand, or giving him a time-out. This is serious business. He needs to understand when you say something, you mean it. At 4 years old, this behavior should have already been extinguished.

Five minute time out for a $600 pair of glasses. He would not be seeing the light of day each time he touched your glasses!!!! Are they a special prescription??? Heck I get two pairs of glasses for $150 from Sears when they have a sale. I do not need designer glasses. I have bi focals. Even the triple is only a bit more. This problem needs some heavy duty discipline!!!

In theory the positive/ negative consequences are supposed to work. And sometimes they do later in life.And if now fantastic. But for the most part for someone who is almost four, it is my feeling that he must see your anger/angry reaction because covering up how we feel doesn't help and certainly points the way towards mixed messages all through life. You were angry, you are angry and if you so happen to yell that time. So be it.j
In this case it is glasses, that were very expensive. What if next time you repeatedly tell him to not run into the street in front of a car? Then very quietly and silently tiptoe over to him, tell him that he is not going to go to library hour or play with his mac truck and then go home. Does he get that a car is dangerous? I don't know. I just think you need to attach your true anger here and let him know you mean business. You are raising him to be safe and courteous of others and that means sometimes we have to outside our own boxes. Good luck!

I would absolutely figure out his currency and use it. If he is being malicious, then he needs more than a time out. I like the idea of taking his toy. I also would be thinking of ways to teach him about time and money. Now you need to get new glasses and that costs you. What does he want or like to do? If he likes to ride the train at the mall, you can simply say, "No. You broke my glasses and I need to use the money to replace them." Etc. Tie what he did to what matters to him.

I would also look for any behavior patterns. Was he in a bad mood that day? Feeling ornery? Trying to get your attention? Sometimes when my DD acts most rotten she really needs the most attention in a calm way. I don't want to reward her behavior but at a calm moment, I might sit down with her and play a game, read a book, let her choose a TV show and thank her for the good behavior. If you notice he does this when x happens, then try to reroute his behavior. If he swats at you at all, maybe reconsider roughhousing and if he crosses the line, turn away, put him down, walk into another room and tell him why. He needs to be NICE or he can't play. If he's trying to get your attention, not wanting to play may be more effective than just the time out.

ETA: I do agree that being angry within reason is something kids need to see. Came home but crashed the car? Poured your expensive cologne in the toilet? Broke your glasses? Scribbled in the signed copy of your book? Redirecting is great....if it works, and works best, IMO, when they are very young and don't get what the are doing, fully. I think our son does know it's wrong and needs to know this made you angry.

It sounds like he enjoys playing with you, which is nice. So you might go with the principle of "ignored behavior will decrease, rewarded behavior will increase". And with children, the "reward" doesn't have to mean a toy or money or a treat. The "reward" can be a reaction, even a negative one. The "reward" can be the chaos that ensues after something is spilled or broken, or yelling or screaming or any kind of attention. Of course, it also includes hugs and kisses and positive interaction and playing games.

So I would suggest that if you're playing with him, and he even makes one grab for your glasses, don't react, simply stop speaking, stop playing, do not look him in the eye, don't look frustrated, don't get angry. Walk away without a word, like a non-emotional robot. If he apologizes, or asks to play again, resume playing and then do it again the second he reaches for the glasses or even pretends to or threatens to. It will be hard not to react, not to shout, not to groan in disgust, but it's the only way to do it. And it's just as important to resume playing and resume positive interaction with him when he demonstrates that his hands are not going to try for your glasses but that he wants to play the game again in the right way, or wrestle for fun, or throw the ball. Don't use that time to lecture or go over what happened. He'll get the point pretty quickly.

His "currency" or what he values right now may very well be your attention, your fun games, and this could show him how to play and show respect for other people.

Agree with a consequence that involves taking away an item or privilege (like iPad/TV time).

My poor husband has had his glasses broken several times. He now wears flex frames or contacts, and we bought the 'insurance' that Lenscrafters offers to replace broken glasses. :(

I'd pick him up and take him to the time out chair (empty room, no talking, boring place, no attention, no view of the clock, YOU say when he comes out and ask him why he was there). He should stay there for at LEAST 10 minutes. Let him know that the next time he'll stay in time out for 20. Some might think that's too long, but I do not. It works. 5 minutes....you might as well be playing a game of peek-a-boo for all the difference that makes. And if he does end up with a 20 minute time out, after he's done I'd let him know that if he does it again he'll end up in his room with no toys for half the day.

He's clearly not stupid, so you need to stop treating him like he's a baby. He's playing you, pressing your buttons. It's time to nip it in the bud.

Sounds like you forcefully react when he grabs your glasses and try to grab them. I understand being immediately concerned and then angry when he won't give them back. However, I suggest that your emotional reaction may be the reason he does this. He's figuring out how the world works. "If I do this, what will happen? Wow, Daddy gets really upset!" I suggest this rewards him with a sense of power at an age when he has very little power.

I suggest that an unemotional reaction will take the fun out of it. Here is an example of how what we fear can cause what we fear to happen. I suggest a calm reaction similar to no reaction will stop this. Glasses do get broken when we fight for possession. Let him have them. Perhaps walk away. This may not work right away because you have a pattern of fighting him for the glasses. He probably will test you and try to get a reaction. Consistently respond with little response and he'll reduce his response.

Talk with him only after the situation is over. Be firm; but not angry. Give him a consequence.

Edit: yes, he needs to know you're angry once he's broken your glasses. I'm referring to a conversation about what you expect going forward.

that's not an accident, that's deliberate mischief. and deliberate mischief requires swift and meaningful retribution.
i appreciate your calm and measured response. i think that's exactly the right attitude to take when discussing the situation later on, after the infraction. but it's perfectly permissible to be PISSED and to show it when a little fellow has just done something so deliberately villainous. and i would not hesitate to put a (small) scare into it.
'WHAT!?? you BROKE my glasses! that is very, very naughty and makes me very angry! you will march RIGHT into time-out and don't you even think about getting out.'
and i would march that wailing little butt right in there and plomp him down for 5 minutes. and there would be no fun things for the rest of the day. i would deprive him of your positive attention. (well, if it occurred in the morning i guess i wouldn't work it all day. but if it happened, say, around dinner time, that would be a little boy who went straight to bed with no snuggle or story time, right after bath.)
there is no and there is NO! and it's time to develop a much bigger no with this strong-willed little fellow.
and i would lower the boom with a stern 'stop that!' and thunderous eyebrows if i saw those pudgy little fingers getting anywhere near the glasses again.
khairete
S.

My daughter snapped my glasses by mistake when she was 2 (she came to wake me up one morning and thought she was helping me by passing me my glasses). When I told the optometrist they said they can replace them for free within the 1st twelve months.

Try the place you got the glasses from.

As to redirecting your son ... You have excellent suggestions already.

can't help with the behavior, but IF you end up needing more inexpensive glasses.. try Zennioptical.Com.. it's online and cheaper than most.. they have plastic lenses too.. I've ordered from them, glasses take a little longer to get to you since it's via the net.. Also, you ll need to really pay attention to the eye measurements.. example.. lens width, height.. <<< those things you don't worry about in the store since you can try on glasses there, but ordering on the net, you need to really know your child's size. however, it's worth it.. since of the glasses or so inexpensive...

I second sharons response and would add when you purchase your glasses see if you can have them insured (most real optometrists will do this and its like $100 extra). That way if it happens again you will have some protection on the item.