Going off to College

My eighteen year old son just went off to college.The hardest thing is he is on the West coast and we are on the East coast.He is my oldest as well.I have been doing very well with his going of to college, I do miss him! The way I dealt with this is I was very emotional for a day or two when he turned eighteen this is when I told myself he is a adult now. He can basically do as he pleases step to the side and let him grow and I did that.I am there when he needs me, but it is now time for him to make his own Decisions. I think it is good to do this while they are still living at home. The other thing that has helped me is he was more then ready to go off to college.He choose his school
and it is a very good school.He had to work very hard to get into his school and he did it.I am extremely excited for him that he is exactly were he wants to be.Now granted he has only been gone for 3 weeks he has hit some bumps but he will get through them and there is not much I can do on my end.
I do worry but, I am happy at the same time.He is real good about calling I did tell him to communicate with us at least every other day.

Hi,
I sent my daughter, my youngest, off to college last year. We lived in NY at the time and she went to New Orleans. It was tough and to top it off, we sent her there the day before Katrina came through. She has since transferred to St Louis and we moved to VA. That was a very rough year for both of us, but it amazed me to see how much growth our daughter had through it all.
I find e-mail and instant messenger a big help for both of us. I usually let her lead in what she wants to communicate, but I frequently send her notes saying she is loved. I also try to send her surprise packages every few months (this helps both her and me).
I would suggest investing in hobbies, volunteering, work, as well as your other daughter. Your children are important, but it helps if they aren't your whole life. Take this time to discover more about you- what you like and can do well. Wishing you well. I am sure your daughter will be fine.

This is a right of passage for both of you. Just don't let your sadness dampen her excitement. Remeber, this is a GREAT thing she is going to do. Make sure she knows that you are confident in her ability to be sucssesful and happy doing this and that she always has a place to come home to. She will be fine. She will be more than fine she will be sucessful and she will always be your daughter, no matter what!

L.,

I am in the same situation as you are. My husband travels 5 out of 7 days and my son and I are truly best friends. This week has really been a test run for me. He has gone to the lake with some of his friends and of course, has not called very often.

I have found all sorts of things to do around the house that I have not had time to do before now. God has a way of making everything okay and just know in your heart that you have done everything that you could to raise your child knowing right from wrong and knowing good from bad. Turn them over to the Lord and He will take care of them, and you. Remember the verse, "We can do all things through Him that strengthens us." (I think that is the way it goes).

Feel free to contact me if you just want to talk.

It is going to happen and you are going to feel the way you feel no matter what, the most inportant thing is cherish your time together now that she is home, and really get involved in helping her pick out the best school for her and what she would like to major in. And maybe pick up a new hobbie, ie. take some cooking classes, sewing classes, volunteer at the library, something to help fill the extra time. It is a great thing when your children are grown and starting out in college and eventually on their own, and take pride that you have helped her get to this point. It will still be hard and you will still feel that empty feeling and probably cry when you drop her off, but that is normal, just make sure to not stay in that moment. Good luck.

First of all..a BIG HUG to you!!!

Worse than first day of Kindergarten jitters, Huh?

Short of trying to get her to go to a local college, I'm not sure what to tell you. My son moved back to our home state when he was 21...600 miles away. I was heartbroken, but knew it was for the best. Also, being a son, I know it was different for me.

You can get her a cell phone, and make sure you stay in touch via e-mail. I know you know it's time to let her go.

Hint: don't treat her like a guest when she comes home to visit. My mom did that to me...she thought she was treating me special, but I felt like an outsider, with no "home".

Recognize that this is YOUR first time at this. It won't get any better for your other kids, either! Have FAITH that it will all work out...and it will.

Another HUG to you!!

Hi L.,

I hope my words will lift your spirits a little bit in regards to your daughter leaving college. I am not a mom of a 17yr old only a 3 month old. But I am the daughter of a fabulous mother who I had to leave when I moved from GA to NC to attend MHC. My parents divorced when I was young, so my mom was a great parent to me but also a wonderful friend as I grew up. We are still extremely close. The day she dropped me off at college was the hardest day of her life. But it was just as hard on me. I cried more than she did (she wanted to be strong for me). After a few days, I called her and she was thrilled to hear my voice. It was extremely hard for me to know that because I was out of the nest, my mom was home alone. She struggled at work. Her co-workers noticed a difference in her disposition. They knew why too. But the positive aspect of it all was that my mom began to do stuff for herself finally. After many years of an abusive husband, raising three children--one on her own--me...it was her turn to do something for herself. That made me happy. She opened up and made some friends and goes on trips when she can. I am now graduated, married and a mommy of my own--I still talk to my mother at least three times a week--more if you count the many many emails we send each day. She wishes more than anything that I could move back to GA and one day I will. But until that opportunity arises for my husband and myself, we do our best to incorporate her in lives. She visits every couple weeks and we do the same. In many ways, we don't feel seperated by the miles.

So basically, I know it will be hard for you. I saw how hard my mom took it. But hang in there. Cherish the relationship you have cultivated with your daughter. As hard as it may be, let her know you trust HER. Knowing I had my mother's trust was what helped me make many of my decisions in college. I didn't want to let her down. Have faith in yourself that you have parented an intelligent and wise daughter. If you give her some space to fly...she might fly away for a short time, but she will always return to the nest. In the meantime--be good to yourself! You deserve it--you have a daughter going to college to better herself! Good for both of you!

Don't let YOUR separation fears be hers! Give her support & confidence even if mom is dying inside. Talk about all the new classes, experiences, etc. so she'll look forward to this transition. Also warn, not scare, her of the possible negative experiences out there as well. Ask for her questions/fears & help HER resolve those & mom will be the first call when problems/loneliness occur. Girls are so special! Make her feel sooo special & confident that she will feel she can handle anything & if something comes up she needs help -- guess who she'll call first! Give her wings. GOD bless!

When my cousin's daughter went off to colege, she e-mailed me that she was upset because she was "losing her daughter". I reminded her to make sure she kept in touch without being nosey and be supportive and welcoming, but not smothering. Her college years flew by and now that she is out of college and married, they are as close as ever. Girls always need their support system, as long as they don't feel overwhelmed. You can call or e-mail her. If she's not too far away, you can plan to get together for lunch or take her out to dinner once in a while. Congratulations to you both!! You're going to do great!!