Going to Bed Is a Battle!!!

This is going to sound weird...but I moved my son's bedtime earlier...figuring that he would play the same amount of time and then get to sleep at the time I wanted him asleep. But what happened is he would go RIGHT TO SLEEP...I had been putting him to bed too late. If I miss that early window, it takes him forever to get to sleep...if he is in bed by 8pm, he is out like a light. Just what worked for us...{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

Well I have three children also, 2 of them are my sleepers and they go right to bed, but my youngest well he is alot like me in the whole night owl thing, he likes to stay up, well when he was a little younger I would shorten his nap time and that seemed to help but then I started to take walks with them after dinner and at first I felt like there was just no time but I made it work. He is 5 now so he can walk a litle longer then when he was younger so we walk maybe almost a mile on the nights that we can and it really help wear him out at night. We would eat dinner go for a walk and take a nice warm bath to relax him and then lay him down and it worked. He now falls asleep with the other two and he shares a room with his older brother. Watch sometimes what they eat at night, some things can hae any types of sugars in them like potatoes and if they are like my son anything with sugars at night is not a good thing. I hope this helps some. I wish you luck with him. I also used to pop mine on the bottom but tnow I don't have to.

Hi D.,

Got a bed big enough for the 3 of you? Take turns as to the side of the bed you will lay down on to make both babies feel they are getting fair treatment: "Tonight I'll be closest to Hannah and tommorow night I'll lay beside you Micah."

Basically, you lay there till they fall asleep and then slide gently off the bed so as not to re-awaken.

Wind them down with telling stories or praying with them. Consider this as 'quality' time with them. Ask them a simple question like: "What was the happiest part of your day today?"

Sometimes things that have been bothering them get shared in this atmosphere.

[When we were talking about having just moved from our old house, my youngest burst out crying, out of the blue. Turns out unbeknownst to us he was so angry that we'd painted the walls of their room white(to sell the house) and nobody had cared that he 'loved those walls' - each of which had been painted a different primary color. His little storm passed though after his big brother and I commiserated with him - he had been comforted.]

It may take long at first for them to fall asleep quickly - routines take a little time to establish.

But your closeness will have a calming, relaxing effect on them. They'll fall asleep feeling safe and secure. It's a very gently way of dealing with this issue. It will serve to calm and relax you, also.

I did this when my boys were little (2 years apart), up to the ages of about 5 and 7. One is now 18 years old and the other is 20 years old. Neither are 'mama's boys'. The 20 year old is married and he and his wife graduate from college (UT-Dallas) Dec. of this year. And the 18 year old goes away to college this coming fall.

I have so many good memories of this time. I felt so close to them. Cuddling and basking in their wonderful child softness and the smell of their hair and skin.

"But won't this make them dependent on me always having to do this in order for them to get to sleep?"

Yes. But they will grow out of it eventually. Mine did. My husband and I would often take turns with this, so that helped too. After a particularly busy day, this may be the only 'quality time', 'one on one time' you get to have with your kids.

"But yours were 2 boys, mine are a son and a daughter." No big whoop. At this age their sleeping together is a non-issue.

Don't worry sweet mother. Look at this as just another opportunity to enjoy your children. It goes by so fast. I have so many good memories of this time and find myself very often yearning for that sleepy-time togetherness we shared so many years ago.

(A really great book that you may find helpful: Nightime Parenting.) And a wonderful support group called La Leche League is also a wonderful resource. It meets primarily for breast-feeding issues, but any and everything related to younger child rearing gets covered also.

This may not work for you, but I think it's worth a try.

Hang in there!

Sounds like you have your hands full. My boys, 16 months apart, shared a room and I went through this too. I got a relaxing tape of an indian flute and that became our good night tape. I had to swat them and let them know I meant business before it got easier. In the beginning, I even had to sit in the floor between their beds, in the dark, and make them be still, or quiet, or lay back down. But, it did get better after they knew the drill. I was religious about when I put them to bed as well. That way, their internal clocks would be set as well. Hope it helps.

My son is still the same way and he is 4. The thing that worked best for us is to make sure he has his night light on and music playing. Also you may want to end nap time. I know they are really young but some children don't need it. My son was like that since he was about 11/2. My aunt would take care of him and he would nap for about 2 hours or less and we would battle to get him to sleep. We noticed when he didn't take a nap it would be a fight but not a big one. He is just like my husband a 20min nap and they are ready to go for another 8 or so hours. You can also try the reward system like after going to sleep on time for X amount of days they get rewarded with some special activity with you or your husband. For example if he earned 7 stars from sleeping in his room all night then he got to sleep with us in our bed. I hope this helps, good luck!!

hi there D..i know how you fill i use to take care of my 2yearold cousins and they would not sleep at all at night.so i stop giving them naps in the day time and that really changed things alot they was ready for bed time when 8:45pm come around i put a little tv in there room to watch till there fell asleep puting in spongebob really worked great they never got up one time they would fall asleep watching that so try that and see what happens wish you luck.

The book "How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Ferber saved my sanity!!!

I'm going to second what Amy said about putting them to bed at the same time every day. Also, getting up around the same time every day is good -- it helps set the pace for the day.

When my dd was around 13mos, we finally adopted a night-time routine. At that point it involved a nightly bath because that's what all my friends did with their kids...Now though, we don't do baths at night - seems to hype my two up more. After supper we have some quiet play together (reading or puzzles) for a while before getting pj's on and brushing teeth. After that, she lays in her bed and I'll massage her legs and feet while we talk about that day and our plans for the next day, my dh comes in at some point, we pray and then leave her to fall asleep. I started doing infant massage on her when she was still really little...it just seemed to calm us both. Now it seems to help with the 'growing pains' that she gets in her legs.

All that to say, adopting a regular routine that stays the same day in-day out will greatly help. For us, we get up around 7a, eat lunch at 12-12:30, Rest Time until 2p, into bed for talk/massage around 8p.

We go thru periods of time when she gets up several times before finally falling asleep. What works for us was/is to 1)not make eye contact, 2) carry/ lead her back to bed and *gently* lay her down (however difficult that may be). We would repeat this however many times it took for her to stay put and realize that she wasn't going to be able to stay up and play, etc. At this point in time, she only gets up to 'potty' or get some water (another topic altogether).

I believe that parenting doesn't stop at night. Some families may have it worked out so that they say 'good night' and then are done for the night, but I believe that the vast majority of young children need more attention than that. I recommend the book "Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep" by Dr. Sears. You can get it off Amazon used for $3. It includes things like rituals, adn foods to encourage sleep.
http://www.amazon.com/Nighttime-Parenting-Your-Child-Slee...

For me, it helps to step back and try to get a grasp of the big picture. My 14mos old still nurses 5+ times a night. Not exactly ideal in my book. I miss having virtually uninterrupted sleep. But this is a phase of his life that will not last that much longer.

"This too shall pass." (from a parable about Solomon)
http://www.wscribe.com/parables/pass.html

HTH
K., mama to
Catherine, 4y
Samuel 14mos

All children are different. I'm not sure what timethey have to wake up in the morning but it is possiblethey are not ready for bed at 8:30. Maybe you should try a little later. Also, I'm not sure how you feel about a TV/DVD in their room but they make nighttime movies that are very calming. You may want to check into that. Sometimes you have to do what works. Plus you can have complete control over the time they get to watch it. Good luck.

I agree with Amy K. and others--if there is fun to be had or attention to be gotten by getting out of bed they'll get out of bed. I had to train our daughter with a switch (Train Up a Child by Michael Pearl). At naptime around age 2 1/2, she started to pop right out of my bed with a devilish grin and come out the door, so I started holding the doorknob to keep her in. Ridiculousness--I had to hold it for 20 minutes of her checking. So I changed tactics, and politely informed her she would get 3 swats on the rear (with a flimsy willow branch--inflicts superficial sting, no damage, and avoids use of hand contact for punishment) for getting out of bed after being tucked in for a nap (without first sleeping of course.) She tried twice. First time I waited at the door and calmly gave her 3 swats (she knew what the deal was) and she DIDN'T EVEN CRY, but looked me solidly like "my goodness, mom actually means it this time". She came to the door one more time and got the same response. Never tried it again. She's 7 now. And no, we don't have to "lie in bed" with our kids every night for hours to encourage them to sleep, like so many of our friends. Mom and Dad know when children need sleep. Children will test the boundaries even on things they know they need.

Another comment is to please avoid all MSG sources and Aspartame both of which cause insomnia and overstimulated neurons. Also avoid juice and High Fructose Corn syrup. Food stimulants can make the battle tougher. Search internet for ingredients that contain MSG like citric acid, natural flavoring, calcium caseinate, hydrolyzed vegetable protein. etc....

A consistent routine and consistent vigilence will help them learn to settle down and go to sleep. Each of my six kids went through a stage which required me, similar to Amy K, to sit right outside the door and deal with each disobedience. A cardinal rule of human behavior is that we behave in the way that we perceive will benefit us, so the problem with bedtime is that every time the child gets a few minutes of pleasure from popping out of bed or giggling with their sibling before you hear them from the living room or wherever, that behavior is reinforced. If you make the bedtime routine itself very pleasurable, something they really look forward to, but any variance from the routine is unpleasant, they will figure it out. I like the idea of sitting between the beds if interaction is a problem, and then I would (Supernanny style) move each night closer to the door and then just outside the door until they have learned to go to bed when you tell them to.

As long as your 2-yr-old is not sleeping more than an hour and half at her naptime, I think you have her bedtime just right. Most 2-yr-olds need 11-12 hours of sleep at night in addition to a nap, and it sounds to me like your daughter is fighting the sleep she needs, trying not to miss out on any fun, and not just lying there trying to sleep but can't.

A good bedtime routine only rarely varies, such as if you get home really late some night. A sample: bath, pajamas, teeth, arrange stuffed animals and choose a sleeping pal, prayers, into bed, storytime, kisses, lights out and no talking. You can jump-start the process by telling them that tonight is going to be different; decide on a routine and make it into a story and tell it to them throughout the day so that by bedtime they already know the routine that will not vary.

When they test the boundary, don't get angry, just give the consequence you decided on with no eye contact or emotion at all. Every time, without fail. Don't decide whether or not to discipline based on how much patience you have left; discipline based on whether or not they are obeying. (A great principle from the Growing Kids God's Way class) "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Heb. 12:11)

It sounds to me like you are doing a great job already training your little ones. The key is for them to know with certainty that the bedtime routine, including that last step of settling down to sleep, is not going to vary. Like I said, each of my kids went through this, and it is a difficult stage because mama is TIRED by bedtime!! Whatever routine you choose, stay absolutely consistent and I promise a harvest of peace is coming very soon.

My children are 13 months apart and are just now turning three and two and they share a room. We also have the same sleep battles as you. What has worked best for us that that I do pat my youngest daughters back for awhile but not until she's asleep, just for a few minutes and then I tell her that I'm going to my room and she'll be ok. My oldest daughter is the one that we have the most problems with getting up and getting her sister up. Every night I talk to her about what we're going to do the next day. I try to get her excited about going to visit her best friend or going to the park. We talk about how she needs to go to sleep so that we can do that activity the next day. Most of the time it works but not always. We always put them down at the same time. The oldest will sometimes ask for a book or a toy to take to her bed and we let her because it's dark in her room so it's not like she can really do much anyway. Our youngest just switched to a toddler bed and patting her back just until she's relaxed has really helped her stay in bed. Some nights when I know she's just playing a game with me, I leave the room and let her cry for a few minutes until she's ready to be still. I know what you're going through! Just look at the big picture and know you won't have this problem when they are teenagers!! you'll have other ones!! :)

Do you watch Super Nanny? She has wonderful going to bed ideas. 1.) Do your children keep each other awake at night? If so, is it possible to have them in seperate rooms? I don't recommend spanking (not recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics). It will get them more excited before bed, and will teach them to resolve problems through hitting. 2.)Do your children get enough exercise during the day? 3.) Try to follow the exact bedtime routine every night (e.g. dinner at 6, bath at 7, bed at 8:30). Start turning down the lights and create a calm environment about an hour before bed. 4.) It will be difficult, but it is important that you stay calm. 5.) Talk to them about your new bedtime rules, and reward them when they are following (positive reinforcement). We all go to bed at 9:00(including my husband and I) and everyone is ready. It will take consistancy and dedication on your part, but it can be accomplished over a short period of time.