A Question on Bedtimes

I have a 2 yr old and bedtime is when I go to bed (11:00 p.m.) That way we both get the same amount of sleep. My school age children's bedtime is 9:00 pm. When he was younger "we" used to go to bed at 8 p.m. but that did not work for me. Now I let my son have a small nap around 7 or 8 pm. I wake him up after about 30 min and then we are ready to go for the rest of the evening. He doesn't get up till 9 a.m. the next morning.

Dear A.,

Ahem, you are going to hear from the 'other side of the coin now', so prepare yourself.

I know what a delicious and glorious thing it is to sleep with a baby. My grandson lived with us for a while and I would babysit while the parents went to the movies. Such a sweet lovely experience to lay beside my gr great grand baby and watch her slip off to sleep and listen to her breathing and smell her . I was always disappointed when they came home and whisked her away to their bedroom.

So, now that you have had that wondrous experience and have bonded deeply with your baby, you need to let him have his independence - yes, this is the beginning of it....and put him to bed at the early part of the evening.

This part of the evening is for your peace and recuperation from the day, life, and to relax from duties. You have two full time jobs, and three if there is a partner in your home, and you need rest and recuperative time - if you don't think so, then you are not paying attention to what your brain and body are telling you.

One of the most difficult things for a mother to do, and there are plenty of those, but the most difficult is to let you child be him or herself and not a clone of us. They need their private time too. He needs to teach himself how to fall asleep - we do that every night and for so long now that we forget that it is a skill, and needs to be practiced . Yes, sometimes babies cry when they are put to bed for sleep, well, that is just part of the learning. Do not deprive him of beginning to learn to control himself and follow rules of living with others.

If you will just open your eyes and ears, you will see many examples of adults who have not learned how to control themselves, be aware of the needs of others and , actually, be civilized, as my father used to say.

Sincerely, C. N.

HI A.,
It is recommended that babies get anywhere to 12-14 hours asleep a day. Does your son get enough sleep? We co-sleep with our daughter(trying to get her in her own bed though) and she goes to bed between 6:30-7pm(when she was real small her bedtime was 10pm). If she is sleeping the whole night in our bed then I place pillows around the edges and she sleeps fine. I am able to go on with my night and go to bed when I need to.
You do not have to go to bed with him at 7 or whenever! If he is getting fussy earlier then you need to adapt and work with his schedule. His sleep is vital to his development. Check out the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for some great tips for babies his age.

(about me: wife and mother to a fantastic little girl who is 13 months old)

Since you are co-sleeping... bedtime for baby is going to be according to when your baby needs to sleep. Like the others, my kids go to bed around 7:30-8:00 as well. That is when they are tired, and that is the time that we "trained" them to go to bed...and this is their "routine." Now, when it is that time, they naturally get sleepy and know it's time for bed. It's reasonable for children, and they have their natural sleep cycles. How about you go to "bed" when your baby needs to... then when he falls asleep, you can get out of bed and carry on with your night as you wish. However, since your baby is sleeping in the bed, this can be a safety hazard, to leave him unattended. Ideally, a baby/child should go to bed when THEY are tired... not when a parent is ready to go to sleep. Remember, you are setting a pattern and routine of sleep for your child later, as they grow up. Everyone is different... but sleep is VERY important for a child's growth and development... sleep is when a child's brain re-groups and develops and this is important for their cognition and rest. Biologically speaking. You can always "re-train" your baby to sleep perhaps in a crib.. or have him on a floor futon mattress, so he can't fall off the bed. All I know is... I had an acquaintance who had a baby, and the parents were "night-hawks" and went to bed very late every night...sometimes after midnight even. Thus, their baby went to bed very late at night as well... they kept their baby on "their" sleep schedule... not their baby's. Consequently... their baby was not very well adjusted or rested during the day, since the baby was kept on "their" schedule, and she wasn't very alert during the daytime, and was often very hard to wake up. Now, the child is older, and she has a hard time in school, and with waking up etc, since she is kind of sleep deprived and not on a "regular" sleep routine geared for a child. Again, everyone is different. But the child's sleep needs should come first. And, this will set a "pattern" for later when the baby gets older, and sometimes it won't be easy to change then. having regular sleep times and routines now, will be better in the long run, for the child. I used to co-sleep as well... but once my child fell asleep, I would then get up and then go and do as I wish for the night, and went to bed at my own time. But I put my baby to sleep first. Good luck though, you should get good suggestions here.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Andea,

I have 2 kiddos and they both have had a natural sleep pattern of being done for the day at 7ish. Their little bodies seem to adjust to the natural biological clock of day and night. I guess you have to choose. You can go to bed early yourself, or you can start having your little guy sleep in their own bed. I have found it best to adjust to their natural sleep patterns than to make them fit into mine. I too can't go to bed before 11pm, so they sleep in their own rooms.

it depends mainly on the individual and how much sleep the baby needs and how much you need and such. if you're both getting enough you can pretty much set your own schedule and I don't think it matters. and a baby will usually let you know if she's tired by either falling asleep in the middle of playing, or becoming really cranky.

I have seen families with babies and kids who go to bed at all manner of times, depending on the lifestyle of the family. My neighbors have a 2 1/2 year old and they teach dance classes at night. The child goes with them and does not even start thinking about bed until 10-11pm. My older daughter stayed up until 10 or so every night because my husband would work late, so they could spend time together. Of course she took a 3-4 hour nap in the afternoon and woke at 7am. It worked for us. Now that my older one is in school, She goes to bed at 7:30 every night and so does my 2 year old because they share a room. But my 2 year old takes a short nap, because I wake her up (so that she will go to sleep at bedtime!!)

Babies will usually adapt to a schedule if it is somewhat consistent. When they start to go to school, however, that is when you need to rotate the schedule around getting to school on time and staying awake all day. Good luck.

Hey there..Honestly it is up to you and what time fits your schedule. Before my daughter I was such a night owl as well (still am) I used to go to bed around 3 or 4 and wake up around 11 or 12. Thats just the way MY clock worked and well I went with it. My husband was military and he was never home so I slept better in the day...so fast forward to the arrival of the new baby. Now she is freshly two and her normal bedtime is around 10-10:30. Some people out there who are "purests" will gwak and oh my Gosh over that but bleh to them. My daughter slept in my room , in her own crib until she was 18 months old..even though she had a pretty decorated nursery of her own... Yeah I was and still am a paranoid mommy, and I just loved waking up to her smiling at me. No matter how hard I tried to go to bed early I just couldnt and reallyt when she sleeps is when I get stuff done. So I still go to bed between 1 and 2 am pretty much daily. It is no big deal cause my daughter doesnt wake till between 8 and 9:30 in the morning. In your situation you set his bedtime when he seems to get to that tired and cranky stage of the evening. Since he is ove a year, you prolly should at least get him sleeping in his own crib..not necessarily out of your room but just not in your bed anymore. The sooner you do this the better it will be for the both of you eventually. My best friend coslept too and she wouldnt give it up until it was too late..at 3 she needed him to be in his own bed and he wouldnt do it. He's 6 now and STILL crawls into her bed at night. You may not want him out now..but you will eventually. Start with him going to bed on his own at night. If your afraid he will roll out of bed, then there's another reason to get him his own bed. Anyhow good luck to you and just cause you and ylur child dont go to bed at sun down doesnt mean it's wrong. As for us, now that my daughter is two and will be going to preschool not to long from now..slowly we will adjust her bed time to 9:30, then down to 8 so it will be easier to wake her up for school. You have time so enjoy it and go at it YOUR way.

Babies biological clocks are set to sleep when it gets dark and be awake during the daylight. Even though you cosleep, you could putting him down to bed at 8:00 and you can stay up a few hours later and join him when you're ready, just remember you have to get up with him in the morning! Good luck to you!

Hey A.! I am a full time working mom of 4 month old gril, Aubrey and a 4 year old boy Micah. When Micah was first born my husband and I were the same with the late to bed times. For us too the time kept getting pushed forward. Now he is almost 4 and he still goes to bed whenever but its always before 10pm. He just ends up going tobed on his own. Now different parents would say this is absurd, letting a 4 year old pick his bed time. But you are the parent not them. You do what is best for you. For us it is Aubrey to bed b/t 7pm & 9pm and Micah b/t 8pm & 10pm.

I think bedtime should be whenever you and your baby decide it is. If 9pm works for him and you, then don't stress about it. Every baby is different and I think the best thing to do is just go with the flow. My 9month old goes to bed about 8-8:30...but it used to be alot later when she was smaller. Now she gets tired around then and I can easily put her down. My mom told me that I never went to bed before about 10pm and funny how I'm still more of a night owl to this day. I think it is just pre-programed in us and it is better to just do what you and your baby feel is right. Don't stress...If it ain't broke..don't fix it.:)

I co-sleep, but I read and lay down with my daughter until she falls asleep usually 30 minutes or so then I get back up, and go to sleep at MY bedtime.

I love that you are co-sleeping with your son. I co-slept/sleep with all my children. I have to second the other gals advice. I put my children to bed and lay with them as needed, then I sneak out and continue on with my evening. Yes, leaving a baby in bed can be dangerous and for that I suggest a bedrail and as few blankets around them as possible. You can purchase a bedrail at Walmart for $20.00 and even then, putting him in the middle of the bed while you have a monitor on, you can hear when he rolls and you can always go and peak in on him. You are doing a fabulous job!!! :)