Good Friend Wanted

hi victoria,

i am also in my early twenties with a 3 1/2 month old baby. i know exactly what you're going through. almost all of my friends have pretty much dissapeared even since i was pregnant. i have had a hard time dealing with it because my life is so different now. i no longer go out every night and my friends still do. i think this has just made me realize who my true friends are. it would be nice to know other mom's like us who's lives have been totally changed. but for the better. if you are interested in keeping in touch that would be great. jus to have someone to talk to who is in the same stage of life.

T.

Hi there!
I know what you mean. It's tough with a little one. My husband & I work opposite shifts & share one car so we never see each other, much less any of our friends. My husband & I are both in our early 20's & when you have a child so young you really have to grow up fast. (We have a 2 1/2 year old son) On the one hand we wouldn't give up our son for the world, but on the other it's kinda hard seeing our friends being able to work whatever job they want, go out wherever & whenever they want, not have to worry about babysitters, money to do things, etc.... So we make sure that we're in contact with our friends either by phone, or email, pictures & plan ahead of time to get together. And sometimes it's good to send the kids to the babysitter when you get together with your friends, or even to just hang out with your husband. I know you love your son, but it's also good to have time away from him. It just keeps you refreshed. Have you asked your friends how they feel about the situation? Was something done or said that upset or offended anyone? If you just can't reconcille with them join a church group or a mom's & tot's group. They offer them at your local YMCA or rec center. Look at your library too. Sometimes they offer groups so the kids can play & the moms can chat. I think they also have weekly gatherings for mom's & their kids at the Dallas Arboretum. I hope this helped & maybe offered a little encouragement. Hang in there, it will get better!!!! D.

Wow, with a change of a few detaila I could have wrote this myself. I transferred here with my job last february and I have no support network at all. All my family is back home and although I talk with a few of my coworkers on the job, none of them have graduated to the level of friendship. I have an 8 yr old and a new baby due in August. I am really hoping to make some changes so that all my time isn't spent so alone. I would love to make the acquaintance of some young moms and build some friendships. I live in Bedford. I'm on maternity leave now until 6 wks postpartum, so I have nothing but time on my hands. My email is ____@____.com

Hi all. I totally understand! I have a 5 mo old, and my hubby and I are both students and we work! We've grown together as a family and some friends don't understand that! It's hard finding good pals that aren't already involved in their years-long clicks! email me to chat or talk or whatever! ____@____.com

Hey! Good luck to you! I know it's hard. Have you thought of joining an early childhood PTA? It's a good idea. Lives change when children are born.

Hi, Victoria! As everyone else has said, you are not alone! I also was the first of all my friends to get married, have kids, buy a house, etc. All of a sudden our lives were on two totally different paths! Especially when I decided to be a stay-at-home Mom! I am so sorry your friends aren't being supportive! I know how much that sucks! I am 25 and have two kids, an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old. We moved to TX from CA when my oldest was 14 months old. We knew absolutely NO ONE...it sucked! And, I didn't even work so it was hard to even meet people! Eventually, I started meeting people and even joined a play group, which has been great! I have also started a home-based business which has allowed me to connect with other grown-ups! I know your little one is so small now, you can't imagine leaving him (I was the same way with both of mine, especially with my youngest since we had no family to take care of her...there was no way I was leaving her with a stranger!), but eventually you will want to go out without him. And, it is important to have alone time with your hubby! At the same time, bar hopping just isn't what it used to be! I still have a couple of old friends I keep in touch with, but mostly we find it is better to get together with other families where the events are kid-friendly! Hang in there...you will find couple friends and friends with kiddos! I am located in the N. Fort Worth/Keller area. If you are near me, give me a call or email and maybe we can get together for a playdate with the kiddos! I know mine are a little older than yours, but the kids don't really play together as much as they are just in the same space until they are older anyway! So, let me know! I also belong to a great playgroup in the Keller area that I can give you info on if you want! My email is ____@____.com and my phone is ###-###-####.

Me again. I know how you feel I am 32 now and its like pulling teeth to get people to call or visit. My son is 2 1/2 and I take him everywhere. I stay at home and need a freind close by myself. My # is ###-###-#### and I live near FM/HV with my husband 29 in our own home as well.

T.

Hi Victoria, you are not alone and just want to tell you that I admire your strength in being so open about what transpired and reaching out for help.

Am sure you will meet many good friends and if you are in the Irving area there is a wonderful church named Heartland on 6300 N.Beltline in Irving, Texas. They are forming Connection Groups for married couples in their 20's, 30's,etc, empty nesters group, professional and many others etc... It is a wonderful church and if you are close by you can meet some neat people there who will become your good friends.

You are on the right path so keep on going and take care.

E.

Victoria,
You are not alone, the same thing happened to me when I was in my 1st son was born when I turned 20. All my friends and my husbands drifted and non of them wanted to see the baby or us unless we wanted to go out to party. No thanks.
Who needs friends like that. Since then unfortunately I have divorced and remarried and had another baby and divorced again. Now I am single mom with 2 wonderful boys(15 yrs and 13 months) I have no friends w/babies or toddlers. All my friends have no kids or kids that are teenagers and all they want to do is go out and party or stay home w/their husband.
Needless to say it sucks being a single mom w/no friends that has young children.

If there is anything I can do to help please let me know.
I understand your pain. I think it time for you to move on and make new friends for you and your husband and your son.

Michele

Victoria,
You are certainly not alone. Having a baby takes a huge transition. For some it’s much harder than others… but nevertheless, it’s still nothing anyone can totally prepare for. I have gone through a similar thing, friends I thought were friends, weren’t really into the whole “kid” thing. Neither of my sisters have children and don’t understand what it entails to get together with a child in tow, let alone get out and away (ie, arranging for a sitter, leaving your child with someone else, thinking of them the entire time your out!). Im so sorry no one came to your shower, birth, or to visit after the fact for that matter!!! Obviously they aren’t really the kind of friends you’d want around anyway. Its really hard to swallow, believe me, I had a tough time with the same kind of stuff! You are bound to feel let down and upset.
You should feel proud of you and your husband. Sounds like you have yourselves together. Look at it this way, even though your “friends” have slipped through the cracks since you’ve had a child, at least you can count on each other.
So, with that being said, keep your head up and know that better friends will come along. There are so many other young couples going through the same thing. Since you moved, have you found a new church? Or if you are not religious, any other social groups to join (book clubs, mommy and me groups, volunteer work)? Things like mamasource are great places to start. Looks like you are on the right track!
I know it’s hard, I just moved here (from Indiana) away from family and friends with a 5 month old. I felt so alone when I got here, but after a few months I’ve made a few friends, and feel so much better! I actually met some other young moms at the park. Is there a little playground nearby? Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons are full of young families with other kiddos… yes, I know you only have a 3 month old, but trust me – It’ll be easier for you to meet other moms when your child is in the stroller rather than when you’re chasing a crazy 15 month old around (like I am now!!!) HA!
Anyway, you’ll be fine, I know it sucks, but seriously, you’ll find some better friends, and sooner than later you’ll forget about the ones who’ve let you down so badly. And always keep a small crack in that door – you never know, one of them could be having a child soon and finally understand what having a family is all about!
Congrats on your new baby – enjoy every min of it!!!
Take care!
Oh, and I’m in the North Dallas area, if you’d like we can exchange e-mails and maybe get together for a play date!

Hello Victoria! Where are you located? I am a stay at home mom of a 10 month old girl and am 24 and my husband is 23. Sorry to hear about the bad news.....that can be stressful. Let me know if you would like to chat sometime and maybe we can hang out!

I was in a similar situation and met new friends at gymboree.

Hi Victoria,

I understand how you feel...expect with the fact that my husband and I just moved here from CA in March. I've tried to make friends with people at work... but they are mostly wrapped up in their own problems and lives. We left all of our friends and family back home with the exception of my husbands brother which is about 15 years older than us, his wife and their 2 daughters which are 16 and 12 and can only offer the happiness of having family around. I am going to be 25 and my husband is 31 so trying to find local couples seems like it will never happen and having friends from work come over is hard since most of the people we work with are either single, dating, married with no children or live too far away. Feel free to get in touch with me if you need someone to lean on as it sounds like your friends aren't being as supportive as they should be for you.

No baby yet :) She is due on July 1st though! :)

Victoria,
Hi! I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for having the courage to reach out. I have a 21 month old and a newborn so they are not exactly your childs age but I am here. You will be amazed how much support is out here now that you have reached out. I moved to Flower Mound not knowing a single person with kids and met some of the BEST people I have ever met in my life by reaching out as you did so I hope that encourages you. We get together to walk and talk and shop etc (with our kids )and have an amazing support network for that I am truly Blessed. If you would ever like to join us please let me know. You are not alone!!!!!!!!