Got What I Needed, Thank You All for Your Advice :-)

Document everything the ex does that is improper. And the kiddos can eat breakfast on the trip which could save time :)

Hi. I see you got your question answered, and that's great.

BUT, one of the great things about Mamapedia is the ability of other Mamas with similar questions to be able to search and find YOUR question and answers. Since you've deleted it, they can't really do that.

I have to admit, I find this SO frustrating.

Please, in the future, don't remove your question. Just put a "Thank You" in the "So What Happened" part so we can still read what you had posted.

Best,

C. Lee

45 minutes away from their school (i assume without traffic) if you work will bring troubles. why wouldnt your boyfriend lose his place and move in with you near their school? wouldnt that make them stay in after care longer and you'd have less time with them?
what happens if there is a snow day or they are sick?

plus if they have an event not on your day it will be harder to go to and support them.

i live 30 minutes with traffic (15 minutes without) from my ex (but she's in my home's school district) and i couldnt imagine ebing the one to live 45 minutes away from her school.
ETA per your SWH I agree with your ex. TWO hours in the car each day will be horrible. they will fall asleep on the way home and you will have grumpy kids or you will not get to see them. then they will have to do homework when they get home and study when in school

I say this from experience. during the summer my mom watched my daughter (2 summers ago) and lives 45 minutes away in rush hour it became hours away and u hardly got to see her

ETA Number 2
Even if YOU have the extra time for the commute your kids day will be
up at 6am- breakfast ready for school and so on
leave at 7am
school 8am-4pm
Not home until 5pm or 6pm and then since they have to be up so early , dinner, food, and bed...thats if they dont fall asleep

if he wont move because of his kids why would you move away from yours?

sorry this hits a soft spot since my brothers ex moved states away for a guy

ETA 3-WOW this really hit a nerve with M....how could you say he is a recovering alcoholic and you want to move 45 minutes away from your kids when they are with him and you are a great mom in the same sentence

As long as you're within the 150 miles, he doesn't have a legal reason to demand full custody.

And... you didn't ask for opinions, so stop reading if you don't want mine... but a 45 minute drive to/from school is a lot for a two or six year old. I have twins who are almost six and spending almost two hours in the car each day would REALLY impact their daily life. Think how early you'd have to get them up in order to be out the door in time for school. And then daycare afterwards? How will you get home in time for dinner? And they'll have to go to bed earlier in order to get up early for the 45 minute drive. I know moving in with your boyfriend is good for YOU, but is it good for your kids? Any possibility he could move in with you where you live now, and commute to his job?

I'm giving this advice as another single mother who would love love love love love to move 50 miles away. It would put me in a much bigger and better city, where most of my friends are... but it would be awful for my kids, so I stay here where they love their school and friends.

Without looking at your decree I can only go by my own. I can't move because I have the legal address. In other words their school is based on my address. Well now my ex moved a mile from me so it doesn't matter but for a long time it did.

Granted the court usually grants the moves so no biggie.

I guess I am saying based on my decree moving it not a reason you would lose your custody.

I do want to warn you since it appears you are thinking more about yourself than your kids, your kids are going to hate the move and it could cause friction in your relationship. Well unless you are a throw the kids under the bus kind of mom.

My ex only lived fifteen minutes from here and my kids hated it. Half the week, and it always felt like when they wanted to have friends over, they were at their dad so they missed their friends. So I am saying don't be surprised if when they form friendships they start asking, demanding, they live with their dad full time. It is not about you, it is about the situation you are putting them in.

45 minutes doesn't say if it's within the 150 miles of the divorce decree. As long as you're within 150 miles, per the divorce decree, then you should be fine. He wouldn't have a leg to stand on should he try to take you to court.

As long as you're within that 150 miles, it shouldn't be a problem.

I read that your boyfriend can't move, so I don't understand at their ages why once school is out that you sign them up locally instead of even thinking about the drive. Believe me everyone has to work out all sorts of things once one is divorced but there really shouldn't be any horrible damage about changing schools that young and unless your ex is supposed to drive them and pick them up everyday, why does it matter? Shared/custody? We had that "quotes' joint custody, yet I had them all the time despite written documentation or he wanted to get stinky. Just do what is right for the children and stick to your guns. I do think a couple hours in a car everyday would be really difficult for them. If they like your boyfriend and the new area change schools. You are within the range you agreed to.

Since you mention that your moving will not impact your ex at all, I assume one of two things - either you always have the children during the week, & therefore are the only one imposed on to drive them to school, or he has them during the week sometimes, but it is still the school they have always gone to, therefore no change for him. (I am not sure what "school" a 2 year old would attend, unless you mean that you are keeping him in the same daycare he has been attending?)

Based on that, my lay-person perspective is that there is no reason the courts should find for granting your ex full custody.

However, going forward you will need to think about where they will continue to go to school. Your situation may change to where you need to take a full-time or additional job. As they get older, they will likely become involved in activities after school, which alters the pick-up schedule. And if they are going to school every day with kids who live nearby, activities & get-togethers & playdates will take place away from your home.

So think ahead about when & how you will consider transferring them to schools nearby, & how that will impact the agreement & relationship between you & your ex.

I cannot tell you to do or not do what you have planned. I suggest you get a consultation with a family attourney who can advise you about the pros & cons of your planned actions (now & future changes) as well as their impact & potential consequences on your custody agreements.

Just a quick note: As difficult as it can be to deal with the additional stress it causes, be thankful you have an ex that takes an interest in his children & wants what he thinks is best for them.

Good luck!
T.