Grandma Not Interested in Kids

I think that you need to respect her decision, even though that is hard to do because it would solve a big problem for you. I don't know where you live....but I don't know if I would want my family driving weekly in the winter time where I live. I know paying for a full week at daycare & only using 3 seems like a waste, but maybe it would be the better option. Plus, once in awhile you could send him or her to daycare and have some time to relax (every mom needs to do that once in awhile).

I sort of understand how you feel. I think a lot of us have to deal with in-laws on that level because everyone is raised differently. But as for your MIL, I know it does hurt your feelings, but even if she gets the hint you are hurt, you shouldn't have that be the reason she does watch the baby. Day Care is very expensive, but I like the idea from another Mom of sending the baby there, then you'd have the option of taking the baby there on the other days too for time to clean, shop, relax, etc.Especially, since you are paying for the whole week anyway. Even if its for a few hours. You dont' have to do that all the time, but sometimes it's such a relief to be able to run errands without having to carry the baby in and out of the car and the stores as well. Plus, when you find the right day care, they are fun for kids, just like a little school. The get to learn how to interact with other children and it's not such a blow to them when they start school. I did that with my day care when my kids were that age, and I'm so glad I did. Wish I could do that now... :) Don't take it to heart about your MIL. Maybe your family was raised closer with each other than she was. Look from all points of view. As your kids get older, and the more you have, you'll see who you can count on for sitting, parties, etc. Everybody loves the idea of babies, but when it comes time to babysit, it changes it a little. Plus, you may be avoiding a potential situation. If she did watch the baby, and you didn't agree with her style of parenting, it could possibly be a disaster. Hope everything works out for you!! :)

Sarah,
I had almost the same situation when I was married! My in-laws lived out of state, but some of his relatives lived here. My entire family was thrilled & loves kids--my parents would argue if they didn't see them enough! But his family - they only saw us on holidays and even when they were not working I didn't bother to ask for them to watch the kids because it would've hurt my feelings when they said no. My brother is similar -- he was great before he got married but since then he has seen little of my kids --- finally had them for a sleep over last month (I've watched his 3 yr old numerous times!). They're just different & for me it doesn't matter how I try not to feel it I always do. I just tell myself to be greatful for the family that is excited and interested in them.
On another note, my dad died in a car accident 4 yrs ago and since then my mom decided she wants to live her life as she pleases (meaning she doesn't spend time w/the grandkids anymore - she's too busy partying like a 20 yr old). I know that sounded bitter--sorry but it sucks! She used to gush over the kids and want to see them all the time and now they see her maybe once a month for an hour. They feel it now and I try to tell them it's not their fault - some people just have different things to do.
Keep your chin up and remind yourself and your child how lucky you are to have the loving people in your life.
Sorry I rambled so much - it hit a nerve & it's an emotional week for me too! Good luck finding daycare!

Most women have to pay for childcare and cant rely on their family members to watch their children when they are out making money. Maybe she had to give up her job for her kids or had to pay for childcare and wants you to understand the full responsibilities of motherhood and is trying to tell you that without hurting your feelings. Or else she could be like my mother who does not like babies. My mom loves my toddler but is not crazy about babies at all and would never volunteer to take the baby until they can communicate.

I can totally respect your MIL not wanting to commit to caring for your kids on a regular basis. Sure to you she does not look busy and spends a lot of time relaxing, but she has raised children already and maybe she feels like she is at the point in her life that she has waited a long time for.........meaning that she is enjoying taking care of herself and not other people.

She most likely is looking forward to being a grandma, but being a grandma does not entitle her to doing child care for you.

I'd say take what you get from your mom as a blessing. My MIL watches my sister-in-laws children full-time, but we've always paid for daycare as she never offered it to her son (my husband). When we had two in daycare, we were paying $1200 per month. Looking back, I learned valuable lessons that others won't learn with family providing free daycare. Plus, I think it makes grandparents not act like grandparents - they start being the child's main caretaker and eventually some stop liking being a grandparent because of it.

I can understand your disappointment. However, I can also see it from your MIL's side. She's already raised her family and it's a lot to commit to even just a few hours 1 day every week. My MIL happens to take care of my nephews and she's worn out, she's afraid to say anything to my SIL and BIL, but she's exhausted, and she's only watching them 1 day a week.

Now to touch on the politely dealing with them when they say things you don't agree with with child care or kids. I always say well, I can see what you're saying, but for us, we've decided....then who cares what they say after, it's your family and you get to decide how you're going to run it.

I think it depends on the person. My parents love my kids, and all their grandkids, but they just don't babysit. They have raised their kids and now want to spend time doing what they want to do. I don't feel it is rude of them or even disrepectful. It is their decison. On rare occasion that my parents watch the kids, maybe an hour or 2, they prefer to watch my older too and not the youngest one. My in laws are opposite they say the younger one is easy adn the older two fight too much. It is their decision as I said, I don't think that means they are not excited about kids. Who knows maybe when baby comes, things will change?!

As far as advice, it your you and your husbands decision. Everyone will have advice for you, but in the end you do what you feel is right and don't feel like you have to explain yourself. Good Luck J.

I'm sure she doesn't mind babysitting but probaly doesn't want to be stuck or tied down into a another job (babysitting) there is a difference between occasional babysitting and set-schedule babysitting even though it's only 3 hours she may not want to be tied down weekly because everytime she makes a appointment, or plans something she's going to have to first think about her babysitting priorities.

I was a single mom and was trying to go to college to better myself. I wanted to pay my step-brother to watch my daughter he was a teenager living at home still and my parents wouldn't allow it nor would they watch my daughter. They would watch her on occasion but not on a set schedule it frustrated me so bad because I never ask for anything. Families can just suck and be weird sometimes. I have learned to never count on anyone they just let you down eventually and I try and do everything myself and be 100% independant.