Grandmother with Trach

It might be better for her to just remember grandma the way she looked before. If she doesn't feel like she can/wants to see her, just have her make grandma a lovely card and write in the card all the things she would like to say to her. She could also call her grandma and visit with her like that.

Don't force her. This is very frightening. You need to respect her feelings and her wishes. I'm sure grandma would understand. I know I would if it were me and my grandchildren. Not that I wouldn't be sad, but I would understand.

It is perfectly NORMAL for her to be afraid of the situation!!! My father just passed last month from cancer and had a trach also. We prepared the girls 8 & 10 for the sight by explaining that this is to help him breathe, we showed them simple pictures and diagrams. My 8 yo was freaked out and it scared her but she calmed down after a bit. We also RESPECTED her feelings/her fear and accepted that this was so HARD on her. This 9yo is scared and afraid and it isn't that she doesn't love her grandmother she is sad, upset probably and full of mixed emotions. No offense if she doesn't want to see her grandmother like this then accept it - her grandmother would not want her to be afraid of her or to be sad.
I will say this don't pressure this child, make her feel bad or anything like that PLEASE she is so young and going through so many emotions including fear. Respect her wishes and talk to her. Ask for a social worker - if you are at the hospital or with hospice they can help you out also.
*Side note we don't hide or sugar coat things as my family is in medicine (my Dad was a Pediatrician) and my husband is in law enfocement - we are direct but appropriate for their ages and the situation

Good Luck with the situation and I am sorry your family is going through this

wow in this case there is nothing like the truth. Just explain it. I remember our neighbor had a hole in his throat due to cancer. I was a little afraid at first but (and yes my mother wasn't always the best or even perfect -much like myself) she did explain that with total truth and I was able to actually sit and stare. I've also learned while we are being so careful usually the person with the particular problem we are being careful about is wishing we would be open so they can talk about it.

Oh man, this is just too sad.

Can you cover grandma's trache witha pretty scarf so it's not so offputting?

If her voice is funny, it reminds me of my ex FIL, he had a trache as well and was so hard to understand when he talked, but I found it a challenge that I wanted to be able to understand him.... and I did. So he LOVED talking to me because I took the time to REALLY listen and understand.

Maybe try talking to your daughter like that.... She's 9, she shouldnt be afraid. I could see a 4 or 5 yr old being scared but a 9 yr old should be able to rationalize once you explain things to her.