Gun Toys & Light Sabers

Kids seem to play like this with out thinking about it. They see shooting aliens in video games and just pretend doing it everywhere else. My son did this too, but he doesn't anymore. When he was 6 yrs old, my husband began instructing him on gun safety and taking him to the range to target practice with the 22. He's a pretty good shot. But now that he knows what a real gun can do (and all the rules regarding safety and why) he doesn't play 'shoot em up' anymore. He doesn't even like playing laser tag anymore. He's had a plastic Harry Potter sword for a long time. In taekwondo he's learning staff, nunchucks and kendo stick (bamboo sword) and he sometimes can spot when a form used in the movies. Nothing makes a kid stop playing around faster than having him do something where he's got to practice it all the time.

I think it is important that other people ask and respect a parents' wishes about toy weapons. We happily let our boys play with toy swords (my oldest son's first birthday party was He-Man, which is still one of their favorite cartoons), but I have friends who are NOT comfortable with their children playing swords. The swords go up or out of sight when they visit.

I have a half-issue with toy guns, but I am a proud firearm owner and it is most important to me that children learn gun safety, whether their parents own guns or not. As you've discovered, children learn about things whether they are around them at home or not, and a child knowing that a gun is not a toy under any circumstances is important. My oldest son knows that there are such things as toy guns (we don't have any yet, unless you count my husband's 25 year old Davy Crocket "rifle," which is hanging out in our bedroom) but that even the toy guns can only be used to shoot things like monsters and dinosaurs. The boys are also really into Transformers (the 80s cartoons, NOT the movies) and like to shoot lasers at Deceptacons.

I would be firm with the family member if you do not want toy weapons in your home. That is your right as a parent and she should have asked first. We have an old NRA poster in the boys' room that shows the Eddie Eagle program steps--Stop, Don't Touch, Leave the Area, and Tell and Adult. For me, as long as I know the boys will treat anything that looks real as if it is real I will not worry too much. I don't think you will be able to completely avoid action-oriented play (my sisters and I were often pirates and I still love watching action movies), but you can control what comes in your home, especially with your son. My son will be 4 next month (ack!) and he does know not to shoot at people and that he can't play fight with someone if that person doesn't want to. This "lesson" always seems to leave his mind with his little brother, but that is the nature of brotherhood anyway. I tell other kids if they are doing that that we do not shoot people, only animals if we are hunting and targets but kids can shoot pretend monsters. Good luck with this--if you have to, check with all gift-givers before presents are opened because that is the worst time to take things away.

I have a daughter and just faced the Barbie issue. MIL sent her two Barbies under the guise that they were "princess dolls" not REAL Barbies.
I have NO problem at all saying NO to gifts that I find inappropriate for my child. I returned the dolls to the store and got her a princess dress-up dress in return to stay with the theme.

I am 100% against violent play and yes, if I could not return them, I would let inappropriate toys "disappear". Some people may think that is nuts or mean, but you know what... I am the parent and I get to decide what toys we have at home.
Good luck.

Oddly, I am anti-gun, but my 3 year old DD has a light saber and a foam sword from the renaissance festival. I hate guns, always have, but dont mind old style weapons. I think it stems from a classmate accidentally shooting and killing his brother when we were in 2nd grade. They had thought the gun's safety was on and the brother was teaching him about guns, but I have never wanted them in the house.

The thing is that kids have played war games forever. From sword fighting, to cowboys and indians, to toy ray guns now. As much as we may hate them, they're going to be there and want to play with them.

That being said, you should have a convo with your husband about what you want in the house. My husband isnt happy, but he knows I dont want gun toys so we dont have them.

I have nothing against "gun play" or "fight play" as long as it's done with the kids understanding what they are doing and the possibility of getting hurt AND it's done in an appropriate place (ie outside in an open area--do not try to roughhouse or play any violent games inside my house :D)

With guns, I don't allow any guns in the house. If the kids want to play shoot 'em up, they play outside. We don't have any gun toys and when DDs friends bring them over, I just explain that we don't use guns in the house--same rule we have for balls, bikes and other outside toys ;)

If someone were to give my daughter a realistic looking gun, I would have no problem with getting rid of it--same with most other toys that I don't appreciate (some are ok, but we make the decision on a toy by toy basis and involve DD in the decision). For a one time gift, I wouldn't make a big deal, but if it becomes a trend I would explain that we'd rather not have that kind of toy in the house, so please don't buy any for DD.

The most important thing is to discuss your stance with your son and make sure he understands that guns are dangerous tools and can cause a lot of damage & hurt/death. Make sure he realizes that play and reality are not the same. (FWIW, I teach my 4 year old daughter tool safety (including guns and weapons) already and will teach her about hunting when she's old enough.)

I never allowed gun or weapon toys. Once when my daughter was about 4, a friend took her to a street fair and bought her a toy sword. My daughter was very hyperactive so even if we allowed weapons, she couldn't have had it. The couple of gun related things my son got were given away.
People get caught up in the idea of things like Star Wars and the merchandising has taken on a whole life of its own, so preschoolers who are not old enough to watch the movies have all the toys. It is fine to return these toys. Speak with your son about guns and weapons, and be clear that shooting noises and action are certainly not allowed in school.
However, that said, even if you do forbid gun toys, they figure out how to make them. My sister's boys pretended carrot and celery sticks were guns! My son built a machine gun out of duplo's when he was five (I was impressed and horrified at the same time)
My big problem is when other people send their kids to play at my house and the kids bring their toy guns. The kids look at me funny when I say we don't allow those in the house. I am not trying to make a judgement of their parents, but we don't allow it here
Good luck

I have to agree with all the mom's that answered before me. Even before my children were old enough to go outside and play with other children without my supervision, they were playing shoot-em-up games with each other. They didn't even have to have toy guns. They used their fingers, a stick, the broom, a plastic baseball bat! Whatever their imagination told them was a gun or sword. One rule we always tried to enforce, was you could not aim your "gun" at another person. Aim it at a tree, the car, the flowers, the chair, but never at a person. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. But my kids always knew they were playing and it wasn't real.

Little boys (and many little girls) LOVE to play with guns AND swords -including Light Sabers! We have an entire arsenal in our house -and yesterday my oldest said he wants to ask Santa for a toy gun. Me: "Why, you have tons of toy guns already." Him: "I like them and I saw one that lights up and I really really want it." It's a toy. He's a 4 year old. Kids don't think like we do, and while you should always teach your children to NEVER touch a real gun -and to run away if a friend or anyone else starts playing with a real gun (I've told my oldest that it's fine if he runs outside -but he has to find a grown up and call the police if he's ever at a playmate's house and something like this happens), there's nothing wrong with playing with a tried and true favorite toy. I know it helps my boys get out a lot of energy and aggression to run around firing their toy pistols and rifles and fighting with their swords. I played with toy guns and rifles growing up -and I don't even own a (real) gun now. Toy guns and swords will not make your children violent. Inappropriate exposure to violence will make them violent as well as being physically abused and never getting treatment.

Obviously I'm fine with someone giving my kid a toy gun. We have a great time in the summer with water guns too! And I'll admit -I was as excited to for Santa to bring my oldest the mac-daddy light-up Light Sabers last year as he was. They're VERY cool! Don't shelter your kids -it won't do them any favors. Teach them about real guns and the dangers and let them enjoy themselves.

We have a rule.
Do not shoot people. If any of my boys raised a gun toward his sisters or any family member it was taken away and put in time out, top of the fridge
I think I have taken it away from my oldest once and the youngest once.
Also I dont' have an opinion on light sabers and Star Wars. They watch these with Daddy and it's a guy thing. We have light sabers.
My son is 9 and this year I enrolled him and his sister (13) in fencing. So now he can learn how to handle all his sticks and lightsabers. They are having such a fun time.
If you ban it and say NO GUNS!! Then it becomes a must have. If you set rules and guns are used in hunting to get the deer and bear or to get the imaginary bad guys then they have an outlet for their testosterone.

I am not a fan of guns or war toys. But somehow I ended up with a son that likes rough, aggressive and even violent play. He's almost 5. I finally made the rule that I would not buy guns or war toys and if someone else gets them for him then we decide on an individual basis. I can live with the foam swords and water pistols but that 's it so far. I love the old Star Wars movies but my son is not old enough for them yet. Light sabers would depend on the actual toy (if it could be used to really hurt someone then no). We have talked a bit about real vs pretend violence but I am expecting this to be an ongoing conversation for quite a while.

You might want to check out the book Under Dead Man's Skin. It was written by a kindergarten teacher and how she handled violent pretend play in the classroom. Some violent play is a way kids understand real violence they see or hear about.

I'm of two minds on this. On the one hand, I never wanted my son to play with toy weapons. On the other hand, it seems almost an innate aspect to his play. I also come from a family of hunters, which also influences my thinking.

I refused to buy my son gun toys, and did not want him playing with them at all. I was dismayed when, at 5 or 6 years old, he actually received a plastic dart gun in a birthday party goody bag!!! He's 8 now, and despite all my attempts to the contrary, it seems like anything he picks up he turns into a pretend gun of some sort. Over the years I've loosened up a bit and have bought him light sabers or other Star Wars things related to Halloween costumes.

I did establish and have consistently adhered to one very important rule a while back: NO pointing any item at any person and pretending to "shoot" or "light saber" them. He can go after "zombies", "aliens" or other imaginary creatures, but not real people. He faces grounding and confiscation of the offending toy if he violates that.

I would never buy another child a toy weapon, because I think it's a parent's perogative only. If it were me, I'd probably say something to your sister
about it. Regardless of whether she chooses to abide by your wishes or not, as the parent, you set the rules about when and if certain toys can be played with and how they are played with.

My son has been begging me for the past year for a Nerf blaster, and I'm now on the fence about it -- so I'm looking forward to reading your other responses to see other opinions on the topic.

Best wishes.