What Do You Think Kids Playing with Toy Guns?

I have a three year old grandson who became attached to toy guns. I was the person who always bought him some when he ask for them at the stores. His mom was not too thrilled and his grandpa hated them. Well, he played with them for about 6 mos and lost interest and now he is into trains. He never asks for them and when we are at the stores he will look at them but never ask for me to buy him one. Kids at that age, have too many things to see to get interested in one thing only for any length of time. Don't sweat it!

You know, I hate guns. After having 4 boys and 3 girls, I realized that if you don't let them play with toy guns, they make them on their own. Their fingers are guns. Legos are guns. Tinkertoys are guns. Lincoln logs are guns. Baby training "sporks" are guns. Their sisters' wands are guns. What I did learn was the values you teach them and how they relate to others are more important than what toy they get. My advice is focus on the big stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff.

I do not let my son play with toys guns. I have also told my family members not to buy him any. They do not buy him becuase I also told them I would throw them away if they give any to him. If you tell them that would be a waste of their money they would stop.

My son is almost 5. I grew with just a sister, so had no idea what I was getting into with our first child being a boy. I used to be very opposed to even the thought of a toy gun in the house. But, you know that even if you veto the toy guns, they tend to "make" them anyway. Even a pbj sandwich can be bitten into the shape of a toy gun, and a boy will still aim and say "pow". Boys are definately different from us girls, from the beginning. There's a great book, called Wild at Heart, that is a real eye opener about boys and men, and how radically different God wired them from us. K. M

First ask yourself how YOU feel about guns. When my kids started playing with guns, I took it as an opportunity to teach them (1) the difference between a real gun and a toy gun (2) that no gun should be pointed at another person be it real or toy. Also, I did not allow them to watch any movie that had guns in it until they were about 9 years old. At that age they were able to understand that movies are make believe and not real life, no matter how realistic it looks. I believe children should be taught responsibility regarding the handling of weapons, and that an emphasis should be placed on what is a toy and what is real. 100% of children who hurt themselves or another child inadvertently with a firearm (in an accident) were exposed to firearms, and not taught anything about them. An educated child is a safe child. You don't have to own a gun to teach them the difference between a real one and a toy. Very few children are ever involved in a firearm accident, however when one is, it is sensationalized in the media to the point where people believe hundreds of children die every day. This is simply not true. There are many organizations out there that can help you teach your children your values, whatever they may be, but your child will surely have to be older. An 18 month old child will not even know what to do with a gun unless he has been exposed to it on tv alot. Toy guns are basically harmless to a child that young. He would probably rather chew on it than play with it. I can't imagine anyone thinking a toy gun would be an appropriate toy for a child that age.

My personal opinion is that toy guns are ok to play with, but you are the parent it is your right to so no. If your in laws keep buying them, keep throwing them away. They also need to know that you are Mom and they need to respect your wishes.

We went this route also when our son was small.
My husband has guns and we decided he did NOT need
to play with toy guns.. small children do not
distinguish well the difference and we were trying
to teach gun safety. sort of confusing with a small
child if your saying never pick up a gun or point it
at anyone etc.... then hand them a toy
to shot with. We did not allow any guns as toys
and he didnt suffer any for it. GUNS ARE NOT A TOY
and I dont feel they need to be played with as a toy.
I personally feel they dont need to see them
that way .. not in todays world.. some toy guns are
very realistic and a kid can get a kid killed if he aims it
at the wrong person and they dont know it is a toy.
Is it worth the risk? .. that is my view. They do enough
"killing and shooting" on video games. It isnt like the days
when we played cowboy and indians.

J.,
I am sure it is demoralizing that your family doesn't heed your wishes. Deal with them by telling them that unless you can trust them on the little things (like toys) you won't be able to trust them at all and will therefore have to limit their time with your son. Now about the gun issue. Get and read Dr. James Dobson's book "Bringing Up Boys". There is so much we mothers just don't understand because we have never been boys. I wish the book had been avaliable when my son (now 21) was little. It did make me feel better about how I handeled some things. His thought process is one you will experience. If you don't buy little boys toy guns they will make one out of a stick or use their finger...my son did. I was appalled! Found out they all do it, it is a guy thing. Like the remote and cars.
A.

Just think about all the little boys all over the country who have played with toy guns as small children and have grown up to be great young men that have no warped perspectives on guns. Remember Dennis the Menace, Opey on the Andy Griffith Show? They all toted side arms in playing pretend. It also depends on how they are raised to view guns as they get into elementary age. Toddlers have no clue to the evil world when they are toddlers and therefore do not view the guns as bad; unless they are being allowed to watch violent R-rated shoot em up movies, which I think is totally unacceptable. As your child grows older, his perspective will grow and that's when you have the great opportunity to teach him to respect guns. There are websites/brochures on this when you need them.

I agree that the issue at hand isn't really whether it is ok to have the toy guns, but rather whether they have the right to go against your express wishes. He is your child, and you should be able to make the rules. Heck, even if you make a random rule like he can't have any clothing of a certain color, or something silly like that, they should still respect your wishes! How does your husband feel? He is the only other person who should have input. If you both agree then, keep throwing the toys away or see if there is someplace you can donate them. (Most children's donation places won't even take toy guys though.) For the record, I agree with you. I would not be happy if anyone bought my 2 year old a toy gun, and I would probably ask them to exchange it for something different. If they refused, it would get tossed in my Goodwill pile.

I understand how you feel. I was raised in a family of girls & then married into a family of hunters. I am also a Pre-K teacher. It seems that no matter how you try, they will find a way to "shoot" at something, even if it is with their index finger sticking out & their thumb up! My best advice is to let them get it out of their systems while they are young & innocent. My husband has taught our sons "Gun Safety" and our 8 year old son amazed police officers one day at our local police station open house about his knowlegde of guns. I was nervous at first, of course, but my husband has done a wonderful job of educating our boys and letting them know the difference between real & toy guns and having respect for both of them. For instance, they are not allowed to point toy guns at people while we are driving down the road, etc... You have to use your own judgement on what is acceptable for you, but if your son(s) show an interest in this area, you cannot fight it. Educate him instead!
Good Luck!
T. C.

J.,

I agree with you. I don't like having play guns either. I would keep throwing them away unless they ask and then I would just tell them that you think it promotes violence and you don't want that for your son.

C.

Boys will be boys! I wasn't keen on my son playing with guns and tried to keep him away from them as well. However, as he watched cartoons and saw Space Guns and Laser Guns, he would either make guns out of Legos, use his hands, or pretend something else was a gun.

I decided it was more important to teach him that we never point a gun (even a play/pretned gun) at someone. He can "shoot" at the pretend bad guys or at things but never at people.

Guns are part of our society and just like with anything else, we can't keep our children from them. We just have to teach them how to be responsible when they come in contact with them.

Hope this helps!

In-Laws never hear you. If you have real guns in the house or you will be visiting people with real guns in the house or car then you don't want your little one playing with a toy then find the real one and think it's his toy. I say try to take them back to the store or trash them.

Little boys will make anything into a gun!!! My son would pretend anything he got his hands on was a gun. My husband decided to talk to him about the gun safety and bought him a toy gun at age 2. He is 8yrs old now and guns are not that big of a deal anymore. Just let you child play with his toy gun and talk to him about gun safety when he gets older.

It is my personal opinion that until they are old enough to learn about the dangers of real guns that it is really not harmful for them to play with toy guns. My husband is a Police Officer and my 4.5 year old understands the difference between real and toy guns. I totally understand where people are coming from about toy guns and I do agree with most of what they are saying. However, it is just my opinion that it isn't going to hurt them as long as you teach them as they grow. We have toy guns in the house and I just don't think it's a problem.

I don't object to my kids playing with toy guns. The rule at our house is "Shoot THINGS, not PEOPLE!" If they shoot people, they have to put it up.

You and your husband are the parents, and you get to make the decision. You have every right to throw away the toys. With that said, however, be ready for your son to play "guns" whether he has toy ones or not. A stick, a sandwich crust, a flexible straw, or whatever can be a gun. I'm not crazy about guns, but once I realized how much it really is part of being a boy, I quit stressing about it. It really is who they are.

As a single mother of two boys, 2 3/4 & 7 3/4, if they want to shoot something... they will shoot with what ever they can get their hands on, including their hands. My oldest is in Boy Scouts and we go to the leaders home frequently. The guys have such a blast playing with each other, shooting at each other for hours. It really is a personal choice, but it is really our responsiblity to teach our kids about guns.....before someone else does.

I don't let mine either.

I was in the same boat and it was my in-laws that generally broke my rules - sometimes I think on purpose! :) Seriously, I was against guns altogether and like my pastor said, it doesn't matter.....he'll just made them with his fingers. By the time he was 5, he was doing just that! You can't stop them from being boys and playing Star Wars....blowing up things with bombs....no matter how hard we try! It's just part of who they are inside and what makes them tick. My son is now almost 8 and knows to never point a "gun" directly AT someone. I also opted for laser type things. We never actually have had items that resembled pistols or rifles. Be sure your son knows how you feel and that real guns hurt people. Or, opt for the laser variety. I still won't let my son play with anything that resembles a real one!

Hi J....I'm totally on your side...I don't allow my 9-yr-old son to play with any type of gun other than a little nerf gun that shoots little darts. When friends or relatives ask for gift ideas for Christmas or Birthdays, I tell them "that he doesn't play with guns, so don't waste your money"...when they ask if he likes guns, I just say "he doesn't play with guns"...If you work on the side of them wasting money, they tend to not want to do that. It's worked for my in-laws just fine. With my side of the family I can just say 'No Guns', and they go along with it. If people continue to give him guns, knowing that it is against your wishes, I would certainly mention it to them one more time, and either take the gun back to the store if they will allow and exchange with no receipt...or just throw them away. I guess I'm lucky that the people who give my son presents respect my wishes on his toys. Good Luck!

We are the same way. I would have thrown them away too! I would talk with them again. Let them know exactly why you dont want him playing with them. We dont allow guns because we dont shoot people because God made them!

I was same way. My family and my ex in law's always tried to buy my boys guns. I finally had to tell them that ok look I am very serious on this. These are my children and I do not agree with them have'n toy guns. I would apreciate it if you did not buy them. See I believe that if we teach our kids to play with guns one day they will think a real one is a toy. Then we could loose a child b/c of this. It has happened to many times in the past. I refused to let my kids be another one. Stand your ground with them. These are your children not theirs. You can speak your mind respectfully and if that dont work get rude till they get the point. good luck

we don't allow guns either, or knives. my family doesn't always agree with me, but they have seem me return or throw away gifts when they cross the line, that they stopped crossing the line. will boys use their imaginations and turn anything into a gun? sure, but i don't have to supply a toy to feed into it. i have let my oldest do a BB gun class with cub scouts just to learn about gun safety, but i did it after alot of research.

Well, I have 3 sons, older now, but I remember having this same opinion... that I didn't want my boys going around acting like they were shooting people. Well, it didn't matter how many times I took away toy guns, or refused to buy them... they always found something, like a stick on the ground, to point like a gun! Boys seem to have this instinctive ability to play guns... you can try to keep them away from him, but chances are he'll figure out something to use like a gun... my advice would be to try to teach him the proper use or circumstances that the use of a gun would be appropriate. Dad would also play a huge role in this teaching. Us mothers have a hard time seeing this type of behavior from our precious baby boys... but eventually they need to be boys, and but boys with direction and a healthy awareness of what is in the world, and how that relates to them. Good Luck with your son, and those who you must deal with... :)

I've a 13 yrs old, when she was about 5 we showed her a water gun and explain to her the different b/t a toy gun and a real gun. We had a wonderful time playing with a water gun.

I am against having guns in the home, but I could not afford to have my daughter sit out on a water gun fight in the hot summer of texas.

It is your home and your wishes, do not let anyone upset you.

I know a little about how you feel or my husband might know more should I say. He is totally against letting our boys and girl play with toy guns. I on the other hand grew up with five brothers and played guns and grew up to be just fine. My husbad did play with guns when he was little also, he too grew up to be just fine. I'm still not sure why he is against toy guns. My single 20yr old brother bought all the neices and nephews toy riffles for x-mas this past year. My husband was not happy, but finally gave in. Our kids played with for about a month and now they never touch them unless all the cousins are over and they go outside.
As far as how to deal with the in-laws I would not say anything about it unless they ask. We are going through the same thing with movies. My mother-in-law sees nothing wrong with the Disney movies that have magic in them. My husband and I do not want our kids watching those movies at all. We just finally had to tell her in a respectfull way. You know we don't want them watching those movies and we would apperciate it you would respect our wishes. She did not take it well at first, but now we have no problems at all. I would just if they ask tell them how you feel in a respectful way and leave it at that.
Anyway, sorry to ramble on. Hope this helps

C. D.

Let me tell you as a mother of 2 boys, they will turn ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING into a gun. I didn't teach my kids about guns and at that age they aren't really watching anything on tv, so just be aware that that could be coming. But as far as your family, it is a respect issue. They need to respect the rules of your house, so keep kindly reminding them and then throwing them away. Eventually, they will get tired of wasting their money!!!

My child was not allowed to play with guns as well. However, when he was 3 years old, he began making guns out of Legos and left-over toast crusts.

He is a very passive child and wouldn't dream of hurting others. It is just fun to play army, cowboy's and indians, etc.

He watched and was obsessed by Buzz Lightyear who has the ray gun. Could this have been the influence? I never let him watch anything other that PBS and the Disney movies. Perhaps Disney wasn't the way to go.

Anyway, he is 9 years old now and is studying Davy Crockett history of Texas, etc. Guns are an integral part of history. It will be hard to keep all references to guns out of your child's life.

Perhaps it is better to let them get their obsessions over with early in life while you are able to help shape their minds. Your influences are much better than censorship.

We are not gun fans either but there is some wierd genetic gender pre-disposition to play with weapons! Even before he was given guns or play swords, he was making them out of his toys and we didn't teach him that. Some sort of caveman-hunter-protector thing. So we gave up on saying no, and instead go with "gun safety" (don't point at people - it's only pretend etc) J.

I really don't know about an 18 month old--that could still be a little young--but the worst thing that can happen is for a child to be "curious" and then find one and without knowing the safety issues--hurts himself or someone else. Sorta like the "forbidden fruit" analogy--By age 3 they should probably at least be allowed to play with water guns or nerf guns--just to take that little bit of curiosity away--and danger of real guns being taught at the same time. Hope this helps!

This is an issue you really need to consider NOW. Is this really a big deal? He's a little boy and they are fasinated by guns, light sabers and swords. My neighbor down the street has 2 boys and will not let them have any thing that resembles a weapon. What do these boys do? A tree branch becomes a sword or light saber, their hands turn into guns. They play this way more than my son, who has 3 light sabers and numerous toy guns and toy swords! You may disagree with it, but sometimes its better to let them play with it now rather then to develope a fasination with it and play with a real one later!

I hate to tell you this, but you are fighting a losing battle. I was very strict about this when my first son was born. I told the in-laws no guns. His friends had water guns which I eventually allowed. Once my second son was born it was harder because his older brother was playing shooting games. By two years old my younger son started making "Blasters" with his legos. He is now almost 4 and he makes guns from everything and pretends to blow things up and shoot things. I finally gave up and realized that I am not a boy so I just don't understand the fascination, but as someone said earlier, it is hardwired into them. I have a friend who has been very very strict about this and it actually backfired. Her son is now obsessed with guns because they have been kept from him in every aspect. He went to Chuck E Cheese and just loved the game where you hold a gun and shoot a bear because he had not been able to even talk about guns. Now that I am older and my kids are older, I think that allowing them to play is okay, but educate them at the same time. Now, I don't let them have any toy gun that looks real. I think that is very dangerous because some policemen have thought toys were real guns. I do let them have star wars Blaster type guns and my goodness even my son's Buzz Light year blasts lasers so there is no escaping it. Good luck. I know where you are and it is hard.

When my son was smaller he was not allowed to play with toy guns, have your husband talk to his family about the situation and once he does maybe they will realize that you are serious about it, but if they continue to buy them I would say yes throw them away. Once he is older and he gets a gift like this he will start saying, "Im not allowed to have toy guns".

Just a note about boys and guns, if you keep them away from them everything will become a gun. Their fingers, graham crackers, sticks, toilet paper rolls, everything. Just let them have them and get on with it. The same with swords, that is the way their minds work. We must pick our battles as parents, and this one is worth giving up.

First off, I think it's very wrong for your in-laws to completely ignore your feelings and buy him toy guns anyway. That is wrong. I fully agree with you throwing them away unless/until your feelings change in regards to guns.

Us personally, we are fine with toy guns. We will teach him not to shoot people who aren't playing, but if other kids are playing, it's fine to play.

We will also be teaching him about real guns at a young age. He will learn very strictly what the rules are in regards to real guns. We will expose him to guns at a younger age (maybe 5?) and he will be taught with very close supervision and direction. We'll probably start with a bb-gun. Our reasoning behind this is that children (studies seem to show especially little boys) will be curious about guns no matter what. We feel that it is actually safer to teach them gun safety and let them explore what guns are like and get to satisfy that curiosity, while being directly supervised instead of him trying to sneak and play with the gun because he was curious about it. If he breaks a gun rule, he will loose rights to go shooting with his dad. This same thing happened when my husband was a boy. He went shooting with his dad, broke a rule, and lost his gun for a while. It made a big impact on him and he learned at a very young age to respect guns and how to follow rules and handle guns very safely. Obviously we wouldn't let him run around unsupervised with them! We store all our guns in a safe.

Anyway, just some things to think about. We feel like it's a natural desire for little boy (and girls!) to enjoy playing with toy guns and to want to learn about real guns. So, we try to teach them young how to be very safe with them. But unless/until you ever feel okay about it, your in-laws need to be respectful and stop buying him guns. Maybe have your husband talk to them and tell them to stop buying them. It's just kinda rude!

I agree that 18 months is a little young to have a toy gun. However, I am not against toy guns - just when the children are older (about 4 at the very earliest).
My husband is a hunter/sportsman and we do have guns in the house - under lock and key.
Over Christmas while with family, our 3 (about to be 4) year old son was playing with his cousin's toy guns. My husband had a sit down talk about the difference between real and toys guns. He also emphasized that even toy guns should NEVER be pointed at anyone.
That same day, my husband's brother (who is a police officer) took my husband and son to the police gun range so that my son could see what a REAL gun can do - and emphasize the danger of real guns.
Then my brother-in-law and a few of his officer buddies (who were in uniform) talked to him about "if you're not sure if it's a toy or a real gun then DO NOT touch it and get an adult!!"
It made a HUGE impact on my son.

I suggest anyone who wants the same experience to contact their local police office and ask about it. I'm sure they would be more than willing to help out.

As for your in-laws - they did overstep bounds by not respecting your wishes. Next time it happens I would say to them "I am the parent and I would appreciate you honoring my rules for my son. If not, then I will be forced to throw away any toys that do not comply with my rules."
Good Luck!!

I am in complete agreement with you when I don't want my 18-mth old playing with or engaging in play that simulates violence. I understand that at one point I am going to have to sit down and discuss this with her but I do not feel that this is the appropriate age. She is still very impressionable and I don't want her mimicing the behavior until she is old enough to understand proper situations in which this would be appropriate. When my in-laws give my daughter something I do not feel she should have at this age I discuss it with them and simply explain my views. I tell them I know they have different views and I respect any advice they can give me but my feelings are very firm and I feel very strongly on this issue. I tell them that I will keep the toys and when I feel that they are appropriate toys to give I will be the one to decide. I have done this several times and my mother-in-law always asks now if I approve of certain toys or food prior to exposing them to my daugter. I feel more open with her when we can discuss this and I feel more certain that my daughter is exposed to views that I approve of

I agree with you totally! My son didn't get to play with toy guns until he was old enough to know if he pointed it at anybody I would throw it away. I also got a lot of negatvie remarks from family members and threw several guns away that were bought for him including water guns that looked real. There are plenty of other toys a kid this age can play with until he's old enough to understand that guns are dangerous and should only be used for target practice or hunting.

Also...just to put this out there... thank GOD we did teach our son about the dangers of guns and the ways to handle or not handle guns (always with an adult present)because when my son was in first grade he went over to a friends house to play. When I picked him up he informed me the kid got his dads hunting rifle out of the LOCKED gun cabinet and was trying to show it to my son who immidiately left the room and went to find the mom. I'm still shaken at the thought of what could have happened. Mom's, don't take playing with guns lightly...real or fake!

I have a 5 yr old son and I have never allowed him to play with toy guns. For a long time he wasn't even allowed to play with water guns. I would buy water squirters, shaped like fish or whales or something like that. Other members of my family respect the fact that I don't allow those types of toys, but as some of the other mothers have said they will find a way. My son would use sticks from outside or his fingers. Now I do allow him to play with swords because I feel like they are not used as a threat to our everyday society. But I have been on the "no guns" thing for so long that even now he respects my wishes whether he is with me or not. Everyone has their own views and boys will be boys but I think when it's time for him to know about real guns then we will have that discussion. Another idea for your inlaws give them other ideas of gifts such as books, or sports toys or learning equipment or even clothes! That why you have given them appropriate choices instead of letting them figure out what else they could get. Hope this helps.

I felt the same way as you do when my 9 year old was a toddler, but for some reason he kept finding stuff to use as a gun. Even though he did not have a gun, he would use a stick or anything. I think boys are just born with that instinct. We now have allowed him to play guns. Espcially water guns. We have discussed with him on a on going basis about guns and why we do not a "real" one in the house. I was raised with guns and hunted with my dad as a child. We take our son to Cabelas and Bass Pro and show him.

I am a mother of 6 children, three of which are active little boys. I never liked my children playing with play guns or swords and never bought any type of toy like that.

But I have to tell you, no matter how much I tried NOT to let them play like that...they still did. They were never in daycare, I stayed at home with them. I monitored EVERYTHING they watched. I don't even let them watch pokemon or Spongbob. But they still act/played with fake guns either with their hands being guns or they'd find something to pretend to be a gun. Wrapping paper become tubs and they would duel to the death. I can't say I am happy that they play this way, but I've come to the conclusion no matter how hard you try to keep that element of play away from them...they will still do it.

They are innocent and don't understand the bad conentations that go with guns and swords. So I would say to you, he's going to play like that anyhow. But if you do have a problem with your relatives buying toys like that, tell them not to buy them for him. It's your child, you have the right.

But from a mom that has been there. Boys will be boys, and despite my best effort, they still play fight.

Best of luck!

I haven't read all of the responses, so forgive me if my response is redundant.

As for handling your in-laws, I would definitely talk to them. Don't just ignore them by throwing the guns away. If you can talk to them, fine, but you may need your husband to talk to them, if these are his parents. You need to ask them to respect you & your husband's desires. They are undermining your authority as his parents by giving him things that you don't want him to have. So, I would definitely address the issue with them.

As for your question about "kids playing with toy guns", here are my thoughts:

When my son was little, we also chose not to allow toys guns, but he "made" toy guns out of legos, a banana, a piece of sandwich bread, tree branches, whatever. He wasn't obsessed with them, he just enjoyed making them and playing with them (oh, and making the "sound" that goes along with it). It almost seemed instinctive!

When he was about four, we attended our church's family camp in Colorado. We had a speaker by the name of John Eldridge who has written several books including "The Sacred Romance" and "Wild at Heart". (both great books, btw). He spoke of how God has created a desire in men to be the protectors, hunters, to be adventurous, to even live dangerously. He also spoke some about how denying our sons swords, guns, etc, might even deny them the chance of playing the good guy, the man in white, the prince who rescues the princess, or the defender of the castle. I had never looked at it that way.

On our way home, at a souvenir shop, my husband bought my son his first "pop gun", the kind with the plug at the end. We taught him to never point it at other people, or animals - real or not. We also taught him to never look down the barrel of a gun - again, real or not. As he got a bit older, we taught him more about gun safety so that when he was at someone else's house, he would know what to do if he saw a gun. Once while at a neighbor's house, the little brother was playing with a broken bb gun. It scared my son, and he came home and told me about it. Once the mom was informed, the gun was either put away or thrown away and it was no longer an issue. As for the pop gun back when he was four, it broke in the first 10 minutes! lol

I say everything in moderation. If you deny it completely, he may only desire it more. If you allow it - within reason, age appropriateness, and with many lessons in gun safety, then it may be fine. If you find that he is too obsessed with it, then you may have to take them away. Only you know what your son can and can't handle.
But you and your husband, as his parents, should be the one to decide, not your in-laws. :)

As for the book "Wild at Heart", I bought it for my hubby when he turned 40 (I liked the title). I think I may have enjoyed it more than he did. It really helped me understand both my husband and my son. I highly recommend it!

I hate them too.. But how can I teach my children to be responsible about them if I keep throwing them out or not have them around? My husbands hunts or at least he loves to!
So we teach them not to shoot people or pets and they can shoot squirrels and birds and hunt for whatever they can imagine up (including flying monkeys, yes they have dreamed that one up). I want them to be able to do something with their dad when they are older and this will hopefully be something they can do and the are never too young to start teaching them what guns do and how they should be treated.
I would tell your husband how you feel about it though and then the two of you come up with what you two feel is good for your son!
Good Luck!

Stick to your 'guns'! If you do not want your child to play with guns, don't accept them in your home. Your in-laws will have to respect your wishes in the long run - after all, if you keep throwing the guns away, they will learn not to waste their money! I have an 8 year old boy who I NEVER let play with guns, even when they were gifts. He got to the age where he KNEW it was not acceptable. Realistically, what do children say when they play with guns? "I killed you! You're dead!" --- Not nice words for nice children.

I just have to laugh, because my son, since he was very little, turned anything into a gun. He will chew his pizza or sandwich into the shape of a gun - even if we never had a toy gun in the house. My son just loves fighting the "bad guys" and I'm proud of him for that. I agree with the woman who said it is a great way to teach gun safety. We do the same thing in our home. Certainly it is your home and you get to decide. Boys are boys and even if you don't allow them to have a toy gun, then they will use anything - even Barbie will become a gun. Boys are so much fun!!! I just have to laugh about them!

People have a wide variety of opinions about children playing with guns. I have been on both side of the fence. I didn't allow my oldest to play with guns, but my younger children, I do. I don't see one iota of difference in their behavior and attitude toward people. That said, my 23 yo son is just fine and a perfectly wonderful young man that never played with guns. You can be a successful mother either way.

The thing I am responding about is your in-laws lack of respect toward your decision. They are certainly allowed to have their own opinons and to express them to YOU. They are NOT, however, allowed to disregard your opinion. YOU are the mommy now. God decided that you were to be the mommy for this little one. You are not going to be perfect, but these are your responsibilities and opportunities---NOT theirs. It might be wise to consider the following: in a very kind, respectful but firm way have BOTH you and hubby sit down with in-laws and tell them how much they mean to you, and list off several of the wonderful things they bring to your life. Tell them you know what an important and pivotal role grandparents play---and that you are so glad your child has this blessing since so many children don't know their grandparents. Then explain to them that you have made a decision about guns. You understand that they don't agree and appreciate their opinion. However, your decision stands and you are asking to honor your role as parents by supporting that decision. This would include times when they are with your child without you around. Hopefully that will be enough. If they persist, then explain to them that you know you will not be perfect parents, but that the responsibility is still yours alone. God allows people to make mistakes and learn from them. You very much want their support and you need to be able to trust them.

This may seem like overkill, but you need to look further down the road. There are many situations where your children will disagree with you and want to do something you think is bad for them or perhaps seriously wrong. Where do you think they will turn if their grandparents have been undermining your rules their whole life? Your children won't take your guidance seriously if Grandma/Grandpa are there to give in to their desires. It is best to nip this in the bud when they are very young. The teen years could be very difficult with grandparents who will not sustain and respect your decisions.

It was pretty disrespectful of your family to go against your wishes. You can do whatever you want, keep throwing the guns away, keep talking to your in-laws, whatever YOU want to do, that boy is YOUR son. How 'bout letting the in-laws know that if they keep on buying him toys you don't want him to have, you are just gonna keep on throwing those toys away. It's pointless and a waste of money for them to buy him things he's not gonna play with.
I don't like the idea of my kids playing with toy guns either, but a little boy visiting with his mother left one here one day and my kids ended up playing with it. I went ahead and let them play with it, as they were already having lotsa fun, but told them they can pretend it'a a dart or paintball gun and there will be no "pow, pow, you're dead" kinda talk. They follow the rules, it works great.

This is a toughie, but I have several perspectives that you might want to consider....I grew up in a family of hunters, BUT my family hunts for FOOD, NOT sport. All 11 grandkids were taught literally from birth, that GUNS are NOT toys, and even our toy guns were NOT to be pointed at each other, especially at the head. All of us also went through a gun safety course each year, as soon as we were old enough,and my siblings and I went to a shooting range with our dad at least once a year for "target practice". Then again, none of us were ever "tempted" to just "play" with any of the guns in any of our parents' houses (or grandma's!).

Now, if you were raised in a family that does not do any hunting of any kind, but your husband was...let him take the lead on how to handle the toy gun issue. He might want to keep the toy guns with his guns in a locked gun safe, and bring them out on a regular occasion for teaching your children how to handle and not handle guns of any type. My dad would take my oldest son (now almost 17) to the gun range with melons and let my son shoot at the melons. He got the message really really fast what happens when guns are aimed at people. (Again, my dad is a certified gun and hunter safety course instructor, and grew up on a farm in SW Oklahoma, where guns HAVE to be used to shoot coyotes.)

With all of this being said, I believe 18 months is too young for your little boy to understand what guns do. So I would put them away until he is older (at least 4, but probably 5 or 6), and then use them as the education tools.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to email me. If I don't know the answer, I will be very happy to ask my dad for you.

I have 4 boys and I never allowed any of the older three to play with play guns or knives. My mother watched my youngest son while I worked and she allowed him to play with them behind my back. I can definitely tell a big difference. He plays more roughly and has trouble playing anything without trying to somehow work 'fighting' into it. I strongly recommend not allowing play guns. Kids are exposed to enough fighting and violence. Even when we monitor it, they still hear and see it on everyday sources: news clips on the radio, commercials on TV and even cartoons. Protect him as long as possible.

I was raised without any gun toys to the point of craziness...when we participated in neighborhood squirt gun fights we used these stupid looking squirt toys that weren't gun-like. I think it was way overboard. And now both my brother (who has a conceled handgun license) and I both are very pro-gun which is not the desired result from such upbringing. I started with my boys not buying guns or encouraging them, but they started making guns and running around the house shooting each other. The nerf guns and other toy guns are so much less dangerous then the guns they make themselves so we have just decided to not make an issue out of the gun thing. Really, once we just didn't worry about it anymore it became not a big issue. My husband enjoys laser tag and it is a fun thing for him to do with the boys (and the nerf guns are a pretty fun family activity as well). I think it comes down to context and intent. If the kids are taught what real guns are, the context in which to use them and never, ever around real guns without your supervision then I think the toy issue is a whole different thing. Good luck!

I felt like you when my boy was small. I didn't want him exposed to guns either but I hate to tell you that it's hard wired into them. He played shootem up with anything he could find. My father is a big hunter and thought I was ridiculous. When my son was Kindergarten, I entered him into Boy Scouts. They teach gun safty to them and teach them how to shoot. Now my son, daughter, and I go hunting with my dad. My son a a fantastic shot and is very careful around guns. My point is, I was so against them toys and all and now I watch my son and he is now almost 13 and is so careful. Your family is right to a certain degree; it is just a toy and they will be exposed anyway. When your child goes over to a friends house to visit wouldn't you rather have them respect guns and know what to do if he comes across one? I am now confident what mine would do and I feel a little more at ease. But ultimately it's your choice and your family should respect that. Set your boundries and make sure they respect them. Good luck, this isn't an easy thing!

After reading all of the responses it is pretty clear that all of us are peeved that your in-laws did not respect you as the parent. However it is not clear from your post if your husband shares your view and expressed this to his parents. If he doesn't back you up, then you will constantly have issues because his parents/family will undoubtedly follow his views rather than yours. You need to present a united front to both his family and your's on important issues, or this is just the first of many problems to come.

I think 18 months might be a bit young for a toy gun, but 18 months is a bit young for many types of toys. I think you need to ask yourself the question of to what extent do you intend to ban "weapon-style" toys for your son. For example, will he never be able to have a foam-sword fight, or shoot a water pistol, or a nurf toy, or play lasertag? Does this view spill over into things like play-wrestling, or taking a martial arts class because they simulate fighting? Taking this stance may be pretty unrealistic, and your son may miss out on a lot of fun, friends, and valuable learning experiences.

People who are avid hunters, are card-carrying members of the NRA, have their concealed handguns license, and have guns in the house are some of the biggest advocates for teaching children about gun safety. Like you, I did not want my child to play with guns and was uncomfortable around them; however, my husband grew up with guns in his life. He was taught to never point a gun at anyone or any pet and he was taught the difference between a toy gun and a real one from day one. He has done the same for our son who is now 7. Remember that anytime something is "banned" it causes more curiosity, which may come back to bite you later. It is important for children to learn the difference between real and play, and even the Cub Scouts have a badge in gun safety!

Don't introduce something to a child that they cannot cognitively understand. At 18 months, they cannot understand gun safety and the line between real and fantasy is blurred. My husband introduced toy guns to our son when he was about 3 years old, when he could tell our son "don't point it at anyone" and our son was old enough to understand.

We dont play with guns in our house. We also throw away guns. In this day and age there are a million other things for boys to play with other than guns. And to the mother who said that the boys will just turn everything else you have in the house into a gun, that doesnt have to be true if you tell your children WHY you dont play with guns and make a simple rule that there will be no gun playing in your home.

My son will turn just about anything into a gun, so whether or not it was intended that way doesn't matter. I feel the bigger issue is that your in-laws disregarded your feelings and gave them to him anyway. Maybe a compromise would be that he can play with guns at their house, but he's not to bring them home.

Personally, I would tell them that toy guns are not aloud in the house. Tell them that you'll reconsider in a few years. Have your Husband tell them if he is willing.

If you choose not to say anything, or if they choose not to listen I would just 'swallow the bullet' (hehehe) and give rid of the the toy guns like you did before.

Hi J.,

I wasnt sure how I felt about my 4year old playing with toy guns either, but he loved them, so I decided to let him play with them as long as he isnt pointing them at his sister or other people, unless he is playing with other little boys whose parents are ok with them playing the same way. I also think its your choice and your family should respect you.

While I don't think that inlaws should disregard parental requests... I do have a funny story that may help!
My son is four. We do not allow gun play... this is because I thought this was the PC thing to do and frankly who the heck wants their baby pretending to shoot a gun. It felt like in today's world there were different connotations than when I was little and we played cowboys/indians...
So the director at Primrose stopped me one day (his old school) and she said "you know we have a no gun rule"... and I was thinking OMG, what the heck could she be talking about... so I said "um... my son doesn't have a gun, so I can't imagine what you are about to say". Well, it seems he and another boy were "making shooting noises" at one another while playing with flippin BLOCKS that stick together.
Is it my preference, NO. But it seems like it is a fairly natural use of MALE CHILD imagination, whether we like it or not.
So, my advise is to guide him away for now, but be ready for it.
I now inforce that there are toy and real guns... and while we can pretend to make noises, we can not actually POINT at a person or animal.
But in a family of men who HUNT... it seems like soon that will be a mute lesson as well.
Make peace with it...
good luck,
E.

I'm reading a book about how boys will find anything to play guns, swords, etc. It's in them to be warriors & protectors. God made them this way, it doesn't mean they will ever use a real one. You can keep the toy guns away, but don't be surprised if they create one from a stick, graham cracker, etc.

R. P.

It's funny that you should write this as I was thinking about the "real" weapons my husband and I have lying around the house and how best to introduce our 23 month old daughter to the responsibility of gun ownership . . .

I think toy guns are the best way to introduce your toddler to the fun/dangers of guns . . .
Instead of throwing them away, use them to teach/instruct gun safety . . . Don't point them at people, keeping them "clean", so forth and so on. I'm not a gun expert, far from it, but I would rather my toddler know all that's involved with guns than not -- remember, better the devil you know than the devil don't.