Handling Playdates with a Stay-at-home Dad

You handle them the same as any other get together. You are reading way too much into this.

When does a stay at home mom want to get together with someone else? When their husband is gone, when he is home they do things as a family. Why are you freaking out so much that a man is the same way? He doesn't want you! Clearly this is all about his kids, just like a mom.

I agree that at age 6, the kids can play without both parents there... But if for some reason both have to be, I wouldnt give it a second thought. It's so sad for SAHD's if this is how people think... It would depend, just like wiht a SAHM, if I liked the person or not. Some I'd be happy to hang out with, some not. There are couples where I like the dad better. My best friend at work is a guy, my 2nd best another guy and I'm so glad to have the diversity of their friendships instead of all women... Maybe I"m just used to it bc I've worked for years in a male dominated field and really appreciate male friendships. I agree a certain level of decorum has to be maintained but otherwise, I wouldn't give it a second thought unless you are stunningly beautiful and every man has to have you or you're not that happily married and find this dad pretty attractive so worry you'll develop a crush.

I don't see any reason not to do playdates unless he actually makes a pass at you. If he does, then you can handle it how you feel it needs to be handled. Until then, give the poor guy the benefit of the doubt.

Just because he is a man, does not mean he's waiting to rip off your clothes and ravage you. I mean, come on. His job is the same as yours.

I would have never even had the line of thinking you and your husband have. Juts have the play date. If something is up, leave. Simple as that.

I'm a stay at home dad, and I was just about to ask a similar question myself! So I might be biased, but I would have to say go ahead and set something up. Hopefully this Dad just wants to make sure his kid doesn't end up being the weird kid who doesn't know how to play with other kids. If it makes you uncomfortable to go over this family's house, suggest going to a playground first. It'll be a public place, and if everything works out fine then you can maybe suggest having both he and his wife come over during a weekend, or some other time when you and your husband are both home. Then after that, hopefully you feel more comfortable, and can invite the child and his Dad over to your house during the week.

At 6, we were having parent-less play dates.
Decide on a drop off and pick up time.
Not seeing why this is a big deal at all, I guess.

Why would you or he need to hang out at all? At six they are old enough to be dropped off to play for a few hours.
Unless you don't trust the guy for some reason let your son go over there and play, or have his son over to your house.
I personally find it awkward when my kids' friends parents want to hang out while the kids play. I've got stuff to do, I don't really feel like sitting around making small talk for two plus hours!

If the kids are six you should probably just do drop off play dates. This man isn't a stranger, and you've been to his home, so I don't see why you would need to stay. Just tell the dad "the boys are getting a little old to have mom/dad stay during playdates, so why don't you drop Johnny off, run some errands and pick him up in a couple of hours."

My husband is a work at home dad. We don't have a lot of playdates...but we do help our single mom friend out and her son comes over before and after school. I say "we" but really my husband. I'm gone a lot, I totally trust my husband and have no insecurities about other parents coming over.

Sounds like this dad just needs a friend as well as his son. You don't know that he's "looking for a soap opera" situation. Assuming that...is why you're uncomfortable. If she travels a lot, and he's not inviting you over when she's there it's because when she is home they spend time together as a family. I think you're reading too much into this.

But if you're that uncomfortable...go to a McDonalds play place...get some ice cream let the kids run free! Then go from there.

We were also having parent-less playdates at six. If a parent 'would' want to stay that would be the last playdate with that kid. I hated the thought of entertaining a mom I wasn't that great of friends with for the whole 2 hours or so. Esp since I could be doing some things while my kid is occupied.
I will say though that I would not have had one on one playdates with a sahd. Just too awkward. I would have invited another mom into the mix.

Find closer friends.

Seriously...your six year old should be running the block by now. He doesn't need supervised play dates.

What ever happened to the days of *DING DONG!* "Can so-and-so come out and play?"

I think you're (well, maybe your husband more) over thinking this. I used to be a SAHM, and I loved playdates because they got us out of the house, I had a chance to visit with other moms (adult time). I was always looking for things to do with the kids while my husband was at work.

My brother is a SAHD, and it can be very hard. Not everyone is comfortable with the idea. Moms tend to bond with other moms more easily. It's just hard to go against the grain.

It's actually hard not to take this types of perceptions personally. My brother is a wonderful husband and a great dad. I would really hate to think that he's missing out on a great friendship and potential friend for one of his girls, just because he's a guy.

Give it a chance. You might end up with a good friendship and another couple to do things with.

I don't handle this any differently than I do with another mom. At 6 years old I generally don't stay for playdates or expect parents to stay, but that wouldn't change my approach.

My youngest son was in Kindergarten last year and his best friend's at home parent was his dad, who also does a ton of volunteer work at school (seriously, he's there almost every day and has more energy than anyone else I know). The kids got together every Friday after school at either our house or theirs. Sometimes the dad and I would get talking so much that it ended up being an occasion where either he stayed here the whole time or I stayed there and it was never weird or awkward. My husband goes through phases where he has less work than I do so sometimes he's the one handling the kids' social schedules on a work day and he's definitely involved in bringing them place or hosting kids here on evenings and weekends and we've never thought twice about whether or not this was appropriate.

I think that you and your husband are way over thinking this. Why does it matter what gender a parent is?

If your son is 6, why do YOU have to be there? Take your son over and drop him off, go grocery shopping, put the groceries away, and then pick your son up. Or take some "me" time and read a book while he is at his friend's house.
Or meet at a park or something.
Or invite the guy's son over to your house (as a drop off)... so the SAHD can have some "me" time.

I totally get not wanting to "hang out" with Dad at his house or yours. I would be with your husband on the "soap opera waiting to happen" thing. But that would be with ANYTHING where you are alone at the house with the opposite sex for a few hours on a regular basis, a private art lesson or a playdate or whatever else... But drop off playdates? What is the big deal?

Don't you spend time with men in other areas of your life? Couldn't you have an affair with just about anyone and keep it a secret if you wanted too?

I guess I don't understand what the problem is if this guy comes over to your house and the kids play. Do you think he's going to make a pass at you while the boys are running around? If your husband is that insecure you could always just have the guy drop his child off to play, they're old enough and it sounds like you know each other well enough at this point.

DH has hosted several play dates with one mom and kid at our house. We had known her a while through the kids' preschool and I did let her know DH would be the host. Has never been a problem. DS has friends who are observant Muslims. We do let them know which one of us will be available for a particular playdate. They then send the same sex parent (or they both come). Has not been awkward.

If I were uncomfortable being alone with a man (dad) that I did not know well, why in the world would I think it was ok to drop my kid off at his house where he (age 6) would be alone with that same person?

I guess I am a little confused. Why would you need to have a "play date" in the sense that the dad has to be present? You said your son is 6, so I imagine this other child is about the same age. That is plenty old enough for the dad to simply drop his son off and leave and come back an hour or so later to pick him up. There needs to be very little interaction between you and the parent, mom or dad.

And I would MAKE SURE your husband is ok with this. He may have changed his mind again. If he isn't ok with it, then your son needs to find someone else to play with. I assume he attends school so there should be plenty there to choose from.

ETA: After reading the other dad's post, maybe you are saying because you don't know this family well, the dad would want to be present at the play date? If yes, I agree with Peter's suggestion about a very public location. But again, I would definitely be sure my husband was OK with it. Good luck!

It sounds like the SAHD was talking to you just like a girlfriend. Just the way any women would talk about her marriage problems and / or concerns.

I have had this happen a couple of times in my life where I was coordinating the playdates with the dads. I never felt it became inappropriate, but at first, to be very honest with you, I was not used to discussing such problems with guys. As I relaxed and got to know the guy(s) better, yes they wanted to talk about stuff just like any girlfriend.

Burt what I liked better, is that guys are more problem solving, solution oriented. So when I gave advice, they actually listened and tried it. Whereas a women just really wanted to complain and vent and not improve anything. So, over time, it was rather nice hanging out with the guys. We shared recipes and coupons, etc.

One of the men, we ended up having surgeries at the same time and became very helpful with each other's PT appointments and grocery shopping, etc. I could drive and he could not, but he could walk and I could not.

I just want to say, that if a girl admitted she was lonely, you'd probably react appropriately with girl advice. Unless you felt the guy was coming onto you and it felt inappropriate, he's human and is having the same marriage struggles we all have to contend with.

GL!

If you're not comfotable hanging out with this kid's dad then don't do any more play dates.

If your son and his son love to play, meet at a park. The dad will get it that you don't want to be in the house.

If your son is 6, there must be other kids he can play with. Most parents are very open to play dates. And at 6, it can be boy/girl play dates.

meet at a playplace like mcdonalds or something. I would not go to the house. and would not have him to your house without your hubby being there.

I am not really certain why you are not comfortable, If you are not ok with dropping your son off, just make the dates for neutral locations...parks, lunch, museum, etc. I prefer most of my playdates in neutral territory anyway.

With a couple of extra kids!

You know, my next-door neighbor and I have our kids play together all the time. My husband's never home, and his wife teaches piano in their house. So, we end up hanging out in each other's yards, taking the kids on walks or to the park, etc. I think maybe you should do play dates, but just on neutral turf. Luckily, you're in FL, so you can be outside during the winter months ;-)

At 6, I would evaluate whether or not your child can go play alone and you can probably just send the kids back and forth now. I wouldn't feel awkward about it. You're married. He's married. Just behave as you normally would around anybody. Have playdates in neutral places if you don't want to be in each other's home. I've met up with friends many places and found new playgrounds, etc. One of our friends is a SAHD and two more are often on kid patrol on weekends while their wives work. Make it about the kids. Look for a kid activity in your area and meet up there.

And as far as being lonely, I totally sympathize. He's a stay at home parent so probably a lot of social interaction is with people under 6. His wife works a lot so he's not even getting to see her in the evening if she's traveling. When I was home with the kids when DH traveled, I was lonely, too. I missed him a lot. "Lonely" can just be lonely. It doesn't have to mean something nefarious.

You say "insecure anymore" so is your question really fueled by his insecurity and not that there's really an issue with the dad? That's a husband/wife issue not a parenting issue.

By six years old, you should be able to do drop off playdates, especially now that you know the family well enough to trust them and feel comfortable with them. Invite the boy over and give the dad a time to pick him up. My son is in kindergarten (age 5) and we have started having a lot more drop off playdates this year.

At 6 years old, I wouldn't think you'd need a "playdate". Couldn't the kid just come over and play by himself? I wouldn't be at his house alone or have him at mine alone, but that's just me.

I agree with Peter - can you meet up in a public place? Or do you know each other well enough now that you could just send your sons to each others houses without you having to go too?

Play dates are the best when they are in a neutral area. That way no ones personal items get broken, no one has any messes to clean up, a person can leave when they want, each parent is responsible for watching their own kids, etc....it just works so much better to do them at the park or someplace neutral.

I don't do any play dates where I am just babysitting someone else's kids.

I would go ahead and schedule them when you are both available but make them "drop-off" playdates unless the other spouse is available. That way the kids still play, but you and the other hubby are not spending a lot of time together.

This sounds like a bad spot... I would do as Toni suggested and invite them over for a playdate with another family. No need to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

You could also arrange for a playdate at a non-home location like a park, playground, children's museum, etc.