A Question from a Stay at Home Dad

You will be welcomed by some.
You will be unwanted by some.
Some will speak to you, some will shun you. And some may flirt...
You may feel uncomfortable by the conversations of others.
And some moms will think you're the coolest dad/husband on the planet.
Stay as long as you feel comfortable. The other moms will become more accepting as time goes by and more events take place.

My kids were in pre-school play groups and there were usually a couple of dads who came out. It was no big deal. They were always made to feel welcome.

A good friend of mine is a SAHD, and he goes to these functions all the time. At first it was a bit awkward, but now he knows the other parents and he's old news. :)

Have fun!

P.,

I think the uncomfortable portion is that people are curious about SAHD/WAHD. Break the ice, make a joke...I often wonder if people are wanting to ask questions and are afraid to hurt feelings. Maybe if you make the "first move"...they'll open up.

Go and have fun! Just don't be suprised if the conversation turns to labor/delivery and breast feeding! It always does!

In my experience no one cares which parent brings the kids.

I would prefer more dads attend things like this!

I am sorry you feel excluded from other events. Just know that it is NOT you and perhaps the other moms just don't know how to react to a Dad in their midst. I find that hard to understand, as my girlfriends and I joke about how we get along better with men anyway!

Yes, of course you go, put on a smile, talk about your son the way all the other moms are, and have a good time. If you are comfortable, everyone else will be. Be confident in your important role.

If I were going to a group get together, I would probably have assumed that it was all moms. But if a dad showed up, I wouldn't be uncomfortable at all. Some moms do attend planning on a big gab-fest of gossip. But if this is a newer group, it will just be get to know ya kind of stuff which would easily include you. And hopefully most of the talk will be about the kids anyway. So in a group, I think it shouldn't be a big deal. One on one playdates are harder to get used to, but even then, once you get to know the dad it's not weird at all.

If you have a way to get in touch with the mom who organized, just e-mailing and saying that you plan to attend would ease the element of surprise, assuming you sign the e-mail P.! This is a nice head's up.

If your 'any suggestions' is about how not to be excluded, I would say just be yourself. My daughter is 12, and over the years there have been several stay at home dads that's we've known. A few seemed like they had something to prove, and were pretty condescending. Needless to say, that didn't go over well. The rest fit in just fine and it was just another parent, the focus was not a mom or a dad. And of course, asking about and taking an interest in other children is always nice and endearing!

One last note- if you are uncomfortable, you will probably make others feel uncomfortable. Don't even worry about it.

Glad you are on Mamapedia- I love when the dads answer, it lends a new perspective. Good luck!

Don't feel uncomfortable - there might be other dads there too anyway. But you are all PARENTS so it'll be ok. I actually seem to get along with men better than women sometimes, so I'm sure you'll find someone to talk with. They might even go out of there way to make you feel comfortable. Maybe think of a couple of topics to throw out in case you get in that akward silence situation.

Many of the families in my daycare have parents who share the responsibility of drop off/pick up, caring for kids, playmates, park dates, preschool volunteering, pretty equally. I love it.

I think that you might find yourself being included more as you and your son get to know other families better and this is the perfect way to start. Dads interact with kids in a much different way than moms and I find that the other kids are usually drawn to a Dad that attends group activities.

In terms of what to do... you have kids in common with the other Moms that will be there, so that's always an easy thing to talk about. And if you feel awkward, you can always focus on your son and play with the kids. (That what I used to do when I had to spend time with my in-laws:)

Good luck~ I bet you'll be a hit!

Go and enjoy yourself. If someone is uncomfortable they can get over it or they can leave. It's not your problem. It's theirs. Leave it with them.

There are more and more families where dad stays home. Go and be yourself. I actually think dads with kids is sweet. For DD's first field trip, we sent her with DH, who got the day off. I wouldn't worry about it. Your kid was invited. You can take him. Maybe ask if you should bring something, like a snack. I don't always get along with all the parents, either, but it's mostly for DD, not me. As long as I don't feel that they are picking on me, I deal with it for a few hours. Soon enough DD will be old enough to be alone (I asked, she did not want me to leave) and I won't be the one doing it. You might also scope out how this all goes and host a play date some other time in your house.

If I were the Host, it would be no big deal.
And it would be nice to have a Dad there.
But, maybe the Host does not know. Did you RSVP to the party yet?
Ultimately, the get together should be for any child invited and their parent. Right? So, you are your son's parent. Therefore, you are invited.

In any situation, there can be women that are clique-y or not.
Some who only want a certain parent there. ie: gender.
BUT, in this day and age, it should not matter.
Stay at home Moms, are not some elite club.
In my area, there are many SAHD's too. And they go to all their kids things and the women/Moms are used to it. It cool.

My Dad was a stay at home Dad due to a work injury and he was always the only Dad. He was also a single Dad so that may have made it easier for him to be social with the Moms. If you are uncomfortable the Moms will sense that. Like an animal may sense fear. :) Just be yourself. Talk about your kid. Get into the conversation. You will be all right. Don't be the awkward guy standing in the corner.

The moms won't care. It might actually be an advantageous way to meet some of the parents. If some of the mom's care and make comments or make you feel uncomfortable-they aren't people you want to be friends with anyway. There will be plenty of nice people to talk to. Mingle, meet other parents and just enjoy yourself.

Heck no! Go! In my book, it would only be uncomfortable if it was a one-on-one playdate (since it is at their house).

My daughter had a little boy in her first grade (and 2nd grade) class whose dad came to all the school events and parties/field trips. Mom was working, dad was available. The FIRST time, I didn't know who he 'belonged' to... but once that was figured out it was no big deal. There were a lot of field trips (even to the beach and an end of the year pool party)... it was kinda nice having a dad there to help keep the boys in line. LOL

If you can, show up with something chocolate for the moms (ALWAYS a hit and a good way to break the ice), and introduce yourself. And by all means, chat them up about getting your child together at the park or something for play time. Talk to them about what the kids are learning, be prepared with some funny stories your kid has told you about school, discuss Christmas list ideas... anything involving the kids is going to be a conversation starter.

I will warn you, however, moms have a tendency to eventually end up trying to top each other complaining about the habits of their husbands. I have never like this reality, but it does go on. I get that they are just "venting", but it seems to me like it ends up with everyone trying to top everyone else about how bad their husbands are. :( I know, too, that everyone usually plays this game, because no one wants to appear to be bragging about their husband... I still hate it. So just be prepared with how you might deal with it.... I wouldn't go on the defensive. I might, however, brag on my wife (if I were you). LOL

Hi P.. I think you just answered one of my questions. Yes, the stay at home Dad topic. I have met 2 stay-at-home Dads. Both friendly and wanted to hang out. I am shy and inept when it comes to friendships and handling playdates with other moms, so stay-at-home dads is more complicated for me. I do think stay at home Dads have it harder when it comes to iniating playdates. However, from what I've seen, other moms at my school don't seem to treat them differently. I'm sure it's awkward, but you are great to want to involve your son in this social event. Moms think stay at home Dads are cool.

Were you given an e-mail address or phone number to RSVP? I think I would just send a message or make a phone call letting her know that you and your son will both be attending. You might even mention something like "I'd like to be there to watch/help my son interact with the other kids".

M.

Call ahead and RSVP for you and your son so that she knows to expect you and offer to bring something. Show them that you're in it for your kid and I have no doubt that they will welcome you! Be prepared to be the "cool dad" and play with the kids.

My husband is the "daycare/preschool dad" because I work longer hours. When he picks the kids up 99% of the time he gets roped into playing ball with the preschoolers or building something with blocks if they are inside. The other moms teased him at first, but the kids love him and he loves that he knows who our son plays with all day.

Our group of moms always welcomes dads for our playdates, playgroups & Mommy and Me classes. My husband has 'subbed' for me from time to time when I was working, and so have some of the other dads. It's really all about the kids & getting them together to socialize with each other, so relax & have fun with it! :)

Definitely go! You'll loosen up after a bit and so will the moms, if they are uncomfortable. Also, you should host one of these at your house, as well. It will show the moms that you intend on being a part of the group and it will benefit the kids, too.

~L.

No way! I would welcome all parents, or care-givers. I wouldn't be uncomfortable. Go, and I hope your son has fun!

We have some SAHD friends and it's never uncomfortable when they are the only dad with all the moms. Everyone mostly chats about kids or whatever and everyone is friends. I would just go and have a nice time. Maybe you'll get invited more if you go to this one. Also, you should initiate a group meeting at the park for the kids to all play together. It's no big deal if you are the only dad. Have fun!

I didn't even know this would be an issue. At the parties and get togethers my sons go to there are always dads on duty.

Go for it! Go with an open mind and an open heart and hopefully things will go well! My cousin is a SAHD, and I can't even begin to imagine anyone excluding him if they saw his true personality. He's a BLAST to hang out with. :)

Don't worry about it - there are quite a few families in my kids' social circles where dad is the parent at home during the day and no one thinks twice about it. Have fun!

I would not worry about it.
An invite goes home with the kids and it's common for either parent to attend (since one or the other might be busy - it's not always the stay at home parent that goes).
Just relax and have fun and chat with the other parents.
You'll be fine!

My hubby has had to take my daughters many times to all different kinds of get togethers and it's always been fine infact many of the mom's have loved having him there. Go ahead and have fun.:)

I would go. At my son's preschool parties there were generally 25-50% dads. We are all working couples and it was very clear that we all split these responsibilities. You may find you are the only dad. But you may also find you are not.

Also - I have never been to a function where the primary topics of discussion were breast feeding, delivery or the flaws of the other spouse. Have fun.

By attending I think that is the best step to bridging the gap. I doubt it is exclusionary on purpose, just an oversight from tired parents, just like you. I would think a Dad's perspective would be welcomed by the group. Hope your son has fun. I would bring something tasty/healthy so you are immediately the favorite :)

Many dads attend outings. I can tell they are uncomfortable at first but then they just fit in.

If it makes you feel any better, my husband often attends parties and even girl scout outings with our daughters. If I'm working he has no problem taking them. Even when I'm not working he will tag along because he doesn't want to miss a minute of their lives.

I had a huge meeting on the last day of school this past year. My husband took off 1/2 day to take our daughter to the class pool party. He was once again the only man there but all the mothers love him. He was the one in the pool playing with all the kidos and they all had a wonderful time.

He even took our daughter to her girl scouts sleep over at the zoo. Once again he was the only daddy there but they all loved that he was able to enjoy this outing with our daughter.

For the record, I "could" have done the zoo sleep over but to be perfectly honest I have a paralyzing fear of reptiles and bugs or spiders of any kind. I try my best to maintain some decorum in front of our girls but even they know that Daddy is the spider fighter in our home. Neither of us could see me enjoying the taranchulas, lizards, or snakes. In fact I'm pretty sure I would have needed to be medicated...no joke. The sleep over was in the reptile room....yup Daddy and M slept on the floor next to the 8 ft python's cage. Me...I'd have been sleeping in the car...with a can of bug spray.

I think you'll find many Mommy's out there that truly appreciate involved Daddy's and we welcome you all to join us.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B.