Has You Husband Act Less Sensitive During Your 2Nd Pregnancy?

Updated on May 09, 2011
S.B. asks from Lincoln, NE
4 answers

I don't know what it is but my husband appears to be less sensitive and less of a gentleman during this pregnancy. Last pregnancy he was doting, but this time of round, it's as if I wasn't pregnant. We fight more and the fights are just stupid. Here are to of them: I told him that when we get groceries I want to get ingredients for mango salsa. He says we don't need mango salsa as we have salsa in the fridge. I said that's fine, but I want to get the stuff to make it. He says we don't need it. I interpret it as him telling me what to do as in your not going to make mango salsa. I was like "wow, that's interesting, you're telling me what I can and can't make...wow" He said that I was bipolar. That pissed me off and told him that mango salsa is nothing to argue about. Next argument was about potty training. He's a little overbearing and I've been potty training my son and talking to my son if he wants his undies on or off...if off he has to sit on potty. My husband is telling me to leave our son alone and asking our son questions. Last thing my son needs are two people bugging him about potty training. Then my husband throws a ball at my face and I get super pissed as that was sooo out of the blue. Wasn't a hard ball or anything, but it surprised me. Once again, I was royally pissed and just went downstairs to cool off.
Then recently my son's toy got under the couch. My husband is sitting on the couch watching tv, so I say ok, I'll help you get it (to my son), so my preggo self is trying to reach under the couch w/out squashing my belly while my husband is just sitting there watching tv as if he could care less. I don't know, is it me, do I expect too much? Just some things bother me and I compare him to friend's husbands who actually offer assistance or help because they see my husband doesn't. Plus they all know he's super stingy with money and a bit overbearing at times to the that his sister and mom tell me to stand my ground. I'm a pretty laid back preggo person I think. I work with people and just don't over react. But when I react or get pissed around my husband, I'm 'bipolar" I guess.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for everyone's advise. From what I gathered, I do need to tell my husband exactly what it is rather than imply that he should know or not know. This is something I know I have a problem with because I just automatically figured that "he should know" kind of like you're in the car with him and you say "it's cold in here" as a cue for him to do something with the air conditioner. We were planning for this child but since he just happens to be a financial major (great huh?) he always crunches the numbers and says money is going to be tight (when really there is wiggle room -- he records finances on his own spreadsheet, I've got Quicken to lay out the whole month so I have a pretty good idea too). I do agree that we need to sit down and talk about things rather than just let it "go away" but still be unresolved. The ball in my face did piss me off, and I had my fist back but realized that wouldn't be cool either...especially in front of a toddler. I usually keep my feelings to myself, course until all hell breaks loose. My husband is overall a pretty good guy, just can be an ass sometimes and I've called him an "ass" in front of family before because it is what it is, but he does do extra stuff around the house that I can't get to, like the laundry and dishes and cooks once in a while. So overall he's a good guy...Both of us just need to learn to communicate and be nice.

More Answers

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K.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

My husband was less sensitive, but I was also different during my second pregnancy. We had to work through it. I learned that I had to tell him EXACTLY what I wanted and needed so that he knew. Otherwise, I would get upset and he would be confused and hurt. Also, both of us shared duties raising our son, and sometimes I needed him to step it up. I told him. I didn't wait for him to notice. (I would take pride in digging under the couch for lost toys. I would almost get offended if he suggested that I shouldn't. We had different issues than you.)

With my third, I was in pain almost the whole time. He definitely got sick of it, and so did I. We ended up talking a LOT, both of us explaining how we felt, what we needed, and how we needed to work with each other instead of get annoyed. It was tough, I'm not gonna lie. But it worked.

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Hope it was a NERF ball! At that he should not be throwing things at your face.

Was he not ready for a second baby?

Did you know he was cheap before you married? Do you have the money you need for shopping and running the house? Who does the bill paying?

About the toy under the couch, you should have asked your husband to get it for the child.

About the my son vs our son.....I would try to use the "our son" when talking to your man about the child.

About the mango salsa, Why didn't you say, "I'm pregnant and I want some mango salsa!"

The bipolar thing has come up a couple of times. Have you been tested or has anyone in your family or his been diagnosed as bipolar?

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Happy Mother's Day.

Blessings.....

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H.L.

answers from Rochester on

My hubby was also less sensitive the second time around. I guess they just realize that you made it through the first time unscathed so you should be able to do it a second. What they don't realize is that it is more work the second time because now you have to be pregnant AND be a mom at the same time. I remember a fight specifically in my first trimester when I was so sick I couldn't keep anything down let alone cook for my daughter. I told him he had to cook and then made the mistake of trying to tell him how to cook ~ well needless to say a wooden spoon went flying at one point and there are still tuna hotdish spots on my ceiling ;) All that said, we have discussed having a third, but given his lack of assistance with the first two, I don't think I could do it. I guess I just wanted to let you know that I have been in your shoes. My husband too has said some pretty outlandish and awful things at times, but I find that if I look him in the eye and say exactly what I feel ~ like "that was really hurtful to me" " and I don't understand why you would say that, help me understand" it can help. Good luck.

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S.N.

answers from Minneapolis on

Did he not want a second child? IF (big if) this is all new behavior then maybe that's the problem, but if his mother and sister are telling you to stand your ground w/ him it sounds like he's been this way for a very long time.

What a horrible example for your son. You need to get into therapy ASAP. Good luck.

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