Have I Failed as a Parent?

The fact that he communicated honestly with you speaks volumes.

Just because he chose to participate in sex does not mean you failed. He's pretty much an adult at 17.

Be thankful he communicates with you.

Honestly, there are very few teens that age that haven't already had sex numerous times. We want to believe they're sweet little virgins but they are likely out having sex by the time they are 16 nowadays.

We can teach abstinence but they're going to do what their friends are doing.

Only if this is the first time you have ever had a talk with your 17-year-old about sex.

Just make sure he's got access to birth control (condoms).
In our house we tell them at an early age that sex is for those who can support themselves (they have jobs) and their families - because sex often leads to babies and they better not be having any before they are gainfully employed.

Oh my god! nooooo!

Seriously?

You have not failed. He made a choice and wanted you to be aware which I think is a great indicator of his trust in you. In my opinion, it speaks volumes of your good parenting. 💕

My concern would be that he understands it is HIS responsibility to protect HIMSELF from STD's and unplanned pregnancy. Since he's chosen to participate in adult behavior, he has to follow through with adult responsibilities. My husband became active in his teens and his girlfriend became pregnant. She had told him she was on birth control and she wasn't. I'm not excusing him (and he married her because he was trying to do the right thing by her). I just know it's unwise to put someone else in the drivers seat of decisions that are life changing.

I tell my soon to be 18 year old all the time make sure you're ready to follow through when you're making adult decisions. You don't get to waffle back and forth. Whatever the consequences, they are yours to take care of. Choose wisely.

Sounds normal to me. He needs a discussion about condoms.

No, you haven't failed as a parent. Your son has decided to partake in an adult decision to have sex. He DID come to you and tell you. Now just make sure that he is equipped to handle his actions. Do explain about the possibility of pregnancy. I always told my son to make sure that the person you have sex with is someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with. If not, don't have sex with them.

Just be ready to talk to him on an adult level about other things as well as he is really becoming a man. Be open to whatever he says and do not show that you are shocked about anything he says. Just be there as a sounding board. You will go farther in an adult parent/child relationship.

Welcome to the world of adult child parenting when they begin to become a friend.

the other S.

yep.you failled. just kidding. he told you for a reason. now is the time to listen. get his thoughts. offer your widsom. make sure he knows about the birds and the bees, and consequences and actions. let him know that you are proud of him for being able to open up and tell you things that are his mind and hope soon he feels comfortable to tell you things before he does them. so he can sound it out first and think before he acts.

I had sex at 14 and it was no cause of my parents. It's just what everyone around me at school was doing. 14 was actually kinda late for around here where I live. 17 sounds really really late to me. I would say just give him a good talk about protection and tell him you still love him.

No,. you haven't failed unless you have neglected to teach him about safe sex.
Teens have sex drives. They get horny. They masturbate, Sometimes they have sex. It's not your job as a parent to keep him a virgin. It's your job as a parent to teach him how not to become an unplanned parent, and how not to contract an STD.

It speaks well of your relationship with your son that he's able to talk to you about this. The only way you can fail at this point is by preventing him from continuing to trust you and communicate with you. How did you respond?

I don't think so, no. But really what's important is have you prepared him.

You've only failed as a parent if you neglected to teach him about birth control and sexual health. If you haven't had those conversations, have them now.

ETA: Although my initial response was a bit snarky, I will add that the fact that your son discussed this with you reflects positively on your relationship with him. I hope you did NOT freak out or yell at him, and instead took the opportunity to talk about healthy relationship and safe sex. If you did freak out, go back to him, apologize for your initial reaction, and have that conversation now.

Gosh no. Most boys I knew at that age had had sex by 17 or younger or sure had tried as hard as they could to! Be impressed he told you. He's almost old enough to enlist in the armed services and vote etc. 14 is not be happy about at all but 17 seems quite normal.

No you have not failed. However, I do hope you have had a conversation about the responsibility of having sex. This isn't a one time conversation, this needs to continue. The up side is he did tell you and your husband. So to me that is not a failure.

You can't prevent kids from having sex. You CAN help them make good decisions regarding sex.

You are not a failure as a parent if your 17 year old has had sex. That's just silly. A 17 year old having sex is pretty normal, boy or girl.

If you have not already, you and your DH need to sit down and have a conversation with your son about condoms, STDs, responsibility, safety, birth control, consent.... etc....

Curious why this makes you feel like a failure? Do you have religious or other reasons to not want him to have sex at this age? Have you communicated your expectations that he not have sex before a certain age, or before marriage, or whatever?

Only if this is the first and only conversation about sex you've ever had.

If he was responsible (birth control, etc) and respectful, then you did your best.

Also, the fact that he's talking to you about it implies that your relationship is strong.

Why would you think that? First of all, most boys have sex much younger than 17, so right there, you should feel happy that he waited longer than most boys (I think I read that the average age for first-time sex is 14). Second of all, he is actually opening up to you to tell you this, which must not be easy for him, but proves you have open communication, which is important. Again, this is not something most boys do, they keep their personal lives and intimate encounters a secret. I would definitely stress the importance of birth control and choosing who to have sex with (so many STDs out there, some of which can even be contracted by kissing or oral sex, which most teens find harmless and safer compared to plain old intercourse) but other than that, it is completely normal for a boy his age to have had a sexual experience.

just make sure he knows to use protection every time even if the girl says she is on birth control
seriously this is not the end of the world, not even close, just make sure he is safely doing it