As I have posted, my nephew died last week, and my son has been having seizures, so between funerals, doctors appointments and just feeling BLEUGH, I have not done a lot of tidying in the last few days and my house looks a total riot.
Anyway today was my nephews funeral, and just after I got home, after driving 2.5 hours to the funeral, chasing my 3 yo around during the 2 hour service, driving the 2.5 hours home, with 2 tired kids, I sat on my couch, and my hubby said - "visitors are coming over." My mother in law lives next door and has a load of family staying, and about 6 of them were coming over to see my kitten, people who I didn't know, older people. I met them at the door and said, I'm sorry but you can't come in right now, my house is too much of a mess. Well, now I feel bad, but nobody even asked me could they come over, I was tired, and you can barely walk across my living room floor for toys, shoes and discarded funeral clothes.
Now I am probably the weird British lady who won't let visitors in her house, so rude... But really, should I be expected just to let people in I don't know when my house is a wreck, that is just embarrassing.
It was my neices idea - but she is 16, so I am not too mad with her.
My MIL is an angel, so she wouldn't have done that, and yes my husband came to the funeral, but I volunteered to stay outside and watch the baby, today we have the final funeral and burial, and I have a friend to watch my DD, and I have cleaned my house LOL, thanks for all the advice
no but I've pretended I wasn't home and didn't answer the door, even though I clearly was home, because of a messy house...they should understand you J. went to a funeral it was insensitive of them
Did your husband go to the services with you and the kids? Its sorta sounds like he didnt since you were the one chasing them during the service, and you made it sound like you drove.. so Im wondering, why the heck he didnt clean house while you were gone? It was totally unfair of him to even let anyone know they could come over after what youve just been through. He should have let you know the company would like to visit and have you name a time, or suggested you rest while he take the kitten over to his moms. Id wonder if his M. was pushing for this visit knowing youd be frazzled and worn out. Sounds like she wanted to imbarrass you in front of her friends and family. What would have been great is, if you had let them in and then made it clear youve been gone for days on end, and this is how your husband keeps house. That would have frosted his mother...lol
Yes, I've refused to let people in before. But I never answered the door! I just hid and kept quiet!
Poor thing! It's been a rough week for you. Don't worry about those people. It gives them a story to tell when they get home! ; )
BTW - with everything that is going on - they really wanted to come over to see a flippin' KITTEN? And what the hell was your husband thinking?? He should have put the brakes on the whole thing in the first place when he found out some people wanted to come over. Or just taken the kitten over to his mom's house. I mean, really!
Have a glass of wine and just sit on that couch, baby!
Who in the hell just drops in on a woman who attended a family member's funeral that day, 2 hours away, and who has a child who has recently been under a doctor's care for seizures? I mean, HELLO?! Like you need a bunch of people you don't know traipsing around your house at a time like that? I don't think I'd have even opened the door. You are a braver woman than I am.
You have had a long hard week, dont worry about it. Life happens - if they dont understand then they are lucky :) Hope your week gets better, sorry for your loss
You should not feel bad at all. You have been through a lot and anyone who knows you or your family should know that now is not the time to come meet the new kitten.
You shouldnt feel bad at all. I am so sorry to hear about your family. Dont let it bother you, they should have been more considerate. I have 3 kids under 6, I need to know when people are coming over. I could clean my house from top to bottom all day and in 1 hour it could be trashed again.
If you said it politely I would not worry about . Don't bring it up again to your mil. Its over. Plus your kids were tired.
Its not like they made a special trip they live right next door..have them over some other time.
Totally understandable, sweetie! Don't worry about it. If you want to talk to them tomorrow you could just take the kitten over to your mother-in-laws and tell them you were just exhausted from going through such a difficult time. They should know that anyway. at least you were nice and answered the door. One time we acted like no one was even home because I was so embarrassed about the mess the kids had left in the living room!
I'm so sorry for your loss and the stressful time you are facing. Hang in there and don't feel pressured to allow anyone into your space that you don't want there!
God bless!
Hi Allison,
I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew. I know you must be grieving terribly and I am so sorry for your loss. I can imagine the stress you are under with your son and his seizures---please don't feel bad about turning away people who came to see your kitten.There are much more important things you are tending to and it was very inconsiderate of your hubby to allow visitors when you just returned from a funeral! I haven't turned anyone away because of a messy house, but I have set boundaries and said--its not a good time right now or you will have to come over later when we are better prepared etc. You are completely right to take care of yourself and your kids and not worry about anyone else's feelings towards your hospitality. IF you are feeling up to it in the next day or so, you can extend the invite to the people---but only if you want to. Best wishes and I hope you are ok.
M
You've been through so much -- the last thing you needed was visitors!
Please don't give it a second thought. They were completely insensitive to make this plan (given what you've been through)
Don't know if there are always boundary issues with your Mother in law living next door. Certainly, given her proximity -- there should be some agreement with your husband that you should get fare warning (and input) as to when she (or her minions) are visiting.
So sorry for all you are going through.
Its your house and you can let in anyone you want. Its not like they are your best girlfriends who completely understand your situation and would even help you clean up without being asked.
It was rude of them to not even ask!
Don't worry about it! Do what it takes to relieve your stress.. you have a LOT going on and if they don't understand, so be it!
My father and brother stopped by one day and I have always told everyone you need to call first! Well they didn't and we spent the next half hour standing in the driveway talking. All I ask is for 15 minutes so I can throw everything in the closet and wipe down the bathroom. :)
Well, you have been a "little busy". Cut yourself LOTS of slack. If they don't understand, they need to get over it. :)
Been there, done that. Don't stress, they probably totally understood.
I remember watching "60 Minutes" a few months ago, and they were doing a profile on Lady Gaga. They went to the neighborhood she grew up in, and she wanted to see her childhood apartment. They knocked on the door, and the lady who lived there wouldn't let them in. After the episode aired, the lady gave an interview and said she wouldn't open the door because her place was too messy. So you're not the only one. :)
I'm sorry you've had such a tough week. Give yourself a break. Next time something like that happens, tell your husband to bring the kitten over to his mom's house so they can all see it.
Don't fret about it. You have been going through so much, the last thing you needed was company. Your family should've been understanding, especially having the kids to tend to and chase after... I understand I went to a funeral a few months ago with a 2 yr old it's a lot harder. They may have been taken aback, but definitely nothing wrong with it. They should've let you know sooner, given you some days to just relax, or your husband should've cleaned up since he seemed to know about it.
With your so what happened, I would say they obviously didn't realize you would need some time. At 16, she was probably wanting to see the kitten so bad... I mean, they ARE CUTE!!! I love kittens (and cats :)). Your MIL sounds like she was trying to share the kitten and maybe she thought when she called ahead that your hubs would clean up or it was clean enough :) That's cool that your MIL is an angel, it's so nice when they are sweethearts (that was the hardest part of my divorce, his sweetheart mom lol).
no I haven't bc I always make up an excuse like 'you know the kids are beyond exhausted and winding down, now just isn't a good time'! Which is true at times but mostly bc I am not going to let people,especially people I don't know pop in if my house is destroyed. I have been told I couldn't come over bc someone's house was a mess. I was single at the time and just didn't get it, but I also didn't get offended by it, now that I have kids I TOTALLY understand. Plus you just had someone very close pass away, regardless of what they thought, you get a pass during this very difficult time, but you had every right to say it wasn't a good time for any reason, it's your home. So sorry for your loss, take care.
That has never been my reason because anybody just stopping by get what they get. I might not even be dressed. They come inside only if I feel like being bothered; that's what I go by. In your case, I would have let my husband step out with them and the kitten. Your space is too small for you to have closed yourself up in another room (which is what I would have done at my house) and let your husband entertain the company. The next best thing is to send them all outside.
Hugs! I personaly don't care that much but my hubby does! If possible i would just ask them to get the kitten and say you need a moment or your house was a wreak and you could not have visitors. I think you did the right thing! But hopefuly you can envite them over before tehy leave. Prayers for your son and family.
I don't think that is rude at all. If you didn't feel comfortable, then that is your rite! Next time they will give you more warning I'm sure!
No one who knows me comes to my house expecting a Martha Stewart experience. I have an 1100 square foot home that is currently occupied by three people, 4 dogs, and 12 cats. Animal hair is a fact of life. My daughter is a full-time college stuednt and works 2 jobs. Her fiance works what is supposed to be a part-time job, but often ends up with over 40 hours a week. I work full-time, do community theater, and take music lessons. Cleaning gets done catch as catch can. I make no apologies for the state of my house.
Hmmm...seems they should have have the courtesy to not bother, knowing how your day had been. Having said that, if you had let them in, I'm sure they'd understand. I would not have wanted any visitors though. So sorry you are going through all of this! Saying a prayer for you. Try and explain tomorrow that it wasn't just the messy house, it's everything you've been through the past few days. They should understand!
bottomline, I think it's ok to keep your house however you wish and you did tell the people why they couldn't come in.. but if keeping one's house a mess ever means that a person(s) have to keep a secret and not let others know why no one can come in, then I think that is a problem..
That's totally OK Allison. So many times I've just felt like telling people at the door to go away and come again another day. When I tell them it's convenient. Unfortunately, I'm not having people over because of the state of the structure of my house. I have a ruined ceiling because of storm damage, an unpainted wall, other bits that only have an undercoat of paint. I'd like to have my children's friends over for playdates but I'm too embarrassed!
I would have done the same thing. After all you have been through, you dont need company, you need time to rest. And it is rude of people just to expect to come in to see a kitten. That isnt necessary.
I honestly wouldnt feel bad at all. You just got home, they invited themselves, and its a difficult time. I wouldnt want a bunch of people coming into my house either.
Let it go, and take a nap girl! The cleaning will still be there later, go rest.
I am so sorry about your nephew, so sad..
Kind of odd how they were just coming over to see the kitten. Was that your mother in law's doing? I would have done the same thing in your shoes. You're not obligated to have them over, even if your house is clean and especially not after the kind of day you've had. I wouldn't worry about it. Hopefully they understood.
